dweom

[dweom]

Truly, there are few places online quite so pettily toxic as tumblr plural spaces. More toxic, certainly. I do know about the nazis after all. But the sheer hatred for ourselves on display.

The constant bickering about who is real enough to be a real person is, setting aside the fact that all personhood is a delusion of consistency anyway, actively worsening my ability to function as human in the daily world.

And I barely skim the edges out of curiousity.

Were I a teenager desperately looking for advice on what adulthood could look like for me?

I would simply and without reserve have killed myself.

This community undoubtedly has a death toll on its hands, and most of the guilt lies with the "DNI if you aren't exactly like me in every way you nasty lying freak" types that seem to dominate every conversation.

At least the anti-recovery types that populate the Borderline tags are still willing to acknowledge the existence of other Borderlines.

[dweom]

I believe in you, kid. You're gonna get that jacket!

leather jacket

please let me thrift a leather jacket. I want one so badly. everyone else has thrifted one. everyone but me. please, let me thrift a leather jacket...

[dweom]

Funniest part of being a system and having a job is just the most unlikely system members end up doing work. Yeah Cinderpelt from Thunderclan is doing data entry using Microsoft Excel what about it.

[dweom]

Once got fired for Union Organizing because I kept saying we in meetings with other dept heads which is I guess proof I'm a commie speaking for My People (the 50ish folks in my dept)

(I am a commie, but that is unrelated; I hadn't planned to unionize the place for at least another few months)

plural culture is constantly having to avoid saying “we” when talking to someone you’re not out as plural to

[dweom]

IMO no one should be putting any kind of ages up on the internet anyway. At best people MAYBE need to know if you're an adult vs, say, a young teen who they're going to be talking to about particularly violent or sexual subjects, so the speaker can moderate their tone correctly.

In practice, no one needs to know your ages, period, until you are close friends with whom you share private information.

If you wouldn't tell them your legal name, you shouldn't be telling them your age either.

And I do think this applies to alters too. The danger with people knowing you're underage is that they know you're an easy target for abuse. That danger doesn't go away for systems. If anything, it's MORE severe, because we're already in such a socially vulnerable position.

I do "care about" ages, in that I care about getting people to stop fucking posting them at all.

just curious.. does anyone else not care about alter ages that much PFFT. i understand wanting to seperate littles from more mature alters i just don't see a point in having exact ages and displaying that. like idk man maybe i'm in my late teens maybe i'm in my early 20s i literally do not see a point in getting it EXACT i am just a GUY

[dweom]

Being a system is years of refuge with the people you can always trust: yourselves. Being a system is giggling in the bathtub because your oldest friend made a shitty pun about ducks. Being a system is learning who outside yourself can be trusted with the truth and cherishing them. Being a system is looking in a mirror at a pretty cool stranger and wishing them well. Being a system is holding that child you once were, that teen, that 20 something, and promising they are going to be okay, because you're from the future and you know there is still joy.

Being a system is hugging your past, and saying, "hey, we're okay now."

being a system is going through years and years of abuse and torment. being a system is sitting in the shower sobbing because you don’t know who or where you are. being a system is losing year-long friends because they refuse to believe you. being a system is looking the worst parts of you in the face and going “i think we can change”. being a system is holding a child version of yourself and repeating “i love you” over and over again.

being a system is hugging yourself and saying, “hey, we’re gonna be okay.”

[dweom]

I love that I can jerk off about guys now. That's just so neat!

[dweom]

To those we love

To those we lost

And those of us

Whose paths have crossed.

- - -

About this: I’m in therapy. I am in recovery. I am healing.

This triptych is part of a book I’ve been working on.

I’ve been suicidal since the third grade. What I’ve learned over the years is, being suicidal is nothing to be ashamed of. It��s not your fault. You’re not “broken” or “worthless” or any of that.

We have the power to change our relationship with anything. We can find balance within ourselves. It’s there.

If you were looking for, or needing a sign? Here it is.

If you needed permission? Take mine.

It might take you a few tries, yes, but there are many people who can help. It’s a slow process but you are worth it.  Don’t give up!

I love you and I’m proud of you!

-Justin

[dweom]

Hi, I’m Emma, honours student at the University of Manitoba, and principal researcher of the “Mind wandering, inattention, and attentional control” study, which aims to investigate the cognitive mechanisms underlying mind wandering and its relation to Adult Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

We are currently seeking volunteers to participate in our online study. This study is intended for any adults, regardless of whether you have been diagnosed with, or suspect you have, ADHD.

