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empressluxuria · 10 hours ago

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Kintsugi

A particle beam slices through the air beside you. Your wings curling just out of its destructive path as you dive towards the battlefield, targeting systems locked on to the weapons platform currently reeking havoc on your formation. You just need to close the distance before it can bring its heavy weapons around to your position. The air burning through your jets as wings lock into position. Another particle beam is readied, the air condensing around the weapons platform as it prepares to tear through your chassis, but its too late. Colliding with the colossal steel beast and slamming your blades into its critical systems in the blink of an eye. Its thick but nimble crab like legs buckle and scream under the assault, the hulking mass driven hard into the earth. You adjust flaps and swing limbs fast around its centre, perfectly targeted bursts from your cannons rupturing its core as you push off its form. Your chassis drifting through the air as you slide to a stop in the mud. Your face expressionless as you begin targeting the platform’s escorts, now circling you. Faster than you can fully process you slam forward, ready to tear through the remaining forces closing in on you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A click and heavy thunk startles you awake, the soft glow of the TV filling your vision. Training kicks in before you fully process the sudden consciousness, reaching for your sidearm and sliding across the couch to brace yourself. Sitting ready, eyes locked on the door across the room, the grogginess of sleep slowly begins to fade from your brain. You focus on the keys turning in the door, but you slowly begin to make sense of the shadows dancing around your apartment.

Your apartment.

Your eyes falter from their steady focus, the door suddenly not as concerning to you as the outstretched empty hands in front of you. Their form perfectly mimicking the grip of a pistol. Realisation beginning to dawn on you as the door swings open across from you. Fluorescent light floods the tiny living room, forcing you to blink hard, adjusting to the sudden intrusion. Your roommate walks hastily through the door, slamming it hard behind her before slumping back against it and sliding to the floor, her hands dragging across her face in frustration. Your eyes scan her form, quickly noticing the dark purple colour surrounding one of her arms. Confusion turning to shock as the cogs turn in your brain and the robotic nature of her arm becomes obvious.

Roommate.

Memories flash rapidly in your mind as the past few years surge through your head. The last few years of your service and slow destruction of your body. The faster and harder you fought the more and more recovery they tried to make you take, and all the times you ignored them. The heightened bond you had with your mech and the rare receptiveness you had to drifting with a machine, how quickly it tore you apart. The addiction and self destruction eventually grew too much even for the heartless fucks at the heart of the program. They ripped you from your home at the heart of a war machine and forced you into the real world, a world you had never experienced.

The memories quickly become a blur after that. You remember the veterans program they put you in. A way for people to “adopt” a pilot and show them how to live in the world, teach them all the skills they should have learnt in the childhood they never had. Bitterness fills you as the you remember the first few homes they placed you in, the abuse and apathy of those that just wanted a broken pilot to play with.

“Fuck sorry, did I wake you?”

The exhausted voice of your roommate brings you back into the room, her arms now holding her knees tightly to her chest. Her eyes red but dry.

The tension quickly leaves your body and you cant help but smile at her. “Nah you’re good, was just resting my eyes.”

Scooting over you gently tap the couch next to you. “I take it the appointment didn't go well?”

She starts collecting herself off the floor and makes her way towards your spot on the couch with a groan. “Fucking fucked me around for hours before finally telling me the same thing every other place has told me.” her body slumps into the seat beside you, her head nestling into your shoulder. “Oh we cant know for sure blah blah it manifests differently for everyone blah blah no more than three years... Ugh, fucking ass holes.”

You can’t help but giggle at her awful impression of some sort of doctor or scientist. Her anger fades as your giggle fills the room and before long her husky laugh echoes around you as well. You sit in the that position for a while, a comfortable silence falling over the both of you. A thought comes to you in the silence, something you’ve been too scared to ask. The peacefulness of the moment the perfect catalyst.

“Can I...take a look?” You shift awkwardly as the question lingers between you. “Uh I, at your arm, I mean…”

Your roommate bolts up beside you, her bio arm gripping the mechanical defensively. “wh...um...” her voice unsteady and unsure.

“I mean just like you know, like I don’t know I just thought…” you stammer and stutter, pulling your hands away, desperately wishing you could unsay it.

A warm smile returns to her face after a moment, and she swings her legs and body around to face you. “Hey, it’s ok, you can take a look.”

You mimic her movements and cross your legs in front of you, your knees resting against hers. Hesitantly she loosens her grip on her arm, her shoulders relaxing slightly as she exhales and extends the dark metal limb towards you. You offer a gentle smile in return as you take her hand in yours, the heat of your palm quickly spreading through the metal as the colour darkens ever so slightly. The design and feel of the metal draw all of your attention in as you trace your fingers across the joints of her fingers. The entire arm covered in dents and scratches but you can’t tell from feel alone, the metal sleek and streamlined to the touch. Your fingers find several panels and edges, you gather they must contain connections and interfacing adaptors, the data ports down the back of your neck tingle and you try as hard as you can not to blush at the thought.

