dulce-dailyprophet

[dulce-dailyprophet]

FEBRUARY 17TH, 1980

B R E A K I N G  N E W S HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT & WIZARDRY TO CLOSE INDEFINITELY

By Rita Skeeter: Breaking News Reporter, Auror Beat Columnist, All Around Delightful Woman 

The wizarding community was shocked early Sunday morning after the Board of Governors unceremoniously announced they would be closing the castle’s doors indefinitely while it worked with the Ministry to procure better security wards in this dark and draining time after an alleged break-in. An unnamed source informed the paper that some of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’s followers infiltrated the school under the cover of a Board of Governors meeting earlier this month, when the wards would’ve been lowered for ease of access. Garishly labeled ‘Death Eaters,’ they laid waste to Albus Dumbledore’s Headmaster office, to cover up their true intentions - an unknown proclivity toward his Pensieve & several cabinets full of his memories.

The realization of what was taken, harrowing to professors at the school & Aurors investigating alike, was the ultimate cause of the shut down, a small scale infiltration as described being a ‘painful reminder’ of how unsafe the school has truly become since The Curse went into effect earlier this year. With the loss of Albus Dumbledore at its helm, students, parents, & professors alike were all vocal about the concern of security, but were informed to press on by the Minister for Magic, Harold Minchum, for the sake of the children’s futures.

Acting Headmistress of Hogwarts, Minerva McGonagall, gave a formal statement in regard to the future of the school.

"Hogwarts has always been regarded as the safest place in the world since the turn of the century, not having closed its doors in times of strife or hardship, but opening them wider & welcoming those in need of our protection. We simply cannot provide, nor guarantee, that level of security to our students or their parents anymore. It was ultimately a decision left to the Board of Governors, who cited many fears, the most concerning of which being the idea of Hogwarts once again becoming a target of a large-scale attack at the hands of You-Know-Who and his followers. These are children and they deserve to be home with their families when the danger is so near to the castle walls.” 

Despite callings for the school to be closed earlier this year when the security wards were first deemed ‘flawed,’ the announcement was met with much backlash, by parents and students alike, over the validity of their futures when being robbed of the rest of their school year. 

Students who were unable to finish their seventh year or take their exams have been encouraged by the Minister of Magic’s Advisor, Lucius Malfoy, to apply for any and all entry level jobs being offered at this time, namely the Department of Magical Transportation and Wizengamot Administrative Services subdivisions, who are desperately hiring since the Curse came into effect. Positions will also be opening at the Ministry of Magic’s security hub & maintenance office, for students in their sixth year. When asked about a possible school system, grading system, or exam schedule to help make up for the loss in education for the rest of the semester, this reporter was met with a begrudging ‘no comment.’

It is unclear what the future holds for the wizarding community. What is clear is that Harold Minchum, as Minister for Magic, needs to come to stop maintaining such a polished appearance & begin to get his hands dirty, taking on this You-Know-Who nonsense head on - now that the ripples of the war have started to turn the tide on our children, we must act before we drown any hope of their future.

A U R O R  B E A T A NEW ERA OF JUSTICE: RUFUS SCRIMEGOUR PROMOTED TO HEAD OF AUROR HEADQUARTERS, ‘CHANGE IS COMING’

After three days of confusion, the Minister for Magic announced this morning that ex-Head Auror Alastor Moody has taken a leave of absence at this time, but remained silent on the abruptness of his disappearance. As a figurehead of the Aurors, the announcement sent shockwaves through the wizarding community, the lack of answers to the obvious questions more obstructing than the change itself. Rufus Scrimegour, a decorated Auror and long time compatriot of Moody’s, was seen as the ‘best possible option’. The Minister cited Scrimegour’s ‘willingness & determination’ as well as ‘utter ruthlessness’ as the main reasons for his ascension into a leadership role at this time.

