effervescent-emmett

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super fucked up how i can't play bg3 bc my laptop is too shitty and my playstation is the wrong generation and who has the money for a fucking ps5? i just want to kiss that fuckass wizard like god damn

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okay but you know what I would change about the Esme/Carlisle/Edward timeline???

Esme is turned first.

she's older in this version and was turned in the 1840s, making her Carlisle's first companion. And after that, he's so happy that he has no need to turn another, Esme training as a nurse (which she always wanted to be but her parent's married her off to an abusive monster instead I know she wanted to be a teacher but I'm changing it) and working with him.

And it's Esme that turns Edward, being the one to care for him alongside his mother and coming to love them both. It's Esme Elizabeth Mason begs to save her son (quietly reveling the gift she never admitted to having, a gift her son only truly came to find after being turned) and she does, one mother understanding that indescribable anguish over a beloved son. And as much as he hates what he is, Edward considers it amazing to have been so loved by two of the kindest women to ever live.

He doesn't know why they loved him but they did...and it's only when he finds Bella and his own happiness that he is truly grateful for it.

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There was a post a few years ago about the things in Twilight which are actually pretty good - like how a human who has turned into a vampire might keep breathing, just out of habit, yet feel strange because there's no relief tied to the action, or how a group of vampires who don't sleep take it in turns holding a baby as she sleeps.

I'd like to add one to the list: in the final book, Bella says that she loves Edward and her daughter, but her new love for her daughter doesn't diminish her love for Edward, as she previously thought it might. I wonder if this is tied into the author's experiences with motherhood and concerns with jealousy and a baby getting the attention and affection that was previously reserved for a partner. Instead, Bella says she has more capacity to love, and it's quite a sweet passage. She says there's not enough time in the day to adore her daughter; not enough time at night to cherish her husband.

Anyway all of that is undermined by the fact that she named her daughter Renesme

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Twilight AU where Carlisle is still like 350 years old but when he adopts new vampires (either by biting them himself or taking in strays like Alice and Jasper), they eventually 'grow up' and move on. So the fact that Edward is still with him means that he's a newish vampire. "How long have you been 17?"

"About 3 years."

". . . wait, what? That's it?"

"I was in a bad car accident in Illinois a few years ago; my dying mother begged Carlisle to do everything in his power to save me."

"Oh. I had just assumed all vampires were really old."

"Wait, you thought I was 100 years old and still attending high school?"

"I thought it was part of your cover story to blend in."

"No, I'm here to finish my education. It was interrupted when I became a blood-drinking demon of the night."

"But you talk . . . like you're from a different time."

"That could be Carlisle's influence. Or it could be that my father was a successful lawyer and I'm a private school-educated piano prodigy."

"Oh, yeah, that would probably do it."

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i will not lie, friends in my phone, i have been imagining affection from time to time

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hey um i’ve got some bad news. we mulled your boyfriend. he fell in the wine and we mulled him. yeah with the cinnamon sticks.

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i fucking hate it when a movie or a tv show does some shit where a character has a shitty dad and another character tells them to forgive him because. "it's your dad". that means nothing. more people should be killing their fathers.

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Ship dynamics are always like Sunshine and Sunshine protector~ Cinnamon roll and their grumpy one 🤗 Well what about 2 cunts. They're both cunts and that's the dynamic. cunt4cunt.

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So ummmmmmmm Twilight may or may not be a guilty pleasure of mine and Kristen Stewart is like so frickin hot and she is definitely one of those people that should've helped me realize I was gay sooner lol

So enjoy a quick Bella Swan sketch heheheheh

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headcanon: the boring perfect self control vampire bella thinks she has is a LIE and at one point she caught human scent mid-hunt and snapped. it made her so wild she had to be restrained to the point where things got ugly

i know edward would never dare to do it and meyer would never dare write it and in canon newborn vamp bella would be far stronger than him...

actually. you know who would be stronger than one young vampire? two old vampires. and who would act practical in a critical situation? emmett

imagine edward and bella heading out for a hunt and emmett being like "do you guys mind if i tag along? i feel like snacking". bella's a little mad at the prospect of suddenly having a third wheel (homegirl wasn't planning on just. hunting) but alice gets a weird hunch and goes "no, no, em should go with you" ok nostradamus. he's going.

fast forward they're in the mountain. bella finds having emmett third-wheeling is not half bad. in emmett's head, lowkey it's bella who's the third wheel after so many decades of him hunting together with edward. but nevertheless, it's so fun with her around. all is good until they catch the scent of an entire group of friends hiking just a couple of miles from here, away from all civilization. emmett and edward stop in their tracks, ready to turn around. bella, her guard down, loses it and stars running towards the group, so they have no choice but to charge at her. while strugging to keep her in place, they try to talk her down but she doesn't listen. she doesn't care, she's strong enough to fight them off, and she fights and claws and hisses and breaks bones of whoever gets in her way because there are so many pulses just a few minutes' run away from her and their scent is so sweet and burning and calling, calling, calling to her

while struggling to restrain her, emmett grunts "we have to disarm her". edward catches the image in his head and shouts "no! you can't literally disarm bella!". well, how the hell do you expect us to stop her from massacring all those hikers? we'll just put her back together afterwards. duh!, emmett thinks, and knows he has to act fast so he goes in while bella's busy yanking away from edward's grip and tears off a limb. or two. all 3 of them may or may not be screaming.

a few moments later edward's pinning bella to the ground, holding her face between his palms, forcing her to look at him. her thrashing is not so effective with limited body parts. part of him wants to yell at emmett but that's kind of low priority. he's holding on to the last of his composure while he looks down at bella's feral expression and chants 'baby. i'm so sorry but i'll give you your leg back after you calm down a bit. i won't be able to outrun you if you go chasing after those people now. please calm down. i love you. hold your breath'

just then she listens, stops breathing and her vision refocuses. for the first time she realizes she was on her way to slaughter a bunch of strangers and she broke the arm of the man she loves at least three times when he tried to stop her. she wants to open her mouth and apologize but that will require her to breathe and possibly go crazy with thirst again. so she stares back at edward's panicked eyes and nods at him, her own red eyes just as full of terror.

then she looks over his shoulder and sees emmett waving her severed leg in the air like it's a baseball bat. "hey, did you know that rose wears the same shoe size?"

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me: you literally have a disorder. this is symptoms

me: no perhaps my soul is rotten

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A twilight comic (it came to me in a dream)

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i miss her

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#me too bestie

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Midnight Sun is very funny bc Edward is all I'm so mature these people are like little children to me and then you see him experiencing the most insane adolescent mood swing anyone has ever had