elliswinter - Tumblr blog

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Valkyrie: Uncle Gordon, is there anything you don't know everything about?

Gordon: Synchronised swimming. It remains a mystery to me.

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Solomon Wreath: You know Skulduggery, you can’t solve all of your problems by knocking people out.

Skulduggery: See, people keep saying that, and yet my problems keep going away.

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Fletcher: Valkyrie and Tanith are in the library getting all sweaty.

Skulduggery: They're training.

Fletcher: I stand by my phrase.

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Ghastly: I’ve never saw the end of the wizard of Oz

Tanith: Why, did the flying monkeys scare you too?

Ghastly: No, Mevolent invaded Poland so the dead men had to ship out.

Tanith: Mevolent ruins everything.

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So eloquently put…

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Everyday is leg day when you’re running from your problems

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Valkyrie: Wait, whose side is China on?

Skulduggery: At the moment?

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Scapegrace is a good man, if you ignore all the things he does on purpose and concentrate on all of the things he does by accident.

Ghastly Bespoke, probably.  (via incorrectspquotes)

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Erskine Ravel is dirt 

Erskine gravel 

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Valkyrie: Do you know what you're doing?

Skulduggery: Theoretically.

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Caelan: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?

Valkyrie: Nothing, I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

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Nostalgia Critic Quotes Starters

You know the deal. Feel free to change pronouns, add names to blanks, etc. There is some profanity in this one.

“Why do they always want to do it the hard way?”

“What can’t we do with an acre of land?”

“We’re talking softly because it’ll upset the souffle?”

“You know…like your head!”

“You think you’re gonna get away from me, but you’re not, because it’s on.”

“I’m sorry, but who thought this would be an exciting idea?”

“This is even more exciting than that time I dangled keys in front of my own face!”

“DON’T fall to the ground like a bloody corpse.”

“Bad is rad and I’m ballistic!”

“Oh, come on, it’s obvious. It’s so incredibly obvious.”

“It’s junk food, brightly colored junk food for the mind.”

“The orthodox levels on this are most un!”

“Ah-ba-ba-ba, don’t tell me the problem, I only want to focus on the solution. I see…a banana. Use a banana.”

“We are not on the same level as them! WE ARE HEALTHY!”

“This looks like a job for flamboyance!”

“Yeah! The opposite of what we saw before! The opposite of what we saw before! The opposite of what we saw before!”

“Hey! You seem very…two-people-ish!”

“Because that’s funny, right? Right? The correct answer is no.”

“Punctuation is so wild!”

“WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAAAAT?”

“Clearly, we are dealing with artistic genius here!”

“Please get in this evil device which is in no way an evil device. Joke’s on you; it’s an evil device.”

“What do kids normally do? They make tofu or something?”

“Stop it! Stop it! Stop trying to sound cool!”

“All is lost.”

“You’re so gosh darn wonderful.”

“I’m sorry, ____. I like your place. It’s a nice looking place.”

“I don’t care if it’s innocent and cutesy; it’s a piece of shit.”

“But I don’t wanna laugh, I wanna get better.”

“If its purpose was to bore the living shit out of us, I agree.”

“You have to have one before you can lose it.”

“Wait a minute, so you’re saying that if I jump aboard the bandwagon before it even becomes a bandwagon, I can be one of the frontrunners of the bandwagon?”

“Redundant much, redundant?”

“Was I really just a pawn in your lame-ass little punchline?”

“Is this actually a popular thing and I just never noticed?”

“My God…it’s full of shit.”

“Put traffic cones around that apple juice; that shit is lethal!”

“What is this, just another day at the store for you?”

“Why are you being so blatant with how evil you are?”

“Yeah, you know what’s living? Dying.”

“No, wait, that’s not living. That’s…that’s fucking dying.”

“I remember it so you don’t have to.”

“You’re listening to frogs! It’s all a lie!”

“I don’t know, it means I’m angry!”

“Gee, does it have something to do with ice?”

“I just wanna bring love and joy to the world.”

“I haven’t been this shocked since I found out the secret to living a long lasting life…was breathing!”

“You know, for kids!”

“Start off with something innocent and lighthearted and then smash it down into cruel, cruel reality?”

“I hear it’s a dictatorship where people disappear.”

“Stay back; I think that’s real ketchup.”

“That’s so out of the ordinary, I dare call it wacky.”

“Get off my wet banana!”

“B-B-B-Bullshit!”

“Don’t encourage him. You’ll jiggy-jiggy regret it.”

“Maybe you could start by getting out of the fucking bed.”

“Well, that’s odd. It’s almost…normal.”

“Gee, does THAT…SOUND…FAMILIAR?”

“If we’re going through with this, I want to be prepared.”

“Fucking bubbles!”

“Inspire us! Say something stoic!”

“Oh, by the way, we have to mail this to fifty or more people or else we get bad luck.”

“I would LOVE to play a game with somebody!”

“Fuck yeah, sparkle sparkle sparkle!”

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna take the occasional break to look at myself in front of the mirror and cry.”

“Cause let me tell you, it’s not always easy.”

“People may die, but stupidity is forever.”

“Stop calling it that!”

“So, your argument is…you fucked up, you’re glad you fucked up, and you will continue to fuck up in new and spectacular ways?”

“I did not just hear that.”

“Time for a game of disappearing brain cells!”

“I think he drank the cactus juice or something.”

“I thought I had these burned!”

“My heart soars every time. The monotone. The absolute lack of any human emotion. The way he doesn’t even refer to her by her name.”

“I just remember that it was weird and childish.”

“I know that it’s just my opinion, but I’m right.”

“I remember it…but I don’t wanna!”

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Melissa: Where's Stephanie?

Desmond: She went out.

Melissa: She's grounded.

Desmond: Are they not allowed out when they're grounded?

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Valkyrie: You’re weird.

Skulduggery: You’re short.

Valkyrie: I’m twelve.

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Would anyone be interested in a Skulduggery Pleasant group chat? I just wanna talk about this series because it is so amazing and I love it so much.

So if anyone would be interested, I think we could probably figure something out. (Personally I would prefer Discord)