dylan-trelawney

[dylan-trelawney]

It was good time as any to talk about their future while they were pressed together in a closet but they really didn’t have any other options, everything else had to be planned, they were allowed to be spontaneous for a little while longer. They could figure something out, they had to, there had to be a way. Dylan wanted it to work out so bad and he didn’t know how it would turn out in the end but as long as he knew he took the risk and did what he wanted to do, he wouldn’t regret a thing. “I want to be with you.” he said through a small sigh, listening to Grace tell him it was worth it. He felt the same, and as long as they were on the same page and had each other’s backs, he was pretty sure they would be okay. They would have to sneak around, text and plan things when no one else was awake, set a lot of alarms so they wouldn’t be caught in the same bed, maybe even run a few errands together during the week. After all, she still didn’t know how to drive. It wasn’t ideal but it didn’t sound all that bad, and as he watched Grace’s eyes looking at him for answers, he felt his features soften and spread into a smile. She loved him. She wanted it to work just as much as he did. “Of course I am.” he said, his hand coming up to cup her cheek. “I can find work anywhere, even if the pay isn’t as good. But there’s not another Grace Holden out there.” he said pointedly, smirking a little with an after thought. “I mean there’s a few obviously but let’s be honest, they’re probably not as great.” he said quietly, ruining whatever serious and deep discussion they were in by breaking out into a grin.

So typical of him to break a moment like that but it was worth it to see Grace relax a little, after all, they were doing it to be happy. If the stress was going to be too much for Grace then he would back out, it wouldn’t be worth it if she wasn’t at least glad about it. But they could find a way, he was sure of it. Releasing his teeth from his bottom lip, he kissed her just as softly as she did, pulling back to look at her just a few inches away. “I want this, no matter what the risk is okay? I love you and I just-” he paused to swallow, realizing that was the second time he had ever said that. It was a lot different that time, took his breath away for a different reason. That was enough to convince him that it would be worth every second of sneaking around and spending time with each other, she still affected him after months apart. “I can’t not be with you anymore.” he said when he regained his ability to talk. At that point all he could do was stoke his thumb across her cheek and hope that she understand that she really meant the world to him, that it was worth anything as long as they could be together. Sure, if he did get fired things would be hard but definitely not on the same scale as not being with Grace. It was probably a good idea to start saving money just in case anything went wrong, in case they were caught out. Dylan didn’t know what would happen to Grace but if it came to the crunch, he knew he would take the blame for it. It would be easier and more believable that way. His hand eventually dropped from her cheek and he kept his arms wrapped behind her back, holding onto his forearm. “You actually love me, huh?” he asked in a barely there voice, his eyes full of happiness.

Getting By

[dylan-trelawney]

Unlike every other time he had met Grace in a closet, or any instance where his lips ended up on hers, he was thinking. It wasn’t a spur of the moment decision, it wasn’t something he thought he shouldn’t be doing, that had sort of vanished. Dylan couldn’t stop thinking. How good she tasted, how just the touch of her hand on the back of his neck sent goosebumps up his spine, how stupid he was for not coming to her earlier. They still had a few things to figure out but for him in that moment, it was all background noise. All he cared about was Grace, and touching her in any way she wanted him to. Following her as she stepped backwards, he pressed his body into hers until there was no room left, until he wasn’t sure where her body ended and his began. Both of his hand had traveled to her waist, smoothly gliding over the material of her shirt until he had both of his forearms wrapped around her completely, pressing her stomach into his and making him sigh slightly against her mouth. His pulse was embarrassingly fast and it made him feel light and airy, like living a dream he had wanted over the time they were apart. Fingers pulled at her shirt, trying to touch skin, trying to feel more of her in the tiny space. Their tongues worked over one another a little rushed, both in need of being with each other and it was really all he wanted. Dylan wished it could always be like that, regardless of where they were, but he was willing to work around a few things and keep it a secret if she was interested. Being together, somewhat of a complicated couple, that couldn’t handle not being together. Dylan would be fine with that.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, it could have been ten or twenty minutes, but soon enough he was pulling away to catch his breath. His forehead pressed against hers and he quickly breathed more air into his lungs with his eyes closed. One of his hands had slid underneath the back of her shirt and now rested on her bare spine, something he couldn’t remember doing but he was glad he did. That was the kind of reunion they needed. “See... I missed you.” he breathed out, his mouth pulling up at the corners. For him to even smile had become a big deal. It was hard to find joy in anything when he felt so lost and confused, alone and looking for an actual purpose in life other than working, but within a few hours in her company and her was slowly being reminded of all the good things. Pulling his face back a few inches, he was able to see her eyes in the darkened room, able to see one of his favorite things. “I’m sorry I had to leave this morning, I just I knew I would be late if I didn’t.” he said quietly. It’s not like they had many options. They would always have to sneak out early if they were serious about it, and since he cared about her and both of their places at the mansion, he was willing to do anything. Dylan hated to be that guy, especially while they were pressed together and still recovering from making out a few seconds ago, but he knew they had to be more careful than any other couple. He had no choice but to bring it up. “We should probably talk about this at some point, huh?” he licked his lips and gently scratched her spine with his fingertips, trying to restrain himself for diving right back in and kissing her.

