duckdazed

[duckdazed]

david would never dream about admitting that he regretted you, because there is not a lifetime where that will be true.

you were quite the whirlwind in his life. you had come around unexpectedly and for a second he had forgotten about his fiance, too caught up in the way you brought him to life and he wouldn't say anything about the way it was so easy to fall in love with you, making him feel like he'd known you all his life— which he couldn't say about anyone else. he had fantasized all the ways he would make you his, all the futures you could have together and as time went on, he found it harder to keep his distance, but he owed his fiance that much if he couldn't owe them the truth and pretending he didn't feel anything, pretending like it was easy to move on, was not as beautiful as people made it sound in the books he read, nor was it as devastating— it was more than pen to paper could ever capture. he felt like he had ripped something from his depths, something that wasn't supposed to leave. but as the years went by, he became more and more used to it. he loved the life he has built and he would never regret you, but for whatever reason— or more reasons than he cares to list— you two weren't meant to be. his life was here and your life was elsewhere.

that didn't mean that he didn't think about you often and often wondered about whether you longed for him too. if nothing else, he just hoped that he wasn't alone in this feeling, even if it was just for a second.

[duckdazed]

you aren’t afraid of thunder. you aren’t. you actually find it comforting, after all, your best night of sleep happened in the middle of a hurricane sweeping through the city. 

but that doesn’t mean that you’re immune. 

it was david’s idea to make pizzas from scratch, it’s the best bet for his allergies and with your busy schedules, it was anyway a blessing in disguise because you could finally spend time with your non-official boyfriend. the night was more than you could’ve dreamt up.

you went over to his apartment, he had decided to fill the space with warm lighting and perhaps it was because of how long it has been since you visited, you were taken aback by the amount of plants that surrounded you. you would’ve taken more note if it wasn’t for david and his dizzying manners. you couldn’t quite describe how drunk you could get on the simple fact that he greeted you at the door and took your coat for you. the touch was so innocent but the featherlight brush of his fingers against your shoulders, dragging down your arms and leaving goosebumps in their wake, made you swoon to say the least.

and then there was the actual pizza making. you had no idea what you were doing, but david only smiled and helped you until you could be left alone— at least before you'd continue with the next step. you had to wonder who taught him how to teach by standing behind you and guiding your hands with his own. was it a ploy only to be able to breathe you in and to drive you crazy by whispering in your ear? maybe he enjoyed the affect he had on you, there’s no way New York’s best detective didn’t know that you were trying to hide your blush behind your glass of wine.

and perhaps you knew that you were falling in love when you finished putting the raw pizzas into the oven and david took the opportunity to smear some flour on your face, expertly pulling you into a slow dance before you could get your revenge. 

the night was literally perfect.

however, as you two were sitting on the couch- somehow light hearted stories about your worst exes fell into deep conversations- there was a loud roar of thunder, making you flinch harder than he has ever seen you scare. it caught his attention and although he wouldn’t point it out, he knew there was something more to the story you were in the middle of telling... and maybe you could tell yourself he didn’t. you could tell yourself that he moved closer because he liked you so much, not because you looked so frightened. it actually didn’t matter what you had to tell yourself, as long as you didn’t scare him off. and david would be okay with your omission as long as you knew that he holds you in his ribcage

[duckdazed]

david stood there, stuck in awe as he watched you from the dock. he has done a lot of things in his life, most would be surprised to find out how reckless he once was. but he wasn't brave enough for this. it's not like you could be when you're surrounded by people all the time. right now, however, he wasn't surrounded with people. there was only you a couple of feet from him and a wedding reception on the other side of the lake. he had nothing holding him back. perhaps that's why he found himself hooking his thumbs into the loops on his pants, pulling down as quick as he could to rid himself of them. his shoes almost landed in the water with how much urge he had behind his actions. you were in the bride's party but there was something in him nudging him to reach the conclusion that maybe you were one of his forgotten childhood friends, you had to be. there's no other reason why he'd be so easy to give in to the innocent freedom that you welcomed back into his life. he almost didn't know if he was in control of his body, but if nothing else, the cold of the water woke him up again. he could forget what has been haunting him, it was like he surfaced from that water revived from the shell he was once. and there you were, laughing at the way he was gasping. and there was the warmth. he almost let a "hello" slip past his lips. you might've only met hours ago but david knew this kind of love. he'd recognize it anywhere. instead of bleed his heart out, "oh my God, we’re skinny dipping at my brother’s wedding."

