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professors of hogwarts 🧙🏼‍♀️🧙🏼‍♂️

Art by Vladislav Pantic

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We might have misunderstood Hogwarts Houses for years

I have a theory that the valued quality of each of the four Houses isn’t really about the personality of its students.

The valued quality of each of the four Houses has to do with how they perceive magic.

Stick with me a second: Hogwarts is a school to study magic. Magic as Hogwarts teaches it can be seen as many things: a natural talent, a gift, a weapon, etc.

So how you believe magic should be used will both reflect your personality and change how you handle that power.

“Their daring, nerve, and chivalry set Gryffindors apart,” Gryffindors perceive magic as a weapon. Gryffindors tend to excel in aggressive forms of magic, like offensive and defensive spells, and they are good at dueling. But a true Gryffindor knows that the power is a responsibility, and so they must always use their powers to stand up for what’s right. They are the sword of the righteous, which makes them as good at Defense Against the Dark Arts as they are at combat magic.

Hufflepuffs believe that magic is a gift and that the best gifts are to be given away. Hufflepuffs, “loyal and just,” would naturally abhor the idea of jealously guarding magic or using it to hurt someone else. So Hufflepuffs share their magic to benefit of Muggles, like the Fat Friar, to protect the overlooked, like Newt Scamander with his creatures, or to oppose those who would use magic to torment and bully, like the Hufflepuffs who stood with the DA and the battle of Hogwarts.

Slytherins are the opposite: they believe their magic is a treasure that they have been entrusted to protect. The Slytherin fascination with purity, with advantage, with cunning and secrecy–all of which were perverted by the Death Eaters–comes from the idea that people with magic in their veins have been given something special that it is their duty to protect at all costs. And perhaps they aren’t entirely wrong: power in the wrong hands can be dangerous. And power interfering at will with Muggle affairs is a gross presumption that could turn the course of history. Though the series shows some of the worst that Slytherin can be, “evil,” is not a natural Slytherin tendency. “Cautious,” is.

Ravenclaws believe that magic is an art form, one that is beautiful and should be appreciated and studied for its own sake. If “wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure,” then asking what magic is for is useless. It’s more important to immerse oneself in magic for its own sake. Ravenclaws push the boundaries of magic to see if they can, hence Hermione’s spell experiment on the DA coins being dubbed a Ravenclaw quality, but like Luna Lovegood in the pursuit of extraordinary creatures: they can also be content to plumb the depths of what already exists.

So while you can see where personalities will overlap over Houses, perhaps in Sorting we should be asking ourselves less what we think we are and more what we think we believe. 

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cedric: hey we shouldn't have won that quidditch match, potter was being attacked, we need to replay when he's better

apparently also cedric: I LOST?!? TIME TO BECOME A DEATH EATER

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Fleur Delacour had the most impressive performance in the First Task of the Triwizard Tournament, imo, and it is a Crime that she came in last place. Like, sure, maybe what she did took awhile and it wasn’t flashy, but imo she did by far the most impressive, difficult, and most humane piece of magic. 

Like, there’s this pissed off dragon mother, right? It’s been boxed up, taken to this strange place, then stuck in a noisy arena where its eggs are being threatened. This dragon is probably Unbelievably scared and angry. 

It can take 4-8 adult wizards working in tandem to Stun a dragon, especially a pissed off one, but Fleur “fairy princess” Delacour walks into that arena, stares down an angry apex predator, and somehow manages to single-handedly enchant it to sleep. This Common Welsh Green is surrounded by hundreds of people, needs to protect its eggs, but Fleur Delacour’s magic manages to override all of its fear and anger? That is an incredible feat of powerful and probably very complex magic. 

Like, no wonder Fleur Delacour can come off as condescending, that is mind-blowingly impressive. That is the work of 4-8 adult wizards. You cannot tell me that the watching dragon-handlers were not LOSING THEIR MINDS. 

Between sexism and Fleur being part-Veela, it is unfortunately very realistic that she faces a lot of prejudice, but come on, Professors Sprout and Hagrid and etc. must have been going wild. It’s only some very bad luck that her skirt was accidentally set on fire. She got the golden egg. There was zero damage to the dragon or to the real eggs. Even if Madame Maxime and Fleur worked together to prepare it, Fleur still had to do it, and Madame Maxime would have been so rightly furious that Fleur’s bravery and magical skill wasn’t recognized. 

