edrei29

[edrei29]

Welcome to My Journey!

In this intimate space, I invite you to join me on a journey of self-discovery and reflection. Through the lens of conversations with my younger self, I'll share the twists and turns, the triumphs and tribulations that have shaped who I am today.

As we delve into the depths of our shared experiences, you'll witness the raw honesty of confronting life's burdens and the unwavering resilience that emerges in the face of adversity.

This short story serves as my introduction to the world—a glimpse into the heart and soul of the woman behind the words. So, come along as we navigate the intricacies of life, embracing every moment with courage, compassion, and an unwavering determination to thrive. Welcome to my story.

This is Who You’ve Become 

A Story of Edrei Cyrene V. Baniaga

It was a quiet Saturday afternoon, exhaustion weighing heavy after hours of relentless return demonstration. Collapsed on my bedroom floor, I felt drained, questioning why life seemed so unforgiving. Eyes closed, tears threatened to spill, but then, a notification chimed on my phone – a Facebook memory from a decade past. As I gazed at the photo, a pang of sadness pierced me, contrasting the innocence of my younger self with the reality I now faced, where genuine smiles were a rarity.

I had strange feeling of wanting to talk to my younger self. It felt nostalgic and a bit longing to connect with her. I want to tell her everything she’s been through, so i closed my eyes and let my mind wander back to childhood.

"Hey, Edrei," I whispered softly, emotion quivering in my voice. "I've longed to speak to you, to share the journey I've walked, the burdens I've carried, and the resilience I've found."

The little girl peered at me, curiosity lighting her eyes. "Hello! Who are you?" Her innocence warmed my heart.

"I'm you, just a bit older," I said, a gentle smile playing on my lips. The little girl's face lit up with excitement, her eyes brimming with curiosity, as if she couldn't wait to discover what lies ahead.

"Omg! You're me! Can I ask, how are we now?" she exclaimed, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

“Oh little girl, we’re fine!” No, we’re not. I am just masking my inner struggles to preserve her joy.

"How old are we now?" she inquired, sitting eagerly before me, chin propped up by her hands.

"We just turned 19 last March 29. It's our final year as teenagers," I answered, a hint of nostalgia tugging at my heart.

“Oh, i see. Have we changed? Do we still love the color pink? Do we still love going to the beach?” She has a lot of questions.

"Yes, we still adore sunsets by the shore, but now blue reigns as our favorite, the color of the sea," I said, reflecting on how far we'd come.

"I love blue too! And remember Ken's shirt? It’s blue as well! We had so many Barbies!" Her enthusiasm was infectious.

“Of course, I do remember!” I smiled back at her.

“Anyway, how’s Mom, Dad, and Gabriel?” She asked. 

"Oh, they're doing great! Mom and Dad's businesses are thriving, and Gabriel just joined R1AA for baseball. And guess what? We have a little brother now, named Luis Miguel!" I shared with excitement.

"Really?! Does he look like me?" she asked, her eyes hopeful.

"Unfortunately not, he takes after Gabriel," I replied gently.

Her expression fell into a pout. "Aww, that's a bit disappointing."

"It's okay! At least we're still the only princess, right?" I offered, hoping to lift her spirits.

A spark of excitement returned to her face. "You're right! I'll always be the princess. Can I ask more questions? This time about us?"

“Sure, you can ask anything you want.” As her curiosity turned inward, I braced myself for tougher questions.

“Since we’re 19 years old, what grade are we in now?" she inquired, unaware of the detours life had taken.

“We’re already in college and we’re studying at Mariano Marcos State University.” I said. 

"Oh really? I remember dreaming of becoming a lawyer. Did we follow that dream?" she asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"No, we ended up pursuing a Bachelor of Science in Nursing instead," I admitted.

Her confusion deepened. "But nursing wasn't our dream, was it?"

"No, it wasn't. But our family wanted us to pursue nursing, and we didn't want to disappoint them," I explained, a hint of resignation in my voice.

"It's okay, I'm sure we're still excelling in school," she reassured me with a smile.

I couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze. How could I tell her the truth, that I was struggling to keep up?

"Edrei, are you okay? Why do you suddenly seem sad?" she asked, concern evident in her voice.

"Oh, I'm fine," I replied with a forced smile. "It's just that... I'm not sure if we're still doing well in school."

"Edrei, you've always been good at everything, especially in school. You're smart, cheerful, and confident," she reassured me, attempting to lift my spirits.

"I doubt that," I admitted with a heavy heart. "If only you knew the things I've done, it might hurt your feelings. You might even hate me for taking away the smile from your face, for becoming the person I am today."

"Then tell me what you've done," she urged, echoing my inquisitive nature from childhood.

I couldn't hold back the flood of emotions any longer. "I've made a lot of mistakes. I've let people treat me badly, I've cried countless times. In school, I've become lazy and unmotivated. I've failed exams. I've caused you so much pain. I've changed a lot. I'm no longer the same person you are."

Tears streamed down my face as I poured out my heart to her.

"No, you can't say that," she insisted gently. "From what I can see right now, a glimpse of me still shines through your face. Yes, you've changed physically, but your character still reflects mine. You're still me – the little, jolly, confident, and happy girl."

"Do you hate me for putting you through so much?" I asked, fearing her response.

"Why would I hate you?" she replied, pulling me into a comforting hug and stroking my hair. "Remember, we're one, and we're in this together. Don't let anyone make us feel less than we actually are."

"I'm so sorry that your innocence was shattered by the harsh reality of life. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you because of my actions and decisions," I sobbed.

She continued to soothe me. "You don't have to apologize. It's all part of our growth. Take your mistakes as lessons and don't repeat them. Your pain will heal, and I hope that someday, I'll be able to see the little Edrei in you."

What she said resonated deeply within me, stirring a resolve to become better for the sake of that little girl. Wiping away my tears, I smiled and gently caressed her face. "I won't let you down, little kid. I promise to make you proud despite all the things I've done."

The little girl beamed and enveloped me in a warm hug. "I know you can do it. You are more than what you think you are right now."

"Thank you, Edrei," I whispered to her, holding onto our embrace tightly.

"Edrei! Come on, let’s eat! I cooked your favorite food, sisig!" a voice called out, pulling me back to reality.

Opening my eyes, I realized it was all just an imagination. Yet, it left me feeling uplifted and content. In that moment, I found peace, knowing that even in the darkest of times, there's always a glimmer of hope.

I recognized that the little girl wasn't just a memory of the past; she's a part of who I am, a reminder of the strength and resilience within me. As the stars continued to twinkle overhead, I made a silent promise to my younger self – a promise to never forget the dreams that once ignited my soul, to always hold onto the magic that still exists in the world, and to believe that love will prevail in the end, no matter how cruel the world may seem.