[duckdazed]

david knew you had someone new. he mistakenly saw jake's instagram feed while he was setting the table, the phone was just lying there unlocked and he really didn't mean to look. however, the picture stared him right in the face. your new partner took you Halloween costume shopping, you were both trying on the worst superhero outfits he has seen in his life. but you looked so happy that it shifted something in him. probably jealousy. probably regret. probably grief. maybe a part of him was still hoping for you both to run into each other on that coffee shop on the corner near the movie theatre, you'd both realise how much you missed each other and you'd fall back into a relationship. even the fork in his hand felt like it was patronizing him right now. you used a fork once and forks are fucking everywhere. why are they everywhere? he was glad to see you smile but he hoped that there's a hoodie in the bottom of your drawer that still smelled like him. he hoped you'd pull it out when you felt at your worst and that you'd feel better. he hoped that by the time christmas came around, you'd be on better terms with him. he just misses you.

[duckdazed]

ANGST PROMPTS inspired by.

ⓘ here's a few things I wrote & thought would make good angst writing prompts. However, they can be interpreted any way you like! I took inspiration from a lot of places for this tbh. Please give credit if you use.

"but you keep your distance no matter what I do, maybe I should just let us be and move on."

"Did you even care that you were breaking my heart? did you even care that my trust has been broken? does it even bother you in the slightest that you've ruined me?"

"I hate you so much but I need you even more than that."

"I did everything right, so why don't you love me?"

"I really fucked it up this time, didn't I?"

"I can't bare to leave you when you look at me like that."

"If I had given you less of me, would you want me more?"

"Of course I am not okay!! You don't love me anymore, how the fuck am I supposed to be okay?"

"I can't believe I chose you."

"no we can't get through this. You've ruined my life with one mistake. I can never be okay again, I will never be free from this. cheating is the act of someone that hates you and you've just made your opinion of me perfectly clear."

"I just... I... I wish it was just.. okay? I just wish everything was okay. I don't need perfect but I'd really like if everything was just okay.. anything that is not this mess."

"This has to stop. you keep wishing them the best while they're wishing you'd drop dead, it's time to let go. you deserve so much more."

"It's not like I want to stop caring about you. it's just that you have hurt me so much that I've been shutting down. I can't force my heart to bleed for you when I'm covered in the wounds you gave me."

"I'll protect you, I swear it. I don't care about what happens to me but I swear I'll protect you."

"you have to. you have to be okay. I can face whatever happens if I just know that you'll be okay."

"I stood on the platform for an hour. I think I missed four trains. I was just stuck in that moment, thinking back to years ago. I thought I was over the worst of the grief but now I'm doubting that. I think it has grown into who I am. there's nothing like grieving the living."

"I can't believe I was alone with all eyes on me. I could've used someone to handle the technical aspects because I swear to God, I'll never be able to get over the guilt that comes with being the one that caused (character's most beloved's name) to die. we could've saved them. we could've tried one more time."

"the hardest part is pretending."

"I swear I'd rather carve my heart out with a butter knife right now. anything but this. what shell have I become?"

"it hurts. it just fucking hurts so much."

[duckdazed]

Wah david getting beat up in a case bc the person he was chasing faught back and he comes back home, not even having cleaned up the injuries and before you see him he quickly goes to the bathroom and you're like "HUH that's weird" and follow him to check up on him bc like,, he usually comes and gives you a kiss when he gets back from work after you and he's like telling you it's nothing to worry about but you're like :/ and you go in anyway, telling him you are doing that ofc, bc it sounds like he's frantically looking for something and you just wanna help him find if it even if he doesn't wanna tell you why he needs it - whatever "it" may be - and when you come in, he quickly turns away from you and you instantly know he's hiding something and now you don't care if he wants to tell you anymore, you're going to find out. You're all like "show me" and he's like "I don't want to" and you know he just doesn't want to worry you but you wrap your arms around his waist (carefully bc who knows what injuries he has) and you hug him close, he responds by putting his arms over yours and you're like "let me take care of you ducks" and he's instantly weak bc he loves when you call him that so he reluctantly takes a seat on the toilet and after finally seeing his face you have to take a deep breath because his face is a little swollen and he doesn't have a black eye but he did cut his lip and there's a cut on his nose as well, with bruising and swelling. He has bruising on other places on his face and it just look like it hurt. You carefully tilt his head towards the light so that you can see everything and he's not looking at you but you first get the medical kit out of the cabinet and you get ready to clean him up a bit and the longer you sit in silence, you can see he gets more and more upset with himself for getting hurt but you don't say anything so that you can focus on what you're doing and by the end you're like "there, wedding day ready." and he laughs as he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer, he knows you would never marry him if he showed up to the wedding looking like he got ran over by a truck but the comment lifts the mood all the same. You start running your fingers through his hair and you two just stay like that for a while, you wait for him to pull away first and when he does you waist no time to kiss his forehead