Although having unofficially accepted the title & begun work, Scrimegour’s swearing in ceremony is to be held in the Ministry of Magic’s atrium on February 29th, as a formal welcoming of the wizard to his position. Insiders of the Auror department have leaked that the ceremony will be a limited attendance, with only press, Aurors, and other Ministry workers invited to witness the dawn of a ‘new era of justice.’ { continued on page 3 }

C O M M U N I T Y HOGSMEADE RECONSTRUCTION UNDERWAY, MET WITH PUBLIC SUPPORT & DONATIONS BY THE MALFOY FAMILY

Hogsmeade has taken a resounding hit over the last month; despite the Minister’s efforts to bolster the economy in Diagon & Knockturn Alley, his office has fallen woefully short in its attempts to reconstruct the barren town. After it was laid to waste during the battle earlier last month that took several lives, efforts to revitalize Hogsmeade were encumbered by the investigating Auror unit, as well as the general security warding put in place in an attempt to protect Hogwarts from attack. 

For those who maintain businesses in Hogsmeade, it was a death sentence - many shopkeepers and owners alike complained that their business bureau was being blocked by the Ministry itself from beginning reconstruction. All hope was seemingly lost until none other than Lucius & Narcissa Malfoy stepped in, having finally heard the cries of the common people. The Malfoy Trust is rumored to have immediately poured money right back into the pockets of those who had suffered, paying back whatever loss they had incurred over the past month of being out of business. 

Rumor has it that Narcissa Malfoy will be traveling to Hogsmeade on February 29th to oversee the reconstruction efforts personally, having banded a slew of volunteers, public support, & monetary donations to aid her efforts. In a formal statement from the Malfoy Estate, the couple cited an ‘overwhelming duty to our community to do what the Ministry cannot in this trying time’ as well as a ‘justified interest in the prosperity of wizarding kind.’ No comment was made, however, about the decision to begin reconstruction the same day as Rufus Scrimegour’s swearing in. Is it truly an act of goodwill, or a backhanded political attempt to undermine the Minister for Magic, in face of a public with a growing disdain? Only time will tell. { continued on page 6 } 

[dulce-dailyprophet]

Saturday, February 16th 1980 { special edition! }

A DAY FULL OF HOT, STRONG LOVE: LOVERS & LUSTERS ALIKE INVITED TO THE FULL HOLIDAY CELEBRATION

In honor of the celebration of St. Valentine’s Day, the office of the Minister for Magic has put together an invigorating day of lovely activities! 

By Baranabas Cuffe, Editor-in-Chief

9 AM - 4 PM: LOVE YOUR LOCAL ALLEYWAY ** 20% reduction in wares if dressed for theme; reds, pinks, purples, and heart imagery encouraged

Shopkeepers & street vendors will be lining Diagon to Knockturn Alley with Valentine’s Day themed wares & sponsored activities! 5% of all proceeds will be donated to the Elphias Doge Foundation. Look for your favorite shop { listed below } & come on by to show your support for local businesses! 

12 AM - 2 PM: LOVERS LUNCHEON: COUPLES ONLY

Despite being located at the Leaky Cauldron, Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop has swung by and will be taking over for the day! Filled to the brim with love & lace alike, the ‘haunt of happy couples’ will be showcasing all its enamored glory. A limited menu will be offered

12 PM - 3 PM: SHORT & SWEET SPEED DATING FOR THE SINGLE SIMPLETON WITH SPECIAL HOSTS: RITA SKEETER & GILDEROY LOCKHART

Located at Rosa Lee Teabag’s, the enigmatic Daily Prophet gossip column contributors will be holding a quick seminar about classic dating etiquette in modern times, as well as the rules of speed dating before commencing one of the biggest events of the day! Please stop by the tea shop for applications, as only a select number of participants are allowed per round. 

2 PM - 4 PM: WOOERS  & WAFFLES

Not in a couple? Not interested in speed dating? Need an excuse for a waffle? Well look no further! Florean Fortescue’s will be hosting an informal mingle time, equipped with a fully stocked waffle bar, complete with ice cream & toppings galore! Florean will also be debuting an exclusive flavor - Raspberry & Chocolate Snake Eyes, imported by our friends at the White Wyvern!  

