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drewstarkey · 12 days ago

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Is it enough?

synopsis All these people think love’s for show, but Rafe would die for you in secret.

a/n a late lil Christmas blurb for all the pre-Euro Trip Rafe lovers out there (aka me). Hope everyone’s enjoying the holidays !! 💗

You prefer the Outer Banks over Christmas break.

It’s when the salt air quiets and the tourons dissipate, the pavements pleasantly bare with cold asphalt unblemished. You’re certain to recognise everyone you see in December; you don’t have to perform when you’re out and about, the details of your personality are already firmly embedded. You prefer this, like to smile at that member of your mother’s book club, or that convenience store owner that’s watched you gain inches over the years.

You like recognising the people you make eye contact with. This is easier to do during the winter months, when touron tarnish isn’t diluting the street strollers and beach crowds.

Or so you think.

You’re celebrating the start of Christmas break at the Shake Shack with Topper and Kelce, when this pretty girl you don’t recognise walks in with Rafe and his younger sister.

You use the split second before he spots you to take inventory of his figure. He’s without that Kildare Island cap he likes to wear—always backwards; you’re chagrined that even you remember this little detail—his dirty-blonde locks overgrown and a little damp. He’s just showered, or something. Maybe gone for a swim. A fleeting image of Rafe Cameron’s chiseled torso enters your brain.

You blink. The heat in your cheeks makes you frown on instinct.

Topper must spot him at the same time you do, because he straightens and shouts, “Oi! Cameron!”

Rafe turns toward your table, his blue eyes brightening as he takes the three of you in. Behind him, his younger sister Sarah smiles politely. You watch her lean close to the mystery girl beside her, whisper something inconspicuous that makes her eyes pull right toward you. You smile back, though it’s more grimace than anything particularly deferential.

And then you fix Topper with a pointed glare, because your poor skin has suffered enough warmth for the day. “Topper,” you hiss, “why would you do that?”

“Uh,” Topper balks, looking to Kelce for help. (He provides none. He’s far too busy staring at the girl on Sarah’s left.) “Because he’s our friend?”

“Your friend,” you mutter irritably. You’re still feeling the after effects of shirtless Rafe in your head.

“No way!” Rafe exclaims then; you refuse to look up at him as he walks over, but the amusement in his voice is recognisable as ever. “How’re you guys going?”

He says ‘you guys’, but he only means you really. He’s more pleased than he should be about a rendezvous outside of school hours.

He walks slow, allowing his gaze to fall over you in paces. He’s already forgotten why he came here in the first place, his only goal now to get close enough to spot that freckle on your lower neck. He thinks about kissing it often. Not to mention, it’s winter, so any bare skin on display is a privilege. Light-wash jeans and a singlet with a cardigan pulled over it; he discerns the sliver of waist exposed between them, smells your lavender perfume and feels a jolt in his ribcage.

Kelce straightens slightly as he nears, clearing his throat. “Not bad.” He’s adopted a deeper timbre than you’re used to, enough octaves lower to earn a look of bewilderment. “You?”

“Not bad?” Rafe echoes, sending you a meaningful glance. “You guys have gotta do better than that.”

You narrow your eyes up at him. “Worse now that you’re here.”

“Funny, my afternoon’s gotten way better since I saw you.” Rafe grins. “What’s that saying again? Opposites attract or something?”

You frown harder at that, as if that’s somehow possible. Rafe aches. He’s going to get a smile out of you even if it fucking kills him.

“Anyway,” you say then, ignoring his jibe. “You seem busy, so we’ll let you get back to—”

“We’re not busy,” Rafe interrupts. He reaches behind him and grabs a chair from the table adjacent, sliding it forward and sitting down beside you.

“Rafael.” You sigh. “You can’t just—”

But the sound of Kelce’s chair scraping linoleum causes you to falter; he’s up and out of his own seat before you can continue, grabbing two more chairs and gesturing for Sarah and the mystery girl to join you.

You turn to him, confused, but he’s only got eyes for the pretty brunette that’s taking a seat beside him.

“Oh, thanks,” she says kindly. She’s almost blushing if you squint. “You’re Rafe and Sarah’s friends?”

“Barely,” you reply just as Kelce says, “mainly Rafe’s.” He sends you a pointed look before adding, “we all go to the Academy together. How do you know the Camerons?”

“We’re cousins,” she replies with a smile. “I’m Manon.”

