emodirtchild

[emodirtchild]

great cover of The Spinners

[emodirtchild]

been feeling extremely deprived of energy the past two days. i’m sure it has something to do with the amount of time i’ve been spending on the computer while laying at a 115 degree angle, i think thats the degree? i keep falling asleep watching russian hack videos or something about nuclear mining. you know the stuff that makes you fall asleep. i’ve been reading a lot of other peoples blogs recently. it has given me motivation to write more but i feel like i am pretty bad at writing in terms of grammer and editing...the stupid shit no one cares about excepts cops. ugh... i took some d-3 and b12 today but it doesnt seem to have done anything, i thought vitamins were suppose to work right away! i had therapy and had resistance to affirmation work. I forgot to run my theory by my therapist, the theory that people who take selfies obsessively are still in mirror stage infancy development....i think its kind of funny 

[emodirtchild]

[emodirtchild]

i want drugs

[emodirtchild]

pete called me big girl and i dont like it!!!!!!

[emodirtchild]

made a cake at work for someones birthday and my friend came back from the club with chocolate cake and turned out to be the same one that i made

later im going to go hang out with someone who actually matches my dry sense of humor so when we hang out its kind of scary but i enjoy it. sometimes though it feels like i am just interacting with myself in some kind of weird reality. i like it...the narcissist in me likes it. i wonder what it would be like to fight with him...actually not that bad, we’d both just be crying and not communicating (if it really was a replicant of myself). i dont like fighting i just end up wanting to die in a little ball...i have become really good at admitting my wrongs, but i dont think ive ever been stubborn about being wrong. if someone says i am wrong im like okay im wrong thats fine... sorry you feel that way, sorry i hurt you. i guess im an apologist. all the events in my life formed when i was first a child now have made me an apologist. someone needs to apologize i suppose. thats why my last relationship didnt work out. because i always had to take the blame because he could never take responsibility for his actions. 

not that i blame myself for a lot of the shit that went down...i think i was actually pretty right for most of it.....

this cake i made at work is really really good. i think i am going to start a new job as a baker there. im too slow to work on the line but thats okay i know i am a broken robot....actually broken AI robot. I think too much and work too little. I think thats okay..working a lot does help limit my cyclic thinking which can be a relief most of the time. I go into robot mode. But then back to AI.

[emodirtchild]

I should get a promotion for shitting the most in the bathroom at work

[emodirtchild]

Hey I just wanna say I hate rape and abuse apologists

Go fucking die u consciousless bitch

[emodirtchild]

[emodirtchild]

Ok I have paradoxical effects from klonopin and everything makes sense now...I took 1 mg today for the first time in months and now I am wide awake and kind of manic...I literally just filled out my calendar for the next couple months and made a to do list and I’m seriously contemplating writing some proposals rn while I have the energy and drive to do it because I’m not sure this is gonna happen again...I mean it could I’m just not sure if I want to start using again...but literally everything makes sense also I had really salty Thai food for dinner and it sucks haha...but whatever I think I’m gonna go smoke a cigarette outside and then hopefully I can go to bed....maybe take another kpin ugh fuck this stupid miracle hell drug

[emodirtchild]

So manic

[emodirtchild]

Ok dj play the song where you respect me

[emodirtchild]

Ok respect me dj

[emodirtchild]

I want to smoke weed and be angry

[emodirtchild]

Fuck dj

[emodirtchild]

My dj boyfriend called me a groupie I’m going to kill him

[emodirtchild]