eirene-morana

[eirene-morana]

A New Year’s Resolution (2015)

A Reaction

On the year when the shit hit the fan

From the 2017 me LOL

1.  get more fluids, stay hydrated. 

Yea, I still haven’t bought a water bottle :/

2.  moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. put lotions everywhere.

Well I’m pretty fine in this department my skin’s still shit.

3.  less coffee, more tea. i’ve recently started with this and i hope i can keep it up.

Tea is disgusting :( Also I am now a coffee connoisseur. 

4.  follow your skin care regimen. stick to it. worry less of your skin demons. focus more on the good parts. tighten your pores. treat your skin right, do not punish it for its imperfections.

It’s pretty much clearer now thanks to Cetahphil and Retin-A.

5.  GET ENOUGH SLEEP

LOL.

6.  less procrastination. prioritize, prioritize, prioritize. you’re in law school, i get it. you do not have to be stressed and underslept all the time.

LOL x 2.

7.  listen to more good music \m/

Oh I have especially now I don’t have to pretend liking certain music to be liked.

8.  i know a lot of times you don’t feel like it, but do go out more and talk to and meet people. it might be awkward and cumbersome but in a long run you’ll thank yourself.

By now I’ve developed a kind of sociopathic constrained charisma which reveals itself when I need something. There I said it.

9.  stop ruminating about your stupid decisions

I’ve transcended to incorporating them to dark humor making people confused and uncomfortable on whether they should laugh or feel sorry.

10.  block toxic people. like, literally. do not contact them again. do not plead for their attention and undermine yourself in exchange.

LOL x 3

11.  you do not have to feel like shit most of the time.

True.

12.  try to be softer. it takes courage to be soft in a world like this.

I’d like to be a cut throat bitch not emotions are weird :(

13.  get more in tune with current events

Trying to because I have to.

14.  heck, read more (not just law books). expand your horizons. brush up on your astrophysics that you’ve always loved once in a while.

I’d just memorize the Rules of Court instead.

15.  DO NOT LET A MAN MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT. you are fabulous and they’re not worth it.

LOL x 4.

16.  be more genuine with what you feel. it’s hard, i know, you’ve been a whole lot apathetic for quite some time.

I tried that this year haahahhahaha and look what happened.

17.  smile more, you look more beautiful that way.

what the fuck is this gay shit

18.  it’s okay when your voice quivers, or that you don’t know things, or that you disappoint yourself. you can’t be that perfect all the time; it would be unfair for the rest of the world.

:(

19.  write more. it’ll help clear your thoughts. you once aspired to be a writer, remember? you once wrote with stick figures and sometimes, smut. you’re probably not the best writer, but you once wrote stick figures with smut.

I’ll only write to get paid.

20.  you are not 18 anymore. lessen the junk food.

Food is food, you pretentious dumbass.

21.  for goodness sake, eat. i know you can be really apathetic when you’re enthralled or occupied, but you have your basic needs.

True I still forget to eat.

22.  read your goddamn cases. yes, even the boring ones (hi, credit transactions and the like).

I do read them now and forget them shortly after.

23.  be nice to yourself. you put up with your own shit the most.

I’m trying :(

[eirene-morana]

1. You seem to be hurting his feelings constantly, though you aren’t sure why, and he expects your attention to be focused endlessly on his emotional injuries. If you are in a bad mood one day and say something unfair or insensitive, it won’t be enough for you to give him a sincere apology and accept responsibility. He’ll go on and on about it, expecting you to grovel as if you had treated him with profound cruelty. (Notice the twist here: This is just what an abuser accuses his partner of doing to him, when all she is really looking for is a heartfelt I’m sorry.) 2. When your feelings are hurt, on the other hand, he will insist on brushing over it quickly. He may give you a stream of pop-psychology language (Just let the feelings go through you, don’t hold on to them so much, or It’s all in the attitude you take toward life, or No one can hurt you unless you let them) to substitute for genuine support for your feelings, especially if you are upset about something he did. None of these philosophies applies when you upset him, however. 3. With the passing of time, he increasingly casts the blame on to you for anything he is dissatisfied with in his own life; your burden of guilt keeps growing. After an aggressive incident, he will speak of his actions as anger rather than as abuse, as though there were no difference between the two. He blames his assaultive behavior on you or on his emotional issues, saying that his feelings were so deeply wounded that he had no other choice.

[eirene-morana]

you’re the morning paper full of bad news but you’re imprinted on my skin so i can’t burn you away like i wish i did with all the unsent letters hidden between the pages of my favourite books and i know i sound obsessive or maybe i’m too late but the truth is i’ve been trying for years and now you’ve just dissolved to a memory that i love even more than your face because i haven’t seen you in years and it feels like i haven’t touched in decades but you’re everywhere i go you’re in the songs i don’t sing anymore but wake up humming every morning and you’re the shadow of every person in my dreams that i know are there but never get to recognize and i’m sorry that the words got stuck in my throat before i could say them but the truth is i prefer this hollow space in my chest and the good memories in the postcards to knowing i was never as legible as i thought myself to be

i should’ve tried harder but these past few years you’ve woken up with the same someone next to you every day and i have still never made you as happy

i’m shit at giving up though, i’ll keep trying