“Manon,” Kelce repeats, slow, in that perplexingly low timbre. “I’m Kelce. How’re you finding the Outer Banks?”

“Good,” she says, still smiling. They haven’t stopped staring at each other since the conversation started.

That’s when it hits you. Your pretty eyes widen, and the corners of your mouth pull up into a pleased expression.

He’s totally crushing on her. Having known him for the better half of his formative years, you’re pretty sure your mind has gathered every single one of his tells.

The way that he’s scooted his chair closer to Manon’s, almost imperceptible. The fact that every word she says has his gaze pulling to her pink lips. They’re still having a conversation, but their eyes aren’t quite in it. Topper’s talking too, Sarah piping up here and there, but you’re taking in Kelce’s features and coming up with a plan.

Rafe is silent too. He hasn’t spoken a word since he noticed your features brighten. His chair’s pretty close to yours too, to be fair; he’s finding it hard to concentrate with your face a kissable distance away. The frown he brought to it has long since dissipated, the smile that reigns making his hands feel rogue, a little reckless.

He has a want to touch you that’s maddening. His only goal now is to keep you smiling that sweet smile.

Besides, he clocked Kelce’s eyes on his cousin the moment he made it over to your table. He’d recognise that look anywhere. It has that same helpless quality that your mere proximity brings him.

He throws his arm around your chair, pulling it closer to his. “Gross,” he murmurs, too low for anyone else to hear. “Could they be any more obvious?”

Your shoulders are touching. You try to focus on everything but the static bare skin on skin elicits.

“Personal space, Rafael,” you grumble weakly, sending him a reproachful look.

“I know right?” Rafe teases quietly, the grin on his face audible. “Manon may as well sit on Smith’s lap, huh?”

You try for a frown. “You know what I meant.”

“It’s different with us,” he says.

You turn to him then, raising your eyebrows. “How so, Cameron?”

A pause then, the closeness of your faces becoming painfully evident. Rafe’s gaze pulls down to your lips, the arm that’s resting on your chair pressing into your back. Your surroundings blur. How does he always manage to get you into such compromising positions?

“Just is,” he murmurs back, his voice rougher now than it was a second ago. His eyes are still on your lips, this maddening pressure bubbling up through his chest. “Mrs Cameron.”

“Ha ha.”

The jibe is enough to pull you out of your reverie, and you roll your eyes, giving him a shove in his chest. He doubles back dramatically, rubbing the space your hand pressed with a pleased grin.

“So have you guys ordered yet?” Rafe asks, drawing back into your space like a magnet.

“Nah,” Topper answers. “We’d only just arrived when you got here.”

“And we aren’t doing anything after,” Kelce adds, only really looking at Manon as he says it. “So we should grab ice-cream too, if you guys are keen. We’d love to help show you around.” He turns to you then, this pointed, pleading look on his face. “Right Y/n?”

“Uh.” You balk. “Yes?”

Your gaze moves to Topper and Sarah, who have struck up a similarly cozy conversation. They’re sitting pretty close together, all eye contact and Topper’s hand on Sarah’s chair back. Your heart drops.

“As long as it’s okay with Top and Sarah,” you add quickly, forcing them to re-enter discussion. “Top—don’t you have that thing later? With your mom and dad?”

Topper doesn’t seem to pick up on your cues, his hand sliding along the chair’s top rail. Sarah leans back into it. In your stomach now, you aren’t sure your heart has any further to plummet.

It’s easier to ignore Rafe’s patchouli and spice cologne when Topper’s indifference is so obvious. You find yourself at odds with wingwoman-ing Kelce and keeping Topper and Sarah as far away from each other as possible.

And you at a distance from Rafe, obviously. No grazing touches and lingering eye contact permitted.

“Uh… oh, the dinner?” Topper replies, furrowing his brow. “Yeah, but it’s only 1.00pm Y/n. Plenty of time before I have to head off for that.”

You grimace. “Right.”

Rafe frowns slightly as he looks over your features, bemused. There’s been a shift in your demeanour, but the culprit evades him.

He watches you glimpse the sliver of space between Topper’s chair and Sarah’s. Oh. The need to pull yours closer to his intensifies ten-fold.

“If that’s settled, we should order,” he says quickly, jumping up out of his seat. He looks down at you expectantly, resisting the urge to offer up his shoulder for you to take.

He’s learned that some things are ‘too much’, whatever that’s supposed to mean. When it comes to you, too much isn’t actually part of his vocabulary.

