ducttapebandages

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I think there's a widespread school of thought that old or nearly immortal beings like elves and draculas and shit have developed some kind of centuries long ageless patience. An attitude something like, "I have seen empires rise and fall, rulers come and go. This too will pass in the blink of an eye, and matters not to the world."

But I also like ancients who are like do what you want forever. "Are you kidding, a century ago everyone was wearing skirts. Wear pink, sleep in a tree, dance in the street, climb up the walls, talk to strangers. No one's gonna give a shit in a hundred years, have fun now!"

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If humans were reconstructed from nothing but bones, they would 100% give us fur. The idea of “hairless except for the top of the head where the hair is actually the longest in the entire animal kingdom” would never come up

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And when we finally kill the gods neither hell nor heaven will be waiting for them because they created those to imprison us

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what is your favourite shape?

whatever's going on inside red cabbage like. i see god in this thing

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So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

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Who makes the porn bots. Where do they come from. What do they hope to achieve.

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so many amazing words in the english language. you have clandestine and precarious and serendipity and iconoclast and then you also have staunch and sludge and slurp and smudge

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goodreads reviewers aren't human

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Hope for the democratic party?

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happy new year! reminder that as of January 1st, 2025, the 1929 animated Disney short "The Skeleton Dance" is now public domain!

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one of my worst writing sins is abusing my power to create compound words. i cannot write the sentence "The sun shone as bright as honey that afternoon." no. that's boring. "The sun was honey-bright that afternoon" however? yes. that sentence is dope as fuck. i do not care if "honey-bright" is a word in the english dictionary. i do not care if the sentence is grammatically correct. i will not change. i will not correct my erred ways. the laws of the english language are mine.

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When you hear someone say they prefer standard curbing to cape cod curbing