educ134pascual-blog

[educ134pascual-blog]

“Thank you for your interest in and application to the University of your dreams. After careful consideration we are unable to offer you admission.”

REJECTION

One-word, big bold letters… sink into my mind.

R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N

I can feel the hot tears slowly form in my eyes. “Nothing new in my life”m I think to myself. However, this shut door hurts the most with an unsettling pressure in my chest that feels like I’ve been plunged into the ocean, down into the deep depth of the bottom I sink.

As I sit in the silence of my room, I feel alone and stranded. I can hear the crickets outside while I close my eyes trying to believe in a fake comfort that I’ll be okay.

When I was a 5th grader in elementary school, my class went on a college field trip. I never visited a college, much less knew what college really meant. So along I stepped off the yellow big bus and stood there with both awe and overwhelming excitement, I fell in love during the first time I saw the large park filled with beautiful green trees and bicyclists zooming pass by. I dreamt of coming to this campus again, not as a kid who was often getting into trouble and never taken seriously, but as an invincible adult who had her life together.

I imagined that getting into my dream university would come effortlessly. In my heart, I was filled of hope and I spent my classes daydreaming of what it would be like to dorm and live in Irvine. “Should I get new bed sheets, should I bring my pillow pet or is that weird?” “Should I invest in a new bike?” These thoughts swept my mind every night before falling asleep. I had so much excitement about what my next chapter of college would bring.

Now I realize I will have to say goodbye to those sleepless nights that I stayed up on my laptop watching dorm tours. I will have to say goodbye of those night I lied in bed dreaming of what my college life had in stored for me.

Since I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a nurse. When I was younger, I used to treat my teddy bears and found any excuse to pretend to bandage them up or listen to their hearts with a pretend stethoscope. I love helping others and my passion in nursing only grew stronger when I began volunteering at my local hospital.

But now, all the dreams I held were crushed. Being rejected from my dream college crushed my life plan.I had it detailed down to a step-by-step plan and now everything seemed meaningless.I couldn’t even complete the first step. “I’m such a failure”,I mumbled to myself. I could feel my eyes well up again.

With perfect timing, I hear a small envelope slip through my closed bedroom door. A shiny white envelope now lies before me. I slowly get up from the edge of my bed to walk towards this new message. I unravel the folded letter to..

.

an eviction notice.

By the age of seventeen, I thought I would have gotten used to not having a real home. I never met my parents nor had someone to really call family. The creeping pain as I finished reading my final eviction notice was just enough to make reality sting.

As a foster child, I depended on college to be my solution. I had till the end of this month to figure out my life now. Despite of not getting into college, my contract of being terminated from housing still stood. I was to leave as soon as I turned eighteen, but I now had nowhere to leave to.

I closed my eyes for the millionth time as it felt. The thought of not having a plan was just enough to get my heart racing. I could hear my wall clock tick, but tick and tock as if every millisecond was spilling everywhere.

The room began to spill but not fast enough that my eyes didn’t catch the pamphlet on my corner desk.

The pamphlet!

I have never felt the sense of delight before to set eyes on a pamphlet. Usually I waited until I was out of sight to toss them away. But, for some reason, by fate, this pamphlet made it all the way home with me.

Earlier in the day, I was sitting in my last class of the semester. Everyone was thrilled to end our last day in high school. I could hear whispers and chit chats as people grew excited in sharing their summer plans and next year route. The only thing I really paid attention to was the growl of my stomach. “When does this all end?”, I wondered.

Our teacher, Ms. Garcia, finally hushed everyone down. She announced: “Class, I have one last announcement before we end class today!”

Everyone silenced down and listened with their last bit of attention to hear Ms. Garcia. “One of my dearest friends and I reconnected and she shared with me this amazing program that she has co-founded. It is a working abroad program to teach English in Chile. It is a wonderful opportunity, I will pass the information along for anyone interested.”

I hunched in my seat. I had tuned out Ms. Garcia as soon as she said the word, “working abroad”. I was set on staying in California and moving to Irvine, just 30 miles away. Moving abroad has never seemed like a path in my plans.

I sit in my room alone, clinging onto my pillows as if there the only things keeping me weighted. I wipe all my tears away and walk towards my desk.

“Teach English in Chile – A great experience of a lifetime!” I read across the front of the pamphlet. I read it again. I open the pamphlet and read every letter imprinted in each side.

I read through it one more time, and one additional time after that.

I exhale.

I slip into my pajamas, I bring myself under my warm blankets, and I finally close my eyes, this time in seek of rest and not an escape.

The next morning, I beat the sun and empty out my backpack from old papers and school notebooks to make room.

I make room for a fresh new start.

Within two hours I’m at the airport. I’ve bought my ticket to Chile and decided on my new fate. “It’s not an escape, it’s taking the rewards that I can reap from the unknown”, I reassure myself as I walk towards the entrance of the terminal, not looking back.