dumbass-learns-japanese

[dumbass-learns-japanese]

Speaking

On a completely unrelated but related note, any tips on improving Japanese speaking skills? I tried Tanaka-san on YouTube, which is great, but I need something that is similar to actually talking to a person, but without the person because I am nowhere near an actual Japanese person.

[dumbass-learns-japanese]

On ChatGPT and personal standards

The university I am currently attending as an exchange student offered free academic English courses and I decided to take the opportunity. Nothing wrong with a bit of revising, even though my thesis will be in my mother tongue.

The first class was alright, nothing spectacular. It was about reading the academic text, how to look for information in the text, things like that. We ended the official part of the lecture on a good note, and then the instructor asked us: do we use ChatGPT for writing and/reading academic and scientific literature. We all said no, and then he proceeded with explaining how we can utilize ChatGPT for writing papers.

After the lecture, I was pissed. Why would I use that? Is the programme smarter than me? Am I stupid? Can I not read, summarize, write, by myself? If people could live without it 10, 30, 50 years ago, why am I different?

Not only does it destroy critical thinking and kills writing skills, but my ego, my pride, will not let me use it to write or read papers. And this my personal standard. For myself. And I understand that this will not stop others from thinking and doing differently, which is why there is no point in getting upset over it, or judging others for doing so.

I learned, not specifically during the process of screaming to my boyfriend that I will not be using ChatGPT even if it was a matter of life and death, and him telling me "same" and "that's fine, nobody is making you", that I tend to hold myself to a pretty high personal standard regarding some things, like writing papers, never going to class with a not washed hair, rarely asking for help and believing I have to and will do everything by myself because I am a Strong, Independent and Capable Woman (tm) who will not be inconveniencing anyone with her ideas and projects. And this often leads to unconsciously holding others to the same standards. Which is not only not okay, but is also incredibly stupid and leads to getting frustrated at the most idiotic things.

Why do I care? What am I gaining by caring what others do? Technically, I am just waiting my time, nerves and brain cells. It doe not matter, because if there is a reason for the universe to intervene and send them some "these are the consequences of your actions", it will, there is nothing to stop that.

The point being a message to myself: focus on yourself and maybe lower some of the standars you hold for yourself. Nobody cares if you don't wash your hair once. And learn to ask for help, otherwise your back will suffer (they already are).

[dumbass-learns-japanese]

"a usually minor and short-lived interruption or disruption, or change"

I was awoken by, as the Merriam-Webster Dictionary describes, "a spasmodic inhalation with closure of the glottis accompanied by a peculiar sound", commonly known as a "hiccup". And not just any hiccup, mind you, it was my own hiccup that woke me up 30 minutes before the alarm. Betrayed by my own body once again.

I have a friend who, for years, would hiccup once per day, every day. One "hic" and then the painful wait for the next one. Nothing helped, but there was also nothing else wrong that would make her worry.

I feel like I've been stuck in a similar hiccup limbo for a few days now, except my hiccup is capable of determining my future. I met up with mentor who accepted to write me a proposal for an application to a unknown-to-public-as-to-not-curse-it university in England, and since it is a Master's programme (another one, yes) I am not required to have a research proposal, only a general idea of a project I would like to pursue for my future thesis.

However, my mentor would very much like for me to write a bit more detailed research summary or a full proposal as it could give me a much bigger chance at being awarded a scholarship, which I would most certainly need to study there. And I said "yes, of course, I'll get right to it".

So my days have mostly been, in no particular order, a combination of:

1. going to classes

2. reading the required materials for said classes

3. working on my current thesis

4. trying to figure out a research proposal for a future thesis that I may or may not get to write as I may or may not get into the programme and I may or may not get a scholarship

5. not learning Japanese as much as I would like to

You see, the hiccup happened when I met with my mentor, and this hiccup is not a bad thing, no, not a bad thing at all. On the contrary, I was given extremely useful advice, information and support, but the plan was to already be done with it, and now I am not.

Except the problem is that now I only want to work on the point number 4., and ignore everything else. This will be a short-lived disruption to the general routine of life, an exciting, interesting, amazing, fulfilling disruption, but a disruption nevertheless.

And I love it. I absolutely love it and appreciate it.