As you delicately pour over the intricate details of your roommates arm you can’t help but think back to when the technology first became available. You’d barely been in the program for a few years when talk of advanced prosthetics hit the news, limbs that were stronger and capable of more. They mostly went to extreme cases at first, soldiers that lost arms and legs or those rich enough that it didn't matter. Like most technologies it slowly become more available, more affordable. It only took a few years for the news stories to start emerging, early adopters getting sick, their bodies failing them rapidly. Something about the way they merged the technology with the nervous system was flawed, anyone that had received an augment in those early years was affected. For some they were able to remove the equipment from their bodies, any damage already done but preventing more fatal complications. For most though, the integration was too complicated and complete, the technology couldn't be removed and so thousands of people were doomed to just a few more years of life. And of course no one faced consequences for it, some companies went bankrupt and people were sued but no one was punished, no one faced justice for murdering so many vulnerable people.

You push the thoughts away, instead focusing on the hardware in front of you. Your hands follow the intricate design up along your roommates bicep and across her shoulder. The metal transitioning into flesh, a mess of scars and steel twisted together perfectly. You can’t help but follow the shoulder down as it slowly becomes flesh, your fingers lightly tracing down her chest. You cant help but admire how pretty it is. Like on autopilot you continue to trace inwards towards the centre of her chest, feeling the texture change and morph as your fingers glide over old, long since healed wounds. Your roommates weight shifts slightly beneath you, breaking your concentration. You look up and realise how far you’re leaning forward, how close your face is to hers, how you can feel the heat between you. Your eyes meet for a brief moment as a deep warmth spreads though your cheeks, almost certainly turning bright red.

“Ah I- uh I’m sorry.” You managed to say in a panic as you back away from her into the couch. “I’ll just um...I’ll uh, I should be getting to bed.”

Continuing to mutter “sorry” under your breath you quickly push up off the couch and hurry towards your room, desperately avoiding eye contact. You push through the door and dive onto the bed, groaning into your pillow “fuck fuck fuck fuck.” Desperately hoping you can fall asleep and forget about the last ten minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flipping your pillow and rolling over for the hundredth time you let out a frustrated groan. You’ve lost track of how long you’ve been trying to get to sleep. Sitting up, you pull your knees towards your chest, the night light on your desk filling the room with its gentle glow. The colour almost identical to the lighting of the hardware you had in your cockpit, the familiar feeling of being safely encased in 50 tonnes of steel and weaponry never fails to ground you after a particularly bad nightmare. Your roommate spent days helping you find the right one, one that mimicked your mech as closely as you could get. You can’t help but smile as you remember how determined she was to find the right one, even after you protested, not wanting her to waste her time on something so stupid. Something shifts at the corner of your vision, you quickly turn your head around to see a figure move just beyond the entrance to your room.

“Hey um...are you up?” Your roommates voice calls gently out from over the threshold.

Instantly the rising panic inside you vanishes. “Y-yea, you ok?” You call back, concern now growing to replace the panic.

“Yea I’m fine I just...I don’t wanna be alone tonight, I think…” Her voice wavering slightly.

Your roommate takes a hesitant step into the purple glow of your room. An oversized baggy shirt covers most of her body, and you immediately recognise it as the one she wears whenever she’d rather not be reminded of it. You show her a smile and pat the bed next to you, leaning back against the wall behind you. Her shoulders relax and quickly she hops over onto the bed, leaning against the wall behind you, her head quickly finding comfort on your shoulder after a few subtle nuzzles. Both of you sit in silence, a safe comfort falling over the room, the only noise filling the space is soft, relaxed breathing.

“Thanks for calming me down earlier.” your roommate whispers, breaking the silence.

A small chuckle escapes your mouth as you lift your head and take your eyes off the ceiling to look at her. “Of course, I mean after everything you-”

The sentence is cut off by a hand on your cheek, swiftly followed by lips against yours. Your roommate pulls you into a shy but passionate kiss, your body frozen against hers. It takes you a moment to reciprocate, falling into a gentle rhythm mirroring her movements, the room melting away around you as you give in to your feelings. Your body feels on fire and you want more. You take her tongue dancing at the edge of your lips as a sign that she does as well, opening your mouth and deepening the kiss as you shift your weight onto her lap, your arms wrapping over her shoulders, pulling her into you more and more with each passing second. Your roommate slides down the wall, her form sinking into the bed, your body now completely on top of her, your thighs squeezing her hips, your arms finding a home beside her as your tongues continue to fight for dominance.

Finally one of you breaks the kiss, you’re not sure who as both of you are left panting, faces just inches apart. Both of you stay there for a while, your body hovering above hers, regaining your composure. A flash of fear shoots across your roommates face after a moment, her eyes darting across the both of you, as if noticing the situation for the first time.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” She blurts out, her voice filled with panic.