9 PM - ?: THE SWEETHEART SOIREE ( SPONSORED BY WPN STUDIOS ) WITH SPECIAL GUEST CELESTINA WARBECK

Located in the heart of London at the Century Casino, WPN Studios is proud to present a dance party, with special guest Celestina Warbeck playing hits from her award winning album, Love Songs to Soothe the Soul. Tickets sold at the door - price includes entry to the casino’s limited buffet spread, as well as an unlimited drink voucher. Other food and gambling chips will be an additional charge. Please speak with the concierge about booking a room on the third floor!

Portkeys will be available at all major travel hubs & along several key locations in Diagon & Knockturn Alley to accommodate the high influx of travelers { continued on page 6 } ! 

{ Diagon Alley }:

Eeylops Owl Emporium: A kissing booth featuring the most temperate of the owls, but watch out! Try any tongue and you’ll get a decent peck! Only a knut a piece, no photos available; half off owl treats & cages for your feathery friend at home.  Special offer: Buy one owl, get a second free, but only from the bonded pair selection, indicated by the shared cage. Limit of one purchase per customer!

Flourish & Blotts: Half off the owner’s best selection of romance novels, steamy & saucy thrillers, and heartwarming love stories! Special offer: With special guest Gilderoy Lockhart signing ‘anything handed to him,’ including fan art, (tasteful) fan fiction, and copies of books (his own or others, doesn’t matter). There will also be a display of Valentine’s Day themed head shots for sale, pre-signed for Lockhart fans on the move or unable to wait in line. 

Gringotts Bank: CLOSED FOR THE DAY; currency exchange booth located out from for the festivities  Special offer: A sickle for a photo with Cupid! Cupid the Goblin, that is, and it’s ‘look but don’t touch,’ got it? (Touching will cost another sickle. No flash photography permitted!)

Magical Menagerie: A kissing booth featuring the softest & sweetest of the Kneazles! Kisses will be three knuts per each cuddle-lovey session, and a sickle for a photo!  Special offer: Heart shaped treats for the pet that owns your heart! Available in blood packet or biscuit! 

Potage’s Cauldron Shop: All inventory in use! Madam Primpernelle has taken over, and will be brewing her world famous Beautifying Potions for witches & wizards to primp & prune before your romantic night with that special someone. Special offer: Bring your own vessel, carry what you can at wholesale value! No questions asked!

Leaky Cauldron: CLOSED from 11 AM - 1 PM for LOVER’S LUNCHEON 

Secondhand Shop: The owners have kindly donated their entire inventory of theme-appropriate robes & costumes - don’t have anything at home to honor St. Valentine? Interested in receiving the theme participant discount? Stop by and grab heavily discounted wares and reap the rewards!  Special offer: Dye Draughts for sale! Already have an outfit picked out, but need to match the color theme? Look no further! The Secondhand Shop will be selling Dye Draughts in reds, pinks, and purples, as well as an exclusive red hearts on white background pattern! 

Slug & Jiggers Apothecary: A reputable selection of love potions, untarnished & untainted! A wide variety of safety & educational materials about the dangers of intentional love potion drugging included in all sales, as well as a complimentary vial of antidote just in case.  Special offer: Slughorn’s Soulmate Serum - not interested in trying a love potion? Want to attract potential suitors to your side without the hassle of inconspicuously drugging them? Simply dabble your neck & wrists with SSS & watch as people of your taste & type flock to your side, begging for another whiff! A hybrid concoction featuring heavily diluted Amortentia & Felix Felicis, a little will go a long way in determining if a potential partner is right for you - if not, they won’t be able to stand the smell of you!  ** note: results may vary, cannot be held libel **

{ Knockturn Alley }:

