elisays

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Chef (2014) dir. Jon Favreau

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the stonewall riots are relevant only as far as they inspire us to riot against the ways lgbt people are still persecuted to this day. you cannot settle into the mentality that someone fought so that you wouldn’t have to 

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Rush Hour (1998)

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We want to help her get some money for the baby by robbing a bank.
Well, shitfire, Kansas, that’s the sweetest thing I ever heard. SUGAR AND SPICE (2001) dir. Francine McDougall

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- Barbie (Toy Story 3, 2010)

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Billy Porter attends the 91st Annual Academy Awards at Hollywood and Highland on February 24, 2019 in Hollywood, California

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a very slurry guide to why french is Like That, Actually

SO

yall remember that post that went like…… “why is french… Like That”?

well, time for An Education from ur local french literature student

SO, BASICALLY, WHAT HAPPENED

first of all, well, it’s like the 9th century and the king is like…… hey what if….. and bear with me on this one but….. what if…….. we wrote………. the things about our country………… in the language……. actual people living in this country….. speak?

and people were like “holy shit youre the king so okay” and then the king was like “i want YOU to write this laws and THINGS in FRENCH!” and the monks were like “aw okay” so they started doing that

EXCEPT

that they had a big fucking problem. what was that problem, you may ask? well, the problem was thaT THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS DIDNT HAVE AN ALPHABET TO WRITE THIS FUCKING EXCUSE OF A LANGUAGE

lemme explain. all they knew was latin and the latin alphabet. bc like knowing latin was the whole thing when u were a monk. also latin was like… the Serious Language. but french doesnt sound like latin like at all. french sounded like some bitch ass demon had bitten their tongue and was trying to order a latte in the middle of an exorcism incantation. and i say “sounded” on purpose bc their pronunciation was wild, man. like ultra wild. like even WORSE than what we have to deal with now. and it had NOTHING to do with motherfucking latin.

so what did the monks do? well, they were like “aw this is a mcfucking embarrassment of a situation, ay” and had a choice. basically, they could invent a whole new mode of transcription for french weird ass sounds… OR they could do their best to try and adapt the latin alphabet to its demonic sprouting.

which is, pretty sadly if you ask me, what they went for.

so they started planning strategies that were complex at shit bc like how tf are you gonna write “cheval” with a fucking LATIN ALPHABET??? so basically they all went with whatever felt best to write in the moment and there were no rules and it was a weird fucking mess of a situation lemme tell you, ive seen the manuscripts, those men went APE SHITT

and like…. some of them never used the same spelling twice. also there were like no accent and punctuation and things that allow you to write like a fucking normal human being so jot that down

so, that was a big fucking mess and they started adding letters e v e r y w h e r e like……….. ok some of them were actually smart like they did their best to add letters that no one pronounced but it made it look like some latin thing. like basically they put up a pink hairband on a fucking DEMON CHILD and went “aaaawww look how CUTE it is, looks like its mommy so much!!!!” and prayed to god it would end up well (spoiler: no. no it didnt. bitch)

so you got things like “veult” for “veut” bc the “l” made it look a bit like the latin “vult” or something. but then as i said some of them went APE SHITT and were like, WOOHOO FREE LETTERS and started adding weird letters to words that had literally no etymological link to that letter. so they were writing “peut” like “peult” just because….. idk they felt like to??

so its Like That in the middle ages and then people started thinking about french as a language and they went like….. MAAAAW THERES A WEIRD FUCKING STRAY WRITING OUTSIDE!!! MAAAAAAAW!!!! IS THAT EVEN A FUCKING LANGUAGE???? BLINK MOTHERFUCKER!! AAAAAAAAAAAA and everyone was losing their shit alright

so like english students started going to college in france and they were like “bitch you live like this??” and the french were like :/// whelp

and like they did their best to like help non-native writing french but it had no rules so it didnt work out well and like….. in the 1500’s some guys were like “okay guys this makes no sense from now on well use a RATIONALIZED WRITING i built MYSELF” and their idea was basically to write french as they spoke it which i know SOUNDS like a good idea but actually AINT

