evelynn-cain

[evelynn-cain]

hello august you piece of shit

[evelynn-cain]

fuck parental rights honestly

[evelynn-cain]

"kill them with kindness!" wrong. pocket rapor attack 🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖

[evelynn-cain]

Friend: Wait so you like criminal minds, right?

Me: Yeah-?

Friend: That show about like crazy killers right?

The show:

Me: ...

Me: Yeah. Crazy, scary killers.

[evelynn-cain]

[evelynn-cain]

who is teaching him this i know it’s not me so WHO!!

[evelynn-cain]

I wanna sit on his lap.

[evelynn-cain]

My cartoon for this weekend’s @guardian books

[evelynn-cain]

clark, discussing what to do about kon with bruce: you know what this means right?

bruce, nodding: yeah, you owe luthor a buttload of child support

clark: what - i - no??

bruce: i mean, it sucks that he baby trapped you but you don’t want to be a deadbeat

clark: he did not - i am not his father, luthor stole my DNA and put that [pointing at kon] into a tube

bruce: i want you to take one good look on how damian came to be

clark: … oh my rao… i am dead beat aren’t i?

[evelynn-cain]

*getting left on read by someone I’m vaguely friendly with* ah I see, they hate me. They want me to suffer and die. They are personally inclined towards my painful and early end.

[evelynn-cain]

The League of Assasins mourning the death of Ra's Al Ghul:

The two mfs who poisoned him:

[evelynn-cain]

Damian: "Red Hood has a pretty severe concussion. What do I do?"

Tim: "Extraction's still ten minutes out, just keep him talking."

Damian, urgently pressing the comm: "I don't want to talk to him, he's even more insufferable than usual."

Jason, lying on the ground, eyes closed: "That's funny Junior, because head trauma's the only thing that makes you bearable."

Damian, to Tim: "I'm leaving. It won't be the first time we've had a closed casket."

Tim, groaning disgustedly: "Robin--ugh, seriously, just stay there and keep him awake."

Damian, seething even more when he sees Jason's smirk: "Fine."

Jason, cracking open one eye: "Aww, are you concerned about me?"

Damian: "Shut up. The only thing I'm concerned about is our family's reputation after your public wipeout on that stupid motorcycle."

Jason:

Damian: "Are you still awake?" *kicks him* "Todd?"

Jason, grinning: "You said our family."

Damian, furious: "I didn't. You've lost more brain cells than you could afford."

Jason: "Wait 'till Tim hears, I think he'll want a group hug. Bruce is probably going to get emotionally constipated. Dickie would probably cry--"

Damian, panicking as he hears the Batmobile get closer: "Stop. Do not tell him--"

Jason: "You better erase every single fucking video of me crashing then."

Damian: "You have a deal."

[evelynn-cain]

life’s worth living

[evelynn-cain]

this man could literally punch me in the face and i would still profess my love to him

[evelynn-cain]

Neil!!!

[evelynn-cain]

everyone talks about the folgers coffee incest commercial but remember the quizno’s commercial where the guy was fucking the toaster oven?

[evelynn-cain]

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