ermagerdperpehs

[ermagerdperpehs]

Behold the wrath of the dead!

[ermagerdperpehs]

Shroud's Kiss

[ermagerdperpehs]

I love the face he has here, because he looks like he's thinking: "yep, I have rizz. You didn't expect me to, right? Well, you were mistaken, and I'm going to show you. You'll need a moment after I end with you tonight"

[ermagerdperpehs]

He eepy and neeby to sleeby

[ermagerdperpehs]

May I present Emmrich Alpacarin….. yeah I know Kuzco is a llama, close enough

[ermagerdperpehs]

[ermagerdperpehs]

For @b1narysol0 and her Rook, Runa Ingellvar 💜 The jokes! The makeup! The height! Between them and Harding it must be non-stop laughter.

To My Dearest Runa,

It is a particular cruelty of fate that I find myself both deeply in love with you and yet not presently within reach of you. The Lighthouse is quieter than usual, though that may be because I’ve taken to shushing the others when they speak over my memories of your voice. They are beginning to suspect I’ve gone mad. I assure you, I have.

I miss your nonsense. I miss your company. I miss the sound you make when you laugh at your own terrible jokes and then blame the rest of us for having no taste. I miss the way you sneak in small comforts for everyone else and pretend it was no trouble, even when I know it cost you rest or energy or time.

In your absence, I’ve been forced to confront many devastating truths—chief among them that your particular brand of humor has completely ruined me. I found myself repeating one of your puns the other day, and—Maker help me—I laughed. Alone. In the library. I must have looked completely mad. And yet I didn’t care. For the briefest moment, it felt as though you were beside me, smirking at your own wit and entirely too pleased with yourself. I miss that look. I miss you.

You are the most extraordinary absurdity I have ever encountered. You make jokes in the face of danger, patch up the world with your bare hands, and somehow manage to look devastatingly attractive while wearing more eyeliner than a Tevinter drama performer. I live in perpetual fear of your height-related vengeance and yet would still like nothing more than to lift you off your feet and carry you somewhere private—if only to admire your expression when I do.

I think constantly of your eyes. I suspect I could write entire treatises on them—if I weren’t so distracted remembering the way your hair feels when I brush it back just to see you better. It's a special kind of torment, remembering exactly how you look when you're about to laugh and not being able to make you do it.

You’ve undone me, my love. Thoroughly. And I remain, willingly, yours.

Be safe. Eat something. Let someone else patch their own wounds for once. And know that when you return, I will be waiting—with tea, admiration, and, regrettably, at least three new puns of my own making. You have only yourself to blame.

Yours always (and most inconveniently),

Emmrich

[ermagerdperpehs]

Manfred keeps walking in on Emmrich and Rook having sex. 

He doesn’t understand what’s happening but they always seem happy afterwards so it must be good. The first time they notice him, Emmrich gives him a talk about privacy but doesn’t explain what they were doing.

When Manfred learns to speak, he asks. Emmrich gives him a technical explanation and now Manfred knows what, but not why.

So naturally he turns to his other parent and asks Rook who promptly hands him a romance novel (four scarves fluttered in shock out of five) and says it should answer his questions.

Manfred reads the book with his two best friends, Assan and Spite. Assan is mostly uninterested but Spite is fascinated. He has a lot of questions that Manfred doesn’t know the answers to, so he offers to ask his Dad.

Which is how Emmrich ends up having to answer Manfred’s questions about “throbbing members” and “quivering flesh” while Johanna loses it (yelling) and Rook loses it (laughing).

As Emmrich is explaining that they’re metaphors, Lucanis bursts in and demands to know why Spite is asking about “heaving bosoms.” Rook suddenly remembers something extremely urgent that they have to take care of in Minrathous and vanishes.

Emmrich, who firmly believes that there is nothing shameful about consenting adults having sex, suggests that Lucanis explain it to Spite himself. Lucanis, who would rather eat a meal prepared by Viago than explain sex to a demon, tells Spite to ask Emmrich next time Lucanis is asleep.

And that’s how Emmrich ends up teaching a sex ed class at two in the morning.

[ermagerdperpehs]

Lucanis: I apologize, Emmrich. Emmrich: It's quite alright Lucanis. Spite is not at fault for perhaps failing to grasp the seriousness of the situation at hand. Rook, however.... Rook: *Roblox Oof*

[ermagerdperpehs]

Manfred is very curious, you guys.

He likes to know things. Before Manfred was Manfred, he most wanted to know about Emmrich.

From the very start, Emmrich was a rich topic. Manfred enjoyed zipping around and around and around him, until the poor Watcher gave the wisp a book to look at so he could finish interring the remains he was working on.

The book did not survive. But Manfred discovered the Watcher could turn many different shades of color. And the next time he found Emmrich, the Watcher remembered him.

Now that Manfred and Emmrich live in the Lighthouse, there are lots of new things for Manfred to discover.

Like: exactly how loud does he have to be to awaken Spite, but not Lucanis. The answer, as it turns out, is not sound at all, but onions.

Spite finally calms and stops ranting about “cebollas,” long enough to ask:

“Curiosity. What. Are you. Doing here?”

Manfred hisses inquiringly and finishes his mental notes about Spite’s reaction. Very interesting.

“I was resting!”

Manfred doubts this, he is a very well mannered for a spirit, and he never rests. Spite is “rambunctious,” according to Emmrich, and he can’t possibly be better behaved than Manfred.

Manfred observes the new boots that were just purchased for him, and observes Lucanis’s still booted feet.

Which spirit is faster? He wonders. Since they both have legs at their disposal.

He hisses a suggestion and Spite pretends to grudgingly accept.

The race is fun, but the question remains unanswered, as Lucanis wakes halfway through their sprint through the courtyard and nearly topples over the edge.

Interesting, Manfred notes. He wonders if Spite is that flexible when Lucanis is asleep.

[ermagerdperpehs]

I’M PICKLE EMMRICH, ROOK!

[ermagerdperpehs]

Finally done! Painting armor is the bane of my existence, that alone took me 3 hours :'c

[ermagerdperpehs]

so there's this senior citizen *twirls hair* ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[ermagerdperpehs]

Talented people of Emmrich's fandom! Could we please do something with this? 🫠

[ermagerdperpehs]

Esha, my darling, please remember to blink. Your eyes will dry out.

That’s just her resting face, I’m afraid.

I love my creepy Mourn Watcher Rook so much.

[ermagerdperpehs]

Real tho.

[ermagerdperpehs]