Anyway, part of where I’m going with this, is that this injustice also creates some choice eldest Weasley brother reactions. Like Bill Weasley is writing his regular letters to Charlie, right? And he happens to mention, “Hey, I met this woman at work, with that guardian beast problem with that tomb I was telling you about. Do you remember the Beauxbatons Champion, Fleur Delacour?” 

And Charlie Weasley writes back like, “DO I REMEMBER FLEUR DELACOUR? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WE HAVE A POSTER OF HER ON OUR WALL! I HAVE HER GRADUATING CHARMS THESIS ON CALMING MAGICAL CREATURES AND I WANT IT SIGNED. SHE REVOLUTIONIZED OUR DEALINGS WITH DRAGONS HERE. INJURIES ON THE RESERVE FOR DRAGONS AND HANDLERS ARE DOWN BY LIKE 75% SINCE WE BEGAN IMPLEMENTING HER SPELLWORK.” 

“Uh, alright then. Well, you can send that to me and I will ask her to sign it for you,” Bill Weasley, an extremely successful Curse-Breaker, writes back. (It isn’t that he doesn’t find Fleur Delacour accomplishments very impressive, it is just that the poster on the wall thing is a Bit Weird.) “That’s not going to be weird when I ask her out or anything. Wish me luck.” 

And Charlie writes back, “LUCK? LUCK?! WILLIAM WEASLEY, IF YOU DON’T MARRY THAT WOMAN, I’LL DISOWN YOU. TELL HER THAT IF GRINGOTTS DOESN’T APPRECIATE HER, SHE CAN COME TO ROMANIA. WE’RE BROKE, BUT I HAVE A DOZEN MUSCLED WIZARDS, WITCHES, AND OTHERS READY TO PROPOSE TO HER ON THE SPOT.” 

“I was thinking dinner first,” Bill writes back. “But I’ll let her know?” 

So, Fleur initially has to deal with a lot of crap from the Weasley Family, but at least she’s always got Charlie “Number One Fleur Delacour Fan” Weasley in her corner. You’ll catch Uncle Charlie excitedly telling the story of Fleur Delacour in the First Task to Bill’s children forever. 

(Charlie: “IF YOU DON’T MARRY HER THEN I WILL!” 

Bill: “Charlie, you’re not even into women.” 

Charlie: “WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE MOST IMPRESSIVE DRAGON-HANDLING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE?!!”)

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hey do you think you could expand a bit on separating the art from the artist? clearly you’ve done it with jk rowling but what are your thoughts on it as a general idea?

okay, but you’re not going to like the answer.

here’s the truth: you can’t separate the art from the artist. not entirely. HP Lovecraft was an incredibly talented, but much more incredibly racist man. It would nice to say you don’t agree with his views but you can enjoy his works without that leaking in but…. well, I’m afraid that would be misunderstanding his books entirely.

Consider, for a second, that Lovecraft’s works were horror stories about extradimensional alien monsters having mutant children with humans, they were about invasions from distant monsters, they were about the purity of quaint European towns being tainted. Consider how this may have all been inflicted by the fact that he just simply despised anybody who wasn’t white. Consider how is opinions on “mixing the races” might fight into this; consider why being unable to maintain the “purity” of white Europe was the scariest thing of all to him.

This extends to Rowling too.

I would love to say we can just acknowledge that she is an awful, racist, antisemitic, transphobic person and then say “but at least her books are good,” because, well, they are, aren’t they? I would say so, for sure. But to suggest that one can separate her from them is…. ridiculous.

Consider why an antisemitic woman wrote about a species of goblins who live among us, but who for the most part keep to themselvesand are maybe a little bit oppressed by the institution, but also hold all the cards, all the money, run the banks.

Consider why a racist woman would write about a species of slaves who loved being enslaved, who enjoyed working for no pay, and cleaning up after humans, with the only small caveat of that they didn’t want to be beaten. Imagine that only the most radical of their species wanted to be free, and he still spent the rest of his life working for no pay and helping out a little white boy and his friends wherever he could. Consider why the only person in the story who thought they should be free, that they should have rights, was treated as an overzealous joke, who was acting against the wishes of those slaves who really LOVE being enslaved. Consider that Rowling went on to say that she kind of considers that girl to be black, now.

