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[ece-diva]

“We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing.”

-R. D. Laing

Giving children a sense of history helps them to define their place in the world. A college professor once told me that history can be defined as “facts and the interpretation of those facts”. For young children, history stretches as far back as their memories. The first step in giving children a sense of history is to begin with things that happened recently - last week, last month, that special field trip we took last year. Photos are a great way to help children to record their history. Return to them often, and tell the story of what happened. As you look at the photos, point to them and attach language. “Remember when we picked our pumpkin? We walked all over the farm looking for the biggest, most round one.” Grasp the memories that children have, even if they are not accurate in your memory. If the child brings up something that you recall as inaccurate or that you don’t recall at all, prompt her to share more. “TEll me more about that” is a good phrase to use. Children can dictate captions for photographs and full stories as well. This will help them to associate written language with their own experiences.

Kids love to hear stories, and if they are of a personal nature they won’t forget them. Pieces of a family’s history stay alive through the adept storytelling htat passes from generation to generation. The i individual who relates the event doesn’t have to be a great storyteller - chances are that the story was passed down with all the richness and detail already in place. Most families have at least one great storyteller - the person who keeps the family stories alive. For emit was my great-grandmother. She could spin a yarn that would keep me enraptured and it didn’t matter if the story was true, half true, or a total piece of fiction. She used colorful language and many details in her storeis, maing them rich with imagery and sound effects. Family stories give children a asense of personal history within the context of their culture. They may not have lived through all of the events that are told, but they most likely know one of the key characters in family stories.

Children do not get a sense of history without a frame of reference. Facts about past events may be memorized, but they are not internalized. Young children are trying to make sense of the present on a daily basis and can not grasp the abstract concepts of events that occurred in the distant past. In order to make historical figures and events come alive for young children, it is essential that you relate them to what’s going on in the child’s life. For example, you child will likely only grasp rudimentary concepts of hte struggles of historical figures like Rosa Parks during the civil rights movement. What until the next time you heart a child wail, “That’s not fair!” and use that as the springboard to discuss injustice. Then you can pullin those historical figures that represent the battle for equity and equality once the children ghave a personal connection to those concepts.

The world in which we live is changing so rapidly that it is hard to keep up as an adult. By giving each child a sense of historyk we can help him to be grounded ain the present and confident in what is to come

[ece-diva]

EVERY WORD

some good consent phrases

“May I hug you?”

“When I ask you if you want to do something, you know it’s always okay to say no, right?”

“Let me know if you get uncomfortable, okay?”

“How do you feel about (x activity)?”

(When someone’s insecure about having said no and asks if it’s okay/if you’re mad or upset they said no) “I’m disappointed to not do the thing, of course, but I’m much more glad you were willing to tell me (no/that you were uncomfortable/etc.). That’s really important to me. Thank you.”

“I’d ALWAYS rather be told no than make you feel pressured or do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.”

“I care about you, so when something I do hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, I want to know, because I don’t like making you feel bad.”

“You can always change your mind, okay? The moment you wanna (stop/go home/take a break/etc), PLEASE tell me and we’ll stop right away. I won’t make a fuss, I don’t wanna keep going if you don’t want to.”

“Wanna do (x)? It’s okay if not, but I think it would be (fun/worthwhile/prudent).”

(When starting a social phone call): “Hey, are you busy right now?”

(When confirming plans made earlier): “Hey, are you still up for doing (x) at (time) on (day)?”

“Can I vent a little about (x)?”

“Can I tell you something (gross/depressing)?”

“Are you comfortable talking about it?”

“Do you think you could talk me through this problem I’ve been having? If you have the time and emotional energy of course.”

“It’s okay if that doesn’t work for you.”

“I’m interested in spending more time with you. Would you be interested in doing (x) together on (y day)?”

“No? Well let me know if you ever want to do something else.” (leave it open! don’t nag! let it go!)

“You don’t seem very interested in this. Should we skip it?”

(When someone doesn’t seem interested in something you were suggesting) “We can just (do something you both want to do) instead.” (don’t try to get them to do the thing again! let it go!)

Consent culture - it’s about way more than just sex!

Give people as much freedom as possible to make their own choices without pressure or control.

Even children deserve as much autonomy as allows them to remain safe and get their needs met - remember, you can’t train a child to make good/safe/healthy choices without ever giving them choices. A child who is taught to respect consent is a child who doesn’t assault people! A child who knows they have a right to say no is a child who knows that someone who infringes on their autonomy isn’t supposed to do that.

A consent-conscious relationship is a healthier and safer relationship, and a person who is aware of and deliberate about asking for, giving, receiving, refusing, and accepting refusals of consent is a healthier and safer person.

[ece-diva]

ALL THE THIS

Listen. About the graphs.

You know the ones I mean - skyrocketing lines, deep red maps, the screaming terrified climate scientists and activists on your doom scroll feed.

