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It’s really the thought that counts, I guess

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It’s honestly crazy how good I am at theories

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Who is Jetpac11?

As we head into next week’s episode, where the identity of Jetpac11 is likely to be revealed, I wanted to throw out my guess as to who might be Jamie’s anonymous rival.

Now, I’ve read a lot of theories.

Some people have said Dillon, but I just don’t know where he’d get the time to rise up the FIFA rankings, what with not really having a home for a good stretch there. I mean, honestly, imagine caring about that sort of thing if you were him.

Some people have speculated Boggy is Jetpac11 but I think piling “Become a top FIFA player” onto his list of things to do would’ve just added even more stress to his life and he didn’t need that.

There are a couple of interesting theories about it being Archie Royle or Jethro. Both are solid guesses. They’ve both been antagonistic to Jamie in the past.

But I have another guess. One that came to me this last episode.

Consider: Jetpac11 is someone who wants to cause chaos. It’s someone who has been around at least a little bit so they know Phoenix’s inner workings. And it’s someone who hates Phoenix and wants to cause them harm.

And who fits these clues and appeared on the scene right about the same time as Jetpac11?

That’s right!

Aisha

...‘s dog STORMZY.

Think about it.

We’ve already seen Stormzy try to sabotage Phoenix once by running onto the field and blocking Liam’s shot in an attempt to relegate the team.

It’s blatant, sure, and I think most people would brush it aside as a really random and pretty silly thing to happen. I, however, see it for what it is: a desperate move that gave away the game.

See, Stormzy had to act here because she had no other option. The ball was going in and it had to be stopped then and there for her plan to destroy Phoenix to work. She had no time for subtle sabotage. The only thing she could do was physically act upon it. And, in acting, she revealed herself for who she truly is: the big bad. The mastermind. The one who’s been behind all the trouble this season. The one who’s been pulling all the strings. The puppet master (or puppy master if you like).

One only needs to look more closely at some scenes from throughout in the season to see it.

That’s right. I’m suggesting that an evil, telepathic border collie has been behind everything bad that has happened this season.

What are you gonna do, unfollow me?

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Me talking about my tumblr

Just another instance of how I find this show very relatable.

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Some thrilling highlights from the livestream of the soccer match in 5.10

...which was apparently watched by over 2000 people.

Imagine how many more they could’ve gotten if Freddie had used the camera to shoot the actual match that was going on instead of giving everyone a live shot up his nose.

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One of our horrible family secrets

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Jack: *breathes* Zoe: 😡

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The phone call at the end of 5.09 as seen from the Johnson family side of it

I normally note that my posts aren’t correct quotes from the show.

The dialogue in this post, however, is taken verbatim from the end of the last episode.

I’m allowing for the possibility we were just hearing Boggy’s internal version of the call, amplified to the nth degree by stress, but for the purposes of this post, I’d like to examine what it would look like if the call literally happened as we heard it.

I’d also like to know for how long this continued after the episode cut to black. Minutes? Hours? Until his battery ran out?

Jamie needs to chill.

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Play it cool, Jamie

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Boggy and the Chocolate Factory

Liked this cool little shout-out to another horrifying bit of media that was ostensibly made for children.

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The man of the house

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Ya broke him

Liam’s reaction during Dillon’s argument with his dad was so great.

Dillon’s dad starts freaking out about him being gay and it cuts to Liam and he’s just standing there, not moving...

...staring at this whole thing going down with extreme ���Chuck E. Cheese from that meme” energy.

They keep arguing and then it cuts back to Liam again and he still hasn’t moved.

That’s the look of someone who’s about to make a TIFU post on Reddit.

He looks like a kid who lit a Roman candle and the Roman candle shot off into a building and exploded and set the whole building on fire.

Like, “Uh oh, I... I might've started something here.”

I only wish they would’ve cut back to him one more time and shown him still in the exact same spot as Dillon was leaving.

Their dad is running over, going “Liam?”

*snaps fingers in his face* “Liam?”

“Liam?! Look what you done to your brother, Dillon! With your gayness! You broke him!”

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Look how tiny ya are!

I love Dillon’s dad going in hard on a 12 year old for not matching the achievements of his 16 year old brother.

Is it unfair? Yes. Does Liam kind of deserve it? Also yes. Is it wildly unhealthy for his psychological well-being? A third yes!

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I’m starting to worry about how Jamie’s dealing with his injury

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*Jaws theme intensifies*

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In which Mr. Simmonds pushes his luck one too many times

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me watching the episode: hm, yeah, I can definitely relate to Dillon’s struggle with his sexuality and not knowing who to tell and when

me watching the promo for next week’s episode:

I’VE NEVER FELT MORE SEEN.