ericnguyenthedrawer

[ericnguyenthedrawer]

artist: margaret jeane

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Leonardo Hanna Azrak

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[ericnguyenthedrawer]

it is november, and yesterday it felt like it was supposed to be snowing. in boston, november used a winter month, not a fall month. it is supposed to be chilly; rarely capping over 45F. it is a sweater-and-jacket month. it is a "maybe a scarf too" month. in my childhood, november meant blizzards and sleet.

it did not snow. tomorrow the weather predicts a high of 76.

i have spent so many years of my life studying the longterm possibilities of climate change - the culmination of capitalism wreaking havoc on the bodies of people, animals, plants - but every so often i am still shocked by something small and personal.

in a hundred years, when someone goes outside in boston - will they know the feeling of "snow in the air"?

i know it's a learned feeling, a sensation that maybe only longterm experience can teach. a few years ago, i was walking with my friend who had just moved up from the south. i said it smells like snow and she gave me this look like - what the fuck. i said it feels like snow too, which didn't help. she looked up to the bright blue sky and then back at me and then back at the sky. 12 hours later, we had 3 inches. you can just tell if it's going to snow.

except i can't tell, anymore. i stand outside in a tee shirt and watch my dog dance around a lake. we're in a drought and the skin of the water has peeled back twenty meters. the lake is tamed, quiet, puddlelike and sour. my pokemon go app warns there's a weather condition in my area.

my dog gets too hot from running and sits in the water and i want to laugh about his long frame and how awkwardly he sits - and i can't. some simian part of my brain is scratching the walls. it was supposed to snow. it was supposed to snow, but now it's warm instead.

during the last full solar eclipse, the dogs and the birds and the crickets went crazy under utter darkness. we laughed at them then, promising it will all be okay in a moment. but some part of me is still locked in that long night: some animal sensation.

something is wrong, my body says. i can't afford eggs or rent. i go outside to watch a sunset and listen to birdsong. i don't bring a jacket. allergies are killing me this season, allergies i didn't have as a kid. everyone comments that halloween has started to feel strange, offkilter. that it's hard having "holiday cheer." my body thinks it's april, and then it thinks we're in september, and then june.

something is terribly wrong, she whispers. go outside. it is supposed to be snowing.

[ericnguyenthedrawer]

김민수 Kim Min Su Physical: 100 ・ 2.06 'Mine'

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"Are you drunk or something? What are you doing? Are you losing your head? Shane, are you messing with me?"

ETERNAL SUMMER (2006). dir. CHEN ZHENG DAO.

[ericnguyenthedrawer]

if ever someone tries to convince you that there is only one path to success just remind yourself that miuccia prada earned a PhD in political science then became a mime then a member of the italian communist party then a women’s rights activist then became one of the world’s most iconic designers then opened an art gallery and is now the ninth richest woman in the world

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Rainy day in Kyoto // 김영민

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You never really can say how things will be, because it'll just happen, though you'e going to be sad or happy. Every plans you have will be ruined, because it is not destined to happen. And the saddest part is that we still hoping that one day, everything will go according to what we want them to be. I thought that happy start will have a happy ending but there is just things that are not meant to happen. I thought that if I change something it'll changes everything. Even if I cry, even if I die, nothing will change. Unless I'll do something, try something, but I'm scared because nothing is certain, nothing is constant, nothing is fixed, everything changes as time goes by. But the pain still remain, the wound scars, and our mind doesn't just forget.

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[ericnguyenthedrawer]

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you've felt that way.” ― Charles Bukowski

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“Appreciate those who don’t give up on you.”

— Unknown

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So,​ your life. There it is before you – possibly a road, a ribbon, a dotted line, a map – let’s say you’re 25, then you make some decisions, do things, have setbacks, have triumphs, become someone, a bus driver, a professor of Indo-European linguistics, a pirate, a cosmetologist, years pass, maybe in a family maybe not, maybe happy maybe not, then one day you wake up and you’re seventy. Looking ahead you see a black doorway. You begin to notice the black doorway is always there, at the edge, whether you look at it or not. Most moments contain it, most moments have a sort of sediment of black doorway at the bottom of the glass. You wonder if other people are seeing it too. You ask them. They say no. You ask why. No one can tell you.

A minute ago you were 25. Then you went ahead getting the life you want. One day you looked back from 25 to now and there it is, the doorway, black, waiting.

— anne carson, gloves on!

[ericnguyenthedrawer]

ARCHIE RENAUX as WILL DELAROCHE in UPGRADED (2024)

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(by mariobroehl)