esperthegremlin

[esperthegremlin]

No comedian will ever be able to fully grasp the inherent failure of comedy found in job training videos, let alone the accidental humor brought forth as a result.

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I'm actually SO excited about this, it is ABOUT TIME.

OH BENOPHIE NATION WE DID IT!!!

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These books were amongst my favorites, make of that what you will-

were you straight or did you read these growing up

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What can I do except what I must?

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I am currently enjoying some ghost pepper habanero chip dip (counter balanced by cereal) and it is so tasty but so painful.

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Words cannot express HOW QUICKLY I would immediately choose shape-shifting as a superpower if given the opportunity.

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#I'dliketothinkherandFesteronedaybecomebestiestellingstoriesaboutwhentheyweremarriedlikeitwasajokegonewronginVegasonceuponatime

I see your “Cousin Intruder” theories and raise you… Aunt Serial Killer.

Debbie learns the hard way that killing the Addams’ Family is damn near impossible. With a few failed electric shocks and some talking down it finally dawns on her how much she and the family have in common and she agrees to move in. Sure she has wildly different tastes than they do, but who are they to judge? They build a room just for her: white and frilly and lavishly decorated but painfully, painfully normal. The family cringes every time they’re forced to see it… but they love her, so they’ll endure. It’s shocking how little her attempted homicide bothers them… even Fester is amicable about the divorce! He moves on. Things are peaceful.

For a time.

She has money, no husband to scheme against, and she doesn’t even have to work! It’s everything she always wanted! But she gets restless. For the first time in her life, Debbie almost feels bad for taking someone else’s money. But the only way she knows of making fast money is… Hm.

The first one she brings home is a rumored rapist. “So soon?” asks Morticia with a knowing smile. Debbie doesn’t answer. Sure enough, they’re married on the first of June. He’s dead before the 4th of July.

Next is a pedophile. He was taken to court, but escaped unscathed thanks to the best lawyers money can buy! Such a shame that he would drown in his own bathtub. Seems such a mundane way to go. (And his ghost didn’t stick around to haunt them… how rude.)

And so it goes. A corrupt politician. A scummy playboy. A bigot. They’re not all men. Sometimes she can’t convince them to marry her. That’s fine. As it turns out, forging a will is a lot easier than Debbie ever dreamed!

The string of murders is investigated, but you just can’t catch an Addams! The family stands by their own. How could she have caused her (crimelord) husband’s suicide, officer? He was on ‘business’ in Hawaii while she was with them celebrating Christmas! And if the officers don’t mention the voodoo doll sitting in plain view by her vanity, well… you can’t blame them for that. It’s got too many pins in it to recognize the man.

Everyone receives extravagant gifts from Aunt Debbie that year.

And maybe, as time passes, her tastes begin to… shift. She’s still not the same as them, but she receives so many gifts from her new family! Every marriage is treated as if it will be the last no matter how many times they celebrate it. Poor Debbie could never disappoint them by disposing of a gift… so she incorporates them among her own items. Her room is still pink and white and draped with satins and silks. But maybe now there’s a few skulls here and there, some black bows, an antique rug. A ouija board left out on the desk. A lovely collection of antique, ritualistic knives in a display case.

And maybe she still dresses like a homewrecker when she’s on the prowl, but there’s always something… a little off. Not enough to be suspicious. A spider brooch? Why, that was a wedding gift from her sister. Isn’t it lovely? A necklace of carved bone beads? From her late husband, bless his soul! Something to remember him by. (And if the bones are human, how would they know?) Dagger earrings? “Oh, these? My niece gave them to me. You know how teenagers are!”

Anyone who questions her need only meet her family to be convinced that she is the least likely person in that household to commit such crimes.

Until one day she brings home someone different. Someone without money or fame. “My dearest, most demented Deborah!” says the family. “This one must have committed some truly horrid crime for you to break from your tradition!”

“Oh, yes. They have stolen my heart.”

“Despicable! Insidious! Are you going to kill them?”

“Oh,” says Debbie. “I think I will.

But not for a very long time.”

[esperthegremlin]

Alright guys…. I’m going to give my first fictober a shot… If I like them, maybe I’ll post my ao3 username.

The prompts for 2023

Fictober Event, The prompts for 2023 Here is the list for October this year. Write something short (or long) and tag it with #fictober23 in the first five tags. Let’s see your creativity!

    "It's not too late, let's go."

    "Don't worry, I got you."

    "Okay, show me."

    "Do you even know what this means?"

    "You're the smartest person I know."

    "I can't wait for you."

    "Do you recognise this?"

    "Give me that, before anything happens."

    "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

    "It's alright, I'm here now."

    "You lost it. Well, we lost it."

    "I'm not saying I didn't like it."

    "Come with me, hurry."

    "If you don't stop now —"

    "Fine, explain it to me."

    "Do you know a way out of here?"

    "I never said it would be easy."

    "We can't do this on our own."

    "What if we're wrong?"

    "This better be good."

    "Just in case this doesn't work."

    "Who takes care of you?"

    "No, you won't understand, ever."

    "Is it over? Is it really over?"

    "Do I look like I knew that?"

    "Honestly, why would I care?"

    "I don't know if they will accept this."

    "I may not get another chance to say this."

    "That's all? Easy."

    "Are you with me?"

    "It's not your fault."

This event is open to all fanfiction and original fiction.

Start October the First. You do not have to do the prompts in order. Tag your posts with #fictober23. Please state if your entry is original fiction or fanfiction and what fandom at the top. State common warnings and triggers at the top and tag accordingly. I reserve the right to not reblog fics that I find inappropriate. I will reblog things here on @fictober-event, follow this blog to see all the entries.

Check the rules for any questions.

Here's the AO3 collection: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Fictober23

Have fun!

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I hope that everyone except Devon from Snowflake Mountain has a good day.

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Not Them being the first reason I've had to start writing again after over 5 years-

After my 22479th listen of Sky Full of Stars and my 81329847th rewatch of Johnny's performance,

You mean to tell me--ME--

That in a song about admiring someone and viewing them as something as beautiful as a "sky full of stars," and to the point that you "don't care if they hurt you or tear you apart"

And this mOTHERFUCKER:

Was the one Johnny was supposed to dance with--

And, in context of the song, BE THE MYSTERIOUS PERSON Johnny is singing about--

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT'S NOT GAY?

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Who's gonna tell everyone that canonical Jesse from Turning Red has two kids?

Me, that's who.

(How old are his KIDS?! HOW OLD IS THE REST OF 4⭐️Town?!)

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He's straight up bopping in the background

I love Bruno in this shot

he's just watching his niece defend him and his gift

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BRB, impatiently waiting to purchase Encanto ASAP

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Girl has to have priorities, right?

can’t believe Dolores couldn’t keep the prophecy a secret but told no one for upwards of ten years that Bruno was living in the walls :|

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It's 11:49, and I hear the faintest strais of All Star from upstairs.... The only other occupants of this building are a woman in her thirties and a 60-something year old accountant...

So, which one was it????

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Frantically reblogging for when I head off to college

Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.

Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.

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Getting out from under warm covers to cold air...

Stepping out of a hot shower is a similar trauma to leaving the womb