Getting By

[dylan-trelawney]

Getting By

It had to be the easiest night sleep Dylan had experienced in at least four months. Grace was just as warm and comfortable as he remembered, her body matching with his when they wrapped around each other and just eased into sleep. It took a little while to get there, Grace’s voice being the last thing he heard before he fell under and actually slept. Deep. It was reckless to fall asleep without setting an alarm for work but he didn’t care. Grace was right there and he didn’t know when he would be able to touch her like that again. His body clock had adjusted well, and he woke up at five anyway. He didn’t have to get up until half past so he stayed awake, trying not to move too much and wake the sleeping and peaceful body that was wrapped around him. He tried to remember what she said before he fell asleep, and it could have been something he imagined, but he forgot completely when she let out a small sigh in her sleep. His heart must have done flips, he was so happy to be next to her again, he didn’t want to move. And he fucking had to. Trying not to focus on it, he closed his eyes and just pretended that things were normal. The mansion didn’t exist, her multi-millionaire boyfriend didn’t exist, nothing existed but his fingers tracing over the back of her arm. It was so nice and soothing, so unbelievably normal that he had to leave. It wasn’t real. “Grace.” he said quietly, gently rubbing his hand over her back to wake her. “Hey.” he added softly to get her attention, his mouth turning down when she started to stir against him. “I have to go, I have work.” The bubble had burst.

Dylan still remembered how comfortable he was laying in bed with her a full seven hours after he left, how it seemed her body tried to hold onto him a little bit longer before he pulled himself out of bed and snuck out of her room. They hadn’t spoken since, and to be fair, he hadn’t really seen her around. For the majority of the morning he had cleaned out one of the game rooms by himself, that included vacuuming and dusting everything in sight. Even though he had kept busy he couldn’t stop thinking about Grace, and more specifically, when they kissed. It was too short in his memory, it was something that was still sitting on his tongue but it wasn’t enough. Another hour had passed before he was sent back to the kitchen for his lunch break when he spotted Grace. She wasn’t facing him but she was alone and that was all he needed. Walking down the small corridor, looking out to make sure he wasn’t about to get caught, he interrupted Grace in whatever she was doing and grazed her arm. When she met his gaze he nodded toward one of the hall closets behind him, urging her to follow him as he stepped backwards. Quiet, untraceable, something they were getting away with. A relieved Dylan closed the door behind her, glad she wanted to be there, and they were left in the dark room with nothing but bed sheets surrounding them. “I missed you.” he breathed in explanation before finding her waist with his hands, pulling her closer. His mouth found hers, this time more rushed, more desperate, more needing.

[dylan-trelawney]

Dylan had to dig his fingers into the palms of his hands as he looked at her with sad eyes, a way of stopping himself from reaching out to her for comfort. For forgiveness. They were started to fall on the same page. The same heart breaking, helpless page and all he wanted to do was make everything up to her. The leaving, ignoring her phone call, coming back and being a royal dick. Because of that, Dylan didn’t want to leave her room until he fixed things, made things lighter for Grace, to lift the guilt that had been stirring since she told him no. That was the first thing he wanted to change, he was sick of it being a sensitive point, he was sick of Grace feeling bad when it was something she wasn’t ready to say. Maybe, just maybe, when all of that pain and negative thoughts had vanished, they could go back to how they were. That’s why when she asked him to stay, her fingers soothing him instantly, he already knew the answer. She was so close to him, the quiet words from her lips echoing around the room and through his heart where it must have kick started to life. She wanted him there. She wanted him there and she loved him. “I’m not going anywhere.” he whispered back to her, his eyes falling shut. Dylan wouldn’t move from that spot if she wanted to stay there all night. She was so good at hypnotizing him, making him forget everything and focus on her. In this instance, he was concentrating on her fingers smoothing over his skin, her lips that were so close to his own, how easy and right it felt to be so close to her again. It had been months since he last kissed her. Just the thought made him suck in a small breath. “I want to stay.”

His own hand carefully lifted to her jaw, his fingers smoothly sliding over her skin, his thumb brushing over her cheek, his heart racing. For a moment all he did was caress her cheek and think about how many times he had remembered kissing her while he was away. She was a constant thought, something he was always missing when he woke up in the morning. It was enough for him to finally jutt his chin forward and place the softest kiss to her lips, testing, savoring. Dylan paused to make sure Grace wanted it, she didn’t want to pull away. Things were so complicated and unstable but he didn’t care, he didn’t care what it meant, he really wanted to kiss her. The next time he pressed their mouths together it was for a bit longer, a little less softer, more dizzying. The warmth that spread through his chest was undeniable, and fuck, he really didn’t want to pull away but he knew he had to. Something slow, a little taste of what they used to have was enough for right now, they didn’t need things to spiral or become more confusing. Dylan just wanted to sleep. Right next to her. “Come on.” he mumbled after he pulled back, his eyes opening to check on her. He took her hand and took a step back, nodding behind him. Her bed was warmer than his own, he quickly noticed when he lifted the sheets and made himself comfortable, but nothing was warmer than having Grace there. He couldn’t help but tuck into his body into hers, finding her body underneath the blankets and wrapped his arms around Grace. It was okay for the moment. Things were going to be okay for the night, that was okay, that was comfortable. That was good enough for him.

Living With It

[dylan-trelawney]

Holding her was something he knew he needed to do and he was pretty sure it was more for his benefit, to feel like she didn’t one hundred percent hate him, that she was still there, that she wanted him there. The hug didn’t even last more than ten seconds before he was pulling back, his eyebrows creasing in confusion when she started talking. His hands now dangled at his sides and he must have felt that she was about to share her feelings, he swallowed and all he could taste were nerves. Dylan’s wide but soft eyes listened to her, hearing how she felt, making him suck in a small breath when she mentioned not eating. Dylan could have sworn he had never felt so much guilt in his life, knowing he left her alone without even telling her, knowing she was still hurting, knowing he had fucked up as well and maybe things would have been okay if he had just stayed. He couldn’t look her in the eye for a few seconds, thinking about her empty stomach, wrenched with pain and guilt that she wouldn’t - couldn’t - eat. She cried over him, multiple times. Dylan lifted his eyes back to hers when her voice started to raise in volume but he did nothing, only listened, only watched as she got things off of her chest that had probably been building up longer than he realized. The word love just about knocked him off his feet, his face pulling back a little in surprise, blinking a few times while it wrapped around his brain. His mouth opened but he didn’t say anything, he didn’t even know what he could say, he was speechless and she was saying it like he should have known. He didn’t. It was finally everything he wanted to hear but it was so much more messed up now, more complicated, he couldn’t find anything but sadness in those words coming from her.