Borgin & Burke’s: Not everybody is feeling the love today - including you, right? Did you recently become single? Spurned by your star-crossed lover? Then stop by Borgin & Burke’s booth as you begin your plot for revenge! All Dark jewelry of the rancorous, relentless, and retaliatory magic being sold at wholesale prices!  The Coffin House: WIDOWS WOES SPECIALTY - we’ll bring back your dead lover for a fraction of the cost for one last Valentine’s Day together! The magic lasts one day only, before the clock strikes midnight and they crumble into a decaying corpse once again!  Dystyl’s Discount Bones: HEART BONES. What’s a heart bone? The bloody organ’s been Petrificus Totalus’d until calcified to perfect preservation! A true Mary Shelley original, sold in all shapes and sizes, including Goblin, House elf, & children! Limited inventory! Mulpeppers Apothecary: Need a little pep in your step? Some spice in your life? A little energy to make it through a long, hard night? Look no further! The Mulpeppers will be exclusively selling their Magical Stamina Draught, perfect for any witch or wizard on the move & in need of romantic rekindling before “special time.”  ** note: consult with your doctor immediately if erection lasts longer than 12 hours; not recommended for anyone pregnant or over the age of 100 ** Starry Prophesiser: Romance realm tarot readings at half the usual cost! Participate as a single, with a partner, or in a group (no more than four). Interested in something more in depth? Ask for a Soulmate Capability test and see if your love is written in the stars! **note: cannot be held libel for major romantic decisions made in wake of negative readings**

The White Wyvern: Can’t be damned to attend the luncheon or waffle bar? Need something to eat that doesn’t force you to mingle with other desperate singles? The White Wyvern will be selling Fried Snake Kabobs & Snake Burgers & Irish Potato Salad in honor of St. Valentine’s historical prevalence on this commercialized day of celebration. 

[dulce-dailyprophet]

FEBRUARY 3RD, 1980

O P I N I O N INNOCENCE LOST: THE RISE OF INJUSTICE AND INDIFFERENCE IN OUR AURORS HEADQUARTERS.

A deep dive into the unchecked rise of violent crime within our city streets and an Aurors Department in crisis.

By Gilderoy Lockhart.

Mr. Lockhart is a best-selling author and award-winning columnist for The Daily Prophet, currently living in London.

It is a Tuesday afternoon in the bullpen of The Daily Prophet’s offices in Diagon Alley and another press release, fresh from the Head Aurors Office has just crossed my desk. It is a familiar story, a familiar crime-scene and an unfamiliar name that will soon become a part of our national consciousness, but there is a terribly familiar sense of despair to the story that I find there. Daisy Hookum, only twenty three years of age, an aspiring author and a shop assistant at ‘The Second Hand Shop for Wands, Robes and Other Supplies’ located just down the alley from these very offices, was murdered not two blocks away from her place of work, outside notorious establishment of Knockturn Alley, The White Wyvern. It is a brutal crime that is only the latest to befall a spree of victims that have suffered for the incompetence and the blind eye of an Aurors Department in crisis. 

In times of darkness, it is the people’s right to question the authorities responsible for keeping that darkness at bay and a spree of violent crimes that have gripped Knockturn Alley over the past two weeks have raised questions and eyebrows over the apathy with which the Department of Magical Law Enforcement regards the grimy underbelly of our city. Knockturn Alley, a well-known hub of criminal activity, finds itself in the grip of an unchecked violent crime wave and its residents, notorious for their reticence to speak to the press, have finally stepped forward to tell exclusive stories of the neglect their community faces from the Aurors Department.

From his bedside on the Third Floor of St Mungo’s Hospital, Ajax “Handsome Jack” Tuttle, a frequent face in St Mungo’s wards, recounted his experiences of forty-seven separate accounts of stabbing during his tenure as the owner of Knockturn Alley’s, The Betting Shop. “I ain’t never seen an Auror in my life,” Handsome Jack explained when asked about the investigations into his numerous assaults, “Them what stabbed me this time have stabbed me before. They said they’d stab me again. The Aurors don’t care about the stabbings. They don’t care about my shop neither. I don’t even own knives now, how’m I supposed to butter my sandwiches?” 

