edgyghxst-blog

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You are loved

You are wonderfully made

You are beautiful

You have a purpose

You are a masterpiece

[edgyghxst-blog]

insta: ghxstlick 🕷

instagram: whosnatalia 💕

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(final part of my clownery)

so i would basically be by myself with his fam having to clean up after them. at this time the house was just deteriorating because no one was cleaning at all except for his poor sister. so I made the decision to stay with my sister knowing full well that no one would be happy about it. his mom had the bad habit of manipulating people’s emotions to make them feel bad for not doing certain things so obviously this wasn’t her favorite decision of mine. even before all of this my parents had to move out of their house and in with my grandma and my mom being depressed and missing me and my sis pleaded for me to go with her because she needed me, but me being a clown i listened when my bf’s mom said that i would be “ruining mine and his relationship of i left because he’d be soooooo depressed” and to no help at all my bf was agreeing with her making me feel double bad, SO I STAYED AND LET MY MOM LEAVE BY HERSELF🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 but anyway, back to me being in Minnesota. so im chilling watching tv with my sis when i see that my bf liked a few pics that looked hella raunchy on insta. i check it out and see that he’s liking pics of half naked girls and following their accounts. so i ask him about that and he straight up lies to me saying that “he just scrolls past and doesn’t see what he’s liking” like how can you not see that chicks WHOLE BARE ASS AND NOT TO MENTION FOLLOW THAT ACCOUNT THAT ONLY HAS PICS LIKE THAT??????? the bafoonery... so i tell him that we need to take a break because i just can’t anymore and he calls me crying saying that he doesn’t want to and for me to give him another chance. (at this point I’ve given him about 7-8 chances already) BUT I DO IT AGAIN AND GIVE HIM A 9TH 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 and at this point im just burned out on chances and feel like imejust wasting my time with someone that’s never gonna change, so a few weeks go by and i tell him gain that i think we need a break and he tries to call me to cry again and tell me to give him a chance but im already too far gone and only responding to his messages with one word answers and being dry as fuck. so i put my foot down and break it off ending my marathon of bafoonery. but lately ive just been wanting to thank him for all the good times we had and everything he taught me. i know i wasn’t the picture perfect girlfriend/fiancé but i know that i tried my hardest to make it all work and i know he tried his best too. i will never not be grateful for the things that he did for me and the memories he gave me. not gonna lie sometimes i reminisce and think about the good times and miss that, but i know that we’re both happy now and living our own separate lives and i just hope that he knows that i will always be thankful and wishing him the best that life has to offer. ❤️

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(pt. 2 of my clownery)

so i confronted him then and there and casually asked him about who she was knowing damn well that he was gonna pull some “i don’t know” or “she’s just a friend” type shit. he grabs his phone to ‘prove his point’ that he’s not talking to no females and shows me his insta message inbox and HER CONVO IS GONE just like i knew he was gonna do. so i pull out my phone real quick and sow him the screenshots i took AND HE’S SHOOK and i could read it all over his face that he was not expecting that. so as im waiting for his answer i feel like murdering him on the spot because after all the shit that i put up with before and the shit that i was putting up with then i was not about to just let it go. so he explains away why he was talking to her like that as him being “overly friendly”. the next morning im talking to this girl and ask her what the deal was between him and her and if she knew that i was his live-in gf/cleaning lady and she said that she knew and that she fell for him anyway and she felt stupid for it. so we keep talking and she tells me that they’ve been exchanging pictures the whole time too so i ask her if they were nudes and she’s says that he would send her pics in his boxers I WAS FUMING because he told me they never did that. so i confront him about that too and he says it was never like that and blah blah blah AND I DROPPED IT 🤡🤡 (btw he would comment on her pics too). so i stay living with him and his fam for the next year or so cleaning up after all of them and never getting to have alone time with my bf. even on our one year anniversary his mom and step dad tagged along like it was a family vacay and even got mad at us for wanting our own table. but anyway, a few days after i caught him talking to his ex that he supposedly said he had no communication with but LEMME TELL YOU he was faaaaaar from having no communication with her. he was telling her plenty of explicit things WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER and thank god she didn’t reciprocate. but funny thing is I NEVER COMFRONTED HIM ANOUT THAT AND KEPT ON TRUCKIN 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 so then a few days after that I asked him if i could use his phone to listen to music knowing full well i was gonna snoop they his shit and see who else he was talking to, but he made it so obvious that he was deleting shit because he had the phone in his hands for like ten minutes going thru stuff so i never knew what he deleted. but he handed me his phone and while im in the shower i hear his snapchat go off and i check it once im out and see it’s a half-naked full grown WOMAN sending him pics. so i go out and give him his phone back and he obviously knows somethings up because i walk out of his moms bathroom and straight to his room without even looking at him. his excuse for that one was “she sends those to everyone on her friends list like streaks” and me being a lovestruck dumbass just let it go. for the remainder of the relationship we were good even tho i knew i was being oblivious to the notion that he was probably talking to other females still. but on Christmas night he proposed to me in front of his family! so i thought he had changed and maybe i didn’t need to be so paranoid, but there was always a nagging feeling in the back of my mind. fast forward to a few months ahead and i get news that my sister is pregnant and wants me and my mom out to Minnesota where she lives with her bf so we could be there for when the baby arrives. while im there i get news that my man got a job and moved out with his coworker cousin! i was so proud of him and how he was finally stepping up and becoming the man i knew he was. so being a generous guy he would buy me things here and there and im still grateful for all of it. fast forward again to a few more weeks after the baby is born and my mom gives me the choice to either stay with my sis and help her with the baby or go back to my man and his family even tho he had moved out with his other cousins because one of them worked at the same warehouse he had been hired on to. so i would basically be by myself (to be continued...)

