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Collection of some ideas around Nerevar being Azura's number one boy. I don't really have any intention to finalize these, but thought to share some of them.

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Can you draw a tiny lizard dragon that secretly hoards pennies?

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Sharpen those axes and load your crossbows - It’s Time for a Monster Hunt! Available now on the DMsguild!

Populating a town or city and in desperate need of quick bounty quests?  Players asking the local tavern for rumors when you had nothing prepared?  Don’t Panic! Just head on over and grab a copy 100 Monster Hunts!  Each quest has been outlined with a bounty advertisement for your players, and additional quest details for the DM, including named NPCs, plot or objectives, loot and treasure rewards, as well as helpful page references for each item or monster used in the quest. Need something quick and don’t want to drag through all 100 hunts to find something? Just roll a d100 and consult the table to quickly whip up a sudden quest whenever you need it! So what are you waiting for? Give yourself a chance to flex those RP muscles and have your players ready their weapons - it’s monster hunting time!

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highlights from the medieval scholars that took over my workplace today

so my campus is currently hosting an ENORMOUS conference of scholars who study medieval history. they’ve been completely flooding the tiny cafe where I work and drinking our coffee faster than we can make it, but the good news is that they provide some PRIME people watching, including: 

the fact that all of their name tags include pronouns so that I won’t feel bad assuming anyone’s gender in this post

the woman RANTING about one of her colleagues on the following grounds: “he thinks he understands it from some class he took in 1996! FUCK OFF, TOM.”

the man who was loudly and earnestly discussing the “influence of the Harry Potter fandom on our modern political discourse” while he got a soda 

before he was out the door he’d switched topics to his preferred methods for teaching students about elves 

the two nice extremely polite young British lads who I could not tell apart to save my life. their name tags indicated that they were apparently not twins, but cloning does not seem impossible.

the sheer number of people graciously volunteering to buy lunch for people they’ve just met 

an unexpected number of very handsome soft butch women involved in medieval studies. I am bisexual and weak.

the guy in the flannel shirt who had the coldest, softest, most feminine hands I’ve ever encountered. I fell in love with him for a good 60 seconds. I am bisexual and weak.

people who aren’t from America being cheerfully confused by our money, including my favorite, a Canadian woman who told me “I’m slow with American money because it’s all the same color.”

I’ve learned that people who aren’t going to be in the country for more than a few days don’t give a SHIT about their change and will toss all of it in the take a penny/leave a penny jar. I collected so many quarters, y’all.

also a nice British woman called it the penny pot, which is the cutest shit I’ve ever heard and absolutely its new name.

just in general the EXTREMELY good grace and patience with which everyone accepted that we only have 2 cashiers and that it takes about seven minutes to make more coffee.

SEVERAL times after I apologized for the coffee wait (because this is customer service and minor inconveniences mean we have to grovel) the response was ‘lmao no worries this just means I get a fresh pot’

a woman approached me to day with a fucking enamel pin of that old illustration of a nun gathering dicks from a tree (you know the one) and I said immediately “oh my god, is that a pin of the penis tree?” and she looked stoked and said “yes it is the penis tree! you’re only the second person to recognize it!” what kind of boring ass medieval scholars has she been hanging with???? she was probably so fucking excited to finally have company where she could wear that pin and nobody said anything??? rude.

you know, this one

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Sister Abigail of Darksburg, Concepts, Model, and Final Design by Philemon Belhomme and  Jeremy Vitry

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cockatoo alignment chart

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Fan Concept for Warhammer 40,000 - Necron Emisarkh

A variant of the Pariahs seen in 3rd Edition, an Emisarkh is molded from nulls of a skilled or learned position, such as scholars, scriptarii or explorators. As nulls themselves are incredibly rare, this makes the Emisarkh class functionally one of the rarest. A more ‘diplomatic’ Phaeron, interested in reforging their forgotten empire, may choose to visit the controversial technique of Pariahdom upon these capable nulls and make them their envoy to the still living populaces of worlds once their own.

Their own knowledge base and familiarity with the languages of lesser species makes them ideal for this function, keeping most of their mental faculties and free will. However, programming renders them unable to turn against their Phaeron. The Emisarkh appears before the population of living chattel, bringing the wonderful news of reassigned servitude. Though ultimately, there is no choice for them to make.

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The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind - Tamriel Rebuilt’s Old Ebonheart

Today we have an aerial view of Old Ebonheart, one of the largest cities in Morrowind, and pretty much the largest center for Imperial power in the region. Like a city transplanted from Cyrodiil, Old Ebonheart has a lot of western charm, with tall fortified walls, traditional Imperial architecture, and dominating edifices to give any invader pause.