When asked about the effects of such violent crimes upon the fabric of the community, Handsome Jack explained, “We was a family once. Us in Knockturn have always looked out for our own, but then these new criminals moved in and now there’s stabbings and murders and disappearances. What about what happened to poor Dung, eh? No Auror is goin’ looking for him now are they?” 

Tuttle is referring to the open case of another local fixture of Knockturn Alley, Mundungus Fletcher, a bartender at The White Wyvern whose mysterious disappearance from his flat within Knockturn Alley was reported only three days before Ms. Hookum’s murder outside of the very same establishment, remains unsolved. Initial reports indicate signs of a disturbance and a significant amount of blood was found at the scene but requests for information on the case were met with no comment from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. 

These most recent crimes only serve to highlight an increasing number of unsolved cases stacked on the desks of an Aurors Department characterised most frequently by its incompetence if not by its apathy.  With a rising trend in violent crime having led a notoriously murky corner of our world further into darkness, I ask, on behalf of Ms. Hookum and Mr. Fletcher and Mr. Tuttle amongst the countless other victims whose tragic stories might have found a different ending if only a little light was shed upon them: can we continue to allow our Aurors to turn a blind eye to the criminal element lurking just around the corner — or will we allow this festering darkness to seep out of Knockturn Alley and into our own streets? 

[dulce-dailyprophet]

THE DAILY PROPHET PRESENTS AN EXCLUSIVE EXCERPT FROM CELEBRATED AUTHOR GILDEROY LOCKHART’S UPCOMING NOVEL: ‘WANDERINGS WITH WEREWOLVES.’

FOREWORD: On Lycanthropy, the Curse and the Nature of the Beast.

In order to better understand the creature with whom this story concerns, one must first consider the origins of the wolf; it’s natural habitat and certainly, its place within our society. On the nature of the werewolf, my dealings with the Wagga Wagga Werewolf and subsequent encounters with others of his kind have helped me to better understand the nature of the beast whom I vanquished that day.

There is a great deal of scholarly debate over the origins of lycanthropy, but most historians can agree that the werewolf as we know it today came about as an unintended byproduct of a blood curse. This class of primal magic, tied to the blood and the phases of the moon, has largely been lost or deemed taboo by wizarding kind, but its effects are still felt deeply to this day in it’s direct descendents; the werewolf and those cursed beasts of its ilk. It takes a practitioner of considerable skill to go about removing the werewolf’s curse, a feat frequently considered impossible by those who have studied its impact upon the afflicted, but has been successfully achieved on several documented occasions.

It is largely agreed that the curse exists within the blood of the afflicted, attaching itself to the magic that they carry and mutating it into a far less controllable strain of the magic wizarding kind possesses, more akin to those who fall under the Ministry classification of magical beast, and thus the wolf’s strength can be determined by the magical heritage of the human carrier. A Pureblood wizard, once cursed by the bite of a wolf, will be a truly monstrous creature come the night of the full moon whilst those of a less prestigious heritage may be more easily dealt with. It has been theorised that muggles, when transformed by the bite of the wolf, will possess little more strength than its animal cousin. 

Of the werewolf and their animal cousins, there are many commonalities, the greatest of which I have been able to determine remains this: the werewolf, at its heart, is not intended to be a solitary creature. Above all else, it craves to be amongst its own kind and when isolated, the beast will seek out companionship at any cost. This creates a dangerous precedent for the lone wolf come the night of its transformation, as the beast will take great pains to itself or anyone who it encounters, to make for itself a pack of its own.

The lone wolf, thus, finds themself at a significant disadvantage to those of its kind who live within the hierarchal societies that are colloquially referred to as ‘packs’. It has been theorised that those who reject the curse that lives within them find their transformations to be of a far more violent nature than those who have found themselves with a pack, the war between the mind of the beast and the mind of the man providing a fertile ground for the destruction that the curse craves.