She was right. It must have been silent for a little while after she stopped talking, Dylan finally closing his mouth to swallow. He wasn’t about to start excusing himself for what he did, there really wasn’t one, it was a fucked up thing to do to someone. Dylan may not have known that she loved him, but he knew she cared about him. “I’m sorry.” he said quietly, the lamest thing to roll off his tongue. That couldn’t cover it. “I regretted it as soon as I left, I know if I had just stayed-” he let out a deep breath and lifted one of his hands to run through his hair, gripping the back of his neck as he looked down at the carpet. There was another silence that followed. Dylan eventually dropped his hand and looked back at her, helpless. It was going to take more than an apology to fix everything between them, if that was possible. “I’m sorry, Grace. It’s stupid... I thought I was making it easier for you.” The right words just wouldn’t come to his mouth. All he could think to do was apologize and hold her and tell her he wouldn’t hurt her again but she was looking at him with such a heartbreaking look, he knew that wouldn’t do anything. “I never wanted to be on the list of people who’ve let you down. I’d do anything to take it back.” He admitted quietly. His heart was still stammering roughly in his chest and he wanted it to stop, he wanted both of them to stop hurting, he wanted to see her smile again. More than anything, he just wanted to go back to the way things were, to realize she needed more time. Now it was too late.

Living With It

[dylan-trelawney]

Finding out how Grace felt was so important, something he didn’t realize he really needed to hear, that he was sure he had never listened to her more when she started talking. An actual conversation between the two of them, something that should have happened the day he came back, or better yet, the day he left. Grace had a point, something he would never argue, he did ask her if she loved him and whether she did or not, it wasn’t exactly the way it was supposed to go. Dylan was silent in his thoughts, watching the floor when it became silent and her words hung over the room. It hurt. He hoped every night that it was just him. He was away for three months and every night he would climb into work after a long day at work and hope she was okay, that she was getting her life back. And from the looks of it, he wasn’t the only one who was suffering. She pulled him back out of his thoughts when she started talking, making him feel worse. I can get there. I just couldn’t say it. His mouth fell open, about to say something before he stopped himself and she kept talking. He closed his mouth with a deep sigh through his nose, frustrated with himself that she felt that way. She hadn’t really admitted anything or given him a straight answer like he was hoping, but it was better than what he had been given since he got back. Maybe she would never give him an answer, she would never tell him the truth, never admit it to him or herself. 

She was scared, so was he once upon a time. It was hard to be scared anymore after everything they had been through, the way things had fallen out, he was just tired. Dylan had to realize that he wasn’t the only one who was hurting. It didn’t sit right. “I just wanted to know I wasn’t alone.” he mumbled. Now he knew he wasn’t, in a very painful and strange way, it was a little relief. It made being in the same room as Grace a little less nerve wrecking. It also made him want to be a lot closer. He couldn’t even remember what it was like the last time he touched her, but he knew he probably didn’t appreciate the moment as much as he should have. His back straightened and his mouth curved downwards slightly, the fact that he had to ask definitely a little foreign. “Can you promise you won’t push me away?” he asked asked after a long moment, taking a small step closer. That question clearly held a lot of meaning but right now he wanted to focus on the physical, waiting for her to seem at least a little positive before he walked the rest of the way to Grace. It was late in the night, probably the most vulnerable part of his day, and now the stupidest. He didn’t know what it would accomplish but he knew he needed it, and it couldn’t have hurt Grace either. Dylan wrapped both of his arms around her shoulders, aware that he had never actually done this to her without his mouth located somewhere on her body. He pulled her close and her face tucked into his neck, his heart beat rocking out of his chest and into hers. His face buried into her shoulder as much as it could, his arms resting around the middle of her back. God, that was what he needed. He didn’t know how the hell he was going to let go now that he had done it, the feeling to stay there overwhelming. But he was holding her so tight, after so long of being away from her it was like touching her for the first time. He shouldn’t have left.

Living With It

[dylan-trelawney]

Just standing there waiting had his nerves raising through the roof, he shouldn’t have left the warmth of his bed to go all that way just to disturb Grace in the middle of her probably peaceful sleep. Dylan just couldn’t lay there another second without knowing, his own thoughts driving him crazy. Of course he didn’t expect her to open the door that way, he really should have. Tucking his hands into the pocket of his hoodie, he stepped back and found himself frowning in an apology, watching her become more alert. Just like he did whenever she was around. “Sorry.” he muttered, ignoring her question. It wasn’t something he wanted to get into in the hallway. “Can I come in?” he asked, looking down the hallway once just to check. Being alone in her room at that time of night, when he wasn’t just bringing her breakfast or taking Olive outside, seemed kind of dangerous. The last time that happened she kicked him out, and nothing good would come from it, but he knew he had to get his thoughts out into the open where Grace could answer them. Dylan waited patiently, sliding past her when it seemed okay and looked around the darkened room. Suddenly he was nervous again, his fingers digging into each other underneath the material of his sweater. He faced her but he had trouble pulling his eyes away from his bare feet on her carpet. “I just wanted to...” he trailed off, shrugging, unsure of himself. Now it was really feeling like a bad idea and the idea of it became even worse when he looked up at her, seeing the lifeless look in her eyes. Now he couldn’t help but wonder if that was because she had genuine feelings for him, and he couldn’t just it and wonder by himself.

