dustyzippo

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Found this really scary new horror game yall should check out. It's called indeed.com and it has a sequel called linkedin

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yesterday my cousin who is, like, 21 asked me "is odysseus in the iliad?" in tones of real surprise and then "what does he do in the iliad?" and my mind went perfectly blank so i just said "he steals horses"

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i told one of the preschoolers i was going to take a nap when i got home and she asked me three times if i was joking and then afterwards just flat out refused to believe me

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wish list for people who don’t want anything

aka possessions which are just possessions, but which have noticeably improved my quality of life: for when people ask you “what do you want for your birthday/Christmas/graduation” and you instantly transform into St Francis and pledge fealty to Lady Poverty because your mind went blank

nice. new. sheets. I cannot emphasize this one enough. if you’re still using the same sheets you had in college, you should probably get new ones. get yourself some 100% bamboo rayon sheets—they’re silky and perfect for summer and great for sensitive skin! or, if you’re cold all the time, flannel sheets!

kitchen knives. or even just one really good kitchen knife.

new curtains—blackout if you are a creature of the night like I am

fleece lined anything, but especially sweatpants and hoodies. wool lined socks are also good. if you don’t have the option of coming home after work and putting on an entire outfit that is loose and fuzzy, you should change that, because you deserve that option.

cookie sheets with a layer of air between the top and the bottom. the bottoms of your cookies will never burn again.

kitchen scale!!! no more leveling off flour with a knife and getting it all over the table!! now all your measuring is just shoveling stuff in and out of bowls like you’re at the beach. baking is both more accurate and also way more fun.

coffee bean grinder. if you want to upgrade your coffee experience, this is a great one-time purchase. just-ground beans have a much better flavor than pre-ground.

CDs!! ask for a gift card and expand your physical music collection! or a collection of the DVDs for your favorite show!

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Erratic pulses

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getting scavvy with it

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You've been cast into a fictional setting, and you don't get to pick your genre. This wheel picks it for you.

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A redditor u/spottedgolfing shares the process of the penny floor they installed into their homes foyer.

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himbo this, bimbo that. in my day there was mambo, and there were five of them.

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shoutout to my brother for setting me up for this

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just remember, one day you're going to open tumblr and the crabs will be raving like they never have before

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the special occasion is now. eat the fruit

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what they dont tell you about adulthood is that it’s startlingly easy to go long periods of time without having any fun at all not even a little bit. btw this makes ur brain try to kill you with knives and hammers.

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rip mythbusters you would've loved destroying cybertrucks

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you ever be watching The Godfather and you’re like WOW that kitty is so happy and such a good actor i wonder if it was someone’s cat on set or what…

sobbing. shitting. puking