ethan-the-bird

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Remembering when I went over to my female teacher's house in 5th grade and saw that she lived with another female teacher & went home going "wow, so teachers really do all live together!" & then my family had to explain to me what lesbians are

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Artificial intelligence makes accurate sheep counting.

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this kid doesn't, so why should we?

Hey you, you’re finally awake. You were trying to cross the border right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush same as us and that thief over there. 

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me standing in the living room: this room does not look.... straight

the room:

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This is very embarrassing for the substitute teacher. A bunch of 9-10 years olds being more responsible about the lives of other animals.

I just found the earliest email I ever sent from my email address, and it’s the funniest goddamn thing I can possibly imagine a fourth grader sending her teacher:

(Context - my fourth grade teacher was on maternity leave, and the state of the classroom fish tank was dire under the substitute teacher’s tyrannical rule. The class convened at recess, and decided to inform our (24yo, new mother) former teacher of the situation. I was selected as the duly appointed representative for this solemn communication.)

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Sauron: “I like your Silmarils”

Morgoth: “Thanks, I stole them from the president”

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Guards! Guards! was not the first Discworld book I read but it is the one that punched my angsty, edgy thirteen-year-old self in the face. I have never had a book hit me like that since. Nothing has ever picked me up by the scruff of the neck and shown me my own face in the mirror that way.

I was angsting around, all "the world is terrible" and "people are evil" and "humans are a blight upon the earth" and "everyone is stupid" and Vimes showed up and said, "Yeah, and?"

So what? So they're stupid and petty - save them anyway. So they're selfish - save them anyway. So it's all fucked and there's never going to be a happy ending - save them anyway. Do it anyway. You don't get to opt out of caring just because they're grubby and ignorant and reactionary and petty because so are you and that's all we've got.

No other book has ever changed my worldview in one blow before or since. I reckon that's something that can only happen to you when you're a teenager anyway. But I've never quite gotten over it.

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Things Percy Jackson remembers in Son of Neptune:

Annabeth exists

I met Annabeth at a camp

Annabeth and I kiss sometimes

Fuck Ares

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Sally *on the iris massage*: Percy did you take your sister to camp again? We have discussed this before, it’s unsafe for her there and-

Percy: Mom, hold on, I don’t have Estelle, I left her with Paul

Paul *peeking into the room*: I had to go run an errand, but one of Percy’s friends came by and volunteered to watch Estelle until Sally was back. I thought you put her down for a nap

Sally *panicking*: Paul, none of Percy’s friends are in town! It’s the summer, all of them are at camp! Who did you give our daughter to?!

Coach Hedge *bursts into cabin 3*: Jackson! I lost my son, we’re scouting the camp, I need you to check in the lake

Percy:

Sally:

Paul:

***

Clarrise *across town*: Do you guys think I should’ve told your parents where we went?

6 y.o. Chuck and Estelle *Clarrise stole took them for ice cream*: *simultaneously shake their heads*

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Percy listens to those whale noises that people use to sleep and he just listens to them like a podcast.

And any time he hears someone like Annabeth listening to them he's like "Wow Daphne is really something else. Honestly I can't believe she would do that"

And like she's like "what?"

And Percy just translates the entire thing to her and instead of calming sounds to help her concentrate she now has Percy tell her all the whale drama which she is oddly immersed with.

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Bonus:

“Percy, you can't ship Medusa's head to Olympus.” “Why not?”

PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS (2023-) S01E03 | “We Visit the Garden Gnome Emporium”

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Okay, hear me out: The seven decide to do a trauma candy salad on Piper’s social media, and within a day it becomes her most liked post and starts 6 new conspiracies.

Percy: Hey, I’m Percy Jackson, and when I was 12, I accidentally blew up the gateway arch, and there was a nation-wide manhunt for me because they thought I was a terrorist. I brought Reese's Pieces.

Annabeth: My name is Annabeth, and when I was 7 years old, I ran away from home and lived on the streets with two other kids until one of them was murdered in front of me. I brought starbursts.

Leo: Hi! I’m Leo, and my mother died in a warehouse fire, but my entire family blamed me for her death, so I was put in foster care. I brought skittles!

Piper: I’m Piper, and my dad was held hostage, and his kidnappers tried to blackmail me, so I brought the m&m's. 

Jason: My name is Jason and I was abandoned in the woods and raised by wolves. I brought some Swedish fish.

Frank: I’m Frank, and when my mom died, my grandmother kicked me out of the house and told me to go to California. After I came back to ask her about our family history, the house burned down and she vanished. I brought some gummy bears

Hazel: When I was 13, I died. I’m putting in life savers :)

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Percy age 12: And if the mission required someone to push me down a flight of stairs for it to succeed… you’d want someone who won’t hesitate when they do it

Percy age 17:

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why i keep twitter

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