“If you had any feelings for me, I know you would have told me on the day. I asked you point blank.” he started, his confidence wavering a little as he watched her. He just had to keep talking and get all of it out otherwise he wasn’t sure they would ever be on the right page. “But lately I can’t help but think, you know, maybe after I left...” he swallowed back the words he couldn’t say. Maybe after I left you realized how important I was to you. It was a fucked up thing to think. He cleared his throat quietly and looked down at his feet again, like a coward who was teetering on the edge. Dylan had been in this situation before and it had turned out terribly, it kind of felt like the same thing. Only this was much more important to him. “If you have been hurting and I’ve been ignoring you,” he swallowed again, looking back up at her. “Then I’m sorry.” He felt like he couldn’t have confused her more. He didn’t answer her question about why he was there, he barely explained anything he was feeling, but at least he had apologized and that seemed like a good place to start. He didn’t exactly want to admit he had eavesdropped on her friends talking about her and how she felt about him. Especially if she was going to say they were overreacting or wrong. It was up to Grace to say something now. Dylan was going to stand there and take anything that she said, whether it be good or bad, and deal with it because he was sick of walking around in the same house on uneven terms. It really was starting to make him feel worse, just standing there, noticing how different she looked from the last night they spent together. She had smiled at him for most of it, her eyes holding a brightness, now they just looked... defeated.

Living With It

[dylan-trelawney]

Standing by their door was wrong, listening was wrong, wanting to hear more was wrong. Dylan looked both ways in the hallway he was standing in just to make sure he wouldn’t get caught eavesdropping on Hef’s girlfriends and their very private conversation, and leaned a little closer to the door. So he was officially pathetic, straining to hear through a doorway how Grace felt about him, and it had completely overtaken the fact that the other girls knew. It’s not like Dylan really cared, if she trusted them then it didn’t matter, but the thing that really got to him was that Hef was starting to notice. His face furrowed as he tried to listen more carefully, the conversation coming more clear that they were talking about his and Grace’s relationship, if that’s what they could even call it. Dylan was shamefully standing there, listening to things he really shouldn’t have been listening to, before he learned something very new and very alarming and in the process almost dropped the empty silver platter in his hand. She’s completely in love with him. Dylan’s eyes sure widened dramatically but he didn’t have time to overwhelm himself in shock since the conversation hadn’t slowed and he still needed to listen to every word, his own mouth becoming suddenly very dry. That’s how she talked about him to these girls, whether they were being sarcastic or not, she had told them enough. And Dylan didn’t know any of it. The most he had gotten from Grace was when she was drunk and she left a few promising marks on his skin, making her happy with the word mine. She just hadn’t opened up, never said anything to his face, Dylan didn’t even know she thought of him that way. She could have even used the word amazing.

He was either really distracted thinking about it or she was just really quiet, but Grace’s voice broke him out of his thoughts and he whipped around, eyes wide like a kid that just got caught stealing fresh out of the oven cookies right from the tray. “Jesus.” he breathed in a hush tone, flicking his eyes back to the door to make sure he hadn’t been caught by them as well. No, just the woman who maybe loved him. His breath hitched. “Nothing.” he said quickly. Fuck. How was he supposed to react to hearing all of that when he didn’t have anything solid, when they were probably exaggerating, when his hopes had risen so quickly that he was scared of being wrong or crushed by it that he wouldn’t even know where to start with her? He was fucked. And now he was just standing there staring at her, as if he could figure out how she felt by just watching her. Somehow, after hearing all of that, that she might have been going through a pain harsher than his, something inside of him melted. “Are you-” he started, only to be cut off by another butler at the top of the staircase. “Dylan, come on, you’re suppose to be in the kitchen.” he said, jogging down the stairs. Dylan turned frustrated and let out a huffed breath, looking at her once before simply walking away. That butler had saved him, he had no idea what he was getting into. His heart was beating a little faster for the rest of his shift. God, whatever he had heard definitely clicked a switch. He couldn’t stop thinking about the things he had said to Grace that day in the closet, suddenly rethinking everything she said to him. It was enough to make his fingers shake while he was staring at the wall, his phone reading a lovely 2:30am. Finally he couldn’t take it, it was probably a stupid thing to do but he had done a lot of stupid things under the same roof, it was nothing new. He threw on a sweatshirt and quietly walked out of his room. He didn’t feel nervous until he was standing outside Grace’s door, the small knock from his knuckles ringing through the empty hallway.

Living With It

[dylan-trelawney]

Dylan knew on a certain degree that he wasn't being mature when he spoke, he had just been too hurt and tired over the last week that even looking in her direction made him ache. It wasn't right, any of it, he wanted her to know just how much she had hurt him and he knew that's exactly what he was doing. It just wasn't fair. He could remember her face, the look in her eyes when she called him horrible things, telling him that she basically regretted everything, and for her to act like nothing had happened was another punch in the face. So he swallowed as she stood up, holding back the words that had found their way to his tongue when he saw that he had upset her, because he shouldn't have thrown that in her face. He bit down on the inside of his cheek, his eyes following her until she was completely out of sight. Before the wave of guilt could crush him, Brooklyn had come over to show him the wrapped present she had chosen. The fake smile he had to plaster on his face after that was Oscar winning, but at least somebody was having a good time at the party: his happy little sister and the packets of moon sand she had gotten. For the rest of the night he had to stay like that, focusing on his sister and showing her that things were okay again. Dylan knew she worried more than she let on, more than any other kid should when they were eight years old, but things would be better now that he had his job back. He dodged questions about where Grace went and just tried to enjoy the time he had with his sister while he had the opportunity.

