emilyannnoble

[emilyannnoble]

Being sick can take a toll on anyone. Whether it be a head cold, an infection or something more severe, it can take you down quick. The last couple of months I’ve been struggling to write. I was lacking energy, time and my health was struggling. Now, nothing super intense was going on but the prolonged weeks of feeling ill, losing my voice and not being able to give 100% to activities in my life was making me frustrated. Ever since I moved to California it seems I couldn’t catch a break. One week it’s the flu and the next a sinus infection. Things that I love like working out were getting much harder for me because my immune system just could not fight back enough. As I reflected on all of this I recognized how much my being sick takes a spiritual and emotional toll on my body. Then I began to wonder if the reason why I’ve not felt well had less to do with my immune system and was more of a spiritual attack.

I moved to California 9 months ago by God’s call on my life. As soon as that decision was made my health took a quick turn. Typing this now it would make sense. God called me here with great plans for me that would prosper me not harm me. But the enemy would know how much work I could do for the Kingdom of heaven if I’m fully healthy. Now on a broader scope, what is it that you’re currently facing that the enemy is throwing at you to keep you from fulfilling your God-given potential? Undealt with guilt, shame, sin, or even heartbreak can cause us to live in a place that hinders us from reaching our maximum capacity and ability to reach others. Well, there is really great news for all of us and it’s that we do not have to live in those spaces. God did not intend for us to live life sick in bed or weighed down by past or present hurts. We were not made to sit on our hands waiting or to be too ashamed to share our faults with others. We were made to be light bearers in a dark world. A city on a hill. We were made to love God and share the abundance of that love with others.

In Christ, the enemy has no authority over you. You get to literally tell the devil not today and proclaim to him where you stand in the lineage of Christ. You are not bound down or meant to live your life in fear that bad things are going to happen. Because let’s face it: bad things happen. But you, friend do not have to fall victim to the lies the enemy has been speaking to you. You can have peace that surpasses all understanding, love at its fullest, life in abundance without fear of the future. Whatever it is that is holding you back from being exactly who you are meant to be does not get the last say on your life. Your heartbreak will heal, your addiction can be broken, your downfalls and slip ups can be forgiven. You were made to be a thriving garden full of life and wonder. If you need help reaching your full potential, invite people in to help you tend to your garden. To true friends, helping you will not be a burden, especially if that means helping you heal so that you can prove the enemy wrong. So that you can show him that his authority cannot reign in your life. So that you can begin to do things for the Kingdom of God and include everyone in on this rich life that we get to live with Him.

Your garden is coming together nicely, my friend.

[emilyannnoble]

27

i’m gonna keep this post short and sweet. i thought back over my year and all of the ups, downs and in betweens. from washington to california, stomach pain to homesickness, new memories made and old memories shared. what i learned most was how to suffer well.

all my life i’ve suffered. different than you have but i’ve endured solely because of the strength of the lord. my hardships are not what made this year so unique. it was the joy i found in jesus through them, the grace he offered for every swear word and tear shed. the love he continuously poured out on me when i did not understand. the suffering i endured with a smile on my face and the comfort, the community and the life i left to begin a new chapter.

im richly abunbdant in new flourishing friendships, community and spaces and have maintained the same forever friends since i left home. 26 taught me that longsuffering, pruning weeding and hard to get out of bed days don’t mean your garden stops growing.

you still get to blossom while your weeds are getting pulled.

that’s just life and the reality for you and me. i’m so grateful for every kind word spoken or written towards me today. more grateful for a god that has carried me and stuck so close through all of these major transitions. 26 was a whirlwind and absolutely nothing that i expected it would be, but as god would have, everything that i needed it to be.

i wouldn’t change a day of it even if i got the chance.

so, here’s to my garden.

here is to 27!

[emilyannnoble]

maddie

Some friends come and go in your life but others stay. If you’re really lucky you’ll meet a friend like this friend that I have. She’s bold and she’s kind. She knows exactly who she is. Brilliant and always malleable when she learns. Quick to listen and to apologize. She stands up and listens well to the hurting and has deep empathy for the people in her life that she loves. Hospitality is her second nature and she always invites you in with a warm hug and a place to sit on her couch or at her table. Now, you’re probably thinking a friend like this doesn’t exist. If you don’t believe me, just keep reading to see what these other friends think about her:

Julie says, “Fav things about Maddie: Her generous heart and giving spirit, the intentionality behind each things she does, her resiliency and ability to bounce back when things come her way.”

Peri says, “Maddie is a bold leader. She gently speaks her mind and is really good at gently speaking truth over the people that she loves. She’s the best encourager. She loves the Lord and knows His Word so well. She is a great communicator, friend, daughter and follower of Jesus. Maddie is brave and takes a stand even when it’s hard. She is beautiful, talented and called to do things that no one else is called to do. She is eloquent with her words and doesn’t waste any. She says what she needs to--no more, no less. She makes hard decisions and works well under pressure. Her joy is contagious. She leads with love. Her values and beliefs are unwavering and she is eager to share what she is learning. I love that so much about her.”

Taylor says, “Maddie is… 1. An intentional learner; she dives deep into the Bible, others and herself. 2. Confident; in the way God has worked through her story. 3. Knows how to lift others up when they feel stuck inside themselves. 4. Has the best laugh and is quick with her humor. 5. Knows her boundaries, what fills her up and what drains her tank. 6. Quick to encourage, thank and care for others.”

Ashley says, “Her hardworking nature, her eye for beauty and her ability to have deep quality friendships.”

Aimee says, “I love how honest and transparent she is. She always keeps it real and is one of the most self aware people I know. She has an infectious laugh and is a really good and loyal friend! I love how she always thinks how God can use her in any situation she faces and how strong of a woman of God she is!”

Valerie says, “She’s been such a kind a gracious friend to me. Knowing her has allowed me to be vulnerable by creating a safe environment within our group. I admire her passion and appreciate her encouraging ways, she’s always very supportive of everyone, myself included. I hope to continue our friendship for many years to come.”

Victoria says, “Bold. Intuitive. Inspirational. Reliable. Gifted. Unwavering. Passionate. Genuine. Driven. Stunning. These are just a few of my favorite characteristics. I can’t thank her enough for the times that she has been there for me. For the love she has shown me in times where I was hurting, for the excitement she has shared with me over my successes, and for so much more… she is truly a gift. Thank you, Maddie and happy birthday.”

Ivan says, “Favorite characteristics about Maddie: Creativity. Ability to come up with innovative ideas. (Brutal) honesty lol. Kindness. Great speaker. Great writer. How well she develops close/deep relationships. Her high capacity to learn. Her deep desire to get to know Jesus better. Despite being hurt really bad in the past she actively makes the decision to unconditionally love those around her. She’s courageous. She’s intentional about developing the talents that God’s given her. Integrity. Generosity.”

Tracy says, “Maddie is very intentional. Sees the best in people. Intelligent. A giving friend. Generous. Honest. Real!! Eager to learn and grow. Feels big.”

Lisa says, “I love her compassion, tender heart and discernment. I think she’s amazing with the hurting & broken because she’s able to be in the pain with them without trying to fix them or the circumstance. I appreciate how she’s learned self care, which is a necessary trait for adulting! She has and continues to grow into this incredible human I get to call my daughter.”