“...What?” The word escapes you before you can fully process what she meant.

“I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me I’ll...I’ll leave. I’m sorry.” her eyes desperately avoiding yours as she tries to move out from under you.

Finally able to get a grasp on what she’s saying you sit up into her lap and push your hands down on her shoulders, pinning her to the bed. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I just I...I can’t do this to you. I need to go.” She wiggles slightly under you in an attempt to free herself, you barely budge as she moves but you know if she really wanted to she could throw you across the room with one hand.

“Do what to me? Please stop, just talk to me.” You plead with her, you’ve never seen her like this before.

“I...we just can’t.” Her movements slowing but her gaze still looking anywhere but at you.

“Please just talk to me, I know we both felt that, I think we’ve both wanted to do that for a long time now, but then suddenly you can’t wait to get away?” You’re trying as hard as you can to stay calm but you can’t help but let your anxieties and frustrations creep into your voice. “And you won’t even talk to me? Please just...what’s going on?”

“Because I’ll die!” She yells back at you, finally turning to look you in the eyes, tears forming fast on her face.

Her voice instantly pierces through your frustration, the anger in your system draining as you release her shoulders and sit up, resting back on her thighs, unable to vocalise a response.

Your roommate continues, anger and fear still equally present in her voice. “I’ve barely got three fucking years left and only half of those will be good, this fucking arm will take me and it’s going to fucking hurt the whole time. I’m ready to take that, I know I cant escape it… But the least I can do is keep you away, you don't deserve one second of that pain and...it’s not fair, you deserve more than the fleeting moments of pain and misery I can give you.”

Her words hit you hard, reverberating in your head as you sit there, frozen, unable to find the response you need.

“It’s not worth it, lets just forget about tonight...I’m sorry.” the words weakly escape her mouth.

“No.” you finally managed to speak, barely a whisper.

“W-what?”

“No.” you say, louder this time, finding your voice again. “That’s bullshit, you don’t get to make that decision, to take that from me. You think I don’t understand? They had me piloting machines since I was six years old, they put me through so much... my body was destroying itself so fast... it made them uncomfortable! The same people that took a child from her home to fight a fucking war! God fucking knows how much time I have left, how irreversibly damaged I am. And after everything I had to deal with I finally find someone that actually gives a shit about me? Someone willing to save me from the edge of self destruction and she’s somehow “too damaged” for me? No. You don’t get to save me and then walk away after all that. That’s not what I want and I sure as hell know that’s not what you want. Don’t let those cunts get away with taking everything from you, fight back!”

You voice falters and something catches in your throat forcing you to pause. Your roommate still under you, her body completely still apart from the hastened rising and falling of her chest. All the anger and fear vanished from her face, replaced by an emotion you can’t quite place. Seeing her under you again softens your rage, you force yourself to take a deep breath.

“These last few years have been the best in my life. You’ve saved me from more than you could ever know. I’m sorry I can’t return the favour...but I won’t let you throw this away.” Your voice turns to a whisper as you lower yourself down and place your head on her chest, listening to the sound of her heart.

You pause for a response but none comes. You take another deep breath as you turn to look up at her from your new position, your voice barely a whisper now. “I’m already going to lose you, don’t make me lose you twice.”

Looking down at you with tears still filling her eyes you watch as she tries and fails to formulate a response. “I...I...um, b-but I-”

You sit up slightly, moving your face to be just above hers, your bodies almost back to where you started. “Don’t say anything, please just...please just kiss me.”

A moment of hesitation lingers as you meet each others gazes. The pause feeling like eternity, until finally she covers the distance between you, her lips meeting yours once more. The kiss slow and gentle but with the weight of everything you just said behind it. Warmth spreads throughout your body once more. Instead of a burning fire of lust and pleasure, it’s much more subtle and warm, spreading to every corner of your being.

It’s not long before the pace quickens, your roommate shifting under you, working her thigh in between yours and pressing it gently into you. A small moan escapes your lips and into hers as the light pressure sends a shudder through your body. You welcome the touch, pressing your hips down onto her thigh. She takes your signal and grinds her thigh up into you with more intent, your face flush at the sensation. These feelings familiar to you but alien at the same time, the pleasure centres of your brain working overtime to process everything, the feeling not too dissimilar to the first times piloting a machine. Your roommates hands start to move around your body, the warmth of her biohand gently dancing at the hem of your shirt, playfully threatening to slide under it. The cool metal of her other hand gently pushing its way through the hair at the back of your neck, her fingers gently playing with the data ports lining your spine. As the metal of her fingers makes contact with the ports in your neck, your body buckles. Your arms barely catch yourself as you let out a pathetically wet whimper at the hot burning sensation of your nerves on fire.

