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[ed-and-i]

why youre not losing weight

listen all you anorexic bitches, stop trying to brag about how long you’ve fasted and then complain about not losing weight bc honey your body is in starvation mode. ur whole body will be too busy conserving energy rather than burning fat, etc. dont be encouraged if you’ve fasted & seen results bc its just water weight. so just eat light snacks throughout the day, try to eat between 12am-6pm (this way ur anorexic ass wont go panicking bc u still fasting for 18hrs) tbh 12hrs worked fking fantastic for me, i was dropping 0.5-1lb a day (i consumed 800-1000kcals per day) but my overachieving ass just wanted to lose more. now i eat just 500-800kcals daily & i’ve been dropping 1lb a day. let me know if you want me to keep a food log :D

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its been months since i visited the thinspo tag and updated this blog. i haven't recovered. ive been cycling between restricting and binging and purging. i just recently hit double digits and i was sososo happy but when i look in the mirror i can only see the fat on my body that i still have to loose.

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i fasted all day today just so i can have breakfast out w. friends tmmr but the thing is i feel so good i dont even want to eat tmmr

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searching for advice and support

i have developed night binging where i would be fine throughout the day w. no thoughts of eating but then once i get home i somehow convince myself that eating is okay and that eventually leads to binging. can someone pls give me some advice. better yet can someone be my ana buddy and encourage me especially at the end of the day. i dont want to go back to my bing and purge cycle again.

[ed-and-i]

purge free for 17 days before i fked everything up

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Beautiful.

There is nothing beautiful about hating yourself so much you decide to throw up.

There is nothing beautiful about sitting in front of a toilet and shoving your fingers down your throat.

There is nothing beautiful about crying because you aren’t losing weight from doing it.

There is nothing beautiful about not being able to taste food because you’ve ruined your tastebuds from the stomach acid.

There is noting beautiful about watching clumps of your hair coming out in the shower two years later.

There is nothing beautiful about wincing every time you brush your teeth or eat something sweet because your mouth is so full of cavities from the years of abuse.

But, there’s nothing beautiful about recovery either. It’s hard and painful and you are filled with regret and it’s a conscience decision you make every damn time you eat.

So stop romanticizing eating disorders and encourage young girls to tear themselves apart from the inside out, because I promise there is nothing beautiful about it.

-EL

[ed-and-i]

about two weeks clean of bulimia and after a 2 day fast i want to binge and purge more than anything

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i told myself i would never become addicted to drugs but i never knew there were other things i could get addicted to

isn't being addicted to binging & purging an addiction too? (l.c)

[ed-and-i]

eating disorders are not glamorous. it’s not being “thin” or being happy once you hit your goal weight. it’s not being dainty & fragile & being the girl everyone loves & all the boys think are beautiful. eating disorders are anything but beautiful. it’s addiction. it’s fear. it’s controlling. it’s a monster. it’s hell. it’s not being able to partake in family functions because you’re too scared of all the food you will be forced to eat so people don’t question you. it’s anxiety attacks that make your body tremble & your teeth chatter. it’s having to pull over on the side of the road cause you can’t bare the anxiety of not purging. it’s lies & secrets & it’s constant guilt of hurting your family, it’s seeing your mother & father crying cause they’re so scared of having to pick out tomb stones & coffins for their baby girl. it’s eroding teeth & thinning & breaking hair. it’s your face breaking out because your body doesn’t have enough nutrients. it’s intense lethargy because throwing up takes every ounce of energy you have. it’s sunken eyes due to lack of sleep & nutrients. it’s the constant coughing cause your throat is so raw from the constant force of your fingers & stomach acid. it’s consistently being monitored every time you eat or go to the bathroom. it’s looking in the mirror & hating what you see & obsessing over what you look like, what your weight is. it’s doctors appointment after doctors appointment & therapist after therapist & constant hospital visits. it’s pills upon pills. it’s heart problems & intense mood swings & low blood pressure & weak muscles. it’s not being able to get out of bed every morning & fainting in class. it’s fearing food as soon as you wake up & while you try to fall asleep. it’s wiping down toilets. it’s wiping down walls & floors. its the smell of bile on your fingers, on your breath & in your bathroom. it’s dry, cracking lips. it’s organs that don’t function properly. its suicide attempts cause you’d rather die than go through this hell another day. it’s barely living until your late 20s. eating disorders are a death sentence living in your own mind & if you think that’s beautiful then go ahead & fucking have mine cause I’m so fucking exhausted of being controlled by this.

I never wanted to be like this (7:57 pm)

[ed-and-i]

Roses are blue

Violets are too

The girl that you knew

Starved herself for you

[ed-and-i]

i've been the same weight for fking 3 weeks and its really frustrating but i can't really get mad at anything but myself because i've been on a binge and purge cycle these past month

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lol a day after my pledge to stay binge & purge free i binged & purged kms

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how long can you be bulimic until the long term effects like irregular heartbeat and chest pain start to kick in? im really worried, is bulimia worse than anorexia? should i stop purging all together or just decrease the amount of times i binge/purge?

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I made some friends these past few years, We’ve grown very close. They’re helping me achieve my goals, And it really shows. My best friend is called Ana, She says she’ll make me thin. I starve and run and lie for her, And she watches and grins. And then there’s my friend Mia, She isn’t very nice. She says if i eat dinner, I have to taste it twice. Together they will make me small, No matter the price. Soon i will be skin and bone, Or in the ground as cold as ice.

(via bonegoals)

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i binged and purged 3x today. fk im so pathetic

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anyone have diet pill recommendations?

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today i stepped on the scale and it wasn't calibrated correctly or something but it said i gained 2lbs and i literally had a panic attack until i weight myself again. lol im so pathetic