drinking-too-much-tea

[drinking-too-much-tea]

Hey I know I don’t have much of a following on here but my boyfriend is trying to save up for surgery at the moment and I was really hoping some of you could help spread his GoFundMe so he can get it done as soon as possible.

This surgery would make a massive difference to his life both physically and mentally so please donate if you can and please please share so more people can see it

@gofundmereach-blog @gofundmehelpingblog @fundraiser @fundraise-blog @fundraise-online

[drinking-too-much-tea]

Shit thinking you’re the problem when all you do is try your best but ah well, you’ll learn

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Yknow when youre casually suicidal? Like youre not gonna try anything rn but whoooo boy death sound pretty sweet

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I’m so fucking done

Like I thought everything was ok, I thought I was stable for the first time in ages but then I get a message saying

‘We need to talk’.

This was 2 days ago. Now she’s refusing to tell me what it is that we need to talk about and completely avoiding me. Idk what the fuck I did but I’m so completely fucking over everything because she’s been treating me like shit for weeks. Dropping me for people she barely knows and using them to get free smokes. Not even a text to ask if I’m ok. I can’t sleep. I’ve been on edge for days and even my counsellor is saying that my mental health is declining.

I normally have 1/2 sessions a month but she’s upped me to one a week because she thinks things are going downhill. And I agree tbh. I want to die but I don’t have the courage to do it myself. I have 2 past attempts which make me feel like I couldn’t do it no matter how hard i try.

This year was supposed to go well. I started out school exactly how I planned and within 2 weeks everything’s gone downhill purely because of that asshole treating me like shit. But obviously I can’t say anything because it’s turned on me for ‘not saying something sooner’ or ‘why didn’t I just ask to be included’ or I get the whole rant about how she’s struggling too even tho she’s able to go out with friends every night.

Like I get it if you don’t want to be with me anymore but JUST FUCKING TELL ME. Don’t act as if you love me then ducking ignore me for days.

If you want me to leave legit just tell me and I’ll be gone. JUST DONT TREAT ME LIKE YOURE GONNA KILL YOURSELF IF I LEAVE AND THEN TREAT ME LIKE SHIT FOR STAYING. I can’t do it anymore. I’ve put up with all of your problems for 9 months and it’s breaking me. Just fucking kill me.

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Wtf

How can i constantly want to self harm and remain perfectly calm while doing it, but when i stub my toe/ minorly injure myself it’s literally the fucking apocalypse ????

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REMINDER THAT IT’S WRONG TO MAKE SOMEONE FEEL WORSE FOR SELF HARMING

- Don’t tell us that we’ll never get a job because of our arms.

- Don’t tell us how you’re so ashamed of us because we feel way worse about it.

- Don’t make comments e.g - ‘So you like pain?’ ‘What happened?’ ‘I would never be able to live with myself if I did that.’ ‘I don’t know how you can be seen in public like that.’ ‘Do you even know what you’re doing to yourself?’ BECAUSE OF COURSE WE DO, BUT WE DON’T DO IT TO F UP OUR LIVES, WE DO IT TO HELP US CONTINUE LIVING.

- Don’t make it out like you’re the victim, don’t make it all about yourself, we’re hurting and all we want is your support.

- Don’t roll up our sleeves as an example of self harm! It’s fucking horrible to do that to someone and completely disrespectful!

- Don’t make shitty jokes about it, don’t make our pain seem unimportant.

- Don’t ask how we do it, everyone is different and that’s a conversation that’s really hard to have.

- After something bad happens in our lives don’t say ‘Are you gonna go and harm yourself now?’

- Don’t threaten us that if we don’t stop you’ll start doing it. It’s horrible to put that pressure on someone who’s mentally ill. IT’S AN ILLNESS, WE CAN’T MAKE IT ALL BETTER JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY SO!

(Sorry for the rant, feel free to reblog)

[drinking-too-much-tea]

It’s funny how people don’t want to see that I’m barely hanging on.

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I thought I was recovered.

I thought I was doing really well with (ed) recovery. I thought I was able to ignore the calories and I was gaining weight healthily but I was working today so all I managed to eat was 2 scones and a hot chocolate all day. That’s like maybe 1000cals and when I realised that I instantly thought ‘wtf that’s way too many calories’... idk why my brain does this to me. I have 2 days left until school and going back to being bullied on a daily basis and I don’t want to be in this mindset before I even go back... a coworker gave me 6 brownies on my way out the door. Brownies are my favourite food but honestly now I’m looking at them and I don’t even want them.... I just want to sleep and never wake up tbh

[drinking-too-much-tea]

the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myself ‘hang on, doesn’t milk soothe chilli burns? it does’ and i couldn’t google because i couldn’t see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didn’t notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i don’t really cook much.

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I haven’t been on here in months

But I just freaked the fuck out after having to go into my attic (it’s converted so it’s a bedroom) to make the bed..

Like I shouldn’t react so strongly to small things like that. Legit just because it was my moms room before I moved out, now I genuinely freak out any time I have to go up there and almost end up in tears. I had to call my gf and keep her on the phone just so that I was able to put the duvet covers and sheets on without breaking down.. there’s no reason for this to affect me badly. Like my parents splitting up didn’t upset me and seeing them fight doesn’t upset me, my dad dating other people doesn’t upset me but going into that room upsets me and honestly the room in general scares me. Like I can’t go up there in the dark at all, I won’t even stop in front of the stairs anytime and if I need something from up there I’ll always ask my sister to get it for me if she can and give her something in return just so I don’t have to go up there..

[drinking-too-much-tea]

About that last post where ya'll talk about how the richer you are, the less you pay for. And it made me think of something, but I know jackshit about econ so idk how dumb this is. What would happen if everything was priced based on percentage of income? Not just necessities like food, but luxuries like Netflix subscriptions.

the rich would undoubtably make more because many rich people, the ultra wealthy, don’t even have an income, they make their money off of their pre-existing wealth.

theres many other problems with this, but this is a majority glaring issue i see.

[drinking-too-much-tea]

“I’ve NEVER. Eaten a DONUT. In my ENTIRE LIFE. And I’m NOT. About to start NOW.”

-Crazy customer I had today, upon being offered a complimentary donut

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There’s only one thing that I wish for. One single thing. For someone to comfort me and calm me down when I cry, because I sure as hell can’t do it alone. Too bad it’s so unreasonable and unobtainable.

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just like…. live for urself. live unapolagetically and genuinely because you werent born to impress anyone you were born to be you. and if you want to change yourself, change, you should be whoever you want to be. its all going to be fine and youll get to where you want to be and all you should worry about is taking care of yourself and doing what you want to with people you love and who love u. thats all u need yknow

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“Do people sleep a lot because they’re tired or because they want to escape from something?”

— Ayn Rand

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If you don’t manage to have children in your lifetime, you are ending a bloodline which lasted, unbroken, for 3.8 billion years..