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[elysix]

[elysix]

I was so inlove with him.

His name was written in every corners of place we've been. I remember him in every place, the trace of his scent, the sound of his laughter and even that upward curve on his lips.

I remember him in every person I meet. He made me believe in miracles, despite that there was obviously no chance for us because he already chose not to give us a try, I still kept on fantasizing that we could happen. I kept on seeking for answers. I was so busy chasing him that I forgot you're on your way to me.

I was so inlove with him.

He changed me a lot. I can not deny the fact that I am still grateful to him for that. I managed to stand up again, I am stronger now than who I was before. I'm more careful now on letting people in, like what I did to you. It took you quite long to finally get my trust. Lots of guys before you had told me everything I wanted to hear from him, but I don't know what's in him that made me cling to him that much. But maybe because, I was madly inlove with him.

I was so inlove with him.

I came to the point that I find happiness everytime he would hurt me as long as he is the one causing that pain, I'll accept everything, wide arms open. It's okay to bleed as long as he's the reason behind my wounds. He was slowly killing me but I still write him letters. I have loved him more than I have loved myself because I was so inlove with him.

I was so inlove with him.

And this is the last time I'm going to say this, because I have you now. You've made me into someone I've never thought I could actually be. I was so inlove with him but I am loving you now, I am yours now. I have learned a lot from him and I know I can do better than before. Just please give me time to still heal myself, I'm still afraid, I'm still in the learning process and I can't bear if you'd just leave me in this state. At least wait for a while until I can finally be able to stand next to you —healed, whole, not broken anymore.

I was so inlove with him but I'm yours now.

—🥀j.a

[elysix]

“Sunrise is such an adorable feeling. It’s saying “thank you” to the sun for a fresh new day and appreciating how beautiful it is to exist for the sole purpose of believing in possibilities.”

— Juansen Dizon, Morning-hearted 

[elysix]

Ang sarap simulan pero mahirap ipaglaban hanggang katapusan. Kaya dun ka sa taong hindi nangangakong walang hirap. Dun ka sa alam na mahirap, pero handa ring lumaban.

[elysix]

As a kid I was an adult. I was mature and responsible and particular and everything else even adults fail to be. I shouldn’t have though because no one else was and it made me stand out and be alone most times. This one evening I met a girl in the park and we instantly became friends. We were about 9 or 10, I guess and we stayed a long time after the sun set. We had loads of fun and we decided to meet again the next day. We decided to meet super soon- 9 am the next morning. We only exchanged names and I didn’t really know where she lived. I knew her locality but not her particular building. This was during summer break and I never woke up this early but since I had to, I did. I was up by 8, ready to leave by 8.30. It was a Sunday and it was raining heavily. I remember my mother asking in her sleepy voice if it made sense to go to the park in the heavy rain that too this early. I said I had to because I had promised. And so I left happy, excited and just a little sleepy. I reached the park around 5 minutes early and totally soaked. I walked around and walked some more. When it was past 9.45 am, I realized she wasn’t coming. I didn’t understand why, I really thought everybody meant what they said. So I walked around where she lived and tried to figure out her building. It was impossible but I really didn’t want to leave without seeing her or at least hearing why she couldn’t make it. After 30 minutes of a hopeless search I finally decided to go home. I reached home sad and disappointed. I went to bed angry. I think that was the first day I realized people rarely ever show up in spite of the promises they make.

The poem @blake-broacher recently wrote acted as a trigger for remembering this incident.

[elysix]

Most beautiful apology

[elysix]

accept it.

you are not significant to all the people you consider special.

[elysix]

See these? Your hand fits perfectly in mine. Kase alam mo yang nga kamay mo lang ang hahawakan ko. Ikaw lang yung gusto ko alalayan hanggang sa pagtanda natin. Maniwala ka, nung una pinilit at sinubukan ko ng pigilan yung mga nararamdaman ko para sayo. Pero habang tumatagal, habang tumatakbo yung oras at araw, i realized na ang unfair ko sa sarili ko. Dahil yung makilala kita ay ang pinaka masuwerteng nangyari saken. At ang mahalin ka ang pinaka magandang regalo sa buhay ko. Kaya di ko hahayaan na masaktan at malungkot ka. Oo di ako perfect marahil mapapaiyak at masasaktan kita. Pero pangako pipilitin kong di mangyare yon. Araw-araw ko ipaparamdam sayo na mahal na mahal kita at araw-araw kong ipapakita sayo na deserving ako sa pagmamahal mo, at deserving ako sa pagkakataong binigay mo saken na maging parte ng buhay mo.

MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA.

040520|11:22pm

[elysix]

3. 

The more I like you, the more I feel sad Thinking about how it’s only time before you stop being mine and I go mad Saying this makes me want to laugh then cry, You aren’t even really mine now, only you know why

But in our interactions and emotions, There is softness, sincerity and solace as deep as the oceans. The human heart is a funny thing. It needs to have all 3 - the past, present and future - and be their king. 

Mine is no different and it has again started to hurt, Not in a poetic way but with a physical heaviness that’s just begun to spurt. My eyes well in seconds when I think of your future, Away from me, with someone else while I think of you and feel like a loser.

Sure, I too have a future independent of you, Where I meet my lifemate and everything is rose-tainted, no longer blue. But I don’t believe in that domesticated lie, do I? Can I really find someone whose heart is as wild and full as mine?

No, I don’t want a clone, where’s the fun in that? But once at least a love that is pure, real, reciprocated - a love that doesn’t turn flat. We would have great adventures and live our stories together,  We would be there for each other in every situation and not just fair weather. 

