edwardteachs

[edwardteachs]

a gnat just beat me up and left me in a ditch

[edwardteachs]

awesome 👍you can go ahead and do that

[edwardteachs]

avril lavigne was right. what the hell

[edwardteachs]

“no rapping tonight"

why?

"you rap about arthurian knights everytime, it's embarrassing"

ok

[after one beer]

uh oh y'all i go into a trance a lot

[edwardteachs]

I felt straight up downright left out in there <- sentence composed mostly of directions

[edwardteachs]

Looking at the "I am human" check box and hesitating a little bit too long before clicking it.

[edwardteachs]

When your grandma has BPD #bpdgrandma

[edwardteachs]

The song “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard is the first song written from the point of view of a grapefruit.

[edwardteachs]

SO WHAT IF YOU CAN SEE

THE DARKEST SIDE OF ME

[edwardteachs]

Alternative ending to Jonathan Harker's story, Dracula 1897

My dearest Mina

Descending the outer wall as I first planned proved impossible. As I was making my progress down it, I slipped. I shall spare you the details of how my leg looked when I came to, the bone piercing the skin in a manner that made me faint. It would surprise me greatly if I can ever put my weight on it again.

The Count has said he shall "take care of me until such a time as I can leave", but we both know he is lying. What manner of horrors the 'taking care of' will entail, I do not wish to imagine.

I know you will never read this, as the Count is vetting my letters. So i shall burn it myself before he ever has the chance.

I pray you find happiness, whatever life will bring you next.

I will think of you until he robs me of my memories as well. Until such a time, I shall think of you always.

- Jonathan Harker

[edwardteachs]

use your FUCKING turn signals during sex

[edwardteachs]

the same 4 meals in rotation i love you. i love you the same 4 meals in rotation

[edwardteachs]

[edwardteachs]

"the magnus archives sounds cool! what are the content warnings?"

[edwardteachs]

do u have a vibrator in ur pants or is ur penis just so scared

[edwardteachs]

January was a tough year but we made it

[edwardteachs]

my card declined at oktoberfest and they ripped off my lederhosen