emdicci-blog

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Paglaya

~Emdicci

Malaya man sa posas, nakalimita naman sa pangungusap

Magdamagang (magdamag ang) may oras , nilagdaan ang nakasulat

Lahat butas, ang init sa pagkain nakakalapnos at

malasap ang rosas, tinik man (tinikman) nakakasugat

Sa kanilang talas ramdam lasap lasap ang bawat hiwa

Sa kadahasang dala, kalat kalat at lahat nasisira

Parang ginahasa, pagkat wasak wasak ang diwa

Maaalala habang kagat kagat ang dila

Nakaraan na pauwi, sa rehas kinandado

Matandaan namang muli, pasensya na kamo

Alam namang parang madumi na eba sila kaso

Nasarapan kaya sa huli pare-parehas na kayo

Nag-hirap ang mahirap, hirap ang nadanas

Mga pumapatay ay nakakalusot, sa daming butas ng batas

Lalabas palagi ang pagsisisi, kahit na sinong pinili

Dahil lahat ng iyan ay mas madumi pa sa tinta sa aking mga daliri

Mata'y ibinuka, walang nakitang maganda

Ipinikit na ang mata, dahil wala ding pinag-iba

Ang asul naging pula, walang ningning mga bituin

Kahit may araw sa watawat, bawat bukas madilim

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This pretty much me

TOP REASONS OF UNPRODUCTIVITY

WOKE UP LATE

OVER USE OF CELLPHONE

NO DISCIPLINE

SLEEPY HEAD

TOO TIRED

NO PLANNER

IRRESPONSIBLE

NO MOTIVATIONS

ADDICTIONS IN SOME OTHER STUFF

OUT OF FOCUS

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Ay weh. Hater pala ako

Magkakaroon yata new song ang blackpink. Matitriggr na naman si @emdicci

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The darkmode messenger is ew so joke's on you HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

I am this person.

@emdicci | burned and slayed

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Pag ako nagsesend potek sinasabi mo old age ako HAHAHAHAHAHAGA

send me your fav songs

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Yassssssss

So ayun nga noh. Nakikishare ako ng spotify sa friend kong si @emdicci kasi poor ako lol and yes, ako gumagawa ng playlist. It became a tradition na yung main kpop playlist sa spotify account nya eh binibigyan ko ng title na MON MON’S KPOP SHITS. Even though those songs were my jam. HAHAHAHAHA.

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Dala dala, damang dama

~Emdicci

Palagiang nilalamon ng sariling galit at lungkot

Natutulog gabi-gabi mula sa araw-araw na bangungot

Ayaw nang makakita ng aking mga mata, kaya akin nalang ipipikit

Lungkot ay di mapapawi, kung bawat saya may kapalit

Ang buhay na ito’y walang duda na pahirapan

Na kahit na tayo ay mamatay, wala paring kinabukasan

Mas mabuti pa sa dilim at di ako magi-isa

Di ko kailangang mag-alala, mas payapa ang lahat ako ang nawala

sa kapaitan ng kapalaran, nasanay at nahubog

sa mga nakaraang pagkasawi ay naranasang madurog

nasisilaw sa liwanag kaya hindi makatulog

ingay ng katahimikan ang kinasanayang tunog

Sa diliman ang kahahantungan dahil sarili nga’y di na maintindihan

Nakakapagpabagabag, mahirap sabihin ang nararamdaman

Nakakalungkot, akin ngang damang dama

Nakakalong ko’t, akin ding dala dala

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Faith, Struggles, Depression and Death

~Emdicci

Living without God in my life, screamin’ out loud

It’s like a dead empty star among the planetary clouds

All these riches are like freebies of creation

Why does these all matter, when we’re built for expiration

Some may say that my devotion to God was a delusion

And a denial of the most unfortunate conclusion

But i believe that through Christ and my religion, God will grant me salvation

And to be excluded, in the eternal damnation

Dusk over my shoulders, with all the pain i have felt

Even all the times i slept, counts as suicide attempts

Getting sad over realizing that my whole life’s a debt

How am i supposed to burn bright when im designed to melt?

Everybody expects me to live with happy memories?

