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Grabe anxiety ko kanina tangina after ilang years di ko ineexpect magraramdaman ko uli yon 🙁 Akala ko okay na ko pero minsan pag nag ttrigger yung past ko hanggat kaya ko ipaglaban napaglalaban ko eh kaso kanina i felt helpless 🙁 Ang bigat pala sa pakiramdam na maulit ulit yun dati tangina hahAHAHAHAH i go with da flow na nga lang kaso grabe gusto ko na lang sumigaw bigat na bigat pakiramdam ko tangina i try to calm i try not to salita kaso ang sakit guize Bigat sa pakiramdam na di ko maipaglaban yung gusto ko nahihirapan ako kasi hindi ko maexplain ng maayos, pakiramdam ko hindi ako naiintindihan pakiramdam ko nag aadjust ako pero walang nangyayare nag seself sabotage ako hindi ko alam kung bakit may tiwala ako pero pakiramdam ko Kulang yung nabibigay sakin ang hirap kasi ilang beses na nangyare pero paulit ulit ko pa ding binabalikan. i badly wanna change, pero i cant do it alone nalulungkot ako kasi i wanna be happi pero i cant, i wanna go with da flow pero masyado ko na kinikimkim yung bigat na Nararamdaman ko kasi natatakot akong may mawala natatakot ako na baka pag i let go, magkalimutan na. Sabi ko one week pag walang nagbago i let go. I give my best hanggang kaya ko, hanggang kaya ko ipaglaban. Pagod na ko pero i try to understand the situation na meron sa ngayon Ang hirap kasi feeling ko naiignore ako na laging nararamdaman ko sa ex ko. I go cucckoo when all i wanted was an update like where are you what are you doing chika me anything as long as u can but sa nakikita ko walang nangyayare walang improvement sa pinagusapan. I keep explaining pero walang nangyayare na para bang mali ko na hindi ko maexplain kung ano yung gusto kong iparating. Im badly trying to be better pero sinisira ko lang ulit sarili ko kahit itry kong maging okay nasisira ulo ko, nasisira buong pagkatao ko. Its getting bad pero i know in the end, ill be okay. Hindi lang siguro ngayon. I hope i feel better dahil sa ngayon, sarili ko lang ang meron ako.
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I really wish I am well-off. Sobrang fortunate pa rin talaga nung mga tao na pinanganak na may kaya.
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i used to think life would never treat me well and now i’m like. life is good and bad and hurtful and loving and kind and uncaring and thoughtless and discerning and bountiful and unforgiving and cruel and holds its arms wide open waiting for me to either lean in or let go and i get to do that over and over and over again
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