It was just easier when Grace had been there. His dad came to pick up Brooklyn, he went to bed, and tried to ignore the part of him that wanted to find Grace and apologize. It was a tough pill to swallow, accepting that they weren't actually going to be anything and that he couldn't just run off and comfort her when he was the one who was an ass. He slept on it, literally, and tried to focus on working the next day. That's all it was anymore, working and forgetting that she was in the same house, that he wasn't constantly wishing she was there when he went to bed, imagining what it would be like to kiss her after all those months. To ask how she'd been and what she had been up to, if she missed him, if she ever considered that she loved him. Dylan was too afraid of the answer, so he pushed it to the back of his mind instead and actually did his job. That wouldn't have been so hard if he could concentrate on changing Andy's bed sheets, but he couldn't. At one point he just sat on the edge of the bed and sat staring out of the window, lost in his thoughts about the night before and if he was out of line. Eventually, after about fifteen minutes of being lost in his mind, he got up and finished his job. The next room was Heather's, he had to strip their sheets and replace them with fresh ones, but it was kind of difficult to do when there was someone already inside. They must have been sitting on the bed, hushed words that couldn't have been heard down the hallway, but he had stopped right outside the door. He lifted his hand to knock but paused mid air when he heard his name, his eyebrows pulling down in confusion. 

Living With It

[dylan-trelawney]

Dylan could hold her gaze, he refused to look away even though all he was reminded of was the night she looked at him with disappointment when she told him she didn't love him, or even just a few days ago when she told him she wished she had never met him. How she could sit there calmly was beyond him, he couldn't be around her without feeling like there was another blow coming, his fingers gripping his jeans like he was bracing for impact. That wasn't a healthy feeling to have around somebody but at the moment it seemed kind of fair, it was fair to think that another painful moment could come up. All she was doing was talking so he had no trouble sitting there, swallowing back the dry feeling in his throat as he quickly glanced at Brooklyn to make sure she was alright. She must have seen the good in him if she thought Dylan had something in common with his little sister, she was such a bright and mature girl, still holding onto her childhood, still growing up and making mistakes like he did when he was little. He turned back to Grace, figuring just as much. She wouldn't have put herself in that position if she didn't at least want to see him, but why, the reasoning behind it, made him a little skeptical. By the soft looks she kept sending him, he could take a hint. And honestly he couldn't deal with that in that moment, not when his fingers were twitching now. It was fucked up, missing someone and knowing they held a lot of power. 

"She fell off a roof. Not mine, she was at her friend's house." he said, actually speaking to her feeling like an odd thing to do. They hadn't just casually spoken to one another in such a long time, he had trouble even remembering their last normal conversation. "That's why I came back. The hospital bill... we were struggling." he admitted quietly. They were still struggling because Dylan hadn't been paid for the week yet, so being there every single day mattered, waking up and avoiding Grace needed to become a habit. But he wasn't going to get up and walk away, not when she was looking at him the way she was. He missed her. He hated thinking it, feeling it when it was such a lost cause, but he did. It was hard not to relive the hard parts when she was sitting there, like he was searching for a reminder of why he should never get his hopes up for anything again, and he quickly found them. He buried them deeply, burning on the way down. "I need this job so much. I know you wanted me to leave when I first got here, but I can't. I think you know that." he added. "I needed to, for Brooklyn." Dylan was vaguely aware that it was still an event, that Hef was walking around somewhere, so were the other girlfriends, but that didn't stop him from sitting up a little straighter. He couldn't be a coward forever, certainly not if he had a responsibility to stay and help out his family. His heart lurched. "Otherwise I wouldn't have come back." 

Living With It

[dylan-trelawney]

If Grace had a change of heart, she was playing with the strings of his heart by getting his sister involved because he had to watch Brooklyn fall in love with her too. He had day dreams about Grace meeting his little family sometimes, at least he used to, and just imagined what she would think of them. Now he was getting a first hand visual and it came with a broken heart that was nowhere near mended, and the look in her eyes when she met his just made his shattered heart beat faster, breaking them into smaller pieces because he couldn't do anything. She was horrible to him just the other day, something he couldn't deny even though his eyes softened the slightest at her apology, somehow not directed at the broken cookie but his broken self. She was being sincere and he couldn't take it. He felt like he needed a tall glass of water and a cigarette but he couldn't just ditch the table, not now. Not after Brooklyn was being so sweet with her it was making him feel kind of relieved. He shouldn't have, it's not like it was his sister meeting his girlfriend, even an ex for that matter. This was a girl he hooked up with for months before falling in love with her, a love that was one sided. He could never explain that to his sister. She was already icing the arm back onto the cookie and barely knew that Dylan was just staring down at his hands now, lost in thought, replaying the same old images in his head with the only difference being Grace was so close. Close enough to almost blind the pain.

Almost. He was brought back into reality by Brooklyn pushing all three of the gingerbread men together in the center, making a comment about how cute they were and how she wished she could keep them for herself. She said this about ten seconds before she ate one of the buttons she had glued with icing onto her own. But then she was off, pushing her chair out with a gasp and he had to crane his neck backwards. She was old enough to know that Santa wasn't real and actually came from two different paychecks each year, but she wasn't about to turn down the mountain of wrapped presents being lifted into the living room and neither were any of the other kids who were in awe of them. They had a santa for the kids who still believed of course, but Dylan guessed this was Hef's doing, something nice for the kids. Unfortunately it meant that most of the kids were now crowded around one area, his sister with the broken arm in the midst of it, he was left alone at the table with Grace. He pulled his eyes back when he realized, looking directly at her. He felt his mouth go dry and he wished he wasn't alone. It was easier with Brooklyn there, he at least felt like he wasn't a coward for avoiding her gaze. So he held it this time, playing with his fingers under the table. She couldn't be avoided forever and he did have something to say. "She likes you." he said, the thought seeming obvious. There was so much he wanted to add after that. "Is that why you came over?" Was apparently the top of the list, the words floating from his mouth as he waited, the need to get up and get something to quench his dry mouth a little overwhelming but he wanted to know first.