“You coming, sweetheart?” He adds, his eyes still on your figure.

You meet his gaze. It’s softer than before. An emotion you can’t quite put your finger on passes between the two of you, a gentle something that warms your insides.

“Uh,” you balk again. “Me? Why?”

“Need your help. Don’t know anyone else’s order,” he says. Anyone else, like it’s obvious he knows yours.

Your eyes widen. That gentle something intensifies to hot molasses. “Neither do I,” you reply, almost defensive.

“I’ll get the classic,” Sarah says then, trying not to smile. She shares another look with Manon, who adds, “and I’ll grab the veggie.”

“Okay,” you say slowly, nodding as you stand. “Classic for you too, right Top? And the double for Kelce?”

“Nah, I want the veggie,” Kelce responds, sending Manon a wink. “Reckon it’s time I tried something new.”

Manon’s ears grow pink. “Good choice,” she says, her smile widening.

You can’t help but smile too, turning to face Rafe. And he’s grinning down at you in tandem, this mischievous glint in his eye, and you almost forget that you’re supposed to be vexed as opposed to enamoured.

Almost. You turn back toward the table, creating space between you and him. Rafe aches, again. There’s longing like static in your physical distance.

“Alright,” you say, sounding more amused than bewildered. “Coming right up, I guess?”

You make your way toward the front counter, Rafe falling into your step seamlessly. Once you’re safely out of earshot of your friends, he ducks his head closer to continue your conversation.

“So,” he says seriously. “How’re we going to play this?”

You frown up at him, confused. “Play what exactly?”

“Smith and Manon.”

You balk. “What? Like… set them up?” You steal a glance back at the table, where Kelce and Manon’s chairs have scooted impossibly closer. The unimpressed look on your face softens, a pleased smile transforming your features. “I don’t think they need our help Rafael,” you say, gesturing toward them. “Look.”

Rafe turns too, taking in the scene. “Shit, you’re right,” he responds, grinning. “We’re going to have to keep these good vibes going.”

“You’ll be an expert at those,” you say, raising your eyebrows. “‘Good vibes’.”

“For you, always.”

“For them, Rafe.”

“If it’s you asking,” he reiterates. “Always.”

Your traitorous heart stutters. To compensate, you roll your eyes and turn to face the counter. He moves in tandem, shoulders side by side, elbows almost touching.

“What can I get for you guys today?” The server asks absentmindedly, fiddling with the iPad in front of her.

“Uh, can we get—”

But Rafe’s quicker than you are, repeating the order with ease and adding your own at the end of it. He knows to order your burger with extra pickles and sauce, tacks on the shake you love to dip your fries in when you’re starved. And he pays for the whole meal before you can so much as grab your own card, leaving the server impressed and you perplexingly pissed off.

“You didn’t need to do that,” you say stubbornly, watching him slide his wallet back into his pocket. “We’ll Venmo you.”

“What? No way.” Rafe looks down at you then, all handsome and sincere. Your heart stutters again, a forgotten car engine reborn. “It’s on me, seriously.”

“Rafe.”

“Venmo’s gonna kill the mood, trust me,” he says. “We can’t go back to the table and talk finances. That isn’t romantic.”

“Maybe not for Kelce and Manon,” you reply, frowning up at him. “But Top and I will. You don’t need to pay for our meals.”

“Top got me some beers a few weeks ago, so I owe him.”

Bold faced lie, but Rafe doesn’t particularly care. He wonders whether you realise that you stand closer to him when you’re vexed.

“And me, Cameron?”

“You?” He echoes.

You fold your arms across your chest defiantly, furrowing your brow. Rafe tries to command his gaze, willing it not to fall with the movement.

He fails miserably.

“I—I’ll Venmo you,” you clarify. You aren’t sure why you’re faltering.

“You know I can’t let you do that, sweetheart,” he replies helplessly, his voice lower now.

You sigh, beleaguered. “You’re impossible.”

“You’re impossible,” Rafe returns. “I’d be beyond fucking disowned if anyone found out I made you Venmo me for a burger.”

“It’s polite,” you say stubbornly.

“It’s not polite when what’s mine is yours.”

You balk. “But it isn’t.”

“Course it is,” Rafe replies matter-of-factly. “Has been since freshman year.”

“When we met?” You ask, bewildered.

“Aw.” Rafe cracks a roguish grin. “You remembered.”