Dave says, “I love Maddie’s character; honest to the core, gracious, and compassionate. She has a wicked sly sense of humor yet loves the simple, cute, and delicate things in life. She is one of the most caring and empathetic people I know. It is such a privilege to have Maddie as a daughter, and a gift for her to call me her dad.”

From all of us to you: happy birthday Maddie! you are so loved. Cheers to 24 and your garden continuing to bloom!

[emilyannnoble]

love

“A healthy spirit conquers adversity, but what can you do when the spirit is crushed?” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:14‬ ‭MSG

‬‬Disappointment, failure, unmet expectations… we’re all subject to these things. I know recently I’ve dealt with it myself. Now, usually we recognize these things in our jobs, but what happens when we are met by these things in a relationship? How do we respond when a relationship does not turn out the way we had imagined? Given my tendency to daydream about the future, accomplishments I might make and my hopefulness for all the good things God has for me, I can get really downcast when my current relationships aren’t panning out the way I’d hoped.

When it comes to romantic relationships and love and situations don’t go right… who do we turn to? Who is our strong tower when we love someone and have to let them go? How do we remind our hearts that Jesus is our cornerstone? Our refuge? Love is such a deep emotion. When you genuinely care for someone and want the best for them and then they break your heart, it’s hard not to think of that pain. In that it may be hard to believe that God is near, that Jesus loves you deeply, that the Holy Spirit is close and that your friends will want to help you. Let me tell you something and you must remember it: you are not a burden. Say it out loud, “I am not a burden.” Isolation with heartbreak is a heavy place to be and you do not deserve to reside there. Feel your pain, acknowledge it, express it to God through prayer, tell your friends and then repeat the next day.

Relationships are so important and they take proper care to nourish. Just like your garden you’ve been pruning, watering and weeding. Sometimes we plant something and it just doesn’t thrive in that environment. We accept a relationship, we want it, it looks beautiful, but it’s impossible to maintain in the wrong environment without depleting yourself of time, energy and caring for the rest of the relationships in your life. It’s a hard realization to come to that you need to end a relationship or that your shouldn’t be pursuing it.

Though it’ll be hard, without sacrificing the rest of you for a relationship that won’t work, friends will come to lift your spirits, the Holy Spirit will fill you with peace surpassing all understanding and God will be closer to you and your broken heart than ever. Give it time. If we feel that God is upset with us for prioritizing our relationship over him, another reminder, he is not. He is quick like the story of the father running to the prodigal son. He is seen in this passage from Hosea 2:14-15, ““And now, here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to start all over again. I’m taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date, and I’ll court her. I’ll give her bouquets of roses. I’ll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope.” He’ll start over with you as many times as it takes. Our god is slow to anger, full of grace and redemption for the humble heart.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34:18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭147:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We don’t have to walk alone in life because we certainly were not meant to. When it comes to love and relationships, people might come and go but one thing is for sure--the love of our God for us is never-ending for you. You will fall in love again, you will be seen and loved the way you deserve. Your garden will flourish when you trust God with the uncertainties of life and maintain with diligence what you can. There’s no stopping your garden from becoming even more beautiful, my friend.

[emilyannnoble]

don't take yourself too seriously

“But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don’t take yourself too seriously---take God seriously.” Micah 6:8

Whether it's about overthinking, how I see myself, or how I present myself, I have days where I take myself way too seriously. Where I’m using my talents to show off or make myself feel good. This can lead to more days that I’m definitely not taking God seriously enough. Now I don’t think that I’m alone in this either but it can be draining. So what can we do to live in a way that is more God-focused?

Another way of looking at not taking yourself too seriously is to act and walk humbly. Humbleness being: in a way that shows or suggest a low estimate of one’s importance. What we have to offer, what we are talented and graced to do has very little to do with us and very much to do with God. I had a situation a while ago where I had to have a conversation with someone. “God I can do this now! I don’t need to wait. They need to hear what I have to say and what I’m feeling!” For the most part, I am good with my words, a gift of sorts I’ve received from God, and knew that I could say whatever it would take to make this situation happen. But I was not involving God in this. As the days passed, I realized I could never seem to catch this person to talk. “What Gives God?” Truth is, God just wanted the in on my plans and the ability to change my heart towards this situation. The conversation I had planned for that week, He set up to have happen later. So I waited, prayed and let Him take the reins. When the conversation happened, I knew the Holy Spirit was with me and I had gained full confidence in God and knew that through Him this conversation would be more fruitful than it would’ve been if I had taken it on myself. There was huge relief in this.

Relief comes from handing over our busy, our talents, our plans to God and trusting in His goodness. Relief comes from giving up our “I can do it myself” and inviting God into our weakness. Relief comes from rest and time well spent in the presence of Jesus. Relief comes from taking God at his word, taking him seriously and spending less time taking ourselves too seriously. Apart from him we can’t do much. But with Him, what amazing things could we see him do in our lives?

Keep on sprouting my friends.

[emilyannnoble]

it’s okay not to be okay.

When we’re growing up we’re often told that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness. That authenticity is wrong and that confrontation is really bad. That in these things we should just suck it up and move on instead of engaging in deeper more meaningful relationships.. Functioning in today’s society, we see the over-sharers and the under-sharers and we get lost in the balance of how much information to give out and to who. Who can we trust? Who can we talk to? Maybe the even harder question of “who will still really love me if they really know me?” That fear keeps us from expressing our feelings and thoughts because to be vulnerable and to let someone in is tough. When we’ve had broken relationships and been abused by others in our pasts, vulnerability seems impossible.I feel your struggle. I’ve had my own, especially in the realm of dating and being used by guys who just didn’t seem to like who I was. Closing myself off to friends, family and unfortunately, to God.

Acknowledging we’re not okay is the first step in healing. Sometimes, that step takes longer to get around to. Or maybe we notice it but think that we are too broken, too messy and too corrupt for even the love of Jesus. That are ways and our masks and the lies we hide need not be spoken about but brushed under the rug. We don’t make much progress though when we hide who we are and what we’re currently limping in life through.

Today, I am here to reassure you that your not being okay-ness is actually super okay. Jesus never said you had to have everything figured out before you came to him. God didn’t call you to do great things for his kingdom because he thought you were perfect. The reality of the gospel is that Jesus loves you exactly as you are. You’re exactly who he died for. Your life matters. Your waking up, going to bed and everything in between matter to him.

So if you’re feeling broken and unloveable and really just not okay, could I encourage you to find one friend to talk to? To gain the courage to see a therapist even if it’s just once a month? To ask God to comfort your heart and remind you that being fragile is okay? His strength comes through our weakness and his spirit is our helper in our present troubles. I took on all these steps for myself and have engaged in more meaningful relationships with friends and continue to deepen my relationship with God. Though, I am far from perfect as are we all, through our hurting we can learn true authenticity if we ask God to help us. We can learn to trust, discern and share our feelings and concerns, our traumas and our fears with people who really care and want to be a part of our lives.

It’s not the end for you. You are not too much or too little. You are not too broken to be loved. You really do matter and your God-given purpose can only be lived out through you. Your soil might be getting tilled, the weeds roots might be deep and  sting on their way out, but your soil is refreshed. Your garden is underway. Budding, blooming and growing. Authenticity, vulnerability and freedom look really good on you, friend.

