e-pistulae

[e-pistulae]

salvete patres subscripti marcus tullius cicero is still alive. kind of

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IS THIS OUR PLANCUS???

YEP and the source for that is velleius paterculus 2.83.1. but there is a different take on plancus' desertion of antony at plut. ant. 58.1 also

[e-pistulae]

in today's letter (sob): cicero gets distracted by hyping up messalla! cicero needs to defend himself against brutus' criticism that he is too willing to decree random honours for people, and also loves executing people too much! cicero does NOT go off on a tangent about virtue ethics! he DOES mention wishing brutus had killed antony though! again! cicero starts recounting how he once again defended the republic but then gains self awareness:

cicero did nothing wrong in giving all those honours to octavian and should maybe even have given him more! maybe the point is actually less about octavian (and decimus but who cares) than about posterity remembering how much everyone hates antony! cicero calls brutus' friends in rome clumsy politicians! cicero is a liarrrrrr:

cicero won't apologise for the lepidus' cringe statue incident and also he thinks brutus should kill peopleeeeee! cicero proclaims that there won't be a republic left no matter which side wins! one final fuck you to the children of public enemies! cicero promises to defend brutus' nephews, the children of a public enemy. but also they can get fucked! and cicero puts brutus' wishes above his own political reasoning! wauuhghhghhh i miss him already

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in today's letter: plancus is soooooo indebted to cicero and will definitely not betray him and the republic ever! he would like some money for his army please! and also for the senate to send additional armies! octavian has been flaky! plancus is actually kind of pissed at him but is trying to influence him anyway! and this is the penultimate letter!

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in today's letter: can brutus PLEASE bring his army to italy and save the republic! cicero attends a meeting convened by servilia! everything has gone to shit and is only getting worse! perhaps trusting octavian this much was a bad idea! the republic has no money! cicero promises to put his life on the line for brutus! and after this there are only two (2) letters left!

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in today's letter: cicero gets pissed off that furnius wants to be praetor instead of seeking eternal glory (by killing antony can someone please kill antony for our dear friend marcus tullius)! but it doesn't matter because clearly this means furnius was never really as good as cicero thought he was! and btw there are only three letter left after this one :-)

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in today's letter: cicero complains that brutus' latest letter to him is too short! cicero tells brutus (again) to come to italy, and to bring cicero's son with him! cicero has valiantly had the elections for the priesthood he wanted his son to stand for delayed until next year! can brutus hurry up and save the republic again! octavian's army is maybe not as loyal to the republic as cicero thought it was! and it will be like a second ides of march if brutus can only get to italy in time!

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in today's letter: messalla corvinus is there! the republic has once again gone to shit! cicero has so many problems! cicero refuses to help brutus' nephews / lepidus' children! taking revenge on your enemy's children is cool and fine actually! can brutus hurry up and bring his army to italy! and cicero hopes he will see his son again soon!

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in today's letter: cicero teaches decimus how to bullshit a defence for the exiled appius claudius? i think?

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in today's letter: cicero tries to get clodius' nephew returned from exile. he is kind of responsible for the exile. how the turn tables......

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in today's letter: this is cicero's last surviving letter to cassius! lepidus has been declared a public enemy by the senate! cicero really hopes cassius has already defeated dolabella and will bring his army to italy soon! everything is now lepidus' fault, and lepidus is worse than antony actually! i like how cicero doesn't mention octavian at all in his update of the political situation! and can cassius please hurry up and heal the body politic of rome!

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in today's letter: brutus is sureee lepidus won't betray the republic. but if he does can cicero please make sure lepidus' children—who are also brutus' sister's children—don't get completely fucked over. lepidus was declared a public enemy by the senate on june 30th 👍

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in today's letter: cicero writes a really weird letter to brutus about the death/potentially suicide of brutus' wife porcia. i genuinely can't tell if parts of this are meant as actual philosophical consolation (or telling brutus not to resort to philosophy???) or if cicero is being kind of bitchy because when cicero's daughter died brutus basically told him to just get over it. you decide

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in today's letter: hhhrrhhrnng plancus i'm trying to draft a senatorial decree for land distribution for your soldiers but im pater patriae and the clap from my saving the republic keeps alerting the antonians in the senate

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in today's letter: [poking decimus brutus and plancus' new alliance with a stick] c'mon do something

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in today's letter: cicero spams both brutuses. bruti. with election propaganda for lucius lamia. im sure his praetorship will be fire :-)

(pliny the elder, natural history 7.173 trans. h. rackham)

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in today's letter: can cicero please help antistius vetus get elected to the praetorship! pros of antistius vetus: republic enjoyer; didn't give dolabella money one time; would have stabbed caesar to death if given the chance

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