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two weeks ago, after a (twitter) poll respondent pissed me off, I ran a bitchy response including the following image by some friends. one of them opined that the bitchy to funny ratio was too high, so I refrained from posting. however, here it is, for your therapeutic use:

if you're here about the poll I just want you to know that y'all are just saying "nuance" because you don't want to admit you are movie talkers. pull your panties up and choose a percentage 🔫

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#making art well does make you a genius and doing it poorly is embarrassing

this is literally true

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I feel like nobody talks about how Sam Altman is gay. Isn't that nuts.

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I was walking out of the Walmart today, and a car passed me, and I got this incredibly vivid impression. It wasn't really in words, but if I had to put it into words, the two key points would be

a). I needed to watch that car and

b). That I needed to be careful, because the driver of the car was a massive bitch.

It kind of took me by surprise, because I really had no reason to be beefing with that car, and I also hadn't really had an impression like that since I was religious, which was in my teen years. Right? It'd been a decade since I had a little voice whisper in my ear, and I'd basically written it off as nonsense.

Anyway, I watched the car, because The Spirits or whatever were very insistent that I did. Car drove fine, went into the parking spot, inched forward, and right when it should've just stopped, the driver gunned it for some reason and it ran into the curb and cracked its bumper.

So, the driver got out, and she went to the front of the car to check that yes, she had cracked her bumper, and then she turned to look at me. The parking lot wasn't empty, but we were the only two people standing in that row, and I'd probably been staring at her for tenish seconds now.

She demanded very angrily to know why I hadn't warned her of the curb. And I could have said I didn't know you were about to gun it or is it my job to help every stranger park, or even could you have even heard me, inside your car?

And all of those would have been fine, but I was really, really busy digesting that I had somehow communed with Mormon Jesus again for the first time in fifteen years, and that the communion had mostly been there to let me watch someone park badly (?), so what I responded with was:

"Because it was foretold."

And I can't tell which would be funnier, if she went silent because there's not much to be said to that, or if she went silent because in Utah, she might actually believe me, but we parted ways without more words.

I'm still kind of digesting this myself, actually.

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on the plane back from an emotionally grueling week with my family filled with renewed determination not to be an Asian parent. I'm going to yeet my child when they're 18 like I'm white

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Love you science fiction best genre of all time that also sucks so bad

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here's one of the images from the gallery of woman, which I enjoyed

about once or twice a year I treat myself. I go to an AI generated image website and click the 'woman' category. and then I look at the woman there

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Say that you can find out N days before your death that you will die. You cannot use this knowledge to prevent your death. What is closest to your preferred N?

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love reading asoiaf threads about translation fails

[x]

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only when I block 90% of tumblr will I be truly free to post

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Headley Beowulf translation is just. a treasure.

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My real answer is "when the parent and child hit a steady state, are in a good place, and you can assume they've navigated out of the major dangers of parenting", but this can ground out in multiple different ways in reality.

One conservatively chosen candidate is the point the child leaves home to become an independent adult, because the main part of the parent's job is finished and you can evaluate their work. This would be akin to congratulating someone who's finished walking a tightrope.

Another gut level answer that seems okay to me is at some point around age 14, when I think a child's personality, and a parent-child relationship, are relatively stable. I think if the stresses of parenting were to shred someone morally and psychologically it should already have happened around this mark, so if it hasn't, they'll probably be okay going forward. At 14 the child is independent enough that the parent and child have had some experience with negotiating true disagreements. My guess is that it should be visible at that point how much the parent is capable of seeing their child as a peer and not a satellite (although they will not be exercising that full capacity at this point).

I wrap a strong field of idk around this answer, though. I have very little contact with children, or parents who are parenting their children around me.

a thing about being congratulated on pregnancy is like. if someone did a bunch of math and decided to go for a risky but positive expected value investment that had a 25% chance of ruining their lives, you wouldn't congratulate them, right? you'd wish them well but in a kinda serious and somber way. I haven't had to deal with this yet but when I simulate someone congratulating me my first response is "thank you. but no one knows if I and my progeny will like each other"

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If you masturbate, what percentile skill are you at masturbating (99th percentile means that you're very good, in the top 1% of skill)?

Before answering, pause to think of what true virtuosity in masturbation would look like before thinking it so you don't make the mistake of thinking "eh I like how I do it so I'm pretty good" and clicking a high number.

If everyone is correctly calibrated we'll see a uniform distribution.

after a certain point you have to ask—"what's the point of masturbating, when so many people have done it better than I could ever hope to"

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what are rats doing so many small sniffs for. just do one big one and move on girl

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Buddy Holly, but it's Mr. Meeseeks.

"Ooh-wee-ooh, I'm Mr. Meeseeks, I look just like Buddy Holly!"

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