Living With It

[dylan-trelawney]

There was no way he could avoid Grace at an event, even when he was just somebody who was there to make cookies and failed craft ideas with his little sister, but he sure could make sure his eyes didn't find her on purpose. It was the time he could be spending with Brooklyn, looking after her and trying not to focus on the part of his life that was the reason for his headache every night. When he picked up one of the m&m's and placed it on the tip of his tongue, briefly looking up from what Brooklyn was doing and catching sight of Grace's back, he realized it wasn't going to be so easy to just ignore the other person existed. The only reason he was doing it was because he was scared, more terrified of what else she thought of him, he would rather not hear it. It was kind of easy to focus on cookies because there was a lot going on around them, kids talking to their parents or to the girls, the Christmas music playing softly in the background, it had to be a dream for some of the kids. Dylan didn't exactly notice when Grace walked over to them until it was too late, her voice making him gulp when he looked up. Brooklyn's face had lit up because of it, so happy that the girl she was admiring earlier was now taking a seat next to her, that he wasn't going to pipe up and say no we're fine thanks. Dylan had straightened in his chair, taking a deep breath as she took a seat and wondered why she even wanted to be around him, be around Brooklyn after all the things she said. She clearly didn't like him very much anymore, he got the message. 

He didn't even realize he was just staring at her, eyebrows pulled together stuck in a thought when until she looked up at him, her expression causing him to look down at his lap. She had to feel bad. Dylan didn't have the strength or the fight to be pissed and instead got his own gingerbread man to work on. Brooklyn loved it. She was so mesmerized by Grace, he couldn't help but think of how ironic it was that the Trelawney's felt the same way about her. Nobody could notice how his fingers were shaking with just being so close to somebody he missed in every way possible, somebody he needed to hold again. It made him feel lost, being so close to her when he couldn't do anything. Brooklyn was doing all the talking, showing Grace how to draw the face and the hair. Dylan didn't even think gingerbread men had hair, but when he noticed she was using the yellow to do strokes down the neck and shoulders, he realized Brooklyn was making Grace. Sighing, he picked up a red icing bottle and started tracing around the edges just to have something to occupy his mind. Brooklyn didn't even notice he really wasn't paying to her gingerbread men, or Grace's, just sitting in his own world occasionally looking up to see Grace. They were bonding, getting along. And it really made his chest hurt and swell all at the same time. It became worse when he finished the face of his cookie, Brooklyn checking over her shoulder to quickly criticize it. "No D, you forgot the hair." she said, picking up the brown icing. She did a little quiff on the top of the man's head, very proud of herself, which made Dylan smile. Until he saw their cookies, complete with hair, like a group. Like a family. They were both breaking his heart now. "What do you think?" Brooklyn asked him, eyes bright, looking both between him and Grace. Dylan had no choice but to pretend he wasn't upset. "They look great, B." he said quietly, flicking his eyes up to Grace.

Living With It

[dylan-trelawney]

For a night he wasn't going to think about their situation, no matter how many times she popped up, he just needed to get his head out of that bubble for five minutes and focus on something else. Like celebrating Christmas with his sister and actually having fun with her, which never took much, they were always doing fun things together. She got his attention by the awed sound she let out at the decorations, the lights strung up everywhere in the dining room, everywhere was exploding with Christmas and it honestly looked beautiful. Dylan could only take credit for what he did in the lobby, with Grace, and that thought almost made him smack himself in the face. She was always going to pop up. "They're making some gingerbread men, do you want to? For you and dad?" he asked, which seemed like a stupid question. Of course she would want to, she was eight year old girl and he had see her chew down a few cookies in the past. He was the same. She surprised him though, because she wasn't really paying attention to him or answering him. He was looking around the room at all the dad's that had daughters and sons, the co-workers who had siblings, all trying to get a break with some family. But as soon as he realized he was getting silence in return, he turned to look down at Brooklyn, who was craning her neck to look at something. As a natural response, he did the same thing to see what she was looking at.

His little sister's eyes were glued to Grace for whatever reason, his mouth instantly curling down as he looked back at her. "Why are we staring?" he asked, genuinely curious as he pulled his eyes away from Grace completely. Brooklyn, in true child fashion, still wasn't pulling her eyes away, They were full of awe and he was a little taken back by it. "Brooklyn?" he asked once more, which seemed to snap her out of it and look up at him, eyes going a little wider as she realized what she was doing. "She's really pretty." she said quietly, Dylan's hear suddenly beating a little faster. Her eyes had drifted back to Grace, truly admiring her and he felt the wind get knocked out of him. "Yeah?" he said, swallowing back the dry feeling in his throat. She didn't answer him then either, she was too busying analyzing Grace like she wanted to actually talk to Grace. "Well, her name is Grace." he said, straightening out the muscles in his back before he tried to steer the conversation away. He wasn't allowed to feel that way, happy that Brooklyn liked Grace, like that even mattered now. Eventually he got his wide eyed sister who was in awe of Christmas and the beautiful women that were in the room, helping some of the kids with the decorating, he got her to sit down next to him at a table. Instantly he was grinning because Brooklyn was eating the limbs off of one while she started to get an icing bag ready for another, mumbling about how they tasted better than the ones him and his dad had tried to make a few years ago.

