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lazar really said but bitch your longing to is palpable

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Arles

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Can anything be done to help this wretched twenty four

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guy accidentally cures his own road rage by making fun of the person who caused his road rage

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Ploop ploop ploop

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Before COVID shut the library down, I was helping a little boy and his mom find books.

“What do you like to read about?” I asked. “Dinosaurs!” This is common request, but can mean different things, “Okay. Do you want a story about dinosaurs, or facts about dinosaurs?” “Facts.” I took him to the dinosaur section (567.9) of the juvenile nonfiction. He picked out a couple books, and I asked him if there was anything else he was looking for. “Do you have anything on DNA?” I had to think about that for a second. “I think so…but I’ll have to look it up.” The boy beamed, “I want to find out how DNA works, so I can bring them back!” “We just saw Jurassic Park,” his mom explained with a smile that did not waver when she added, “We didn’t learn anything.”

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Nothing a long tea party and a pocket tin of candied violets and a trip on a carousel and a drawstring bag of smooth river pebbles and a slice of cinnamon toast and a cosy blanket and a well-loved teddy bear and a jar of comb honey and a tricycle ride and a wooden spoon and a wash of moonlight through lace curtains and an earthenware vase of sunflowers and a distant scent of the sea and a slice of seed cake and an almost-forgotten memory of a loving embrace and a steaming bowl of your favourite soup and a set of clean sheets and a floral counterpane and a crackling fire and a glass of cool sweet spring water and a page from an old novel and a dusty hidden door and a mysterious passageway and a mug of hot cocoa and a tarnished key that lies heavy in the palm and a whistle and a shepherd’s crook and a spyglass and a snail’s shell and a single faraway note from a minuscule silver bell and another long tea party won’t fix

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Berencel AU of the day

Another dance AU? Ancel is a professional tango dancer. His partner, Lazar, gets injured a few weeks before an important competition. He knows a guy though, who can be Ancel's partner. In comes Berenger with his boring jacket.

Which is ridiculous, obviously, because tango is supposed to be sexy, and there is literally NOTHING sexy about Berenger. Except then they dance together, and it turns out there is a lot sexy about Berenger, actually. But only while they're dancing.

The rest of the time he might as well be a potato. He eats unbuttered toast. He brushes his teeth after every meal. He sets his alarm clock for six in the morning and does stretches for an hour, and then goes running for an hour, even on the weekend. Ancel witnesses this first hand, because they share a hotel room as they travel around to competitions. It makes no sense that this stupid dork in a brown jacket is the best tango partner he's ever had.

Meanwhile Berenger is secretly vibrating out of his skin with lust. Eventually Ancel catches on but Berenger refuses to DO anything about it because it's bad luck to start an affair during the dance season, and also for some reason I think maybe he really needs the prize money. Maybe he's embroiled in some regent-related legal battle and his accounts are frozen. Maybe there is some other scandal just under the surface.

Desperate pining and futile flirting ensues. Maybe one night there was one bed.

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"Marty"

2025, watercolor and gouache

Marty is an education bird where I work. Unable to be released right now, Marty is used to go on trips to events to educate folks about wildlife.

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On my first day in Germany I got to my hotel and I couldn't get the lights to turn on. And I was like "Eh, fuck it, I'll just take a shower in the dark." And then the shower wouldn't get hot. I waited and waited and it stayed ice cold.

So I go down to the front desk and I'm like "My lights won't turn on and my shower won't get hot" so they send this guy up with me. We get into the room and I flick the switch and nothing happens so I'm like "See?"

And he goes "You must put your card in the slot."

"I... what? I have to put my room card in the light switch?"

"Of course!"

Now I have been in many hotels in the US and never encountered this concept, but apparently it was something most of their guests already knew. So I'm looking like a fool at this point. I feel like an idiot. The dude is fully grinning at me. I put the card in the slot and voila, the light turns on.

Then he's like "Ok, let's see if the shower works. You know you must wait for the hot water?" and I just know he's thinking I'm an idiot who also can't use a shower. This stupid American can't wait for the hot water! She can't even use a light switch or a shower!

And I guess he was distracted by these thoughts of my stupidity, because this dude fully stepped into the shower. In his nice dress shirt and slacks. He just. Gets into the shower.

And turns it on.

Have you ever seen a playing field get leveled instantaneously

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(x)

Top Gun Silliness

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when people are like “he’s not even attractive you could find a guy that looks like him at any gas station” i’m like….. well you see there’s beauty everywhere actually

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something has gone deeply wrong when "focusing pragmatically on issues you can influence and working to make life better for yourself and your community" is considered an unserious distraction while "endlessly exposing yourself to media about distressing situations you can't control" is considered political engagement