everyonehateserik

[everyonehateserik]

“you’re never getting rid of me!”

i wish i could believe that.

i really do because i love you so much.

but i’m just bracing for impact.

‘cause one day you will leave too.

[everyonehateserik]

i don’t want to be another one of your problems i just want to be your friend.

i don’t want you to feel like you have to constantly look out for me.

i hate being a bother.

i swear i am fine.

[everyonehateserik]

i just finished under the whispering door by TJ klune. i don’t even have words. i think this is the best book i’ve read in years. the last book i enjoyed so much i cried was sweet bean paste by durian sukegawa but this is a whole other tier. fuck???!!?! what the fuck!!!!?!??

[everyonehateserik]

think you’re a lot better for her than she is for you man

[everyonehateserik]

how can you claim to love him and then treat him like that

he deserves better

[everyonehateserik]

i think what is kind of messing with me is that i had just become at peace with being my own best friend

and now i have to deal with the fact that you took that position from me

and i’m really happy you did

but god damn feeling like a peice of your soul is 122 kilometres away from you hurts like a motherfucker

i don’t really feel like myself when i’m without you

and that’s what terrifies me

because i can’t let myself be dependent on someone

i can’t

not again

i have to get over you before you’re gone

i know i do

[everyonehateserik]

i was doing quite well before your visit actually

then i had the best couple days of my life

and then you left again

and now i am suddenly aware of my loneliness

the loneliness that i have had to make peace with and that i have actually started to take quite a liking to

and i feel kind of numb and unlike myself

and the world turns kind of dull and grey in a sense

i never minded sitting alone in an old apple tree

before we climbed it together

it’s the same with rooftops

or just strolling around the village or the beach

skipping stones on the water

i can’t really do “nothing” without you crossing my mind

‘cause you’re my favourite person to sit around and do nothing with

and i’m not mad or bitter at you for it at all

i think i’m just sort of in awe of how much i love you

and of how oblivious you seem to be to this fact

[everyonehateserik]

i love you so much it scares me half to death

[everyonehateserik]

we like climbing trees and wandering into places we shouldn’t be

making fun of each other’s dialects, screaming at the top of our lungs

playing our instruments, getting drunk together, watching movies, listening to braindead music

talking about everything and absolutely nothing

my greatest fear is our friendship ending. that will be the end of me

but you’re all the way over there and i’m all the way over here

so i guess one horrible day it will just fade into nothing

but until then i will treasure every moment i have by your side

and at the end of it all i will still have my happiest memories, your music and your bracelet

and you will have a my heart with you no matter where you go

i’m sorry

i know it’s bloody and squishy and gross to carry around

but i would not be able to take it back from you even if i tried

[everyonehateserik]

i have actually been told on multiple occasions by a homosexual man that i am “husband material”.

but i have never been referred to as “boyfriend material”.

i don’t know. just something that went through my head today.

[everyonehateserik]

[everyonehateserik]

need to go home. wherever that is

[everyonehateserik]

currently sat in a tree that i used to climb as a kid.

it’s planted on the hill my elementary school used as it’s play yard.

an ancient apple tree that still bears a little fruit in the autumns.

i used to climb it to hide from the bullies. or because i had no one to be with.

now as i sit here, i can see how much the place is falling to ruin.

the slide that used to be bright red when i was a kid is now rusting at it’s edges.

the swingset has no swings on it.

the dollhouse is gone.

and they’ve put up some horrendous green benches.

how do the kids of today survive in this depressing place?

i’m thankful i was a kid when i was.

growing up on the internet did it’s damage but i don’t know.

at least i had a slide that was freshly painted and an apple tree to climb.

the sick fucks even tore down the monkey-bars.

[everyonehateserik]

Sometimes I state a fact and my friends treat it as an opinion

"Enzymes are biological catalysts" "in my opinion-" FUCK YOU MEAN?!?! ENZYMES AREN'T DEBATABLE YOU WASTE OF A DIGESTIVE SYSTEM

[everyonehateserik]

today, i am very proud of myself.

i went properly bathing in the fjord for the first time in three years.

when i was a kid, i was like a bloody mermaid. i loved the water. it was where i felt i belonged. i was a great swimmer and loved being below the water’s surface. it was as if time slowed down down there.

but then i got older. and i started hating my body. and hiding from the sun. and losing the joy in absolutely everything. i was severely depressed for a long time and was struggling to keep myself alive.

i’m better now. but not being in the water for three years has resulted in me being strangely uncomfortable in it. in a way i never used to be.

sure, i have gone knee deep a couple of times to keep people company while they bathe, but no more than that.

but i long to get comfortable in the water again. like when i was a kid.

the entire summer this far has been rainy, grey and cold. but today the sun showed itself.

so i changed into some shorts and went to the beach (i don’t even own swimwear it is that bad) and i tried to walk straight into the water and swim.

didn’t work. i gave up navel deep. i sat down on the dock and let my feet dangle in the water for a while, trying to convince myself to just drop myself into the water. that also did not work.

so i went down the ladder. submerged almost my entire torso. and then i took some deep breaths and just did it. let go of my grip on the ladder and released myself into the ice-cold water.

i immediately lost control of my breathing, but i managed to somewhat regain it. i swam to the nearest boat, touched it, and swam back to the dock.

it was only a small swim. i probably did not even spend a whole minute in the water. but i have not done anything of the sort in years, so this was a massive accomplishment for me.

i i think my next goal is to swim all the way around the boat. tomorrow is also meant to be somewhat sunny.

i want to learn to be human again.

[everyonehateserik]

Solarpunk, realism, dystopia: a rant

Hopefully this is helpful to someone out there 🌸

You can find the Prompts podcast here, I drew some of the covers :D Also check out this digital library full of Creative Commons Solarpunk art (neither of these are sponsored).

🦗Somewhat shameful plug🦗

I would highly appreciate if you threw me a couple bucks on Buy Me a Coffee or bought a commission, my money number is only getting smaller these days 😔🤙

[everyonehateserik]

i hate hospitals