[emilyannnoble]

you either love it or hate it: confrontation

Have you ever been in a situation that involved a roommate leaving their dishes in the sink for days and it frustrated you? Maybe a miscommunication with a friend that made you feel angry, lost, or irritated? How about an opinion that you didn’t understand or that simply caught you off guard? There’s no way that in your lifetime you have not been involved with conflict or the opportunity to have a hard conversation. Truthfully, many of us probably tend to hide our true feelings in order to keep peace or a relationship. Some people love confrontation but from what I’ve noticed, more people dislike it. In fact, most people can’t handle the anxiety it brings and completely ignore the need for confrontation in their lives. Don’t get me wrong, I’m here in the same boat as most of you, but recently I’ve been learning to jump into the harder conversations. Can I be extremely honest? Though they’ve scared me, they have actually helped create peace in my relationships and have begun the work of deepening them as well.

There’s no magic cure to getting over your anxiety about confrontation than just having the actual conversations. I’ve been looking into the reasons why the need for confrontation is important by asking these questions:

Were my expectations met?

Am I hurt because of misunderstanding?

Am I hurt because I’m wrong?

Asking yourself these questions will help you understand the reason you were offended, upset or confused. Once you figure out the issue you can start to build factual evidence for whatever mistake was made or for the wrong you made. If it doesn’t feel like a valid reason to be upset and it’s not worth having a conversation about, then it’s probably better to ask God to help bring peace and to find the deeper issue for your discomfort.

If you find yourself in the space that the conversation needs to happen and you’re angry, I would propose praying and asking God to help you through that emotion so you can gain wisdom and find the real reason you were upset. If you hoard your anger there’s a better chance you will blow up at someone later because of many little things or one disagreement. That moment can be exactly what derails the relationship and cause heartbreak, bitterness, and a bad attitude.

Here are some practical steps you can take to overcoming your fear of conversation and start having healthy conversations!

LAMENT: a passionate expression of grief or sorrow. With this step, begin telling God your problems. What better source to give our burdens and frustrations to than HIm?

RESILIENCE: the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. Now, I think for me personally this is the biggest reason I have hated having hard conversations. Without resilience I believe that there is no way to get rid of the fear that, “If this ends poorly, this person will no longer want to be in my life.” Can you also relate to this fear? That preemptive thought leaves me believing that there is not room for a mutually-satisfying resolution. A friend of mine told me this when I was asking about advice on confrontation, “When confronted the right way, it shows that someone cares about our relationship enough to fix it.” What’s great about confrontation is the fact that more than likely if you come ready and resilient for the possibility that things could end on a rough note, that you will actually end up well pleased with the end result. You also must come mentally prepared and make a non-emotional fact-based response. Remind yourself of the benefits of confrontation:

It releases you from the burden of the situation.

It builds a culture of honesty within a relationship.

It deepens the relationship.

CONFRONTATION: argumentative meeting or situation. The moment has come and it’s time to meet with the person you need to have a conversation with. Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:15 how to go about confrontation, “If your fellow believer sins against you, you must go to that one privately and attempt to resolve the matter. If he responds, your relationship is restored.” When we set ourselves up to believe that there is a possibility of a mutually-satisfying resolution, it helps remind us that this conversation will be more helpful than harmful. Remember your points and leave the floor open for discussion, questions or anything else from the other person. Really listen to what they have to say and ask questions that help you understand rather than become irritated. Jesus also tells us, “But if his heart is closed to you, then go to him again, taking one or two others with you. You’ll be fulfilling what the Scripture teaches when it says, ‘Every word may be verified by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’” in Matthew 18:16. If you feel that it is necessary, bring in friends and wise counsel that you trust to help you handle this conflict.

RELIEF: a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety. This is the moment you take a breath and thank God for the opportunity you had to resolve the issue you had with your person. This is the more probable outcome from facing your fears and confronting an issue head on rather than waiting. If the conversation didn't end how you had hoped, consider expressing that to God as well and praying for the resilience again to move on and recover quickly.

These are practical steps I’ve learned and seen from small conflicts in my life over the last year. I now know and understand that fleeing makes it worse, bad news doesn’t get better with time, and it’s worth risking a relationship for the sake of truth. Ephesians 4:15 says, “But instead we will remain strong and always sincere in our love as we express the truth.” When we speak the truth in love, we can begin to cultivate deeper relationships with the people in our lives. Another thing I was recently convicted of is perfect wording can be a cover for procrastination. Saying, “I can’t speak to them until I have the right words.” but in reality that hurts the situation more the longer you wait. I do believe it’s good to ask for wisdom and the right words to say, but waiting too long can be more harmful and catch the person off-guard later resulting in a negative resolution.

Before entering conflict I’m also reminded that I must be humble. To be humbled when I’m wrong and being taught and being humble when I am right. Confrontation can be a good opportunity to teach, learn or understand better. Here’s some helpful advice I received to share with you guys about different thoughts on confrontation:

“It depends on who it’s with. I’ve had no problem heading into a conflict with someone even if I knew how they would respond based on their personality or previous important discussions. But when you gotta talk about something, you GOTTA talk about it otherwise it’ll grow into something huge that’ll take much for effort, worry and time out of your life than it would have when it was new and manageable.”

“I hate failing. Hate it. Confrontation to me means I failed someone. That’s my initial instinct. I can’t confront someone because my fear is that they’ll come back at me with something I may have done wrong to them. “

“I’m learning the right tools to navigate confrontation in healthy ways despite heightened emotions, fear, etc. Definitely takes the Holy Spirit.”

“Nothing feels better than breathing in clean air. Meaning truth and honesty always have an opportunity to bring forth greater understanding, freedom, and intimacy. It feels so much better than battling assumptions in your head or being misinterpreted. I used to hate it but now I love it! Little by little.”

Can you relate to any of these responses on confrontation? I love that my friend said, “Little by little.” Start small with confrontation in certain situations in your life. Whether that be a small dispute about dishes, toilet paper rolls or parking spaces. It might not make the initial feeling going into a really deep conflict easier but it will definitely help you navigate your way through the situation, remember to leave space for the other person to talk and have a humble heart ready to understand.

Today, wherever you’re at I hope that you would continue to seek God and ask him for help and that by reading this post you are encouraged to do so! Also, that you might be encouraged to step into harder conversations for the sake of truth in love. As you do, man oh man, will you continue to grow. Keep on blooming my friends. Your gardens look really good.

[emilyannnoble]

awkward dates

To keep things fresh and a little awkward, I decided what better topic to bring up than dating? Dating is cool and all until well… it’s not. So this week I asked friends to tell me their most awkward dating stories and moments. As I read through them I couldn’t help but laugh out loud and cringe at others. After I share these 8 stories, I will share my own which I believe is one of the most awkward dating stories I know. Not to boast because who wants that title? Without further ado, here are the stories:

1. “So here’s the context, I’m a senior in High School, and I’ve been seeing/talking to this girl on and off for about a year. (We were also close friends.) During one of our “on” times she decides to treat me for a date on my 18th birthday. She planned a whole elaborate thing with my mom where my mom called me before I left for school and said, “Hey, come to my office. You’re skipping school to come get your teeth cleaned. It’s the only time I could fit you in.” So I was like, “I’m down.” I got to my mom’s office and BOOM. The girl was there. I was confused when they both started laughing. They had gone in together to buy me and her tickets to Six Flags and we were going to be leaving right then. I had never been to Six Flags but I’m a HUGE rollercoaster fan and they both knew I had always wanted to go. It was a very thoughtful gift. We drive down, we’re having a good time, we park, and are walking up to the entrance losing our minds. The she’s like, “Oh hey, by the way I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” and proceeds to break up/friend zone me while waiting in line At Six Flags. We spent the whole day together at Six Flags now broken up. So uncomfy.”