Download Tamriel Rebuilt today from the Nexus.

You can also check out the Old Ebonheart Release Trailer here.

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Draconic appearance generator, inspired by the beholder appearance generators in Volo’s Guide to Monsters.

Artwork by Raph04Art. He does some really great paleo art- check it out if you have the time! 

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I can’t seem to stop drawing Saqqara. Or thinking about the sheer level concentrated spite that would be Heresy-Era Thresh. 

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D&D Classes, Simplified

Playing 5th edition for the first time and feeling overwhelmed? Here’s a quick glimpse into the classes.

Barbarian

Fundamentally: It’s like when you step on a Lego in the middle of the night and for a moment your capacity for rational thought is eclipsed by the fact that the entire world must tremble before the unfathomable depths of your wrath. Only with fewer Legos and more swords and stuff.

Mechanically: You can go into a rage in battle that diminishes the damage you take and increases the damage you deal. A lot of your fighting is based on high-risk, high-reward strategies, intimidation, and instinct rather than careful calculation.

Bard

Fundamentally: The words you speak change the shape of the minds around you. You’ve taken motivational speaking to a whole new level. You can also insult someone so hard they die from it.

Mechanically: Your day-to-day repertoire of spells stays the same (once you’ve learned a spell, it tends to stick in your head) and also pulls from a lot of different specializations. You can also inspire your allies, mess with your enemies’ morale, and, yes, insult someone so hard they die from it.

Cleric

Fundamentally: You’re pretty tight with some sort of higher power who’s granted you abilities commensurate with their sphere of influence. You might be a warm and fuzzy beacon of light and love, you might heal the sick, or you might make swarms of insects descend on your screaming foes. God stuff, you know?

Mechanically: You have access to a huge number of spells but don’t know them all off by heart, so every morning you spend some time in prayer and contemplation to make sure a few of them are ready at your fingertips when you need them most.

Druid

Fundamentally: You can turn into animals and control a lot of powerful magic that’s tied in with nature and the elements. You also may have read too many Animorphs books as a kid.

Mechanically: Much like clerics, you have a huge number of spells potentially at your disposal but have to concentrate each morning on picking out which ones you’ll pack with you. You can also, you know, turn into animals. That’s a thing.

Fighter

Fundamentally: You probably watch a lot of action movies and wince every time a character pulls off an amazing fight despite not having any experience or training. You’ve worked very hard to learn strategy, tactics, and precision, and when the stars align, the whole battlefield is yours to control.

Mechanically: Depending on your specialty, you’ll have a variety of abilities to make combat go a little more smoothly for you and your friends: taunting enemies so they focus on the right people, shielding your squishier allies, or just doling out an absurd amount of hurt.

Monk

Fundamentally: You think people get a little weird about their swords; you’ve never needed more than just your fists and maybe a good stick. You’re highly trained and absurdly dexterous: if someone tries to pull a coin out from behind your ear, they’ll probably find themselves with a rabbit in their hand instead and no idea what happened.

Mechanically: You’re so quick that you can snatch arrows out of mid-air. You’re also very centered on precise, devastating strikes, and have a store of ki points that allow you to do special attacks/defenses.

Paladin

Fundamentally: While clerics are generally a little more buddy-buddy or reverential with their divine patrons, yours is something more of an… employer. You know how it is when you’re on the clock: sometimes you gotta do your best to be the good you want to see in the world, and sometimes you gotta swear to enact vengeance for ancient wrongs. It’s a living.

Mechanically: Your singularly goal-oriented abilities are a blend between magic and more traditional combat, and you can frequently use magic spells to imbue weaponry with divine power. You also have an impressive ability to suss out both strong good and strong evil.

Ranger

Fundamentally: You know the wilderness pretty darn well (and probably complain about weekend hikers a lot). Your idea of a good time is being dropped in the woods without a map and having to puzzle your way out, preferably while hunting a few monstrosities along the way…

Mechanically: Your experience and survival instincts will serve you especially well in particular regions (a favored terrain you select) and against particular enemies (a favored type you select). You pick up a bit of magic here and there, mainly to help yourself and your friends make it through the wilderness unscathed.

Rogue

Fundamentally: You’re a very sneaky person who figures the best battle is the one that you ensure is over before it even gets a chance to start… mostly because you know if you get cornered you’ll probably get squashed like a bug. It’s probably a good thing that you’re so stealthy you practically vanish into another dimension.

Mechanically: You get huge bonuses and incentives for attacking first or when an opponent is distracted. You’re also notoriously quick-fingered and can be assured that if something ever goes missing, every eye in the room is going to be looking at you. Whoops.