If you’re like me, seeing these images shared again and again makes you feel panicked and disengaged. And I want to say, I totally understand the fear and the desire to communicate that leads people to share these graphs. But I’d ask that 1) when you see these, you take a moment to breathe and remember what you can do to help, and that 2) you think very seriously about whether sharing them would be helpful. Most of the people who follow the kind of person sharing this graph already know and care about and are working for climate issues. Those who don’t are unlikely to be persuaded by something so terrifying that it makes them feel powerless.

There is so much you can do individually and collectively to fight for an ecologically just future and to raise the alarm about the dangerous trajectory we’re on. But it’s also ok to step back from social media or take a break from the fight - the rest of us can pick up the slack for you. And remember, terrifying as the predictions look, and as scary as the extreme weather is, there is always hope.

And narrative and art is always a better bet for communicating these issues to the lay public than scientific methods. I might get a lot of pushback for this but the fact is that climate scientists have been clearly and repeatedly putting forward the scientific case for decarbonisation for decades and, through no fault of their own, the public have not engaged. Part of that is the fault of politicians and the media but part of it is also that scientific language doesn’t always feel accessible to everyday people.

So, if you want to fight for the future, take care of your emotional health and keep telling stories

[ece-diva]

This one is worth reposting.

I hurt and am crying

Such senseless loss

Beautiful human

Hasn’t even started to live really

Gone in a moment

This is my prayer to those who are hurting

You’re not alone

You’re never alone

We are an earthly community

No matter how you feel or what you perceive

There are those who love you just for existing

Who would reach out if we knew what you were struggling with

Who would miss you, even if we’d never met

There is so much ugliness in the world

Violence and pain and disease

To snuff out your own spark

Or be snatched away from us by circumstance

The cause doesn’t matter

But you do

[ece-diva]

I totally agree, but the teenage punk rocker I once was is still spitting on the judgy ones!

[ece-diva]

Historic Moments

I’ve never been much of a fan of #45, but that’s not why I am so blissful today.  It only took 200+ years to see a female in the second highest position in this country.  Obama’s historic win was a game-changer, to be sure.  But this?  This is AWESOME.  Imagine telling our daughters and granddaughters that they can be anything they want to be and having evidence that it’s true.  Congrats to Kamala Harris and every female that follows her.  I’ve just been given about thirty pairs of Converse and I plan to wear them daily this year in her honor.

[ece-diva]

Girl in the Mirror - there is no question who I will vote for.  We need a movement that elevates the fact that our daughters deserve better!

[ece-diva]

This diagram was not created by me. However, I agree with the message.

[ece-diva]

Part one of the bullhorn discovery

[ece-diva]

I hurt and am crying

Such senseless loss

Beautiful human

Hasn’t even started to live really

Gone in a moment

This is my prayer to those who are hurting

You’re not alone

You’re never alone

We are an earthly community

No matter how you feel or what you perceive

There are those who love you just for existing

Who would reach out if we knew what you were struggling with

Who would miss you, even if we’d never met

There is so much ugliness in the world

Violence and pain and disease

To snuff out your own spark

Or be snatched away from us by circumstance

The cause doesn’t matter

But you do

[ece-diva]

Vaccines yesterday and a very rough night! My job is to make sure baby’s OK while mom gets some much needed rest!

[ece-diva]

The Propeller Story

Childhood memories have a tendency to be fuzzy.  Some things, however, are as clear as crystal.  Perhaps it’s because the story has been told so many times that it becomes a living thing all its own.

For as long as I can remember, my grandfather had an airplane propeller with a clock embedded in the center hanging over his fireplace.  Knowing what an avid pilot my grandfather was, it didn’t strike me as out of the ordinary.  He had lots of pictures of planes, statues of planes, models of planes...you get the picture.  It wasn’t until I was in my teens that I heard the origin of the propeller clock.

My grandfather served in the USAF in WWII, but he never got to fly a plane.  He became an aviator later, of his own accord.  He loved to fly and would do so any chance he could get.  He owned a variety of planes over the years, maintaining them in a private hangar at the Napa Airport.  He’d often call up friends or family members and say, “meet me at the airport.  We’re going to lunch”.  As a child, I loved this!  The feeling of flying, the knowledge that someone you truly trust is at the controls, and all of it surrounded by family was invigorating.  My favorite place to go was the Nut Tree in Vacaville.  That was a short flight, but it made me feel so cosmopolitan!

Grandpa was a car man by trade.  He had a keen eye for good deals and was meticulous when inspecting vehicles.  He also sold a few planes over the years, typically adding seats and power as the family grew.  It was on one of these occasions that the propeller story was born.  He had an eye on a new plane, so he listed the current one for sale.  He made sure the plane was in perfect condition before showing it to potential buyers.  