2. “It’s our first date. We’re at Skagit Speedway for Sprint Car Racing. We were sitting in the smoking section talking to family friends when he has an asthma attack. We have to rush out and ended up having to take my dad home because he wasn’t good to drive. We found my dad peeing in the bushes after losing him for a half an hour all after two old guys had caught us making out. We ended up dating for a year.”

3. “I had a guy take me to this little concert venue for some live music which I was super excited about! When we got there we went to the bar, got a drink and then all of a sudden he goes, “Hey, wait here for a bit. My friends from work are here and I’m gonna hangout with them.” So he just left me there alone while I could see him on the other side of the room hanging with his friends! He left me there for over 30 minutes so I went up to the bar and a guy asked me if he could buy me a drink, so I let him!”

4. “He ended up only talking about himself the whole time and told me about his future cat names and how he has plans about a specific house to get for his future cats. While dissing on having kids. He didn’t pay for my coffee either. At the end he said he had a great time and wanted to get to know me better and go on a second date.”

5. “One time me and a guy went to Chick-Fil-A before seeing a movie as a first date. (We had been friends for a bit so we wanted to keep it casual.) He stole the flowers out of the vases on every table at Chick-Fil-A and presented them to me as a romantic gesture and I made him go back inside and put them back because I thought it was rude to steal flowers from a restaurant.”

6. “Tinder date: agreed to go to see Paranormal Activity which was a huge mistake already since I cannot stand horror films. Seriously. 20 minutes into the movie I’ve already jumped a couple of times and she’s basically laughing at me. Someone starts hiccuping really loud, which was funny at first but it kept on going. It is loud, like they’re at the front of the theater and we can hear it from the back. Eventually there’s a commotion and people start standing up and yelling to stop the movie. Apparently this person that was having a bad case of the hiccups was actually passed out from drinking way too much. Paramedics arrived and we were all moved out of the theater. Obviously this kind of emergency usually kills the night, but me being oblivious to that fact, decides to go for a kiss after I drop her off. She cheeks me. Queue the fastest goodbye ever and me basically speeding to get away from all this. But hey, I got a free movie ticket.”

7. “This was high school, my first official date and we had been talking for a few months. He had just gotten new rubber bands and metal brackets in the back of his mouth added to his braces, so he could barely talk and more so could hardly eat. The date consisted of him trying to chew and not choke on his food. Everytime I said something I had to wait probably 2-3 minutes for him to finish chewing to respond back. Then he realized he forgot his wallet, so my mom had to drive back up after dropping me off and had to pay for us.”

8. “I went on a first date with this guy who was kind of getting over bronchitis and it came back kind of strong. So we went to Purple Cafe and suddenly he starts like, full on hacking and can’t stop and went to the bathroom for majority of our date. I was literally by myself eating for majority of the time. By the time he returned I finished my meal and he looked terrible. He said he was laying on the ground in the bathroom trying to breathe and stop coughing. I was like “well I’m done eating so....let’s call it a night.” I honestly was pissed because I wanted some deep convo or something profound to come out dinner but instead it was so weird.”

These were the stories that got me GOOD. I hope you enjoyed reading them, too! Here are some other honorable mentions:

“Someone told me he had a fart fetish…”

“I spilled water all over both of our pizzas.”

“We went to a nice restaurant and she was on her phone yelling at her roommate for a majority of the date.”

“He talked about his ex-girlfriend the whole date.”

“He picked me up in his car and then asked me where I wanted to go.”

“He started calling me names from Pokemon.”

“The date got awkward and silent so she started meowing at him.”

Obviously, first dates can be wild. Now before I get into my story, prepare yourself. It’s about to get real awkward. And don’t worry, he doesn’t have social media so he definitely won’t see this. It’s early 2011, my friends and I had planned to go see a band play in Seattle. Just the four of us. When they day came, the boy who clearly liked me, arrived at my door alone. I asked, “Where are the others?” He said, “Oh, did they not tell you they weren’t coming anymore?” me, shocked and now awkward, “Uhm, no. That’s okay. Let’s get going.” He opens the car door for me which I thought was really weird and there was a bouquet sitting on the passenger seat. “What are these for?” I asked. He replied, “I saw them and uh, I thought you would like them.” I told them he should give them to his mom or sister. (Savage.) We arrive in Seattle to get sushi before the concert. He was wearing a button up white shirt, black skinny tie, black cardigan and skinny jeans. When we got out of the car, someone yelled, “Hey f****t! Nice outfit!” and kept laughing. I was embarrassed and so was he but I assured him he looked fine. We got to sushi and I had the thought, “If I pay then he won’t consider it a date!” He then proceeds to spill sushi and soy sauce on the front of his shirt. When he left for the bathroom I took the opportunity to pay for our food even though I knew neither of us were done eating yet. After a few minutes passed, he came back and got upset when he’d found out that I had paid. More minutes passed and we finally left to head to the concert venue. Once we got there it started to pour down rain which neither of us was prepared for. We made it inside and had a lot of fun photobombing peoples pictures and listening to the band. Afterward, we got back to his car. He was silent and I was trying not to pay attention to the awkward atmosphere. Surely enough he asks, “So, I really like you. Would you be my girlfriend.” I started to respond, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m not interested in you like that.” as I said that he hot a grate in the road that popped his tire. His spare tire just happened to be blown out as well. Finally, after almost three hours in the car, AAA was able to find us and save the day. Or I guess what could be saved.

There you have it. My awkward date story. Everything that could’ve gone wrong went wrong and more. At least for him. I was along for the ride… literally.

If you liked this blog and want to share your awkward dating story, I would love to hear all about it! Just DM me on my Instagram to do so. Until then, keep on blooming friends.

[emilyannnoble]

obedience and trust

March 1st, 2013 during our annual youth conference at church, I stood at the front with my friends and the handful of high school students I was mentoring. As worship got deeper and more intense I thought to God during my praises, “I love it here, Father! I never want to leave.” as abruptly as my next breathe God spoke and told me, “You won’t be here forever.” My hands fell and I was taken aback. “What do you mean by that?” My heart all of a sudden heavy and tears began to well up. “God, I need to know where I will go? What do you mean? Are you there? I’m finally loving Seattle, I have great friends and everything is finally comfortable. Why now? When will I leave? Where will I go?” I asked repeatedly in my head. As worship closed out and the conference ended, I was mad, I was scared and I was exhausted.

From time to time I would tell my friends about this. The friends I trusted who would pray with me and help me process what God had spoken over me. As the days unfolded I set to the side this and began diving deeper into my community and work. Once summer rolled around and I was back home to save money in between my two years of interning at my church, God had given me a scripture and a vision. The scripture was Isaiah 6:8, “Here I am Lord. Send me!” Isaiah answering God as to who will be sent out to tell the world about him. With that verse I had seen the image of someone, bow in hand, reaching back to an arrow in its quiver. The person placed the arrow on the bow and pulled back. The vision ended there. I had finally accepted the fact that I needed to be ready for wherever I was going to go, that God was going to direct my steps and he was going to enable this transition wherever it might be.