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i know probably no one is gonna see this but it’s only to get this off my chest for good to help me (at least i think it’ll help) and it’s gonna be looooooong lol. i met my ex at a really low point in my life and i still am thankful for him even tho he did some not-so-boyfriendly stuff when we were together; he didn’t abuse me or anything major like that. but in this low point of my life i was getting into constant fights with my dad that led up to him hitting me and causing me to move out officially with my (now ex) boyfriend. while i was living with him i had experienced many things, most of which were very upsetting. not to say that living with him and his family was constantly upsetting, just most of the time. anyway, while i was living there i had just turned 18 and obviously i was jobless and so was he. so in order to repay his family for letting me in, which im still thankful for, i would clean up the house constantly; and by constantly i mean CONSTANTLY. i would get up the morning expecting the house to still be clean from the night before, but to my disappointment it was trashed to all hell. (just a little side note: their house was infested with roaches and each room was infested with bedbugs due to his dad giving him a bedbug infested couch so it’s really not their fault for that one). but i would get up anyway along with his 15 year old sister and we would clean the house from top to bottom with absolutely no help from the adults that were always present and were the main problem with why the house was always a mess. (living in a 5 bedroom house with 9 other adults making the grand total 18 people living in one house: me, my bf, his sister, his brother, his mom, his step dad, his uncle, his aunt, his two cousins, his aunts mom, his aunts dad, his aunts sister, her three kids, and her two grand babies) me, my bf and his sister were told to clean the house everyday, (basic chore right? no.), we cleaned from top to bottom; washed a huuuuge pile of filthy dishes with spoiled food on them, cleaned a filthy stove that was used by the “adults”, and we even had to clean his moms room; mind you, she’s a full grown 40 year old woman with working legs and arms that could easily clean up her own room, but instead told us to do it while she stayed in bed all day. in her defense she had a laundry list of mental disorders and totes full of meds that could tranquilize a full grown horse, not that she took all of them anyway. the only disorder that i fully understood would keep her in bed sometimes is her epilepsy, but for the most part she was fully okay to clean up her own mess but just didn’t wanna bother with it. so we’d pick up the mountains of dirty clothes that were mixed in with the clean clothes and put them where they’re supposed to go, take out all her and her husbands dirty dishes and garbage, reorganize her figures and trinkets, clean her bathroom from wall to floor to toilet to shower to tub to sink, and still have to go back out and clean the kitchen from top to bottom as well. the kitchen was the main source of why i started to hate living there. with all the roaches floating in the sink and crawling on the walls i just ignored them because i knew if i complained to anyone, especially my bf’s mom that she would freak out and tell me i made her feel like shit then go hide in her room for the rest of the day. so i soldiered on and cleaned her whole house with the help of my bf’s sister and him. keeping all of the above in mind, one night when me and him were sleeping in his grandmas room i got the most disgusting gut feeling and knew that i had to check his phone (im not the type to go thru nobody’s phone for no reason), so i look and find messages between him and some girl in florida and the messages consisted of him saying “i love you...”, “you’re beautiful” etc. so me being a psycho i screenshot the messages and send them to my phone for evidence just in case; little did i know the shit he was about to pull would make him look hella stupid. i confronted him (to be continued...)