Consider why JK Rowling, an open and proud transphobe, wrote Rita Skeeter as having a large square jaw, thick “manly” hands, and dressing incredibly gaudily with the most obvious fake nails and fake teeth and fake hair and fake everything. Consider why a woman who tweets about how trans women are “foxes pretending to be hens to get in the hen house” might write this Rita Skeeter to then illegally transform her body in order to spy on children.

Harry Potter is full of Rowling’s bigotry, start to finish. Not even tangentially, like, “oh the goblins are bad, Rita Skeeter is bad, the house elves are bad, but most of it’s good!” because the deeper you dig and the longer you think the more you realise the entire story is based on her prejudices.

Harry Potter pretends to be an aracial story about found family, but if that were true, why are Harry’s distant ancestors important to who he is today even in the seventh book? Why does Harry have to live with his cousin and aunt and uncle? Because magic inherently prefers blood ties. Whilst Rowling was writing a story that seemed to say, “your heritage is not that important and doesn’t make you better than others” she was still writing a story about a boy who got all of his money through his bloodline, who was protected by living with his bloodline, no matter how evil, who was uniquely able to stop Voldemort because his bloodline passed down the invisibility cloak for generations and generations. Any step Harry takes he is compared to his perfect parents who were exactly like him — he looks just like his father, but he has his mother’s eyes, you know! — consider WHY a woman who is racist might’ve written a story like this. A story that on its surface, condemns a blood caste, but still in every step it takes, validates the idea that blood is thicker than water, and your geneological origin is what makes you special.

You can enjoy Harry Pottwr, of course you can. There are fantastic parts. I love a small group of teenagers deciding to become anarchies rebels and train to fight against fascism in secret. I love the murder mystery plots, I love how the series tells kids that it’s a good thing to be brave, and a good thing to fight injustice, and a good thing to challenge the government. But I cannot separate it from its author because it is such a product of its author. All of the structures of the world, the way things work in the universe, and drenched in Rowling’s beliefs, her bigotries. Of course they are: she made them.

Again. This doesn’t mean you cannot enjoy it. But I think we are past the day where we can pretend that disavowing a bigoted author is enough, and that that somehow separates the text from its bigotry. I think we are past the day where we can pretend that Harry Potter isn’t a deeply, inherently bigoted piece of media. Even the bits we love. I think we are beyond the day where we can truthfully pretend to separate it from her, because she is present through all of it. We MUST recognise its flaws. We MUST admit that she is in every part of it.

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You never met a monster you couldn’t love.

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talk to me about molly wrapping harry gently in her arms after the battle and kissing his temple and telling him ‘you will always have a home with us’

talk to me about arthur noticing when harry gets too quiet and distracting him by asking him if he’d like to help rebuild sirius’s motorbike

talk to me about bill seeing the warning signs that harry’s been triggered into an anxiety attack and grasping his arm and telling him to ‘breathe, harry, it’s okay, you’re safe’ and sitting with him until he’s calm

talk to me about george growing even closer to harry because suddenly he understands so much better and he realizes that this kid knows, too, what it’s like to feel so fucking alone

about ron keeping track of how much harry’s eating so on the days when harry can only manage to push food around his plate ron makes sure to ply him with tea all day and asks his mum to make one of harry’s favorites for supper

about charlie getting fed up with the reporters who mob harry everywhere he goes and grabbing a camera from a bloke who will not stop snapping pictures and chucking it in a fountain

percy fidgeting awkwardly, not quite able to meet harry’s eyes, and apologising for that letter he knows ron told him about

hermione making harry look her straight in the eye and telling him it’s okay not to be okay, and harry not knowing whether to be grateful or annoyed because he suspects that she’s actually been researching whatever the hell’s happening to him

ginny letting harry have his space but also knowing when to insert herself right into that space so he can’t shut down and push everyone away because she’ll be damned if he thinks she’s going to put up with that

luna finding him at one of the many parties he’s expected to attend and asking him ‘do you suppose you’d rather be here or stuck on the bottom of the hogwarts lake surrounded by extraordinarily aggressive plimpies?’ in such a solemn voice that harry can’t help but laugh