“So where?” Over that summer I had asked God to let me know where I would be going. There was one day I had recalled making fun of a celebrity. My family loved him and I disliked him simply because that was the thing to do. During that following weekend at church my pastor at the time shared how his heart hurt when people in our community spoke badly of celebrities including the one that I had made fun of. The one that was my pastors friend. To say I felt horrible was an understatement. Soon, I realized my heart growing softer towards celebrities. As I thought and prayed for more of them, I started to feel something stir in me for California. Okay, let me just tell you all something, I loathed California. From the heat, to the dry air to the horrible tasting water. “God, I am NOT moving to California.” I grumbled during my prayer. I expressed my concerns but as days passed the feeling in my spirit would not fade. It looked like I was going to California.

I had to pray and ask God for help in changing my heart to love California, for my parents approval of my move and for peace in it all. When I finally went to visit in 2015, I left knowing that I would one day call California my home. When I went home I once again put everything for California on the back burner to focus on my relationship with Jesus and my mental health. For Two and a half years I battled depression, anxiety, doubt and won. (This story is in one of my first posts if you’d like to read it!)

December 2017 came quickly and I prayed, “God, stir up old desires and dreams I have let die. The dreams you’ve given me. My next steps.” January 1st, 2018 my best friend and his girlfriend were in town visiting. We were hanging out, playing card games, laughing at old yearbook pictures and jokingly began talking about me moving in with his girlfriend in California. My friend said to me, “Well, I mean God did tell you that you were going to move to california.” My heart fluttered with this sweet reminder. Just what I had prayed for. They also tried to entice me with a double-date with one of their friends which was a bonus, but I’ll save that story for a different day. We set a weekend for my visit and when it arrived I prayed for a home, a job, a church, and a community. Within 48 hours, God had answered and the rest is history.

I wanted to share this journey with you guys because not only did these 6 years take a lot of patience but they also took a lot trust and obedience. The questions beg to be asked, how do we trust and how do we obey? Jesus says it himself in John 14:15, “Loving me empowers you to obey my commands.” and when we’re scared David shows us our posture on how to trust in Psalm 56:3, “But in the day that I’m afraid, I lay my fears before you and trust in you with all my heart.” Hopefully through this we can see this verse come to life, “So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his purpose.” Romans 8:28. We begin trusting by loving Jesus and believing in God’s word. As we move forward we set our hearts up to trust and obey what God has called us to. He won’t call you to move or do anything that will not develop your relationship with him and ultimately help you reach people to speak the truth about who God is.

The road to trusting and obeying deeper doesn’t happen overnight but by doing this over and over again. The spiritually mature know how to start over. Again and again and again! Don’t be afraid to fail and pray as you make these transitions. Move along knowing God is near to you and as you love, trust and obey moving forward, God’s will and purpose for your life will manifest and become reality.

Keep on blooming my friend. Your garden looks beautiful.

[emilyannnoble]

I like you just the way you are:

Maybe this is just me, but I used to find myself morphing my interests at the time I was talking to my crush or engaging with someone who I thought was really cool. They would say,  “I LOVE ___!” to which I would respond, “SO DO I!” but more often than not I only briefly heard about whatever it was that interested them. Or maybe I didn't know at all. So I’d go home and research just to find out most times that I actually didn’t enjoy that thing as I had said. Now I’d have to live with this lie as long as I knew that person. Luckily, most of those relationships have changed or since then faded from my life. 

When I thought about this, it registered to me that I couldn't be the only one who has done this. That left the question, “why would I do that?” Clearly, it was to try and impress that person in hopes that it would spark their interest in me. I also believe there was an identity crisis going on simultaneously. Over the past couple of years I’ve really come to like myself and the way God has made me. Using resources like Meyers Briggs, the Enneagram and most importantly intentional prayer time an scripture reading with God, I was able to uncover some parts of me I hid behind frustration because I didn’t understand who I was. I pretended to be happy when I wasn't, I pretended to like things that I didn’t, I pretended to be so many things that I had really lost who I was. With honest reflection and understanding I have been able to allow God into the parts of my heart that I tried to hide from him. Since this, I have had more freedom to just be myself and have found myself thriving when I not only let myself be me, but let others be their true selves as well.

Now, I’m not sure where you are on your faith journey or how you feel about yourself, but I wanted to encourage you that who you are is exactly right.

“Lord, you know everything about me. You perceive every movement of my heart and soul, and you understand my every thought before it even enters my mind.” Psalms 139:1-4

God knows literally everything about you because he made you! He knows how your heart and soul work before you even recognize it yourself. That thought you had whether it be good, bad, or anywhere inbetween, he knows it. You can’t catch Him off guard.

“You are so intimately aware of me, Lord. You read my heart like and open book and you know all the words I’ m about to speak before I even start a sentence! You know every step I will take before my journey begins. You've gone into my future to prepare the way, and in kindness you follow behind me to spare me from the harm of my past. With your hand of love upon my life, you impart a blessing to me.” Psalms 139:4-5

That first line always brings me so much comfort. God is so INTIMATELY aware of you. He sees your heart and exactly how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. Not only has he planned your walk with him, but he also protects you from your old self that might try and hurt you. Out of his pure heart for you, he blesses you with his love.

“This is just too wonderful, deep, and incomprehensible! Your understanding of me brings me wonder and strength. Where could I go from your spirit? Where could I run and hide from your face? If I go up to heaven, you’re there! If I go down to the realm of the dead, you’re there too! If I fly with wings into the shining dawn, you’re there! If I fly into the radiant sunset, you’re there waiting! Wherever I go, your hand will guide me; your strength will empower me. It’s impossible to disappear from you or to ask the darkness to hide me, for your presence is everywhere, bringing light into my night.” Psalms 139:6-11

No matter where you try and hide, God is there. He is omnipresent. You can try and hide the parts of you that hurt, bring shame, or make you feel sad. No matter what it is, God is present in what you’re going through and how you are feeling. When we recognize the presence of God in the midst of our feelings and struggles, we begin to feel the lightness of his yoke and the peace that he gives that surpasses all understanding.

“There is no such thing as darkness with you. The night, to you, is as bright as the day; there’s no difference between the two.” Psalms 139:12

When we trust God we begin to see his goodness even through our toughest days, emotions and heartbreak. We can see his loving hand using these days for our good.

“You formed my innermost being, shaping my delicate inside and my intricate outside, and wove them all together in my mothers womb. I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex! Everything you do is marvelously breathtaking. It simply amazes me to think about it! How thoroughly you know me, Lord! You even formed every bone in my body, when you created me in the secret place, carefully, skillfully shaping me from nothing to something.” Psalms 139:13-15

Not only does God know your heart, mind, and soul so deeply but even the details of your physical body are made with intention and beauty. I pray that I always have the same thankfulness as David does in this Psalm. He thanks God for making him so mysteriously complex! I hope we could move forward doing the same thing with this same posture of thankfulness.

“You saw who you created me to be before I became me! Before I’d ever seen the light of day, the number of days you planned for me were already recorded in your book. Every single moment you are thinking of me! How precious and wonderful to consider that you cherish me constantly in your every thought! O God, your desires toward me are more than the grains of sand on every shore! When I awake each morning, you’re still with me.” Psalms 139:16-18

How comforting is it to have a God who created you to be exactly who you are? To know you’re loved so intimately by the one who created you with thoughtfulness and intentionality. You were not a mistake, you have far greater things heading your way than any you leave behind and I pray that as you read these words you would speak these scriptures over yourself. I also pray that as you begin to unveil yourself and bring it to God that you would also discover even more about your heavenly father. His character, his thoughts, his grace, his mercies and his love for you are never ceasing.