Living With It

[dylan-trelawney]

Dylan's idea of a good afternoon was not standing around and helping Grace string lights up around the mansion, he would rather work the overnight shift. It just hurt, a lot, and he was trying to mask it as much as possible and not seem so weak in front of her. Dylan hated that, how vulnerable he felt, how weak she had made him feel. It hurt almost as much as the fact that she didn't love him. But he would, and what he wasn't expecting was Grace to start falling backwards from the ladder, Dylan's eyes widening just a little before he reached up to stop her. Her skin was warm underneath his fingers, something he shouldn't have noticed, but he was worried about her hurting herself. So much that he didn't let go for a second, making sure she was okay, feeling suddenly very hot and in need of a deep breath. Because of her, how something like that could make him forget the things she had said to him. He nodded back at her, releasing his hands with a clenched jaw, biting harshly on the inside of his cheek. It took a lot of working for the rest of the day to somewhat forget about it and move on, and focus on what the night would be like. For some of the staff members that had younger children in their family, they could have the night off and bring their kids or siblings, Dylan immediately thought of Brooklyn.

She was still recovering with her broken arm, and every night he would hear about how itchy and annoying it was, so he thought it would be a nice thing for her. They were allowed to decorate cookies, make decorations for the tree, learn how to wrap presents - those presents would then be donated - and they would get to take home a bag of candy and assorted presents, thanks to Hef. Nothing made him feel guiltier. He changed into a pair of jeans and a simple red sweater, nothing too ridiculous, nothing covered in reindeers or Christmas trees. Their dad was dropping Brooklyn off at some point, but when he walked into the main foyer - accidentally making eye contact with Grace twice - she was already there, surrounded by kids. Was kind of hard to miss the cast. Her face lit up in a grin, probably happy to see him after a week. She was going crazy after missing a week of school. Dylan smiled back, waiting for Brooklyn to walk around the guests and he could drop low enough to wrap his arms around her. It was less than last time, she was growing way too fast. "Hey, you and your three limbs made it." he said to her, pulling back to see the already annoyed look on Brooklyn's face. It immediately made him mumble a laugh, noticing how many people had signed it since he last saw it. Of course, Dylan was the first one, he liked to think he started the trend for her. "Have you had any dinner?" he asked curiously, figuring he could order her something if she hadn't, but she nodded. "Dad got us a pizza." she said, Dylan's hand now resting on her upper back as they started to walk in the direction of the main dining room. Kids, christmas, lights everywhere. "Oh, that's where my money is going, huh?" he joked, the smile falling from his face when he spotted Grace.

Living With It

[dylan-trelawney]

Dylan didn't like to cry, he tried to avoid it, but she just brought it out of him. The situation was so messed up and complicated, it was like torture, being stuck in a position where he had to look at the girl he loved everyday and do nothing about it. They had messed things up so badly and he was left wondering how easy would it have been if he just kept his mouth shut in the first place. Maybe they could have been more in time, she might have fallen in love with him, she might have told him. It sucked, all of the what ifs, but he tried not to let them get to him too much. It was self destructive. So instead he kept all of that to himself, working with a little less passion, a solemn look on his face most of the time. He hated it. Most of the time, mostly at night when he couldn't sleep and he was forced to stare at the ceiling repeating their last conversation over and over, he just wanted to sneak up to her room and talk. Tell her he was sorry for being an ass and that he did love her, just so she knew it wasn't fake. Then he would remember what she said and he would swallow it all back, force himself to try and move on. Like it was an option. The day came where he actually had to work with her, and his professional attitude from a few days ago had vanished, when they made eye contact his expression was more reserved. She didn't want to look at him, well, neither did he.

Only a few of the butlers were hanging lights, going by the directions of Grace, where she wanted them. Dylan mostly toyed with a box of lights, making sure all of the lights were working instead of actually doing anything. It was an easier way to breathe when she was right there. Eventually he knew it was coming across like he was slacking so he pushed away from the box with a small sigh, constantly checking where Grace was, always just missing eye contact. "Can you help Grace with the rest of these, and get the ladder from the basement? It's my break." one of them muttered to Dylan, patting him on the back as he left. It wasn't even a question, it should have been, because Dylan would have said no. Biting the inside of his cheek, he followed directions and retrieved the foldable ladder, hoping he would fall off and break a leg, paid leave for six to eight weeks sounded lovely. He rested it against the side of the stairs, making direct eye contact with Grace again. She was right next to him, hanging lights, and he didn't know what to say. It took about twenty seconds for him to speak. "How can I help?" he asked, the positive work attitude non existent. He was just tired, honestly. He didn't know how else to look at her. It was moments like that, making him realize he was really screwed.

Living With It

After Dylan left her in the closet that day all Grace could do was cry. She must have stood in the same spot for an hour just crying, holding herself and crying. Her world had never felt closer to caving in after she’d let out everything she was feeling, everything she had been feeling for months while Dylan was gone. She shouldn’t have said the hurtful things she did, shouldn’t have gotten in his face like that when he thought she didn’t love him but she couldn’t help it. Grace was hurt, torn apart. Her heart was broken and it made her lash out at the person she needed the most. That was all she needed, just to have Dylan there to talk to, to run his fingers over her skin while she slept. Being with him like that was the most relaxing thing she could think of and it was all she wanted, being close to him. And now she would never get that. She and Dylan would ignore each other and go back to being strangers and eventually they would both leave and never see each other again. That was the reality of it all. Now Grace just had to decide how to live with that, how to live with her decision to take care of her family instead of admitting she was in love with Dylan. She had to face the reality that Dylan might have been her one shot and she let him go. It was a tough pill to swallow.