A long time colleague of granpa was interested in the small plane for sale.  He offered a trade-in of a Cadillac.  Grandpa agreed to meet the man at the airport.  He used his best car sales tactics in describing the features of the plane and allowed the man to take his time inspecting it while he inspected the Cadillac.  Grandpa didn’t miss anything when inspecting the vehicle.    He’d make a mental note of every scrape, scratch and detail - including the spare tire in the trunk.  The gents came to an agreement and hands were shaken.  They set a date to put the finances in order and make the sale.

When the day arrived to make the exchange, my grandfather once again looked over the vehicle and discovered that the spare tire he had previously observed was missing.  He confronted the buyer, who was adamant that my grandfather was mistaken and there was never a spare tire in the trunk.  Grandpa didn’t argue much.  He drove off in the Caddy and wished the man well.

A couple of days later, Grandpa received an angry phone call from the man he had sold the plane to.  The man had returned to the hangar to find the plane without its propeller.  Grandpa assured him that he must be mistaken in his recollection; there never was a propeller on that plane.  Of course, he didn’t have it in his possession so no one could say he stole it.  It was at a clockmaker’s getting a new installation.  That propeller clock hung over the fireplace at my grandparent’s house until a fire destroyed it in 2017.  It remains forever a symbol in our family of what happens when you mess with the wrong guy.

[ece-diva]

Reflecting the Voices of the Past

My family has been in a process of digitizing home movies for some time.  I was sifting through some that I found on a flash drive, watching only the ones that I knew I hadn’t already uploaded to the cloud.  My firstborn’s first birthday party and her first taste (but certainly not the last!) of chocolate.  She looks a lot like my granddaughter in the video.  I’m just observing the messy exploration of chocolate cake when a voice on the video hits me like a punch to the gut:  My grandfather, who passed away in 2005.

It’s not that I’ve not come to terms with loss of loved ones.  That’s hardly the case.  But I realize suddenly what recent generations have at their disposal that no previous generations had:  the ability to hear voices from the past echo across time.   I have aphantasia, which means that I don’t see pictures or visions in my mind’s eye.  But I sure can recognize a voice or song lyric!  I am amazed that we are blessed to have this information.  I can film a video today that my descendants could hear my voice on.  I can teach them to listen to the voices of family and friends who have gone before. That’s more powerful than just reading the written word.  More personal.  

[ece-diva]

Word

just so you know

the US minimum wage that we all agree is too low to live on ($15,080/yr) is far more than many legally disabled people receive in benefits

the maximum SSI for a single person is $8,796/yr if a disabled person marries another, each drops to a max of $6,600/yr

while you’re fighting for 15 maybe look at that too

[ece-diva]

California in the Age of COVID:  Crisis as Opportunity

California is facing some tough challenges.  As one of the largest and most populous states, it costs a lot of money to keep people afloat during this pandemic.  And California has been at the forefront of progressive and compassionate planning, all of which comes with a price tag.  Governor Newsome just released the “May Revise” of the state’s budget.  In January, California had quite a financial surplus.  A few short months later we are in arrears and cuts to early education and child welfare out of necessity fall short of protecting vulnerable children.  We could certainly accuse Governor Newsome of being callous, but it’s all about the bottom line here.  I’m sure he’d prefer not to cut these programs, but what can one do to keep children safe?  I have a suggestion.  I am a firm believer that if a person doesn’t admit that they are part of the problem, they can not suggest a viable solution.  Let me explain:  if I don’t own that I am part of the problem - by my actions or lack thereof - then I will forever be pointing fingers at ‘the other’ and not accepting my responsibility to tackle that problem.  And we all know that nobody wins the blame game.  

Nor does anyone plan to abuse or neglect their children.  There are complex factors at play.  The reality is that in this quarantine, the numbers of calls have not gone up.  They’ve gone down.  This has been attributed to fewer mandated reporters (teachers, therapists, home visitors) coming in contact with the child.  However, the incidence of abuse has likely gone up.  Normal stressors of parenting are exacerbated by being stuck at home with the kids 24/7 without a break and difficult financial situations as a result.  It’s a petri dish of conditions that will likely lead to some terrible outcomes.  But during and after this crisis ends, we have a unique opportunity that I will implore you to consider.

Preventing child abuse and neglect is not Child Protective Services’ job.  Their job is to intervene when abuse has already occurred.  To prevent child abuse before it happens, we all need to get involved.  We need to get to know our neighbors well enough so that, if one is having a bad day, they feel comfortable reaching out to us for some respite.  We need to be a visible presence in our neighborhoods and communities.  We can support programs that strengthen families by donating, volunteering, and promoting their services.  These draconian cuts emphasize for me the need to tackle a broad-based, community-wide effort at building the community’s resilience so that families have better opportunities to thrive.    I am part of the problem, but I am also part of the solution.  Now is the time.  Our kids can’t wait.