[dumbass-learns-japanese]

Two things happened today

Considering this blog was made with the purpose of motivating me to study Japanese language, although I do feel that after this post it will become a personal journal as well, I will start with Tanaka-san.

I realized that my listening and speaking skills were lacking, and always have been, even when I used to be a full-time Japanese studies student at a university. The reason is embarrassingly simple: it's hard. Cultivating those skills is hard and requires time and effort, a bit more than reading and writing, at least for me. They require interaction with people who may or may not (although my paranoid brain infested with the impostor syndrome is leaning more towards 'may') know Japanese better than I do. I don't want to embarrass myself, and yes, I know, they will not care, nobody will think that, they know you're learning, bla bla bla. Yes, I know, but nevertheless, I do and did feel a slight fear and that led to simply avoiding those particular skills as much as humanly possible, aka, I stuck to the reading dialogues from the textbook we were using, which explains why one of the only things I actively remember is 「このスプーンは素敵ですね」

Today I had the epiphany according to which I apsolutely must practice those skills, otherwise, what and why am I even doing this? Since my boyfriend doesn't know Japanese nor is he willing to let me teach him anything other than insults, I turned to Tanaka-san. If you may not already know him, it is a mushroom. A cartoon mushroom on YouTube that teaches you Japanese. You learn kanji and you can practice listening and speaking. He asks you how you are, and you say you're good. He asks you which season is your favourite and why , and he wonders what was the weather like this morning and what time it is in your part of the world.

Yes. I talked about the weather with a cartoon mushroom.

Honestly, hearing myself speak Japanese aloud, so not just inside my own head was... Traumatizing. No, not really traumatizing, just...weird. For one, it's been a while, and for two, I definitely have better pronounciation inside my head.

The second thing that happened today, and this is where this blog becomes a personal journal, was that I've been reading Joan Didion for the last month and a half, and obsessively so. I've been reading every single book by Joan Didion available in the university library and I am currently on "The Year of Magical Thinking". So far I've really enjoyed her essays on the 1960s and California of the second half of the 20th century, even more so than her fiction, but this book is different for me. I will not go on to the whole book review as this post is not the place for that, nor am I willing to review a book I've only read 4 chapters of.

It got me thinking of my dad who died 15 years ago, when I was 10, almost 11. The day before he died, which caught us by surprise, similarly to the way Didion's husband died, he walked our family dog, Kim, beautiful female Landseer, also know as our first the "Best Dog", whose successor, a cocker spaniel mix named Tara is the second "Best Dog". He also took me and my sister to music school, I used to play violin and she played the flute. He helped us with homework, he went to the school for all three of us to ask about our grades and how we were doing, even though he already knew all of that, but it is normal for parents to go once a month. (I don't know if this a thing in other countries, but where I am from, headteachers have a designated day and hour when the parents can come and talk to the teacher, ask about the grades, confirm we were sick if we were sick and unable to come to school and things alike.)

He did all that, and the very nex morning, he had a stroke in his sleep. Mom found him, he couldn't move or talk, she called an ambulance, we discovered he had a cancer which nobody knew about, not even dad himself and three days later, he died. I think mom did a good job with us, we are all well adjusted and successful in our own particular ways, maybe less so in our own eyes, but surely in our mom's, and every once in a while I think to myself that I am over his death, that it happened and it's over and I don't really have many vivid memories of him and it's fine, it's better that way for sure, but then I remember and I start to cry or I read something or I watch something and that reminds me of him and then I cry again. I don't like crying and when I die I want people to forget me as it will be less painful, but I understand that is hardly possible because I'm not interacting just with the cartoon mushroom that speaks Japanese, I am also interacting with real human beings that are constantly making as much of an impact on me as I am on them.

Reading about Didion's husband John and the way he died, and how he must have known he was going to die and how he might still come back, brought back the surrealness of death. What do you mean he died and I was with my siblings in my brother's room watching some stupid show on a small TV with an antenna? How did that happen? It was all normal and then... what then? What happened?

I don't know, but it did. It is weird at best and morbid at worst. I still haven't come to the point of talking about this to Tanaka-san, but you never know really. I'm feeling things today and the absurdity of everything is making me tired so I will probably go to sleep earlier today.

[dumbass-learns-japanese]

How are we doing this

So, I decided to learn Japanese again. How will I do that?