I like you just the way you are.

[emilyannnoble]

tending to our gardens

Sometimes I laugh internally when people make analogies for things like love, life or faith. But realistically they are helpful when describing how things change, move or grow. When it comes to different areas in my life I tend to visualize it as a garden. Now, my garden isn’t just flowers but it’s full of fruits and vegetables, trees, flowers and everything else. We recognize that some things have certain seasons in which they grow. We recognize different seasons for others. The bible talks about seasons and how necessary it is to go through each one. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.”

I know a lot of you are burnt out on using the word season but it is truly helpful when we use it the right way and when we choose to acknowledge ALL seasons. That means all of them. The good, the bad, the waiting, the painful and everything in between. When I look at my life I see it like a garden. The parts of me that grow in every season are similar to some vegetable like beans, broccoli, carrots, spinach and a few others. This area might be something like my job. It’s steady, I tend to it but it doesn’t require that much of my attention until I’m in it, harvesting, replanting and maintaining weeds (which would be bad work ethic.) I look around and see the flowers not yet blooming but they are budding and God is doing something new in that. As I look at every area it’s easy to become overwhelmed with thinking that I have to keep my hands in all of them. But I think the beautiful thing about gardens and their seasons is that God ultimately takes care of it all with the little that we can do. We pluck and trim and He brings the rain, He brings the sun, He brings the garden exactly what it needs. In that we are impatiently waiting for buds, for leaves, for something new.

A part of my garden is growing trees which take the most time to grow and very clearly need little attention from me. They need to be and God will take care of it. The saplings will grow as I maintain the soil making sure it’s rooted in good health for longevity and God will do the rest. He’ll grow the roots deep and make it strong and He’ll make it stretch up towards the clouds. Though, I long for the trees to reach the sky I must wait and tend to the rest of my garden as well. Tilling the soil would be much like sanctification but it is necessary for the process. I am just like my garden. I’m learning a lot and I’m growing. Every season or time we walk through is necessary and real. God is present through them all. Every person we come in contact with is important to the call God has placed on their life. That same reality goes for me and for you. We crawl through overwhelming seasons and we dance through dancing seasons. We learn to understand and grow in the knowledge that each one is significant to what God is doing in our lives. I’m sorry if you’re hurting in your current walk and I’m excited if you’re thriving. Though I don’t know the extent of what you’re going through, I know that God does and he’s making something beautiful with the bits and pieces you see. I encourage you to take a step back and look at God. Not what he’s doing but just at Him. Study his word, read about Jesus, get alone with the Holy Spirit and let him move and do exceedingly, abundantly more than you could ever dream or imagine.

James 5:7-11

“Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door. As an example of suffering and patience, brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.”

[emilyannnoble]

expectation vs reality

Are you a planner? Someone with a creative imagination? Do you have most parts of your life planned out? Do you often find yourself planning your next move just to realize it’s fallen out from under you? None of us are exempt from the disappointment that is caused by our failed expectations. So, as a christian how do we react when we don’t get our way? We know we serve a God with plans much greater than ours but yet we are left defeated when you realize that, that good plan we had wasn’t actually one from God. But your plan seemed so good, right? “It seemed like something God should want for me!” And that’s the thing, God isn’t a I should want that for you because you want it  kind of God but a I know exactly what’s best for you kind of God.

I know I’ve shared this before so I’ll keep it brief. Growing up I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Which was a definite desire of mine from a young age. When I was in high school I’d dream of when I’d get married, what age I’d be, what my kids would be like, what kind of man I’d marry and what job that I would have. As life unfolded and these things I had planned with so much intent began to fall behind their scheduled dates I very subconsciencly became more saddened by it. I was enjoying my life until the weight of my reality was too real and my depression had wrecked me from the inside out.

Coming to the realization that I was upset not just from seasonal depression but from the hard realization that I had not gotten what I wanted. This reality may be the same one that you yourself are facing. Unfortunately, I don’t have a quick fix plan or a series of steps to get what you want. Luckily I have something much better. God’s word.

How do we react when our plans don’t align with what God’s doing in our lives and his will?

More often than not, I feel my personal tendency is to get sad or defensive. Instead of moving forward and laying down my frustrations before him. Instead my reaction should be to take time to breathe, lay down my concerns, submit them to God and remember Psalm 90:12 “So teach us to number our days that we may get wisdom.” The great part about God is that when we ask for wisdom he gives us wisdom. If what you’re dealing with is an area or desire you’re not sure how to handle, might I suggest giving it back to God? He gave us our desires and they’ll flourish much more in his hands than in our own.

What can we do to overcome our hurt and disappointment?

What I found helpful during my pain and disappointment was asking my friends for advice. Friends I can trust and know will always point me back to Jesus when my vision is clouded. And then I get really honest with God. I don’t think God, being as perfect, kind and slow to anger as he is would be angry at us for expressing our frustrations to him. A scripture to memorize is Psalm 139:1-4 and it says, “Lord, You know everything there is to know about me. You perceive every movement of my heart and soul, and understand my every thought before it even enters my mind. You are so intimately aware of me, Lord. You read my heart like an open book and you know all the words I’m about to speak before I even start a sentence! You know every step I will take before my journey even begins.” When we remember that God knows what we’re going through and that he already knows how we feel, bringing our emotions to him should bring more peace and clarity.

How do we trust God’s will for our lives?

This can be a hard thing to do and to process. Maybe in certain areas of your life you find yourself willing to give God parts of your life you don’t think about often. But what if it’s something that calls for a lot of patience when trusting the Lord like a job, a spouse, a move or another big event you want? Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither your ways are my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” God’s plans for our lives never seem to make sense and though I’m walking through this myself, submitting my desires was easier this time after they hurt me in my own hands. By remembering God’s ways are better than ours and that he takes cares of those who love him… then what do we have to lose? Begin praying for patience as you wait and don’t forget about projects and activities you love to do in the meantime. God’s plan will unravel beautifully in His time, not ours.

How do I process through longsuffering?

No one is prepared to handle suffering for a long time.Finding activities and working on projects can be great but eventually you’ll have downtime. If you find yourself antsy and impatient here are more verses you can read for encouragement during harder days:

Galatians 6:9 “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He has made everything beautiful in it’s time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from beginning to the end.”

Lamentations 3:25-26 “The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”

This is a place I find myself coming back to. The wondering, the impatience, the waiting and the wanting what is not yet meant for me. Whatever that thing is might just be the cross Jesus wants to meet you under. Learning to trust God and be obedient to his plans doesn’t always come easy but it’ll always be worth it. Our gardens are still being taken care of and our healing is underway.

[emilyannnoble]

moving and community

Even though I knew one day I would be leaving Seattle, I didn’t know how I would handle leaving my community, comfort and life behind. As an introvert I knew it would be a struggle. I feel very thankful that I already knew a handful of people before I moved that made the transition a little easier. But in regards to a new church and a new job location I was a little lost. Again, I’m very blessed and because of my roommate she was able to connect me with one person at my church that led me to meet a group of exceptional girls.

