eli-is-bad-at-everything

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Executive dysfunction in a nutshell

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OKAY listen up, this is a thread for all my cold friends out there who aren’t used to severe cold. HOW TO LAYER, A GUIDE TO STAYING WARM, USING ONLY CLOTHING YOU PROBABLY ALREADY HAVE, NO FANCY SILK UNDERWEAR OR WHATEVER.

(link provided)(but I’m sure she won’t mind if you donate to whomever you feel like helping, if you are in a position to do so)

(source)

(transcript in read more)

Keep reading

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It's nailed on

Cyber, I'm legally obligated to ask you how are you wearing your mask as a Cryptid Tree?

Obviously, it's a part of my face now

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I know in the books it’s already like, a Thing that Percy’s relationship with his godly family seems to be abnormally good- like, Poseidon’s not dad of the year but he’s also made it clear he deeply cares about Percy and has tried to warn/protect him in the past, there’s been brief references here and there that after tlo Percy started spending time in the underwater palace occasionally, he calls Amphitrite his step-mom and says she bakes him cookies and doesn’t mind that he’s messy when he stays over, he brought back that pendant Annabeth wears, little stuff like that- but tbh I wish it would be expanded on more because apart from the fact it’s sweet, it’s also like, kinda funny? when you think about how all the other gods are just. messes. about family. like let me just SEE him interact with his family more, it has such potential. He casually mentions he’s meeting his sister Kym at starbucks later and Jason’s like ‘she sold you out to a giant that wanted to murder you’ and Percy’s just like ‘yeah but that was months ago and dad made her apologize we’re cool now’. Annabeth still hasn’t forgiven her mom for the whole Mark-of-Athena-Suicide-Quest thing and they had a huge fight on Olympus the other day, the first time they had seen each other since the war ended, and Annabeth’s complaining about this to Percy, who’s Iris Messaging her from the bottom of the ocean because it’s Poseidon’s custody weekend. There’s a mandatory parent bake sale at school to raise money for a field trip but Sally’s on a book tour and Paul was prepared to just quit after he set the kitchen on fire, only for Amphitrite to stroll into the school the next day and ruin every PTA Mom’s life. Percy telling his friends to stay out of the water for a few days because he called Triton a bitch in the family group chat and he just wanted them to be careful. Percy trying to figure out if a bunch of Greek gods are expecting Christmas presents or not and wtf to get them if they are. Triton wanting to get Percy back for the bitch comment but knowing their dad won’t let him drown someone so he instead shows up at Percy’s mortal high school and does The Most to embarrass him. Tyson begging Percy to let him help babysit Estelle. Poseidon showing up at Career Day with absolutely no warning and trying not to laugh at Percy’s reaction. Percy getting his dad a fathers day card like he wanted to do in SoM!! Like it’s a dynamic I don’t want pushed to the side as much as it is!!! There’s so much to work with there!!! I want more! 

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other ppl i guess: *use ‘its magic’ as a way to not think about it anymore*

me, compelte idiot: *uses ‘its magic’ as an excuse ot come up with excessively convolued magic systems using stuff i barely understand* 

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If you’re in Texas and you’re trying to stay warm during the power outages, here’s some tips from an Illinoisan currently living in Texas. Obviously battery powered heaters or heated blankets can be great, as is a fire in a fireplace. But if those aren’t options for you, try:

1. You can use tape around the edges of doors and windows to prevent drafts, or use towels or blankets to stuff around it. We currently have blankets taped up covering our doors and towels taped over most of our windows. Avoid going into rooms with an outside wall or multiple/large windows, they’re going to be colder.

2. If you’re getting power back every now and then, fill a sock about 2/3 full with rice, lentils, or dry beans, stick it in the microwave for about 30 seconds at a time, checking to see when it’s nice and warm. Then put it at your feet under a blanket.

3. If you have a gas stove, boil a pot of water. You can make tea or soup with it, but even just boiling water will help warm and humidify the home a little. Good for avoiding nosebleeds.

4. Set all your faucets to drip. Moving water in the pipes keeps them from freezing, which is good because you don’t want them to burst.

5. Got a significant other? Kids? Pets? Cuddle them. Never underestimate how much it helps to have another warm body sharing a blanket with you.

6. Do NOT drink alcohol. Yes, it makes you feel nice and warm. It also causes you to LOSE body heat.

7. Move around! Even just bicycling your legs will get your blood flowing, which will help warm you up. Then you can go right back to bundling up.

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Bagel with jalapeño cream cheese and cream cheese jalapeño poppers

name 2 foods with the same ingredients that otherwise bear no similarities whatsoever?

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In 10th grade biology, one of our assignments involved playing the game Plague Inc. I started out being methodical and developing it in ways that make sense, but then I got bored and just spammed whatever to try to hurry it up and get it over with. This feels relevant to, well, *gestures broadly at everything

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Cardboard or floormats can be used to get your car unstuck (stick them under the wheels)

If you're expecting freezing rain, cover outdoor keyholes (car or house) with tape

When stopping your vehicle, start slowing down much sooner and slow down gradually. Slowing down sooner gives you time to decelerate gradually, gradual deceleration lowers your chance of sliding, and slowing sooner gives you more space if your car does slide.

sending my love and warm thoughts to everyone in the southern united states whos dealing with a winter storm! here’s some tips

gotta be somewhere at 8? start your car at 7:45, crank the defrost and heat up

don’t have winter boots? that’s fine! layer up some socks for warmth and try to walk on any dirt/grass to avoid ice. if you can’t avoid ice patches, keep your weight balanced on your foot (press down carefully and with your whole foot)

layers. start with a tank top, then a shirt, then a sweater, then a jacket, then another jacket!! hoods are your friend, keep your ears warm. jeans are terrible for holding warmth so wear leggings under jeans

open your cabinets under your sinks so your pipes don’t freeze

close your blinds as best you can/put saran wrap over your windows and the seals to cover any leaks and keep in the heat

when driving, reduce your speed by at least 5 mph, maybe 10 if it’s especially icy

if you find yourself spinning out, let go of the wheel and let off the breaks. don’t try to course correct!! you can pump the breaks a bit but try to let the car come to a stop naturally

bring your pets inside! also check your car wheels before leaving in the morning as stray cats can and will sleep there for warmth/shelter

drive carefully, drink lots of warm drinks, eat lots of soup, and consider giving to shelters/homeless organizations/food banks. winter storms are hardest on those who have little. northerners feel free to add any advice you have!!