mcgonagall taking note of the circles under harry’s eyes when he stops by the school and suggesting a visit to the hospital wing before he leaves so madame pomfrey can give him something to help him sleep

hagrid inviting harry over for tea and just letting his boy sit outside in silence, fang’s head on his knee, as hagrid works in his vegetable garden

neville asking harry if it would maybe be okay if he comes along with him to see teddy some time so during the next visit they end up sitting on the floor in andromeda’s lounge on a cloudy afternoon, these three orphans, playing pretend with stuffed animals shaped like wolves and dogs and lions

kingsley kicking harry out of the ministry for the night because ‘for christ’s sake, harry, you’ve been here for twenty-two hours and molly’s owled me TWICE now GO HOME and get some rest or i will personally throw your “chosen” arse over my shoulder and toss you into the floo’

talk to me about people taking care of harry and helping him manage his ptsd

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Imagine the advances to wizarding society if Sirius Black had lived…

After the war, Sirius would have had a huge inheritance from parents he wanted to spite and a lot of leisure time to find good uses for it. We could have had…

1. Fleamont House: A house - perhaps even a heavily renovated 12 Grimmauld Place - where Hogwarts students can stay over breaks if going “home” wouldn’t be good for them (i.e., students like Sirius, Harry, or Tom Riddle).

2. Rest for Regulus: A seemingly bottomless grant awarded to the Auror department with the goals of:

Researching a way to deactivate Inferi;

Applying this research to deactivate all Inferi in Voldemort’s cave;

Identifying the remains taken from the cave using the best of both wizarding and muggle technology; and

Returning the remains to their next of kin for proper burial, or, if no next of kin is available, interring them respectfully within the Ministry.

3. Justice for All: A lobbying organization dedicated to pressuring the Ministry to improve their legal system, most notably,

By requiring that all suspects be awarded a full and fair trial before being sent to Azkaban; and

By working to outlaw the use of dementors in any correctional facility, including Azkaban.

4. Gentle Jails: Working in close collaboration with Justice for All, Gentle Jails builds small, secure, and humane (in particular, dementor-free) holding facilities for suspects awaiting trial. Gentle Jails funds their construction projects with donations, thereby cutting through all financial excuses the Ministry has for only using Azkaban to house suspects.

And finally, his personal favorite, the first one to be founded, the most heavily funded, the one that gets the most of his personal time and attention…

5. The Moony Institute for Lycanthropic Studies: A multidisciplinary research and applications powerhouse dedicated to improving the lives of people affected by lycanthropy.

The research division includes:

Anthropologists who document the life experiences of werewolves both in and outside of packs;

Psychologists studying the mental impact of lycanthropy, and how to make it easier;

Historians working to prevent the erasure of werewolf accomplishments and contributions; and of course,

Medical scientists searching for better treatments, and ultimately, a cure.

The applied research and services division works in a tremendous and ever-expanding variety of ways, including:

A hotline number that can be called anonymously with any lycanthropy-related question or crisis;

A counseling program, based largely on the research of the anthropology division, aimed at helping newly-bitten werewolves find social support within their community rather than joining a pack;

A second counseling service available to packs to improve their standard of living and help integrate them into society to whatever degree they desire;

A third counseling service, which provides short- and long-term therapy to werewolves and their loved ones on a sliding payment scale, with many clients treated for free;

A library of all things related to lycanthropy, which is open to the public (anyone can view the materials in the building; getting a card to take things home requires a small fee);

Partnering with potioneers to provide Wolfsbane potion (and other treatments developed by the research division) on a sliding scale of payment - with many patients paying nothing;

The construction and management of a building full of secure but comfortable transformation rooms, available at no charge and without any ID. Any werewolf can request a safe place to spend the full moon, no questions asked, no money required. Rooms come equipped with sound-proof walls, soft furniture, a pool of drinkable water, a protein-rich meal, and things like sticks or toys to chew on and destroy if the mood strikes;

An awareness team that visits schools and other events to dispel myths about werewolves and discourage prejudice;

Employment services to help clients find werewolf-friendly jobs. In addition to helping with job searches, this division keeps track of their clients’ experiences with different companies to better inform future applicants;