Ours wouldn’t be a tragedy, nor a comedy Romance, yes but more like a coming-of-age for life - so wholesome and full of novelty

I have to believe he’s out there and our paths will someday merge, Sooner than later and naturally I hope for no longer I am going to search. 

Even if all this simply turns out to be wishful thinking, And 10 years from now you’re happily married and I’m alone drinking Even if you and she are perfect together and dizzy in love And I’m here still hoping and praying to whoever’s above

My heart might feel heavy for a bit, And I still nowhere in your life nor heart fit I’ll smile even if my eyes may well up And walk to you wishing you’re well as I look right into your eyes and say, ‘sup?’

— April 3rd, Friday        Napowrimo, 2020 

[elysix]

Nainlove ako sayo kahit hindi tayo nag-uusap lagi, nagkakasama lagi, pero kahit wala kang ginagawa, naiinlove parin ako sayo.

[elysix]

Nangungulila ako sa iyo. Nangungulila ako sa dati. Nangungulila ako sa nakaraan. Nakatira pa rin ako sa lahat ng ating pinagsamahan dahil malaking parte ka ng mga nakasanayan. Hindi pa ubos ang nararamdaman ko para sayo.

(via leolovespisces)

[elysix]

We do desperate things just to get the attention we deserve

[elysix]

You’ll still have some bad days, weeks maybe and in the worst case you’ll have a few bad months. But you have to understand that happiness comes in waves and there has never been an ocean entirely frozen. You’re making progress and I am extremely proud of you for your strength and perseverance. It might get worse, but I need you believe that, eventually, it will get better – it always does. Your growth is not defined by your bad days, you are not defined by your bad days. You are light and because of your darkness, you know how to shine even brighter. Take all the time you need to strive from the place you are in now. Everything is temporary and even the darkest times will pass. You’ll be fine. Remember that.

[elysix]

The things that I love about her now are the things that I hate the most right now

GSEE

[elysix]

I am not posting this to defend my position, I really am fine with my singleness. I am posting this because this is not funny, this is rude and disrespectful. Alam ko din na di lang ako nakakaranas nito, papalapit pa naman ang holiday season at maraming reunion. 😂

1. As women, should marriage be our ultimate goal to be percieved as happy and successful? No. Again, do not get me wrong. I believe in marriage, I believe in love and I too hope to experience this one day. Pero hindi naman siguro mali kung hindi iyon ang goal ko sa ngayon, diba? I have other things to do, other goals to accomplish – like BECOMING A BETTER WOMAN.

2. Katulad ng sinabi ko sa 6th picture, a successful woman is a successful woman. It does not matter if she is married or not. Kailan pa naging sukatan ng tagumpay ang marital status?

3. We have our own paths. A dear friend of my got married last month and God knows how happy I am for her. She’s now taking another journey, a new adventure with the love of her life. Andon na sya e, andon na sila. Nakita na nila ang isa’t isa. Diba? Eh ako hindi pa. So hindi pa yun ang path para sa akin. Diba? 😊 I will not enter a relationship for the sake of entering a relationship.

4. Maiwan sa byahe? Sa Tsuper ng Buhay ko, walang last trip. 24/7 ang byahe, may kani-kaniyang schedule lang. 😉

5. Face the truth that I am getting old? Matandang dalaga? Tulad ng sabi ko sa 7th picture, everyone gets old because that is the natural process – to age. Lalong mainam kung di lang basta nadagdagan ang edad kundi nadagdagan din ang alam at karanasan. Tumanda nang may pinagkatandaan. 😊 Tapos kapag senior citizen na ako di ko tatanungin ang future grandchildren ko kung kailan sila mag-aasawa or bakit wala pa silang asawa. Hahahahaha.

6. And finally, happiness. Again, it comes from within at hindi sa karelasyon (kahit may karelasyon ka, kapag di ka marunong makuntento di ka pa din sasaya). Much of it depends on how we choose to look at life too. Before I go to sleep, I count my blessings and I thank God for everything. I have my family, my friends, a job that I enjoy, at araw-araw akong natututo. What more could I ask for? The God I serve and live for is able to supply all my needs, why should I fear the future? I am at peace, I am happy because my God is a God who provides and I know He will send me the man of my prayers – if it is His will – in His time. I am the happiest and most loved girl in the world because God’s goodness and love pursue me every single day of my life.

But why am I posting this? Bakit ako triggered? *Natural ko ‘to. Hahahahaha.*

Galit ako kasi ngayon naiintindihan ko na kung bakit hayok na hayok ang iba na maghanap ng karelasyon – kahit hindi tama, kahit nasasaktan sila, kahit niloloko lang sila o kahit hindi pa handa – kasi maraming tao sa paligid ang magpaparamdam sayo na may mali sayo dahil wala kang jowa o asawa. May kulang sayo. Hindi ka normal. Hindi ka sasaya. Sinisira ninyo ang tiwala nila sa sarili nila. Kaya ayun, some people tend to settle for “anything” just to have “something”. Nagkakaron sila ng insecurities kasi sa halip na ituro na mahalin muna ang sarili at magsumikap para maging mas mabuting tao, pinapamukha sa kanila na di sila masaya hanggat walang romantic partner na nagmamahal sa kanila.

Dapat itinuturo natin na magsumikap muna tayo na maging “better person” – para kapag dumating yung tamang tao para sa atin, tayo din ay tamang tao na para sa kanila. At syempre, trust His time. 👆🏻

That’s it siz.

Enjoy. And have a happy weekend! 🤗

[elysix]

A lifetime with you would be a life well spent

[elysix]

"There are over a million words in our language but for some reason none of them can describe the way you make me feel."