[duckdazed]

thinking david had a busy week at work, you basically never saw him (or it was just for a short few moments before he had to go to work or he had to get into bed because he was so exhausted)

And ofc my most precious baby would've tried his best to make those moments worthwhile, his guilt catching up to him,,, but like,,, you know he needed to leave/get rest so you encouraged him to do what he needed to,,,

Then after the week is over, you two finally get a chance to sleep next to each other but ofc,, you're holding his cheeks in your hands, just making him focus on you bc you missed him like crazy so there's no way you'd let him go to sleep rn,, and in turn he's tracing lines either on your arm or your back or your waist,,, and he has those sparkling puppy eyes expression on and you're just talking about your week and other nonsense and you're like a little flustered bc he can't seem to keep his smile down while he's looking at you like that, hair fluffy as ever and sticking in all directions and he hasn't even had the time to shave so he's got some scruff on his face and he's just so pretty... What was I talking about...

[duckdazed]

ANGST PROMPTS inspired by.

ⓘ here's a few things I wrote & thought would make good angst writing prompts. However, they can be interpreted any way you like! I took inspiration from a lot of places for this tbh. Also in my brain these prompts are said in a very high tension scene but you do you ofc. Please give credit if you use.

"maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too."

"if you weren't such a coward you would've left months ago instead of having the guilt eat the love right out of your heart. I'd much rather be heartbroken than resented."

"I could never change just to love you."

"tell me that it's all okay."

"I'm much harder to forget than to leave, aren't I?"

"I got so close to love with you, my dear."

"Who are you? Because you're definitely not the person I fell in love with."

"you can't take back what you said."

"I refuse to be a burden. it's better that you leave, so that you don't have to deal with me anymore. just like you've been wanting to do for the past 6 months."

"keeping this love alive is a war I have lost."

"You used to say that you loved me once, you know? I wonder what happened."

"I lost a friend and that is the hardest part about this."

"It's all of the things you don't say that makes my heart break."

"I don't want to know about the people who get to love you."

"I love you, I swear."

"I wish you would admit what we both know is true. I love you more than you will ever love me and that's just a fact— just stop pretending otherwise because that's somehow worse."

"sometimes you just can't fix it."

"I won't be taken for a fool anymore. I am not that desperate for love."

"my hands are tied."

"you're the love of my life, please don't leave me!"

"you're so selfish for wanting to stay, please tell me to stay."

"how much sorrow will you bestow on me? how much can I take?"

"how many times do I have to convince you that I'm here for you? do you not want me here? Is that why you keep pushing me away?"

"I knew from the start this is exactly how I'd leave."

"I don't want your sympathy, I just want myself back."

"I should've seen it coming... I guess I got too lost in the story, the fairytale of us."

[duckdazed]

need david to bring me coffee before he gets back into bed and kisses me on the cheek before admitting that he wants to have a lazy day in and bc I just woke up and am still sleepy I'd be like "ok" and try to go back to sleep and he'd laugh at me but he'd also pull me closer and let me have at least 10 more minutes

[duckdazed]

you falling asleep with your phone in your hand, body facing inwards towards the middle of the bed. david gently removes the device, puts it on charge before he places himself in the palm of your hands. he doesn't sleep with a shirt and somehow your touch feels foreign - although also safe - against his bare skin. he pauses. you don't stir awake. before long, he leans himself further into your embrace. he doesn't usually struggle to sleep, insomnia would only strike if he had something on his mind or if he felt alone. he hopes that when you awake and find him clinging onto you like you're what is keeping this earth on it's axis— that you'll forgive him for lying there in all his vulnerabilities. he breathes in your scent. you use a common perfume in your daily life but there's still something so distinct. he takes a moment to acknowledge his racing heart, telling him that he shouldn't be here. perhaps he should've woken you and asked if it was alright to sleep with you. but you looked like God's finest creation. the moonlight painting you in such a way that even david couldn't find the words to describe exactly how beautiful you were - and let's face it, david always had something to say. what an achievement. he feels tears in his eyes when your arms close around him, your body absentmindedly reminding him of how kind you truly are - even in your sleep, you do not turn away someone in need. it touches his heart so deeply. he allows himself to breathe. there is not an inch of cells in his body that doesn't want to declare you as his in that moment - but he knows a friendship like this is too much to risk. maybe when tomorrow arrives things will change, for now, he closes his eyes and makes a wish.