In our study, you will complete a sustained attention task known as a go/no-go task. Periodically, the task will pause, and you will be asked to report on your thoughts and experiences just prior to the prompt. Following the sustained attention task you will complete brief questionnaires about your personality, prior experiences, and demographics.

The study will take approximately 30 minutes. You can complete the study anytime online at:

https://attentionandlearninglab.com/2023/HE2022-0321-COM/

This research has been approved by the Research Ethics Board at the University of Manitoba, Fort Garry campus, and is being completed under the supervision of Dr. Nicholaus Brosowsky.

Your participation is extremely important for the study, which we thank you in advance.

Kind regards,

Emma Fernando

Principal Investigator contact information:

Emma Fernando, Student

University of Manitoba

Email: fernan24@myumanitoba.ca

Principal Investigator contact information:

Dr. Nick Brosowsky, Assistant Professor

University of Manitoba

Email: nicholaus.brosowsky@umanitoba.ca

[dweom]

hey before we get much further into this night vale discussion, can we remind everyone that if you are vulnerable to unreality or if you need unreality tagged, welcome to night vale is NOT safe for you.

it constantly explicitly says reality-bending things with the express purpose of making the listener doubt things they know to be true. They constantly blur the line between reality and fiction by rewriting historical events, in one episode they bring on number of real life celebrities talking as fictionalized but convincing versions of themselves, and in more than a few cases gaslight the listener into misremembering facts about the show. This is all done creatively and non-maliciously, but i think people deserve to know that before going into it

[dweom]

Snow scenery among flower

[dweom]

I've been having a few people ask me about why/how I can "tell" my delusions "apart" from reality.

The simple answer is: two things can be true.

I can't always identify my delusions on my own, but once I know something is/isn't real, I can just... track that. Like I would track the plot information for a TV show I'm watching.

Actually, in a very real way, growing up "in fandom" did me a lot of favours for learning how to manage my delusions.

If you've ever had a moment of confusion seeing an actor from one show appear in another and then "remembered" (realized? Noticed?) that's an actor and this will be a different character, that sensation is pretty similar to what I go through each time I "remember" basic facts about reality that my perception doesn't necessarily agree with.

sane people REALLY need to understand that most delusional people can understand when they're in a delusion. like we understand that what we're experiencing ISN'T real to u but in our reality it is an unshakeable and like , straight from the mouth of god real type of thing . get rid of the idea that delusional people don't know that their reality is different than other people's .

this is called double book keeping and it REALLY needs to be talked abt more.

[dweom]

Lol imagine thinking not having knock down, drag out screaming matches with your roommates on tumblr means you actually live alone in a one room cabin.

Gee, I wonder why people who have extensive other methods of conflict resolution might not want to bare their vulnerable intimacies to a bunch of assholes who cheerfully call them delusional liars for describing their lives.

Yeah, real mystery why they might not tell you about any conflicts they might be having, pal.

I just realised something about end0s

I've never seen a single one of them have a bad experience with any of their alters. Never.

Could it just be a thing of them not wanting to post about it? Sure, not out of the possibility I wholeheartedly understand not wanting to share things like that.

But.. for an entire community to exist and there to be barely any stories of it just seems a bit odd. For an entire community to exist and for nobody to want to talk about them, it's.. weird.

It's like they all get along with each other at all times, no matter what.

You'll see people in every other mental health community speak on issues about their disorders/illnesses etc. but you'll barely see any of it within the end0 community.. I wonder why that is.

[dweom]

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion? But I fucking hate being mentally ill. I'd take a magic cure at a moments notice. I do wish psychosis didn't exist and I don't want to be this way. I've seen a lot of posts recently about not wanting to be neurotypical and not wanting a cure to a mental illness and the symptoms are all manageable anyway as long as you've got societal support. But like. I don't feel the same way.

Obviously I'm managing since I'm off my meds, but like it's still scary. I'm still unhappy with never really knowing if I've heard something or not. It's still a waste of my time to walk to the telephone that's been defunct for years because I swore I heard it ring. It's still terrifying to hear things that aren't there and see things in the dark.

I don't want to live like this and I want a cure.

[dweom]

boy my neuro sure is diverging today

[dweom]

this might be too specific of an experience but raise your hand if you're psychotic and hate people deleting messages because you get worried that you hallucinated the message and you're too anxious to ask if there really was a message there (and also it's rude to bring up deleted messages)