Lobbying efforts to repeal hateful laws and pass new ones including laws to (1) give werewolves equal rights as non-werewolves, (2) criminalize anti-werewolf discrimination in employment, housing, and public access to services, (3) establish Safe Haven zones for parents to abandon their bitten children (proposed after the heartbreaking discovery of a high rate of post-bite infanticide; the Moony Institute itself was the first Safe Haven location tonbe announced), (4) require employers to offer medical leave for werewolves around the full moon, and (5) require hospitals be trained in lycanthropic medicine;

Lobbying efforts to end the shuffle of werewolves between the beast and being divisions of the Ministry, and instead classify them as human (this was the project Sirius was most passionate about); and

Project Pup, which pairs werewolves with a dog to keep them company and soothe them during full moons. Werewolves apply for Project Pup and have to pass a background check and psychological evaluation (to make sure the dog will be safe). Much like Guiding Eyes for the Blind, it is then the recipient’s responsibility to take care of the dog. When the dogs get too old to accompany the client on full moons, they can either return it to the Moony Institute to be adopted out, or they can keep it as a pet (which most do). Either way, they are automatically eligible for a replacement full moon companion. All dogs are pulled from “death row” at high-kill Muggle animal shelters (that part was Hermione’s idea). (This was Sirius’s first project, and it is probably the Moony Institute’s most acclaimed accomplishment.)

The Moony Institute became much larger than Sirius ever envisioned, and it had tremendous impact on the lives of people with lycanthropy all over the world. A surprising number of donors came forward to keep it afloat and non-profit (even the Black fortune couldn’t do it alone forever!). It created a lot of jobs, and preferentially hired werewolves to fill them. So much of the staff has lycanthropy, in fact, that many offices shut down altogether around the full moon! (Which is fine, because their clients are in poor shape at that time too.) It brought Sirius endless joy to put his bigoted family’s money to use improving the lives of “half-breeds,” especially because it was all inspired by his half-blood friend.

Finally, although he may never hear of it since it’s a Muggle charity, but if he ever found out about the Innocence Project, Sirius would be a regular and generous donor.

(Obviously these headcanons rest on the assumption that he experienced some personal growth, which I think is entirely possible if he had time to heal from Azkaban and got to spend more time with Harry and Remus.)

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Headcanon that when James was young, his dad used to hold the back of his neck when he cried and tell him, in a strong and steady voice, that he was okay and it was all going to be okay. 

In First Year, James wakes up in the middle of the night to crying. Sirius is in the next bed over, kicking out and whimpering, in the clutches of a nightmare and James can just make out the agony on his new friend’s face in the dark. He gets out of bed and gently wakes him up, shushing him and nudging his shoulder. Sirius awakes with a jolt. He stares at James with wide, black eyes, panting heavily, and he only lasts a moment when reality washes over him, before he starts sobbing. James holds the back of his neck and puts their foreheads together and tells him he’s okay, it’s just a dream. You’re alright. You’re okay. It’s going to be okay-

In Second Year, James confronts Remus about where he goes off to every month. He knows his friend is lying to him. He can tell because Remus isn’t a very good liar, though he thinks he is, and it’s obvious he’s done it too many times, and James is starting to worry because every month, his friend wakes up in the Hospital Wing with bruises and scratches. He’s done his research and he thinks he knows and when he sees the colour and light drain from Remus’ face, he knows he’s right. The other boys can’t believe it, but they swallow their disbelief to tell him that goodness grief, you fold your socks, Remus, really. Forgive me for not trembling at the sight of you! and that of course, we don’t want you kicked out of Hogwarts!! Where on earth did you get that idea from? And Remus, that poor little boy, pale and fading, with more scars than he can count and cover up, collapses and sobs and James sinks to the floor and holds him and he grips the back of Remus’ neck, and tells him he isn’t a monster and it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. You don’t need to hide anymore. We’re your friends and we’re staying.

It’s the summer of their Fifth Year and a heatwave brought a storm with it and Sirius turns up on his doorstep, drenched and broken, bleeding and bruised, and the rain drips from his hair. He’s hauling a trunk behind him and he’s sobbing and when the door opens, he can only utter I didn’t know where else to go before James understands and drags him into a hug. He holds him together so he doesn’t fall apart and Sirius sobs and grips at his friend’s pjs and James grips the back of his head securely and says in his ear in a firm and low voice You’re safe here. You’re staying here. I don’t give a damn about your mother. This is your home now.

