emptydaisies

[emptydaisies]

I binged yesterday, while I was at work. It’s so difficult to resist when everyone around you eats happily and freely.

Now I feel guilty and stupid. And fat..

I think I’ll fast for the next 3 days at least, I hope to succed in doing it.

[emptydaisies]

I always had eating issues, since my early teenage I think. Now I’m an adult, but still I can’t help but eating a lot and gaining weight then starving and loose weight. People around me only want to make me eat, they can’t understand how much pain I feel when I look at the mirror and see someone I don’t even recognize.

“Who’s that figure?”

I’m fat and not young anymore, I feel like I wasted my whole life trying to be perfect and thin but at the same time I’ve never felt enough.

However when I look back in time through my past photos, I can see a beautiful girl that couldn’t see how pretty she was. No matter how many guys I had around, I always thought to be fat and horrible, I always looked at the other girls thinking they were perfect. How could I be so mean? I had perfect size and weight, now I am simply.. a monster. Now I really am (and it’s not “only” about my weight, but..everything in my body and face seems to be changed)

What a shame that I wasted my best years on thinking bad things of myself. What a pity that I’ve lost my life and happiness and now I have nothing.

By the way, now that I live by my own, I’m trying to loose weight, come back in good shape, and try to feel cool and hot again. Not for the others, but for me.

I want the self-esteem I’ve never had.

From now on this will be my safe place to motivate my self, since there’s no one that I know here.

If you want to be friends, here I am, but first I have to say this: I am what young people call “boomer” I guess (what a shame 🫣).

** I don’t promote ed, and I hope anyone who’s suffering from an ed could recover well!