But Grace worked on it, only seeing him a few times over the next few days. It made it easier and it made it harder, Grace couldn’t decide which most days. It was that Saturday when Grace actually made eye contact with him again for the first time in days, something that wavered her strength immediately and made her wounds feel fresh. She was sitting on the floor of the grand entry way to the mansion, checking the Christmas lights she had been stringing and getting ready to hang up. They were having a small party that night, nothing too extravagant, just something to welcome in the holiday season. And since Grace had long ago decided that she had to do something herself to get it right she was right there alongside the butlers, laying out the lights before she started wrapping them around the banister. It would help tie everything together. But of course Dylan was there, she didn’t expect anything different. It was his job to help with whatever event was going on and Grace couldn’t pretend she didn’t need help. But when he came towards her all she did was look up into his eyes and look away, going back to stringing the lights with a sour look on her face. It would be a little harder to pretend she didn’t need help when she pulled out the ladder but Grace decided she would cross that bridge when she came to it. Instead of focusing on that she stared down at the work she needed to get done and tried desperately to ignore the shaking in her fingers. 

[dylan-trelawney]

Grace shouting in his face, hurting him with every syllable, had to be the worst he had felt since she said no. She told him she hated him, she called him a piece of shit, called him an asshole, and some of it felt granted. He was being an asshole by pretending nothing had ever happened between them, he knew it, but right now he felt like what he was getting wasn't exactly deserved. Dylan loved her so fucking much and it pissed him off that she was telling him he didn't, just because he didn't want to be around her. His eyebrows raised when she mentioned sex, as if that was a reason he ever said I love you, because he was in it for the sex. She had to know that deep down, she had to feel it too, that it wasn't because he loved having sex with her. She was breaking him into pieces and she didn't realize it, either that or she was too angry to care, but he could see how affected she was. Quite clearly. He opened his mouth to say something, defend how she was wrong and politely correct her, that he still wanted her, before she delivered the punch line. He actually took a step back, eyes wide at her. His mouth stayed hanging open, it was like a punch to the face. His breath came out in a quick jolt, shaky and weak, and he swallowed back the dry and painful feeling in his throat. That was it. She'd accomplished whatever she wanted to, he officially felt ten times worse.

Dylan just stood there for a moment, his fingers digging into his palms because he knew he wanted to cry. "You're wrong." he muttered lowly, shaking his head slowly. "You're so fucking wrong." he added as his body shook, not clarifying which part he meant because it implied all of it. Dylan couldn't take anymore of it. He swung the door open and left, leaving Grace behind as his feet worked quickly to get away from her, his chest rising and falling quickly. The whole time he had been ignoring her because he was scared of being hurt, something flying out of her mouth that would make him feel guilty about leaving, or some kind of insult. It was nothing compared to what just came out of her and he realized how horrible that was. No matter what happened between them, how stupid and hurt he felt, he still loved her so much. He wanted everything about her, he wanted to see her smile the first thing in the morning, he wanted to kiss her and tell her how much he loved her each time, he wanted Grace to meet his family. It was never about just sex with them, and for it to even be on Grace's mind, like he didn't care about her anymore... it was ridiculous. Dylan finally made it to his destination after running away once again, terrified, and shut his bedroom door behind him. Immediately he started pacing, running a hand through his hair while he took deep breaths to calm down but it wasn't working. His face crumpled and the tears streamed down his cheeks and a small sob came from his lips, making it harder to breathe in the small space. He felt stupid, weak. I wish I never met you. Dylan broke.

Coming Back

[dylan-trelawney]

The one thing he wasn't expecting after vacuuming for so long that morning was to have Grace show up, and out of nowhere, pull the cord out and gain his attention immediately. It was like he didn't have time to react, one minute he was trying to clean up and the next he was being faced with an angry Grace in a closet. He wasn't dumb either, he knew which closet it was. His eyes were wide, staring down at the hand that had touched him, and it was one of the first times he had lost all professionalism. He forgot all about it, just staring at her with worry, his heart already beating so fast because she didn't look happy. But god, once she started unloading, he felt his breathing become heavier. The excuses were lined up in his mind already, shocked that she was going as far as to just yell at him in a closet where anybody could walk past and near them. And every single thing she was saying hurt. How could it not. He flinched when she used the word hate, called him a piece of shit, and unloaded every ounce of anger she had onto him within a few seconds. It was heart breaking but it also pissed him off, annoyed him so quickly that his tempered right after hers. It doubled when she started pushing against his chest, his jaw clenching while she seemed to let everything out on him. But he wasn't going to sit there and take it, he couldn't, he had enough.

"Are you serious right now?" he shot back at her, trying to find her wrists with the palms of his hands so he could stop the pushing. He managed to get her to a point where she would stop and pay attention to him, and just seeing the look on her face, how much anger and hatred was actually there, made him waver a little bit before he spoke. "You wanted me to leave but I can't, I fucking need this job. I'm staying away from you like you wanted, so what the hell is your problem, Grace?" he shouted back at her, his eyes furiously going back and forth between hers. The word hate just kept ringing in his ears like he could hear nothing else, his breathing becoming a little panicked because of it. The tears were starting to prick his eyes but he tried to blink them away and focus on getting his point across. "Do you think I wanted to come back here? Do you know how much it hurts to come back to this place when you don't even love me? Because, my god, I'm sorry that staying here was unbearable for me. I'm sorry that you had to get over your crush on me. I'm sorry that it hurts to be around you now." he said, his face pulled into one of frustration. She didn't love him. She told him she didn't, there was no way she was as upset as he was. He dropped his hands from around her wrists, his chest falling and rising heavily with emotion. He wanted to cry and scream at her how much she had hurt him, but instead he stood there heaving, his eyes filled to the brim with tears. "Just because we're not together doesn't mean I won't love you."

Coming Back