Well, one thing that needs to be noted is that I already used to learn Japanese, once a upon a time. I think I used to be N3 level, but it kind of all fell apart because:

a) My bachelor's and (first) master's degree used to be in Japanese studies, and when you are learning a language like that, you are rarely learning just the language. Chances are, you are also learning about the culture of the language, the society in which it is predominantly spoken, art, literature, history (boy, did we have a lot of history courses), geography (we actually had to remember each and every name of every region and prefecture AND we had to be able to draw a map of Japan and mark each region and prefecture). The point is, you have a lot of things to do that are NOT learning the language.

b) The pandemic and online classes. That is all I will say on this, You understand.

c) I was stressed with coursework and life to the point I could not sleep and it sucked.

I am not making excuses for myseld (well, maybe a bit), but the thing is, I needed a break. And that break lasted for about 2 and a half years. So yeah, your language skills kind of evaporate when you don't use the said language often. It helps when you have literally no one to practice it with too. Go figure.

SO, WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS?

The point of this is to say that I already have experience with Japanese language, meaning, I do not need to relearn hiragana and katakana because muscle memory. I also do not need to learn some basic phrases, like "good morning" or "I'm hungry". I also realized that I have some knowledge hiding in the mental basement of my mind that I just need to take out, blow the dust off and reactivate it.

Thus, I decided on the following approach.

Assume I don't remember anything and start from the top. The thing is, I don't know what I don't know until I come face to face with a specific word, grammar, kanji, whatever. We are going through everything, no matter how insignificant or simple it may seem.

Do not rely on apps alone. Phone is too accessible so it is tempting to assume I will just use one of the many designated apps whenever I have the time. I mean, I will, when I feel like it. But relying on just the apps and my impulse control (I've been kiiinda obsessed with NYT games, to the point of unhealthy) is not good enough.

Textbook, textbook, textbook. We used to use Minna no Nihongo in classes, but I decided I am a bit bored of Santos and the spoon and other peopel (if you used Minna no Nihongo, you know what I'm talking about. If you saw the video, extra points to you.), so I decided to try Genki. So far, so good. The tempo is a bit different, but I enjoy it.

As for the apps, we shall use the following (I have an Android, mind you): Akebi (for dictionary, very colorful, able to add words and kanji directly to Anki), Anki (flashcards, though I have been lazy with this one), Clozemaster (I like this one, has grammar explanations, game-like, colloquial Japanese, very nice), Hello Talk (when I get brave enough).

Practice listening. I have to start watching YT videos for this because when I just listen to music I get distracted by the vibes so I don't even try to figure out what the song is about.

That's it for now I guess. Have to get brave enough to try speaking/texting in Japanese, and practice listening. Reading is so far good, writing too, I am pretty confident I could pass N5 test, but let's finish Genki textbooks first, just so I can say I actually know something, that I'm not just guessing and getting lucky.

Good luck to me.

[dumbass-learns-japanese]

Post no.1

Hi,

This is sideblog of someone who forgot Tumblr existed and now needs extra motivation to re-learn Japanese. I used to be around N3, I think, but then the pandemic happened, and life and job and uni and yada yada, you know how it goes. SO. This blog is to help me learn Japanese. "How will blogging help you learn Japanese?", I hear you ask.

I don't know. Honestly. I hope to start writing short passages, you know, like a diary or a mini rant or something. Maybe find and share resources for learning?

One thing I can promise you is that there will most likely not be any aesthethic-ish posts of me drinking tea while studying or doing pomodoro or nice notes. First of all, nothing wrong with any of those things, I love watching study vlogs, they help me concentrate. BUT!

One, I'm not a good photographer.

Two, pomodoro doesn't really work for me? I tried it and I prefer looong study sessions, pretty much as long as I need to or can I will study. I stop when I feel like I need to stop. Works wonders for me.

Three, my handwriting is shit. Currently, only the notes for my thesis are nice, because I have to be able to read them, once I start writing. Otherwise, my handwriting is shit, no matter the writing system. Also, since I am RE-learning, I remember most of the stuff so I don not feel the need to write nicely and refer to those notes again.

Anyway, I will write in my next post about what I plan to do to make this journey optimal: textbooks, apps, websites I plan on using.

Hopefully, this blog will then be more in Japanese than in English.

Also, English is not my first language, so yeah, you know, be gentle.