duncemonkeydunce

[duncemonkeydunce]

I dunnit! And I can now imagine?!

Yes, I have dutifully finished reading the chronicles of the Ignatius Jacques Reilly. However, I do not know if I will be able to sustain this reading habit beyond my initial fancy and the romantic aspect of showing off reading books, a la the book tok exhibitionists.

Although I did feel very imaginative reading this book. Images and colours of some past in some reality, smells and sounds, the hazy days back then appeared and I was taken to living that memory for a few seconds. I quite like that evocative aspect if that's what books provide beyond the forceful mediums of film, youtube and podcasts. My own version of alternate reality.

It's really taken me off the four walls and ceiling mental space that I had been accustomed with this helpless self-imprisonment.

[duncemonkeydunce]

The Philippian Stranglehorse

You at your subjective, relative pinnacle of utter intelligence and competence seem to revel in your successful conquest of what the meaning of life means to you. How very excellent, alas it would've felt more satisfactory and long-lasting if others were dying out of hunger, disease and you could rule over them, make them lasciviously stare at your sleek appendages holding the tiniest crumb of food.

But in these modern times, the stakes are different. Food is now taken for granted and is no longer part of this Arthurian game anymore. Cars perhaps? But then expensive doesn't necessarily equate to competency either. I could've said large homes, expensive clothing and watches, but these are all much.

I do not quite recall why I start writing about you. Maybe it was always in the back-burner, who knows. I'm glad at least you didn't sabotage me. You can't really sabotage a suicidal foetus can you, perhaps you could - make it rise to the occassion and burn under the gaze of the spotlight, made rancid by the limelight.

I am but a serf aspiring to be a neutrino.

[duncemonkeydunce]

C'mon, be better than whatever you're sucked into doing mindlessly

A common place for books. Hmmm, sounds interesting.

[duncemonkeydunce]

Easy gluttony

How can I RESIST. Fuck. It's difficult.

There's multiple planes of being, struggling to exist in the fullest at the same time. Well, maybe not the fullest but aspire to indulge in the best each have got to offer, without really moving a muscle towards that effort. Miraculous, magical!

I am but so conflicted, sorta. There is this layer of indifference (or is it an erosion of the layer of un-indifference/interest/attention/sensitivity!), any-hoo, I will not bat an eyelid knowing it all even. I've created multiple patterns for all these things. They hang in front of me, ever so reachable, tho not quite visible or memorable even.

Hours of staring at non-consequential, repetitive tiktok videos. To what end, I might only faintly recall any new information, other than just reinforcing my confirmation bias, or slowly transitioning my thinking to a certain notion that is encoded in the regurgitated rubbish.

What's the goal of all of this? Well, one. Forming dots. As varied dots as possible, but in their entirety. Not just single frames, but entire stories. Books are good, that way. Films a bit less but still, maybe documentaries all the better. Short form video - like super short, these reels and whatnot, a big NO.

Regurgitate, it's fine. But do so knowingly. Re-digest, chew the cud, it's okay.

[duncemonkeydunce]

Mechanical monsters

Unwittingly hyper-normalized fools! I do not disagree that I'm not one of you cretinous crowd. Alas, we're all cretinous. The smarter one - they tend to go consume the world or themselves. There's such limited balance really, no equilibrium between knowing and existing.

I have a very tired feeling of being...tired. I'm not sure if it's because I have carried my cross far too long, even though the cross barely weighs anything. It's a psychosomatic cross really. Or it's just the conversational landscape of pointing greasy, stubby fingers at the horrible even if it doesn't affect the owner of those smudgy digits.

A blight on own self, you lot are! Fat, gluttonous, holier-than-thou imbeciles. Shitting out further versions of yourself to repeat the cycle all over again. I am called to be part of this hopelessly mechanistic endeavour, by family, by society, heck even by cultural fragments of the idea embedded in everything I consume, be it man-made or just in nature. I have surrounded myself with too many actors speaking lines written with a feather made of ass hair and ink of diarrhoea. Shove it, you ungodly regurgitated phlegm!

You have made me tired and jaded with your godforsaken ideas. I have made myself tired and jaded slurping up so many ounces of pure excrement, engaging with the scum of existence.

It hurts me to know I have gone so far down the rabbit asshole, I'm about to be spit with a mixture of other faecal matter combined with bile and other repugnant, putrid, astringent contents of one's body, the temple of god.

Shove it.

[duncemonkeydunce]

Forfeature

Enough with this tireless nonsense. All too easily implicated in unimportant loops, the biddings of people I'd ideally be indifferent towards. Doing things only for the sake of doing it. Maybe I'm spoiled at this level, but I'm trying to be aware of it nonetheless. Meaning, they say. Purpose! To what end really? Just to make somebody else richer and deprive society of any benefits at all. It's no different from the old-school act of stealing.

[duncemonkeydunce]

Quarter to slaughter

It's a bit too goodly unreal for me to be in this position, at this time, in this place (not quite covered by the earlier "position") to self-reflect. Of course, I can have myriad justifications for this mindset and the activity itself - what with the improving my wellbeing for better work productivity, and doing so without any additional costing of the workplace, and perhaps the second of the myriad justice log being: in the grand scheme of the stock, this barely registers and is almost an anomaly, and an innocuous one at that, which won't necessarily harm anything now. Keeping to myself, getting the designated contractual work done on time. If the extra-curricular holds equal weightage to the curricular, what's the difference then? And that would definitely need outlining in the contractual agreement and revised renumeration to reflect that gratuitously gargantuan addition.

To be a boss of one's own time. That be kinda important. For time is important and all the platitudes and cliches that accompany this topic. But one cannot truly be in control of that time if the mind is help prisoner to the tides of non-consequential thoughts and veisalgic impairment not caused by consumption of alcohol but by a an auto-cannibalistic consumption of the self in trying to help a begrudgingly welcome host to survive and thrive.

No wonder the Blind folks area always so angry. It doesn't help but sure seems like it because of the appeasing yet obvious validation that comes with such echo chambers. Maybe it's even worse for the lurkers, at least some of them who use the platform to blow of steam but instead breathe in more fire.

Alas, the quarter is slaughtered and I should get back to the schedule.

Toodeloo.