But all of life’s given me, is the peek of my own elegy

All of them are watching me, try to fight my limitations

Though i know all hardships are disguised elation

Death be knocking on my door, i’ll come down and i mean it

I’ll be knocking on yours, let me come down in a minute

When i’m dying, won’t you let me collect and read a little?

Will there be any chance to extend, and have a sequel?

All the pain i had endured, just to make everyone understand

That my life is in my own hands, but things just didn’t go as planned

Honestly, i’m never afraid of dying, i know of things far worse

But would it be wrong to be trying to fix things first?

Going and spending what’s left in my state of depression

Just waiting for death to deliver both eternal rest and satisfaction

Believing my life is pointless, i’m wearing different faces

To make myself feel good, despite of hopelessness

Seen by my eyes, all the care of my family, friends and peers

Heard by my ears, all drowning water blood in tears

Have i failed to overcome my fears?

I’ve moved on, sugarcoating everything for years

Yes i’m living but it feels like my time is being wasted foolishly

Hoping that life would write itself freely

As i march down to the stairs of despair

As i stare deeper into nothingness, asking for air

Riding off my thoughts, it’s as if there’s guns in my head

For every moment that i spent, wishing to God that i was dead

Contemplating dying in an instant with no sequel is

Time slowly kills me while it’s sticking off its needles

We try to flip the hour glass to reverse the sands

But hands of time prevents any attempts on second chances

Fearing for the nothing is a gloom never ending

The worst death will be if all our memories are forgotten

All worldly pleasures are false consolation for the hopeless

The one thing that renders all our present efforts’ pointless

To be dead is not to die within imperfections

It is when we lie on our death beds begging for extension

It’s so hard to believe in the Death Reaper’s scythe

But the best thing is that we find true meaning in life

Grieve is never ending, but it teaches us acceptance

And that there is more to this life so turn to God for repentance

The very idea that anytime we die

Emancipates us to appreciate all things in life

Blowing all the candle light extinguishes the fragrance

So burn it off with potency and burst off with radiance

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Passion burning flames

~Emdicci

I’m so tired so i’m inclined to think this way

The difficulties sinks further into my brain

My messed up condition make it difficult to escape

The ragged fangs of my self hate

But who could have ever thought that i could turn a new page from my old book?

And reclaim the will to live this unfair world took

Now that i got my inner demons in the rain

i take my first jump back to the strain

 'cause when my heart is crying out loud for change

I’ve got no other choice but to obey

The passion overflowing inside my veins

No matter what the lengths i have to cut the chains

It goes beyond riches and pride

My urge to burn alight until these embers turn white

When only my ashes will remain

The dream goes on, i will never mind the pain

Even though i live in fearful and difficult times

It was my way of telling fate to read between the lines

Never again gonna crumble on to my knees

Unfazed by the hunger and fatigue, can’t rest in peace

Blurred the lines, pulverized the whole framework to dust, i’ll live only for exhilaration

Treating every hardships as my greatest creation

I wasn’t even thinking of dreaming, i just did

Only madness could push me off the grid

Yet somehow, the world felt connected what i read

They admired my pursuit that was untainted by misdeeds

Unrelenting though i wasn't the best by any means

I guess this is what it truly means to dream

Through the rise and fall, i will never miss a step

Even if it meant shameful neglect upon my health

It feels like i truly wish to burn to ash

I have kept playing with the fires that my writings had cast

I will take the pain and break the chains !

Oppose the fate, and make the change !