In Seventh Year, McGonagall called him to her Office one afternoon to tell him that his parents had died of dragonpox and he stands and stares at her and tells her she’s being absurd because his dad wrote to him just yesterday to tell him about the garden gnomes that keep uprooting his roses and his mum sent him a batch of brownies she made at the weekend. Sirius starts crying first and James tells him it’s okay because their parents are fine, but Sirius only tries to reach for him (James-) and when James recoils and demands to know why he is crying, Sirius grabs him and wrestles with him as he struggles because James is sobbing now and he collapses in his brother’s arms and Sirius has one arm around his waist and one hand holding his head to keep him grounded because it’s not okay but it will be. We have each other. We have each other.

They’ve finished school and Lily Evans is Lily Potter and James cried more than he ever thought he would (though he knew he’d cry a lot). Sirius, his Best Man, made a speech with no less than 33 deer-related puns, and Remus looked healthy and happy for once and Mary kissed Peter for the first time and Lily’s sister didn’t come but her parents were there and her dad walked her down the aisle and she cried when she saw James waiting for her. James twirled Lily around the dancefloor of their marquee and The Beatles crooned on an old Muggle record player and fairy lights hung from the rafters. He pulled her close and she was laughing and he held the back of her neck when he kissed her because this was good. This was more than good. This was extraordinary.  

It’s the War and Lily, his beautiful wife Lily, is sobbing in their bathroom and he only came to ask her if she wanted a tea making but she’s crying and he sinks to the floor beside her and holds her and when he sees what she’s holding, he can’t quite believe it. This is a war but somehow, in amongst all this death and destruction, they’re going to have a baby and his dad isn’t around anymore to hold the back of his neck and tell him he’s going to be okay but how can they bring a baby into a world like this? We can’t, Lily, we can’t- but Lily holds the back of his head and kisses his lips and says We can James Potter. My love, we can love this baby enough that no war will ever touch him. This gives us something to fight for. And my God, they were going to fight for it.

It’s the War and they’re sitting in Dumbledore’s office and the war is raging, harder and bloodier than ever, and their baby, their little baby boy, is in a prophecy. Their Harry is in a prophecy and he can’t even roll onto his tummy yet. They’ve lost people. His parents died of dragonpox in his Seventh Year at school, and Benjy Fenwick was found in pieces only last week. Fabian and Gideon Prewett were the first people he loved to die in the war and he was so angry he broke their bedside lamp. But this- this blow feels like he’s died with them because how are they meant to survive what’s set in stone? Lily is too shocked to respond but she’s crying silent tears and he knows there is an avalanche brewing inside of her golden heart and he holds her head and hides in her hair because he’s crying and the world looks garish to him and he whispers we’ll protect him. Harry will grow up and we’ll watch him do it. Everything will be okay-

It’s the War and people are dying, and Marlene’s entire family was slaughtered on Thursday and Lily spent all night locked in her room, sobbing and screaming, and Harry cries, and Sirius doesn’t visit anymore and Dumbledore sent Remus undercover. Mary didn’t come back from the last battle and Peter sits in James’ kitchen, hot chocolate going cold in his hands, and James sees that he’s dead inside and that he’s terrified and he crouches in front of him and squeezes the back of his neck and tells him you’re okay. You are alive. It’s nearly over and we are going to survive this thing. D’you hear me, Pete? We’re going to survive it. I promise you-

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who else is gay for hp gals? 🙋‍♀️

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Peter Kavinsky is high school boyfriend material but John Ambrose Mcclaren is HUSBAND material

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— harry potter and the goblet of fire

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ah yes, the four hogwarts houses - punch, lie, hug, and think

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1k follower celebration ☆ the harry potter series or the fantastic beasts series for @circumrota

“magic blooms only in rare souls. still, we must skulk in the shadows. but the old ways serve us no longer”

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Rick Riordan finally snapped and released emails he sent to The Lightning Thief movie makers….

I can’t stop laughing

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When you discover that these two:

Were married in Love Actually