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hey megan or lizette, i’m signing this tumblr out and creating a new one, i’ll probably tell you guys what it is, but yea i feel like i can’t have this one anymore really. but yea guys i’m gonna be signed out by the time you guys see this.
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yea i'm just a fucking disappointment. as if i don't fucking get that enough. just fuck edward right screw what he thinks anyways. step right up i'm used to the shit talk, need to let off on someone just go ahead i'm fucking here i don't give a shit anymore fuck my pathetic ass life. i don't care at all.
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i'm not accepted anywhere. i've always been neglected everywhere i go. i've never really known what's it's felt like to have someone who'd be petrified to lose me. i was always the most caring one in all friendships and relationships regardless of what ended up happening. i just feel like i'm too caring and sometimes that's too much for people. the ending factor of me caring too much ends up with everyone hating me, and so far who doesn't hate me? everyone has some hatred towards me and that's fine. i've gotten used to the harsh words of "i hate you" and sometimes they weren't even used in that order or way. simply put into more sophisticated words and they were trying to be as subtle as they could with it. but overall i'm very understanding but there's just days where i'll just be stubborn about things. of course like always it always ends up with me back on here writing, venting hoping someone will understand that i'm not perfect but that i can be, and if only someone could see it, and at the very least try to get it out there that i can be good, and somewhat useful.
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i feel welcome absolutely no where, and it really hurts hearing phrases of "home away from home" because honestly i feel like everywhere i go i'm not really wanted there.
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i'm keeping tumblr from now on, it makes me feel like someone actually listens to me for once.
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literally block me if you support the muslim ban, the environment science gag orders, the anti- reproductive rights executive order or any other unconstitutional plan trump made that goes against the people and our planet in each and every way.
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honestly i had some hope for this new year, but honestly it's so mixed now, i'm absolutely clueless. and i've been like this before.
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my parents don't love me. "oh boohoo poor child yea whatever. no one cares about you." yea it's true.
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to my parents.
thank you for making me feel like shit all the time. i truly don't appreciate it.
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i'm emotionally well, but theres days where everyone just makes me feel like absolute shit. these days are usually from my parents. if i were to say a percentage i'd say about 95% sadly.
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i've gone over this multiple times, but i just feel like i can't hide behind a smile anymore. and i can't be left alone looking all sad because then people only bother me for that but don't care at all when it comes to asking me what's truly wrong. i hate this. i hate this so much.
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goodbye test.
i’m going to slowly but surely start distancing myself away from everyone. if anyone notices, then okay maybe they’ll have a chance at keeping me alive. if i get completely lost. then you already know…
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i wish i could just know someone who would say "no edward don't think about committing suicide.." and go on with a million reasons why. but honestly what reasons would they be? if i can't even find one myself, i'm living my life getting crushed by everything and everyone. imagine living a life being constantly neglected all the time. you literally get told to fuck off. yeah i know. it's absolutely horrible.
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i live my life full of neglect. by everyone. especially family.
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everyone's better off without me anyways, everyone's life would be much better. because please tell me how i would make a difference if i were to "disappear?" literally nothing would change. yea the normal mourning of a human would go on for a little less than a week, yea but who cares about edward anyways. there would not be any significant change in my friends life whatsoever. actually there would, yea they'd lose a friend, but besides that, they'll just have less stress on them. that's all i am anyways. i just cause people stress and make everyone's life more difficult. i'd do my family a favor too. i'd do my friends a favor. most of all i'd do myself a favor.. i really hate my life because i can't ever seem to find a purpose in my life. i'm useless. purely useless.
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i'm just so sick of my life, there's nothing i wanna see anymore, i don't want to live anymore. what point is there to a life that goes around messing up people's lives, causing them a bad time, and whatnot? what's the point of that? i see no point honestly, and i feel like i would, and so would many other people would be better off without me in their lives.
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i’m thinking way too much, and honestly i just want to resolve it but i have no clue how and all i can do is lie here on the floor and with eyes full of tears. i just don’t even know.
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