[duckdazed]

someone explain why there isn't a sweet bf raul fic out there??? him not having enough money to take mc out to a fancy restaurant so he orders takeout and he sets up his apartment with fairylights (no candles bc he doesn't want his comics to suffer a terrible accident) and you two watch movies on his crusty ass laptop, laughing at how little you two can actually hear— your laughter obviously making it even more difficult to hear but fuck it, who cares about what's going on the screen when he's giggling like that.

or hell, you two could even be making art. he has so many supplies, some too little left for him to start a new project with it but just enough for you to mess around on the paper together— swapping canvases every thirty minutes.

who cares about money, you just wanna spend time with him and he'd never understand why but you would also not catch him complaining.

literally where are the fics????

[duckdazed]

you've been moved into an apartment with David for 2 weeks. It's a new one, neither of you wanting to live in the other's old apartment and when you saw this one, it just seemed perfect. You find yourself cooking in the small kitchen, david is working at the table you've designated as the dinner table— a small round table only big enough for 2 people to eat at. It's perfect. This is the first time you're cooking for him, usually you're the one that is working late but today it seemed work caught you both and it was getting late but you had to eat. You decided to take on the responsibility. David felt quite guilty watching you with your headphones on, your work was always more than his— that's why he usually cooked dinner— and it was true that he had a lot on his plate for tonight... But he can't even concentrate on the work you're giving him an opportunity to do and that makes him feel guilty. He can't stop watching the way your brows furrow as you cut carrots. It's maybe a bit dumb but he's so enamored watching the concentration you put into such a task and he realises that he loves you. It catches him by surprise— he almost blurts it out. He can't, not yet. He wouldn't be able to recall whether he felt like this before your moving boxes mixed with his but he does know that it is too soon to bear his heart to you in such extremes. It's not that he doubts your own affections, you wouldn't have been so careful about what you're putting on his dinner plate tonight if you didn't care for him, but even if he wouldn't admit it, he was still giving you chance to change your mind before he let down the fences he so carefully built. But he loves you and he's bearing his teeth against the side of him that simply doesn't care whether you returned his love, he just wanted to scream it for the world to know. Not yet, he tells himself. But he loves you, he loves you, he loves you.

[duckdazed]

ANGST PROMPTS inspired by lyrics from different songs.

ⓘ here's a few lyrics I thought would make good angst writing prompts. However, they can be interpreted any way you like! Please give credit if you use.

"They won't, so I'll just keep on acting the fool."

"it took me a couple drinks till I meant it."

"there's no drug quite like denial."

"I will wait for you to love me again."

"You think I'm doing this to make you jealous?"

"if I could make you the enemy, I would."

"I can't take it back, I can't unpack the baggage you left."

"Swallow every single lie, take all of me. "

"I don't want to know that I'm walking away if you'll be mine."

"no one can break my heart like you."

"Lie to me. Please."

"It breaks my heart just to know you."

"I wish I never met you."

"I can see it in your eyes, you don't believe a word I say."

"I can love you more than this."

"just let me down slowly, I'll be okay."

"if coming apart and breaking my heart is what you need, break it carefully."

"I will not hear what you have to say."

"I'm getting tired of your peace of mind."

"I really hate the way you look at me lately."

"lover, what have you become?"

"let me let you go."

"I am the one thing in life I can control. "

"she's beautiful, she looks kind. she probably even gives you butterflies."

"should’ve known from the moment we met that i’d rip your heart right outta your chest."

"so casually cruel in the name of being honest..."

"I can't stop your storm from coming in and wrecking things— but shelter me until it's through."

[duckdazed]

"baby I don't think this will work" david says, getting comfortable in your cuddle. You know it might not but his mind is restless and this is your last option because you need your sleep too and there's no way you could sleep without david by your side. You hush him before clearing your throat. He laughs at you, nuzzling himself even deeper into your skin as you scold him for not being quiet, blaming that for the situation you're in— which of course just makes him burst into another fit of giggles while he closes his eyes. You patiently wait, running your nails along his scalp until he gains control over his laughter. He kisses your skin and your smile grows, toes curling without warning as you continue soothing him. Once he's quiet enough and you're both comfortable, you begin to sing to him. A sweet song you listen to sometimes, it works well as a lullaby because maybe that's what it was supposed to be. It brings you comfort and maybe that's why you share it with david. You know he'd never burden you with the things he has seen, the demons that keep him awake is his to bear and you respect that. However, this is the least you can do, to let him know that he didn't have to face these things alone. It isn't long before his breathing slows and he falls asleep, you keep singing just to be sure but soon enough not even you can resist.