I think that the most beautiful thing was asking God for just one friend and then receiving 5. What I asked for was the minimum but God being who he is exceeded my expectation for just one friend. So tip number one for building community is to ask God for it! Maybe that sounds cliche to you but I don’t believe we were meant to live life alone. Even Jesus on his time here on Earth not only had community but was intentional with them.

I once read this in regards to friendship and it’s helped shape the way I tend and care to my own friends:

“Christians often focus on marriage as the most important relationship in a person's life. But here's the thing: Jesus never got married. The primary mode of relationship that the perfect human being lived in was friendship. We should probably take friendship more seriously. This is not to denigrate marriage. Marriage is profoundly important, the primary picture of God's faithfulness to the church, an antidote to the unrooted and fruitless nature of modern society. But friendship is at the root of even that relationship. It deserves more thought.” -Joy Clarkson

As christians and even as people I believe this is a standard we should all take into consideration when making and keeping friends. If we have them, cherish them, champion them, tell the truth, be intentional, show up, be present and take it seriously. Personally, this is my new challenge with moving but I am absolutely here for it.

Another tip for moving away from your home state would be to be intentional with meeting new people. Put yourself in areas where you can meet and be around people. As an introvert this is hard and I get that if you’re reading this and thinking “there’s NO way.” Well.. there is a way. And it’s takes some boldness and it takes time but your efforts will not be for nothing if you’re intentional in creating lasting relationship with people. Before this new venture I also had prayed for these things in myself. Asking for boldness, intentionality and for at least one friend. God delivered and I firmly believe that He will for you in your journeys.

[emilyannnoble]

I’ve been frustrated with God

To keep things real I’m going to get very vulnerable in this post. I am not ashamed of who I am or of my desires and dreams. I will not hold back because of fear in hopes that something I write might help or inspire someone else.

I’m not a theological expert. I haven’t read my Bible cover to cover. Most days I can’t remember which book the verse came from that I referenced. But one thing I am good at, and I’m really good at it, is hiding my anger. Most people that know me would never think that I have the ability to get mad. I’m sorry I’ve led you astray.

The last few years I’ve recognized my inconsistency with God. Always I have loved him and I trust him in so many areas of my life, just not... all of them.

If you had asked me the life I’d planned for myself at 18 it’d be something like this:

Married by 22 with a decent job, my first kid by 25 and happily growing a family.

Reality:

I am 26 and I am single. (My job is decent.)

Because of this I have been suppressing a lot of anger towards God. Wondering, “Why, Lord, have you not given me the greatest desire of my heart?” A family of my own. This hidden anger kept me at an arms distance from God when it came to trusting him in my love life. Coincidentally, dating also got harder and so did my wanting to speak with Him.

Growing up, when I would become angry with my parents, I got quiet and would head up to my room. That was it. I never learned or understood how to handle my anger and when it was a good time to actually be angry. The suppression was my reality and anger was not an emotion I chose to feel. In turn, I’m here with God believing for so many good things in my life but losing hope in the area of love because I have been angry with God. I’ve been frustrated. I’ve been unable to see what he’s doing and why He would give me this desire just to have it hurt me. To feel as though I’ve been patient in waiting for this desire to come to fruition and it has not.

Now, before I go further and you continue to shake your head, “How could you be mad at God?! He’s perfect! His timing is great! He has your best interest in mind!” I do know this and I do believe this. Let me say this, if you’re mad at your parents (and if you’re like me) you start the fake-it-till-you-make-it mentality. For instance, your child is mad at you and instead of talking with you about their anger they hide it and pretend everything is okay. They tell you “thanks for the food, dinner tasted great!” in an almost inscencere tone and retreat to their room. Months later they blow up on you or act out recklessly because anger that had been undealt with.

I don’t know about you but I don’t think that sounds very healthy. So God being perfect, not easily offended, slow to anger and loving probably isn’t upset when we tell him that we are angry at him. He also already knows how we’re feeling but the healing comes from expressing it to him.

Coming to the realization that I’ve been angry with God has greatly helped me understand that he really cares for me. I asked him to help me with my anger and what better teacher for it than him? What better example than Jesus? What better helper than the Holy Spirit? I made the decision that I wanted to hurt and heal than hurt and fester.

God has been with me, he is near me in my brokenheartedness, and my friend God is with you! So near always and especially during these times. A friend of mine said this to me in regards to anger and desires,

“You may not feel better for a while and you may not find a spouse anytime soon... it might be the cross that Christ wants to meet you under. I never really enjoy this truth, but I think it’s biblical that suffering and sanctification are inseparable.”

Though a hard pill to swallow, I must cling to Jesus. Sanctification is a slow process. It is painful and understanding a God with ways and thoughts much higher than our own can be frustrating. But that does not mean his plans for those that love him are not good. He doesn’t do anything in spite and he cares. And that’s the greatest love I’ve ever and will ever know. So I will rest in that tonight, tomorrow and every day following and I pray that you will, too.

[emilyannnoble]

Dear Me

Dear Middle School Emily, I want to apologize for every time I thought you weren’t pretty enough, smart enough or kind enough. For all the days I looked at you and said, “I don’t understand you. Why are you so weird?” Those moments when your friend wanted to make new friends and I blamed you for not being fun enough. The changes I made you make to stop the bullying and grab the attention of boys who really did not care. Sorry about the first Joey and the many to come. Your makeup, though, I am not sorry for. All the poorly drawn on eyeliner and blue eyeshadow are laughable now. I want you to know how kind you are and how your presence is necessary. You didn't realize how seen you wanted to be for the wrong reasons until I opened your eyes to it. I want you to know you were beautiful because of your heart not because of your face. Dear High School Emily, I want to apologize for all the different times I made you sad by saying you were not worthy of love. For all the times I made you choose boys and friends over assignments and responsibilities. All those times your parents looked at you so disappointed were because of me, not you. I made you lie about homework and grades to chase after fleeting matters. I told you that you weren’t smart enough or pretty enough or talented enough to ever matter. Every boy you dated because I told you it’s better not to be alone. I told you that they would be worth it and that school was pointless. I told you he would be enough. He wasn’t. The depression ate you alive and I just watched. But you found God again because of this boy and that I will not apologize for. Dear 18 to 21 Year Old Emily, I wanted to apologize to you for how messy things got because I told you that no one cared about you. That you still didn’t deserve love because you were way too messed up for it. You, on the other hand, were beginning to ignore me. I’m sorry for being so persistent and every time you looked in the mirror I told you that you were not enough. I want you to know that there are some tough roads ahead but you will get stronger because of them. You are capable and kind and you chose to love everyone you came in contact with and that was admirable. Dear 22 to 25 Year Old Emily, I want to apologize for every time I told you that you would never amount to anything and how many times I told you that not even Jesus would love you through your mess. I’m really sorry for the mental damage I caused because I told you to go after another Joey who absolutely wrecked your heart. For the boy you tried to use to feel better because I told you it would help with the pain. It did not. He did not. You did in fact, make it through so much these years and I wanted you to know how strong you are. Because of this you learned to fully recognize how much God truly loves you despite your disorderliness and sinfulness. You learned what His strength in your weakness really meant and felt like which is something I will not apologize for. Dear Present Emily, I want to apologize for taking you through all the hard times and for much too slow recoveries. Your time table never looked how you had expected it and that makes you sad from time to time. But I also don’t want to apologize for these things. All of these happenings led you where you are today. You love the Lord and you bring so much light to people around you. You learned because of these hard times and you will continue to thrive in new spaces because of it. No longer do you wonder “Why am I like this?” but yet, thank God for how intricately he made you. Your desires and dreams will be fulfilled because you trust God with your life. You have come a long way and you will continue to move forward every day as you lay down your will at the feet of your Good Father and know that He knows what He’s doing with your heart. With your life. Where you are now, I will not apologize for. Sincerely, Emily

[emilyannnoble]

2018

This year was far more wild than I had anticipated. I had hoped that this year would bring different things than which it did and that I would feel more stability in my life. To be quite honest, this year was beautiful and so difficult in many ways. So I’m sharing just how crazy it was and most importantly how good God has been.

