entheni

[entheni]

And for the first time in a while, I felt an immense loneliness that consumed my entire being.

[entheni]

Having one of those days where all I can do is take a very long sigh.

[entheni]

Working on being kinder to myself.

Because if I don’t, who will?

[entheni]

Closed doors.

I’m beginning to learn that it is impossible to hold people to expectations. Suddenly, people who you loved endlessly will decide that they want nothing to do with you. Your friend you once visited everyday has gone silent. Rather than communicating this, you’ll find yourself at their doorstep with the door locked. You knock at the door and leave a message, waiting for an answer. You wait and wait. You figure that they’re at work, or grocery shopping, and they’ll return soon. You check up on them, send a letter-- because you think everything is good. 

Everything is not good. You will never know what you did. What did I do to sever  this friendship? To do something so terrible and not even be told? No opportunity to become better? To do better? 

Everything is good. You do not need someone in your life who doesn’t communicate. You do not need someone who leaves you in the dust. You do not need someone who jumps ship. 

In my years, I’ve learned that it’s okay to let go. It’s okay to stay in the dark, in the unknown. It’s okay if they leave you, because you will be better off. Allow the past to stay in the past. You made good memories, but that is where they end. 

With no hard feelings or regrets,

Enthi

[entheni]

I really did love you back then. Don't reach out for me because I've decided to let you go.

Enthi

[entheni]

First post

Hello there. Welcome to my blog. I am overwhelmed with the amount of free time I now have after graduation, and decided that blogging would be a great way to chronicle my life after uni, as well as provide me the practice I will desperately need with my writing for dental school applications. 

Dental school is looming over me, as well as the worry of being incompetent for schools to accept me as a potential candidate. Instead of preparing myself for becoming a better applicant, I’m sitting at my desk typing away my anxiety. I hope I will be able to overcome these fears and take the first step to progress my career.

I think having an anonymous blog also helps me be more honest about my feelings. I think it would be nice to avoid having my friends know about this, as this blog is rather personal to me. Anyway, thanks for reading.

-Enthi