eclectic-existentialist

[eclectic-existentialist]

honey instead of romanticising neat little plans that live only in your head, you gotta fall in love with the mess, the challenge, the chaos of a life truly lived. it is so so beautiful but you’re so afraid of anything real and raw; you think it’s ugly and frightening. but it’s not, it’s not!

[eclectic-existentialist]

I wish it was easier to talk about mobile phone addiction without sounding like a boomer

[eclectic-existentialist]

thinking about that one wordless calvin and hobbes sunday strip thats just calvins dad ditching his work to go play in the snow... its going to make me cry

[eclectic-existentialist]

This picture is so holy and gentle to me

[eclectic-existentialist]

i hate it when i cant even write a poem about something because its too obvious. like in the airbnb i was at i guess it used to be a kids room cause you could see the imprint of one little glow in the dark star that had been missed and painted over in landlord white. like that's a poem already what's the point

[eclectic-existentialist]

[eclectic-existentialist]

mantras for a new generation

[eclectic-existentialist]

kids remind me, often, of the things i've taught myself out of.

i have a big dog. he looks like a deer. he is taller than most young children. while we were on a trail the other day, a boy coming our direction saw us and froze. he took a step back and said: "i'm feeling nervous. your - your dog is kind of big."

goblin and i both stopped walking immediately. "he is kind of a big dog," i admitted. "he's called a greyhound. they are gentle but they are pretty tall, which is kind of scary, you're right. their legs are so long because they are made for running fast. i am sorry we scared you. would you like us to stand still while you move past us, or would you feel more safe in your body if we move and you stay still?'

"oh. i didn't know that about - greyhounds. i think i ... i want to stay still," he said. at this point, his adult had caught up to us. "i'm nervous about the dog," he told her, "so i'm - i'm gonna stay still." she didn't argue. she didn't make fun of him. she just smiled at him and at me and held his hand while goblin and i, with as wide of a berth as we could make, crept our way through.

behind us, i heard him exhale a deep breath and kind of laugh - "he was really big, huh? she said it's because greyhounds have to go fast."

"he was big," she said. "i understand why that could have made you a little scared."

"yeah. next time i - next time do you think i could maybe ask to touch him? when - i mean, next time, maybe, if i'm not nervous."

later, going to a work event, in the big city, i stood outside, trembling. my social anxiety as a caught bird in my chest. i took a deep breath and turned to my coworker. she's not even really my friend yet. i told her: "i feel nervous about this. i am not used to meeting new people, ever since covid."

she laughed, but not in a mean way. she said she was nervous too. she reached her hand out and held mine, and we both took another deep breath and walked in like that, interlinked. a few people asked us - together? - and i told the truth: i feel nervous, and she's helping. over and over i watched people relax too, admitting i feel really kind of shy lately actually, thank you for saying that.

the next time i go to an event, and i feel a little scared, i ask right away: wanna hold hands? this feels a little dangerous. i hesitate less. i don't hide it as much. i watch for other people who are also nervous and say - it's kinda hard, huh?

i know, logically, i'm not good at asking for help. but i am also not good at noticing when i need help. i've trained myself out of asking completely, but i've also trained myself to never accept my own fears or excuses. i have trained myself to tamp down every anxiety and just-push-through. i don't know what i'm protecting myself from - just that i never think to admit it to anyone.

but every person on earth occasionally needs comfort. every person on earth occasionally needs connection. many of us were taught independence is the same thing as never needing anything.

each of us should have had an adult who heard - i feel nervous and held our hand and asked us how we could be helped to feel safe. no judgement, and no chiding. many of us did not. many of us were punished for the ways that we seemed "weak".

but here is something: i am an adult now. and i get nervous a lot, actually. and if you are an adult and you are feeling a little nervous - come talk to me. we can hold hands and figure out what will help us feel safe in our bodies. and maybe, next time, if we're brave, we can pet the dog that's passing.

[eclectic-existentialist]

I was like everything sucks I hate my body and then I talked to my girlfriend and my parents and cooked myself dinner and ate it and had some little beverages. and now there is joy everywhere in the world

[eclectic-existentialist]

when travis mcelroy said “what if you could just cut out the bullshit and do good recklessly?” and when marc evan jackson said “now go do something good” and when chidi anagonye said “i argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people” and when brennan lee mulligan said “you, mortal beings, are the instrument by which the universe cares. if you choose to care, then the universe cares. and if you don’t, then it doesn’t”

[eclectic-existentialist]

an incomplete collection of tweets i consider to be short poems

[eclectic-existentialist]

i love the phrase zest for life like my fucking god . my existence is delightful & full of citrus

[eclectic-existentialist]

most of the time everything sucks but when the sky is blanketed in dark blue-grey clouds after heavy raining and the sun starts to peek through the clouds so that the tops of trees glint pale green and every white structure is starkly, blindingly silhouetted against the sky i’m ok.

[eclectic-existentialist]

2023

> TIME SPENT NURTURING ONES OWN SPIRIT IS TIME WELL SPENT > YOU WILL GO OUTSIDE AND SEE A BABY TODDLING AROUND EXCITEDLY BECAUSE THE WORLD IS NOVEL AND WONDROUS. [LEARN FROM THAT.] > THE MOON IS ALWAYS THERE EVEN WHEN YOU CAN’T SEE IT > BAREFOOT IN THE GRASS > RICE RICE RICE > OPEN UP YOUR HEART LIKE THE GATES OF HELL > YOU MUST FIX YOUR HEART AND BUILD AN ALTAR WHERE IT SWELLS > BIRDSONG > CLENCH YOUR FIST IF YOU NEED TO > WATER SO MUCH WATER > DELIBERATE + AFRAID OF NOTHING > THIS LIFE IS YOURS (IF YOU WANT IT) > GENDER IS A SLOW DANCE WITH YOURSELF. HOLD AND BE HELD > TAKE THE NAP BUT YOU HAVE TO EAT WHEN YOU WAKE UP > BOOK IN HAND LEARNING SOMETHING NEW > BEAUTIFUL AND TRUE > MATTER OVER MIND ONE DAY AT A TIME > INTERESTING PEOPLE EVERYWHERE > DEEP BREATHS. THERE IS SPACE FOR YOU

[eclectic-existentialist]

tonight my friends and i drove an hour away to a little elementary school in the middle of the woods in the middle of the night. where we played on the playground and i jumped off the swings and then i said “you know what i’ve been wanting to do?” and my friend said “what?” and i said “TAG YOU’RE IT” and sprinted away. and we played a rousing if brief game of tag, and it was so cold my teeth and lungs hurt when we were done

[eclectic-existentialist]

2023

COLLECT PHYSICAL MEDIA

SAVE RECEIPTS AS ROOM DECOR

READ AND REREAD AND REREAD AND REREAD

LOSE YOUR PHONE

ORANGE

LOSE AMBITION

KILL THE SHAME MAN

DANCE IN THE KITCHEN

WINE AND ESSAYS

BUSES ARE ALIVE

[eclectic-existentialist]

I still think that a key function of the way we think of the concepts "adult" and "child" is to separate the human population into "people who deserve autonomy but no protection" and "people who deserve protection but no autonomy" and in the process dehumanize both groups of people. We ignore the fact that all people need both autonomy and protection, and that our society could easily be set up to provide everyone a healthy mix of both.