January: I was reminded by a sweet friend of the call that been had made on my life years prior to move to California. Coincidentally, I had been praying that 2018 would awaken old dreams I had let fade. With that reminder I booked my plane ticket for March to see if that was really what God had planned for me.

February: This month was spent hanging out with my best friend, traveling down to Portland and working loads. And from my journal it would seem that I was very expectant, healthy and ready for whatever was right around the corner.

March: This month I headed down to California to visit some friends and to see if it would be my new home. Before leaving, I prayed to God asking, “Lord, if it is what you want for me to move then I need these things for certain: a community, a home, a church and my job to be close.” Also, who am I to try and give God an ultimatum? I could’ve asked for bigger but I was scared and wanted some security. Upon arriving I met plenty of new friends and within the first two days God had revealed to me a community, a home, a church, and a job location nearby. To say I was ‘shook’ is an understatement. I went home back to Washington where I began to tell my family and current community that I would be leaving. During my trip God had told me I would be there in November. Try as I might to make it sooner, Gods plan always prevails.

April: My spirit was light and I was ready to move. More expectant for my future than I had ever been. This month I worked, hiked, sang, and lived out every day as fully as I could. Until April 28th. My stomach started acting up and I had thought it was only food poisoning. Little did I know that battle that I was about to start facing.

March/May: Most of March I was sick. Every few days my stomach would bloat, cramp, and cause me to leave work to lay in bed for anywhere from four to twelve hours. I had seen a doctor that took samples of my blood with no results but, “Everything came back normal! You’re a very healthy young woman.” Clearly I was questioning her judgement and decided a few weeks later to try a different doctor. Under the care of my new doctor I learned I have mild celiac disease, hashimotos and an illness called SIBO.  Let me explain each one briefly. Celiac is an allergy to wheat gluten which I was already pretty aware of. Hashimotos is an autoimmune disease, essentially my immune system attacking my thyroid gland causing me to have hypothyroidism, (My body under produces the thyroid hormone.) And Lastly SIBO which is Small Intestinal Bacteria Overgrowth which was the cause of my severe stomach pains. Now to my surprise all of these things can be cured with time, a good diet plus good eating habits, cleanses and a lot of other lifestyle changes. June: Now June is my favorite month because my birthday belongs to it. I was finally on the road to recovery. I hiked more, worked more and got back to a normal life. Still my flareups continued but I was persistent to get better. At the end of the month I made another trip back down to California and my heart was ready to call it my home.

July: My first cleanse for my SIBO began and I have never loathed and loved something at one time like I did with this. It proved itself useful and I felt so much better than I had in months. August/September: These months came and went too quickly. My Best friend was moving to New Zealand and I was leaving for California in only one short month. These months I felt sadness in a different way than I had ever felt before. My moments were short and I had so many people I wanted to see, so much money I wanted to save and so much comfort I was about to leave. Underneath all the stress I was still certain that this was the move God had me making and I was ready no matter how frightened I was becoming.

October: The last month in Washington. This month I spent a lot of time with my nanny kids, my family and my closest friends. My going away party had nearly 50+ people in attendance and I had never ever felt more loved. Soon enough my car was packed, my “see ya later!” was said, and I was on my way down to California accompanied by a dear friend.

November: Adjusting to a new place would've seemed harder if God had not been in on this with me. Or better yet, that I had been in on this with Him. My new home was everything I could’ve hoped for, my new store was kinder than I imagined, and my new church was more inviting than I could’ve ever dreamed. Though, I was missing my friends and family God was faithful in bringing me one friend that showed me many more.

December: Here it is now, here and gone so quickly. This month I learned a lot about myself. Old dreams and words spoken over me coming back to life. Hoping, waiting, trusting and understanding just how precious the Lord’s timing is and how great the award for obedience truly is and will continue to be with each passing day.

This year was hard in many way, but my favorite thing was how much I learned about myself. How my brain works and functions and just how intricately God made me in my mother’s womb. Knowing myself helped me to understand more just how much I need Jesus. How much more trusting and walking with Him is beneficial to my life. How every time I fail I get pulled back up by gracious hands. Every fear understood and removed because of His peace. 2018 was wild but again, my garden is still blooming and it is good.

2019 I am ready.

[emilyannnoble]

26 IMPORTANT THINGS

26 things I’ve learned: 1. God really, truly, deeply, sincerely loves you so much. 2. The way you speak about others, to them and when they’re not around, is very important. 3. Self-care isn’t just a bath bomb and a glass of wine. It’s making positive changes to your daily life that will make the next day even better. 4. Unplugging from social media every once and a while is really good for you especially when it’s to spend more time with Jesus. 5. Sleeping no less than 7 hours a night is mandatory. 6. It’s okay to need help, to be vulnerable and to open up to someone. 7. Talking to a therapist is normal. You are not weird for needing help understanding who you are. 8. The feelings of our hearts are unruly, but asking God to teach you how to exhort your heart rather than simply listen to it is a good start to positive changes in your life. 9. Wear the clothes you want to because you like them. Not because you want to fit in. 10. Read as much as you can. 11. Write out how you’re feeling when you can. 12. Letting friends in on the not so shiny parts of your life will result in massive amounts of healing and a healthier future. 13. Apologize first. 14. Talk to your family more and always remember to tell them you love them. 15. Make your siblings some of your best friends. They’ll always tell you how it is no matter what. They’re not afraid to call you out. 16. Gossip is a waste of time. 17. Leave people and places better than you found them. 18. You never stop learning. Always be malleable and ready to change, learn and grow. 19. Save money! You will thank yourself later when you saved that $100 for a new tire instead of buying a pair of shoes you won’t really like that much in a month. 20. What you eat is really important. Seriously SO important. Read your labels. 21. Laughter is the best medicine, truly. When you’re down find those friends that bring you JOY and LAUGHTER! 22. No one is exempt from God’s love. Be an advocate for everyone no matter their race or gender. 23. Be intentional with people. Respect their time and show you love them by showing up, listening, planning, etc... love should be something you say but also something you do. 24. Learn to be a good listener! (I try to get better at this every day!) and when you do make sure you’re looking at that person in the eyes. It’ll help you be more intentional! 25. Community is mandatory to maintain a happy life. Your best friends should be the people who love you and challenge you more than any others. They’ll help build your character and encourage you to be the best you. 26. The most important thing I’ve learned is that talking with God, pouring out your heart to him daily, every worry, complaint, praise, will only bring the most healing to your life. Your spirit will fill with life. Your heart will mend. You’ll feel undoubtedly better and left with more hope for your future.