elephantschemin

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PinkPantheress for Evening Standard Magazine November 2021

shot by Aidan Zamiri

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Al Pacino as Michael Corleone in The Godfather (1972), dir. Francis Ford Coppola

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marsha p. johnson and sylvia rivera, founders of STAR and the first pride parades, in 1989

happy pride month! the stonewall uprising was a riot started by trans women of colour against police brutality. support black lives. support trans lives. love fiercely. throw bricks. acab.

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She treats her body like she is going to live forever

Because she knows her mind is the real treasure

Panic attacks and depression make her doubt

But underneath the dirt she can see the route

‘You will get passed these horrible feelings’

She tells herself as she is reeling

The sun came up the next day and sure enough

Just kidding, today is going to be another bluff

Maybe tomorrow will be better...

She holds onto that idea as she writes this letter

Mind over matter

But what if the mind is shattered?

Pick up the pieces and try to heal?

Hope is my only shield

-E Wald

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I hate that I need to remind you I exist

But then why I do alway try to persist

Push open a door that barely exists

I wish I knew how to want to resist

- 12/29/19 E Wald

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Matter I realized for you It isn’t about who It’s about a feeling Your needing To feel something How could I compete When I start at defeat I see tiny glimpses Knowing you’d listen But disappointment follows You fall back to wallow Your confidence crashes Then you turn to new distractions No one person ever coming close Limited people knowing what you need most Timing really does matter It’s taken me time to gather Evidence to prove you care But the facts were never fair You aren’t available to me And it’s sad really With this undeniable chemistry It’s difficult to let you be But I have to move on I will miss you when you’re gone In my time of desperation I will remind myself of my realization It never mattered who All that mattered was you

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Billie Holiday, Berlin, 1954.

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For Now... Pen to paper when I feel inspired More like fingers to screen, wired Unsure on how to express emotions Like Drake, I guess that’s just the motion I cannot help but think about you What you are thinking I haven’t a clue I am not sure what puts me more at ease The unknown or the ability to please By mirroring what you are saying Or is the unknown more elating I think my desire to know more about You, if this is a safe route To explore the possibility of this being something, Blinds my judgement to what you bring What you show me when we hang out Your signals could be a shout In the dark feelings that I have for you Does not help me see clearly to Point out if this is right or wrong How much longer is this going to go on? Exhilarating Or Frustrating I am still learning Hope I don’t stop yearning And if I do, let it be Thanks I guess, for showing me What it is to feel wanted, here, present For helping me see what I meant When I told myself I’m worth it That I’m smart and cool with grit With you, a positive experience thus far Sometimes experiences just are Past and future don’t always tag along Present can stand alone, strong I am just not sure how much longer I can go on For now ...

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Atonement (2007)

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Sex and the City blog 🍸

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