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Sa harap ng salamin

~Emdicci

Inaako ko yung iba, pero alam ko ang mali

Huwag mong pilitin na baguhin, hindi yun ganun kadali

Kung nababasag ang loob, binubuo ko na mag-isa

Kung panlabas ang basehan, hindi na ako tutula

Ang pagsulat ang sumakop, pero ako ang nagtimpla

Pinakain ang gutom, kahit di marunong magpahalaga

Pero sa isang banda, ako parin ang masama

Sinagip parin kita kahit walang mapapala

Paano tatanggap ng tulong kung ako ay nilalason

Na naglagay sa alanganin, at ang dunong ay natapon

Hindi mo dapat sisihin ang mundong ginagalawan

Mga maling desisyon mo ang nag-akay ng kabiguan

Ako’y nagpapakatotoo sa mundo ng mapagkunwari

Puso ang ginamit ko para akin lang mawari

Tumingin sa salamin dahil ayoko na ng kunwari

Kami nalang ang sabay na bubuo ng bahaghari

Madulas ang maglakad, sa taas at sa baba

Limitado lagi ang galaw, dapat balanse sa gitna

Maging mapagkumbaba sa kaibigan man o hindi

Nagbabago ang tingin sa konting pagkakamali

Di ako nagpipili, samahan mo ako kung gusto mo

Kung respeto ang sagot, natututo na ako

Kung mundo ko at mundo mo ay ating pagdudugtungin

Basta’t matutong tumingin sa harap ng salamin

At sabay nating alamin, kung bakit humihinga parin

May dahilan kung bakit nabuhay sa malalim na bangin

Mag-isa akong aahon, kahit sugatan akong bumangon

Di na muli pang lalangoy, kung mali parin ang alon

Nang di na malunod pa, at maka-akay ng iba

Kung binigo mo ko noon, ay napatawad na kita

Kung di mo maipinta, ang mensahe ng aking tula

Tumingin sa salamin at makikita mo na

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Keep holding on

~Emdicci

This life ain’t perfect but you can make it worth it while on this earth

Despite of lots of problems you get from up above since birth

Although it’s rough when you get hurt

When out of luck, you feel like dirt

We can all see success, we can still be the best when feel awful

Put it to rest, think that everything will be all good even if you trip or fall

Fall apart, fall in place

Know that prayers and heart is all it takes

When things go wrong, have faith and stay strong

Not for too long, your worries will all be gone

Keep praying hard, don’t forget where all the things on earth came from

Don’t doubt when you’re down, just keep moving on

Keep holding on for your family, friends and even peers

To everyone who was dear to you, just stay sincere

The way they always clear the future lies inside your palms

To be remembered, this is the main reason why i keep writing these lines

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Heart is all it takes

~Emdicci

I’m walking all alone and barefoot, i’m all alone

And as my feet are getting cold, i’m wondering where i be gone

See i’ve been searching with my heart of gold, a pot of gold

Doing everything even getting myself sold

Honestly, i’m so tired and exhausted

And it got to a point that i knew that i had lost it

Tried to end my life, just to end the problems

But that was not an option, so i listened to my conscience

Loved by some, so how can i just leave them?

Thoughts are comin’ that i just want to be with them again and again

Fooled and cheated, because everything can be deceiving

Tried to stop the bleeding, prayin’ “Lord give me wisdom, ‘cuz i wanna keep on breathing”

I fight demons that are trying to get the best in me

I hope i will be blessed despite of all these problems testing me

Well i’ll still be here tomorrow i guess, we’ll see

I hope i’ll still, ‘cuz i don’t know when i’ll rest in peace

I know i can’t be left behind this planet

I gotta keep on pushing just to truly undestand it

Learn how to deal with the cards that i’ll be handed

Value all the love and don’t take this life for granted

All of what i’m feeling, the thing i’m digging is just getting deeper

How can i not worry when my chances are getting slimmer?

I just opened up my eyes, and started to see clearer

Only to know that what i’ve been searching is in front of the mirror

I just can’t understand, all these struggles there in hand

Every bit of strength i use, pushed me to the sand

I jusy keep on fallin down, when i try to stand

The more i fight, the more i’m completely sinking underneath the ground

I guess it’s time to fix all the mess and give it another chance

To redeem myself, and repent from all the sins

And no, i can’t pretend, don’t know when to comprehend

I can’t depend to no one else, so i start all over again

From the bottom of all my problems, gotta solve and never let up

Depression is really stressing, got me completely messed up

Fed up, gotta get up, trying hard not to give up

Family and friends are telling me to keep my head up

And to the Love of my life, i’m thanking you for your forgiveness

I’ll take all the consequences but i beg you not to end this

I know that it was senseless, to hurt you i was selfish

But i keep on fighting, ‘cuz my Love for you is endless

I stay passionate to the road i decided to walk upon

I stay forever in this and will always be going strong

I can’t be in losing form, so i keep moving on

Turn this life around, and all the doubters, i will prove them wrong

I’m once consumed by all thoughts of negativity

Sorrounded by amazing people, since the day my life’s given to me

So i’ll keep my vision, focus to the life i have in me

The beating of my heart is echoed to infinity