bc first of all there are a shitton of words that have the same pronunciation in french and you need those weird spellings to actually know what the word is there for like….. they wrote like “me” for “mai” and “mais” and “mes” and “met” and basically that was wild

and some of those guys who knew a lot about grammar went like “ooookayyyyy so were removing those letters we dont pronounce buuuuuuuuuut its not alwayyyyyys like thiiiiiiiiis” and like…. right-wing people like the 1550 equivalent of republicans or some shit went like, foaming at the mouth like rabid fucking dogs when they saw “pe” instead of “peult” “oooooohhhhhh but you DIDNT and its not EVEN REALLY RATIONAL” and like they had a ton or arguments and it actually became a kinda linguistic war and all

plus they didnt pronounce the same things everywhere in france so in paris they wrote “otr” for “autre” and in lyon they wrote “aotr” and they were like……… “we got a problem here” bc the whole thing was to get a language that was the same everywhere in the country basically

so u got those reformist guys on the one side and the reactionaries on the other side and honestly, reactionaries’ arguments are so fucking funny they were like…

“okay so some of the letters are useful bc it helps understanding that the word comes from latin” this ones rational alright

“also some mute letters are used to link the words from an identical background together and create semantic links like “sang” (blood) does have a mute “g” bc it links it to “sanguin” (sanguine) and other words like this” alright cool

but THEN you got some weird fucking ideas like

“but actually writing IS the standard bc written things Are More Noble, Actually” which is like……. weird flex but ok

“yes, it makes it harder to learn, but so it repels women and non-educated people who would soil The Language if they could write it” like DUDE are you FUCKING SERIOUS

and finally – their main idea –

“bUt iT loOkS FaNcY” aka #aesthetics and thats basically it

also. the printing press workers were like……… guys are you SURE you want to get us to COMPLETELY CHANGE AND UNLEARN OUR WHOLE JOB LIKE C’MON so it kinda weighed in favor of the reactionaries

also the reactionaries won in the long term

tl;dr so french is Like That because 1. its a demonic language that monks desperately tried to tie back to latin and 2. old white men with bizarre aesthetic tastes hated women and The Poor

thanks for coming to my ted talk my language makes no sense and neither does its history

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Recognize this?

It’s FDR in one the most well-known presidential portraits and is featured on the US dime.

It was sculped by Selma Burke, a black sculptor and a pioneer in the Harlem Renaissance.

Happy black history month!

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I get really confused when americans, when talking about universal health care are like ‘yeh but it’s not free sweaty :) :) you have to pay it through taxes :) so gotcha!!’

and I’m like ….???? That’s the whole point??? Everyone pays their fair share so that no one has to be turned away because they don’t have insurance??? And no one has to set up a Fundraiser page just so that they DONT DIE???? So people don’t put off going to the doctor because they’re scared of going bankrupt?? Because healthcare is a RIGHT and should be free at the point of access?!?

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That’s the Nawlins magic, baby.

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i’m very tired, you guys realize poor people are allowed to spend money on items that aren’t just needed for survival, right? you guys know poor people can save 10 dollars every paycheck or something so they can buy a video game or a tattoo or go to a fancy restaurant, right? you realize poor people don’t have to act like 16th century peasants in order to be considered poor and need money? like you do know poor people are allowed to fucking enjoy things, don’t you?

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the dude who invented the rule about holding hands during a seance after noticing he’s sitting next to the guy he likes: oh haven’t you heard?

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#when someone apologizes to me

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Freddie roasting his guitar skills.

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Don’t mess with a cosplayer. After her boss set up a new dress code banning ponytails and “cultural head wraps,” June J Rivas decided to protest by dipping into her costume closet. There are so many more photos and awesome comment reactions.

Follow @this-is-life-actually

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There are so many unintended consequences to well-intentioned actions. It feels like a game you can’t win.