Sorcerer

Fundamentally: You’ve got some powerful magical abilities that just sort of… happen, and your control over them is a little shaky at best. But it’s fine, it’s all good, you’ve got it handled. That tree was always on fire, right?

Mechanically: You learn a limited selection of powerful spells that are always at your disposal, and also gain access to a pool of Sorcery Points that will let you further manipulate your magic as you get more and more comfortable with your spellcasting.

Warlock

Fundamentally: Some incredibly shifty and absurdly powerful ancient being decided you seemed kind of neat, so they were all, “Hey, how would you like to have some seriously freaky magic in exchange for making a sorta dodgy pact with me?” and you were all, “alksdjflgk???” because hey, otherworldly and unfathomable, and they were all, “Cool, have fun,” and now you can kill things with your brain. 

Mechanically: You have an extremely limited number of very powerful spells, but your spellcasting recharges very quickly, since the channel between you and the source of your magical abilities is pretty darn open. You also made a pact with something strange and a little bit unknowable. What could go wrong?

Wizard

Fundamentally: You’re the kind of person who got all A’s in school but also studied their ass off to do it. It’s like you read Harry Potter so many times that you managed to will magic into existence. You’re probably going to drag the party to every used bookstore on the planet.

Mechanically: You have a spellbook that contains every spell you know. Every day, you have to study up on a handful of these spells that you want to have immediately at your fingertips. You can add to the spellbook by finding more spells out in the world and copying them down using fancy-ass stationery.

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50 States of McMansion Hell: Williamson County, Tennessee

Howdy folks! This post has been a long time coming, as Williamson County seems to be a frequent fixture of my inbox. Fortunately, the Nashville suburb did not disappoint. 

This 4500 square foot esteemed piece of real estate, built in 2012, boasts 4 bedrooms and 4 baths, and somehow manages to spend over $1 million USD doing it. 

Despite spending that much money, they fortunately didn’t allocate funds to a lawyer foyer, so we’re left to start with the formal dining room. 

Dining Room

You see, stolen window units are just a risk of ground-floor urban life, and if you don’t like it you can go make enough money to rent some place with central air in this economy!!

Office

The best thing about this house is that it’s decorated as if the recession never happened and we all just kept doing 2005 forever. 

Great Room

In interesting and related news, a report came out from UCLA regarding a study about what spaces Americans who own giant ass houses actually spend the most time in. To absolutely nobody’s surprise, the answer is the kitchen and the informal living room. The point is, all the jokes On Here about grandiose spaces nobody ever uses is now backed by EVIDENCE.

Kitchen

IN THE TOP LEFT HAND CORNER OF THIS IMAGE YOU CAN SPOT THREE MORE TEAPOTS.

Master Bedroom

this is a suspicious number of pillows. pretty sure we might be witnessing a case of illicit pillow laundering. 

Master Bath

The only thing that can explain the excessive number of duplicate objects in this house is elaborate divorce planning. What cynical times we live in. 

Powder Room

did they glue that seal on there or???

THEATRE ROOM

man don’t u hate it when u spend all ur money on a theatre room and u don’t have enough left over for the theatre part? relatable content

Game Room

A huge subset of middle-class and rich people decorating is spending money on signs that signify what a room is used for (KITCHEN = the word EAT; pictures of food. BATH = the word BATH; pictures of tubs.)

Well, folks, that does it for the interior portion of our house but don’t worry, there’s still the

Rear Exterior

Why is it that there’s often better symmetry in the rear exteriors of McMansions? My guess: custom home clients are only really concerned with the front facade and therefore it’s subject to more of their meddling. 

Well, that does it for Tennessee! Stay tuned for a new Looking Around this weekend and next week’s TEXAS SPECIAL. Stay cool! 

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Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2018 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

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In order to earn money to pay off my $42,000 student loan debt, I tore into Betsy DeVos’ ridiculously bad house for Vox. 

Update: I’ve gotten a lot of nasty emails about how I’m lazy and entitled for…(looks at smudged ink on hand)…working hard at my job to pay off my debts.

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Me, a humble draugr, quietly minding my own business in my barrow tomb, doing my daily chores (lighting the candles, taking the frostbite spider for a walk, making the large swinging axes swing in the corridor of large swinging axes), having a sleepover with the lads in the deathlord’s chamber

YOU, loud, alive, obnoxious, barging into our tomb eating an entire wheel of cheese, making a mess, plundering my life savings from my burial urn, setting fire to frosty (the frostbite spider), re-killing me and the lads, WAKING the deathlord