ellieguevara

[ellieguevara]

I need to stop obsessing over a girl who told me not to fall in love with her and that she didn’t want a relationship not even 5 minutes after we slept together.

[ellieguevara]

night watcher | ryanpernofski

[ellieguevara]

M45, Pleiades Cluster

[ellieguevara]

I just want to rewind I haven't seen you in a long time

You got me feeling so lonely

Even when you come through I can tell

That it isn't you so baby bring it in closely

Hate the way I love you but you so sweet

I always find a way to say the wrong things

I wish that we were laying in the same sheets

But lately you've been acting like you hardly know me

I've only recently begun to fall

I feel the need to go and waste it all

I tried to numb away the pain

I hope somebody is watching me, watching me, watching me

Baby come home, home

Baby come home, home

Baby come home, home

Baby come home, home

[ellieguevara]

“I could take my memory and paint your picture in my dreams”

[ellieguevara]

Saturn Devouring His Son - Francisco Goya 1819-1823 / Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan on 16 November 1581 - Ilya Repin 1883-1885

[ellieguevara]

Francisco de Goya

[ellieguevara]

Saint John Cathedral with Caravaggio ‘Beheading of Saint John’ painting …

[ellieguevara]

Chiaroscuro Chiaroscuro in art, is the use of strong contrasts between light and dark, usually bold contrasts affecting a whole composition. It is also a technical term used by artists and art historians for the use of contrasts of light to achieve a sense of volume in modeling three-dimensional objects and figures.

[ellieguevara]

5 weeks since I decided to yeet some yiddies. DDD to a C and I feel like I am myself

[ellieguevara]

[ellieguevara]

@mkvx

[ellieguevara]

The face behind the words.

[ellieguevara]

Back on Tumblr (2009-Present)

It's weird being back here, but in a way, Tumblr has always been my safe space. I can write freely here. I met friends here. I was able to express myself without having people I know personally/intimately watching my every move.

I started Tumblr back in 2009 and had a few usernames along the way:

2009 pikachu1lizabeth, which was my username from a KDrama site where I met Toki, a guy who told me I should join Tumblr to blog my feelings. We still follow each other on IG and Facebook. Wild.

2010-2012 I eventually changed my username when I got to college, to Thoughts-and-a-typewriter. It was at this time where I leaned heavily on Tumblr to write out my teenage/college aged feelings, flourished in my queer sexuality and was able to feel more myself.

2012-2018

In 2012, I decided to get a bit more personal, and changed my username to cafe-con-lizz, where I kept my focus on writing, writing poetry, queer things, music, etc. However, I was confident enough to attach my name to my user, and put a face to the writer behind the screen.

In 2018, I deleted tumblr and almost 10 years worth of memories. Memories of exes (friends, relationships) and all that came with it.

It is now 2022 and I'm back as me. As Elizabeth Guevara. As Ellie -- or how I'm rebranding, as Ely. I'm back to use Tumblr as my ongoing journal. I'm now 30 years old, and at the beginning of the year, the woman I loved so deeply for 5 years told me she met someone else. I know -- sounds horrible, and yes it was, but that call was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was where we both decided and saw that our relationship had ended due to many issues that piled up over the years.

Nathalie was my first long term girlfriend. Just like Jeremy was my first long term boyfriend. While I'd dated in the past, when you get to relationships that span YEARS, the others feel irrelevant in a way.

Nat and I started dating in September of 2016. We became engaged in 2020 during COVID and as of February, we've been broken up. This hasn't been an easy journey for me, in trying to find myself again and let go of what once was. It's been 6 months and i'm still stumbling about. In January I made the decision to go to therapy and while it's been helpful, i still see there's so much work for me to do.

Anyway, I plan to use this as an ongoing journal to document the rest of my healing.