You manage to regain enough control to look down at your roommates face, her expression full of lust and her eyes begging you for more. “Can I?” she whispers, her fingers still playing at the edges of your ports.

“Please.” you manage to whimper out at her before burying your face into her neck, in a desperate attempt to hide your moans.

Your roommate wraps her arm around your waist, sitting up and pulling your body into hers all in one fluid motion. Both of you now upright with you in her lap, her arm keeping your bodies pressed together, her hot breath on your ear.

“My pretty pilot.”

She takes her hand and places the flat metal palm against the back of your neck. A slight click sounds as you feel multiple connection tendrils slither out from their compartment and onto your skin. They feel around for a moment before finding their desired targets, each of them slowly moving to fill your ports, one after another they clunk and click into place. A feeling you haven't felt for too long, your thoughts race as they interface with you, locking into you. Your brain floods with a host of chemicals, some synthetic and some organic; the pleasure is overwhelming. You cling hard to your roommates back, your nails digging into her skin as you remember how to handle the overload of sensory inputs. Reality seems to bend and shift slightly as a whole new stream of data is suddenly jacked into your nervous system. Your thoughts and feelings mixing with your roommates in a delicate dance, her arm is a crude replacement for what you’d need to fully drift with another person, but its connections are enough to give you a small taste of what its like, her emotions and thoughts dancing around in the peripheries of your brain.

Before you can get too lost in your minds you feel your roommates free hand weave its way between the two of you, her arm sneaking its way under your shirt and climbing up towards your chest, her palm coming to rest at your breast, eliciting another small moan from you. She starts to gently trail kisses up your neck before squeezing your chest hard, the pain surging through your body to mix with the myriad of other signals, the feedback shooting through your body and into hers, a grunt coming from her as she clearly felt part of what she’d done to you.

“Just making sure it works.” she whispers into your ear before gently biting your ear, her voice shaky now.

Continuing to leave gentle kisses and nibbles on your neck, her hand begins to move down your stomach, her fingers tracing patterns as she goes, the light touch driving you wild with anticipation as you try with all your might not to whimper again. Finally her fingers meet the edge of your panties, they gently dance and play with the seam, her lips smiling against your neck as she does.

“Pleaseeeeee.” You groan at her teasing.

As if waiting for you to ask she finally dips her hand into your panties, her fingers finding the small puddle you’ve been making for the last few minutes.

“Fuck you’re so wet for me, does my pilot need it that bad?”

Another whimper forces its way out of your body, unable to stop it. You can barely form words as you whine into her shoulder, the anticipation from both of you forcing any words from your mind. Her hand starts to move back and forth slowly against you, your excitement providing more than enough lube. The warmth of her hand against you like lighting, the pleasure pulsing up through your entire body. You can’t help but buck into her movements. She matches speed with you, providing the perfect resistance for you to grind desperately into, eliciting more and more whimpered sounds from deep within you. The sensations swarming your mind are almost too much to bare, you can feel every touch of her fingers, every inch of her body pressed against yours, every little twitch and spasm of your muscles. It all mixes and dances together along with everything she feels. You can feel the weight of a body in your lap, nails digging into your back, hips bucking into your hand. You fall deeper and deeper into the vast expanse of pleasure and pain and love and care, everything building together like a tidal wave on the edge of an abyss.

“Cum for us.” are the last words you hear as teeth bite hard into your neck.

You feel everything at once, every pain, every pleasure, every moment of fun and joy and misery and hurt all at once flooding your body. You feel the pain in your arm and ringing in your ears. You feel the stomach acid in your throat as you throw up after a flight. You feel the pain in your voice as the doctors tell you how much time you have left. You feel the agony inside you as yet another household refuses to feed you. You feel the love deep inside you as you fall asleep on the couch with your roommate. You feel pride and pure joy as you find the perfect night light in just the right shade of purple. You cant stop feeling, every memory flooding you with an impossible amount of sensation until everything collapses down on you all at once.

Your eyes flutter open and you feel warmth beneath you, without even needing to look you know where you are. The warm embrace of your roommate surrounds you, her gentle breathing fills your ears as your head rises and falls in time with it. With all the energy you can muster you glance up towards her, catching her eyes staring back down at you. Both of you now laying across your bed, the blankets pulled up over you. You smile up at her before nuzzling back into her chest, leaving a small kiss as you rub your face into her. You almost drift off to sleep as you feel another hand join the one behind your neck.

“Wait.” you managed to mutter, you voice full of exhaustion. “Not yet?” you plead.

“How could I say no to that?” Her voice filling you with warmth.

“I just wanna be us for a lil while longer.” You whisper.

You hear her voice echo into the room once more but its too quiet to make out, you smile to yourself, not needing to hear it to know what was said, you already feel it all around you, you’ve felt it for a long time now.

“I love you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

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