Those so-called domesticated werewolves, like the beast responsible for the menacing of the community of Wagga Wagga, often choose to live adjacent to or hidden within the wizarding world, and will find themselves at odds with their brethren who turn their backs upon our society to show a preference for their own. It is these beasts who attempt to assimilate within our society, who suppress their wolfish natures in their everyday life, who I have found to be a far greater threat to humanity than those who seek to avoid wizarding kind. 

When dealing with suspected beasts of this nature, great caution is advised. The wolf is rarely as dormant within these beasts as the human would have you believe.

[dulce-dailyprophet]

SUNDAY -  JANUARY 20th, 1980

B  R  E  A  K  I  N  G  N  E  W  S: * a Rita Skeeter Exclusive* The Wigtown Wanderer You Didn’t Know You Knew: Meet Marlene McKinnon

Shockwaves have reverberated throughout Quidditch nation as fans and professionals reacted to the surprise allegations against Wigtown Wanderers’ owner, Wade Parkin Sr, and decorated captain, Ethan Parkin, that were made late Friday night following the team’s blow-out win over the Appleby Arrows. The anonymous tip made to the British & Irish League Headquarters at the Ministry of Magic maintained that the front office of the team knowingly withheld the identity of one of its star Chasers. Formerly known as “Marigold McKenzie,” newly ousted Marlene McKinnon is the younger sister of Quidditch legend, Maisy McKinnon, who also shocked the sports community by announcing her early retirement before the 1979 season. 

Although it’s not against the official rules of the International Quidditch League, there are multiple stipulations in place within the British & Irish League rules against the ‘misrepresentation of a player’s value’ by withholding their birth name, in an effort to combat the displacement of the free agency market as well as the inappropriate recruitment of minors. This is the particular transgression being investigated by the League’s Headquarters against the Wigtown Wanderers, who would’ve been in talks with Ms. McKinnon before she was of legal age. 

Yesterday evening, after this sleuthing reporter found her trying to hide her shame & drown her sorrows in a mug of Butterbeer, Ms. McKinnon had this to say as her public statement following the formal inquiry:

“Frankly, there’s nothing to hide here. I didn’t want my talents as a professional to be overshadowed by my sister’s accomplishments. Ethan and Mr. Parkin were courteous enough to respect my wishes as an athlete and as a public figure when I was being recruited for the league. Obviously, whoever thinks this is ‘breaking news’ should maybe sod off and find some actual story to sell. This is bloody ridiculous - get out of my [censor] face.”

Regardless of Ms. McKinnon’s frank regard, her future temporarily hung in balance after Wade Parkin Sr. announced her immediate opening into free agency early Saturday morning, not many hours after I exchanged words with Ms. McKinnon myself, citing a ‘general disregard for the team’s culture & dynamic’ as the ultimate cause of Ms. McKinnon’s release from the Wanderers’ roster. ( Since Wigtown’s front office was recently investigated over a medical cover-up scandal two years ago, it came as no surprise to insiders of the Quidditch community that the team would want to shed any bad publicity before it snowballed out of their favor once more. )

It seems Marlene McKinnon’s luck hasn’t ended quite yet, though; early this morning, she was seen leaving the Ministry of Magic after allegedly meeting with its judiciary committee. That’s not all - a little birdie told me that the notorious new owner of the Caerphilly Catapults, Billy “Blackcap” Nightshade, was also seen leaving the British & Irish League Headquarters, with rumors circulating that an offer was made to the beloved fan-favorite despite her abrupt fall from grace.

Marlene McKinnon, under her previous pseudonym, was heartily welcomed to Wigtown after her rookie season left her with breakout records, including some of the highest point averages during away games that the franchise had ever seen. It is unknown at this time what Ms. McKinnon’s future will hold, although the wizarding community waits with baited breath for what will happen next.