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trickle-down, no i want to see trickle-up economics. billionaires don’t make a single new penny until the rest of us are housed and fed and have decent healthcare

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Characters who have no dignity are great

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So Your Temperate Home is Suddenly an Arctic Hellscape

As -10F hits area’s of the US who’ve never seen such temperatures in living memory, I wanted to give some tips from a Minnesotan who’s lived with these temps as a part of my life for 37 years.

1) Don’t Get Cocky. People used to these temps may laugh at our southern neighbors freaking out about the cold because yes, some parts of the US get such temps regularly every year. These people are being ignorant assholes. Our houses are mandated to have insulation that few of your homes will have. We pretty much all have huge puffy coats, and have well established winter weather gear drives for homeless and poor folks every year. We have expensive, well equipped infrastructure for cope with these temps and with large amounts of snow. You don’t. When it comes down to it, Minnesotans know to respect the cold temps- it’s just that a lot of the ways that do it are so commonplace as to be invisible to those who already have these habits.

2) Don’t go out wet. Dry your hair or stay inside. You will loose a lot of heat if you’re wet. Same for sweat, and wet diapers. And clothes with snow on them are now WET CLOTHES. Change into dry clothes as soon as possible.

3) If you have a shitty car battery or a car that sometimes struggles to start, then try not to use it. You’re unlikely to get the kind of temps where it’s impossible to start an engine (I’ve only experienced those temps a few times. Once my eyelashes froze shut and I almost froze to death in my own back yard. Don’t be like young me. Respect the cold.) If your car doesn’t start, you could be stranded somewhere, and realistically your area’s emergency services may be pretty overrun. 

4) Very cold air doesn’t hold moisture well. Plan for extra hydration for people, pets, and plants. Even if your staying in- most home heaters pull cold air from outside, then dry it out even MORE in the process of heating it. Dehydration is a thing. Even if your home’s heater has a humidifier attached to it (if you’re not sure, then it probably doesn’t.) it’s a good idea to drink extra water. Right now I have a few pots of water just left out by heaters to evaporate as much as possible. My mom used to just heat huge camping pots on the stove all day in cold temps. Remember, dry nasal passages really muck up your bodies ability to fight airborne illness. This is not a great time for that.

5) Help out homeless folks in your area in any way you can. These temps can and do kill. And since we have more evictions than any society can conscionably defend this year, we have high numbers of homeless people. Which means area supports for unhoused folks are often underfunded and over-taxed. 

6) Let your faucets drip. I know nobody likes to waste water but if your pipes freeze they will literally explode. Your home will flood. My mother’s kitchen got completely destroyed and it traumatized my childhood dog. Justa  bit of moving warm water will safeguard you from that.

7) Do. Not. Burn. Propane. Indoors. 

8) Plan for potential power outages. Ice on the lines can cause this and again, your infrastructure isn’t prepped for this. Unplug anything in your home you’re not using to do your part to help prevent rolling blackouts.

9) Driving on ice is a SKILL. Your roads may be filled with people who do not have that skill. Please please, stay off the roads if you can- even if you have this skill these roads will not be prepped and will, again, be full of people who don’t know how to do this because it just hasn’t come up that much in their life.

Stay safe and stay kind, folks! 

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There are pods that you can be buried in when you die that use your corpse(cremated or whole) as food for a sapling! Trees will absolutely consume any remains you give them

i think it's fucked up that there are plants that decided they wanted to eat meat

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It’s 1 am and I just… stories really were made to save us, huh?

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Words that would make good YA character names, entirely based on their spelling

I did a lot of research for this. these are my conclusions

Protagonist Names

Beholden

Hedgerow

Malaria

Chess

Chapel

Lever

Even

Adrenaline

Linen

Shrivel

Parsley

Marine

Umbrella

Anesthesia

Parcel

Fallacy

Burden

Liver

Cyst

Happen

Allergen

Love Interest Names

Carsick

Cashier

Javelin

Maverick

Cadaver

Metric

Crestfallen

Cyan

Dorkier

Estrus

Coriander

Cabin

Rave

Calendar

Cervix

Festival

Surnames/Family Names/Royal Lineages

Wrestling

Cartridge

Damndest

Helium

Margarine

Virus

Cardholder

Meridian

Latrine

Previous

Solvent

Rhombus

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Okay but did the Lesbos Lesbians go after specific lesbians or just all lesbians?

And a very happy Valentine's day to all happily married/engaged epileptic beekeepers prone to fainting spells, may you be kept safe from the plague!

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some of my favorite euphemisms I’ve said abt my adhd without actually saying “I have adhd”:

clinically Unobservant™️

brain doesn’t know to shut up

I’m a magician in that I can make anything disappear forever

Newton’s 1st Law to the extreme

my last brain cell is doing the Macarena

out of sight means out of mind, but in sight might not make it to the mind either

a person you can trust to not tell a secret - bc I won’t remember

my thoughts are flying balls and I can’t juggle

0.5 gig of RAM