“You know what—”

“Y/n, I’m kidding,” he adds quickly, sounding amused. “Not just when we met. When I told my mom I was going to marry you.”

Your cheeks warm, the tips of your ears on fire. “Like I fucking said… impossible.”

“Anyway,” he continues, faux-sombre now. “Today isn’t about us. It’s about Smith and Manon.”

He turns back towards the table, gesturing for you to do the same. As you do, your wrists brush against each other, the pulses within them syncing. The skin-on-skin lingers. “What should we do after lunch? Beach?”

You nod slowly, returning to the task at hand. Trying to ignore the feeling of Rafe’s rough forearm on yours.

“Beach,” you agree. “Let ‘em walk ahead a bit, head to that monument where the lookout is.”

“Great idea,” Rafe says, that mischievous glint in his eye returning.

“And… have you guys shown her the old Church yet? We can drive up there and point out all the old boat wrecks.”

“Well, Smith can,” Rafe replies, raising his eyebrows at you. “We can pretend we don’t know shit.”

“Even better,” you respond delightedly, grinning up at him.

“And how d’you propose we spend the evening, sweetheart?”

You pause, furrowing your brow in thought. “I know,” you say after a beat. “Star-gazing. We can take some blankets to that park at the end of Clover, you can see Orion’s Belt from there.”

Rafe doesn’t miss the fact that you don’t tell him off for the pet-name, not in that exasperated way you normally do. He realises that playing Cupid makes you more happy than he initially thought it would.

Suddenly, it doesn’t matter that he was your very first victim. Spending time with you like this—like friends��is just as pleasing as teasing you into oblivion.

Not to mention, your proximity is far more apparent when you’re excited. Rafe wonders whether you realise how often your hips touch, your forearms, the soft knuckles of your index and thumb.

(You do. Rafe’s signet ring is as cool on your skin as it is devastating.)

“You know where else you can see Orion’s Belt?” Rafe asks.

“Hm?”

“From the very end of our boat dock.”

You turn to him then, eyes wide. “You’re kidding.”

“Not kidding,” Rafe replies slowly. You’re closer now than you were before, as if that’s somehow possible. “Used to lay out there with my mom all the time. She’d point them all out to me when I was a kid.”

“There’s more?”

Rafe nods. “Ursa Major and minor.” His freckles aren’t dissimilar to the constellations he’s describing. “The Big Dipper too, if we’re lucky and there’s no clouds.”

“Kelce won’t even know where to look for them,” you murmur, quietly bewildered.

“Doesn’t matter,” Rafe replies, his voice low too. “He just has to point at random shit and sound confident.”

You let out a bemused laugh. “S’that what you do with all the girls you take home, Cameron?”

He grins sheepishly. “Guilty. Only cause I know it doesn’t count with them.” He pauses then, ducking his head to eye level. “Don’t worry though, I’ll make sure I know every constellation there is when it’s you I bring home.”

—

Mission set Kelce and Manon up is a roaring success.

After a very enlightening lunch—where Kelce and Manon flirt shamelessly while the rest of you make hushed small talk—the six of you head down to the beach before Topper takes his leave for dinner.

And though by then the two lovebirds are well acquainted enough to be left to their own devices, they continue to insist on your company under the guise of maintaining pleasantries.

If you go, Kelce feels the obligation to go too.

If Rafe does, or Sarah for that matter, Manon’s far too polite to ask you and Kelce for a ride home.

Not that Rafe’s complaining or anything. He’s been afforded the luxury of your presence and he’s basking in it. Everyone around him seems to think his love’s for show, but quiet admiration in the name of company is just as valuable to him.

Setting up your best friend with his cousin, for example, putting his own feelings on pause so you aren’t obligated to act abashed.

So true are his efforts that they’ve led the five of you back to Tannyhill, the sun low on the horizon and amaranth dusk painting the walls in shadow.

As it isn’t yet dark enough to justify star-gazing on the dock, Kelce and Manon have situated themselves on the couch, looking far too cosy with bare shoulders pressed together.

Sarah’s retreated to her room, so you and Rafe idle at the stairwell, unsure.

“Uh…” Kelce turns to you over his shoulder, a hopeful look on his face. “Has Rafe given you a tour of the place yet?”

“Ye—” You falter, Kelce’s eyes widening pointedly. “Oh um, no. Don’t think so.”

Manon shifts sideways then, glancing back at the pair of you. “Rafe should then, no?”

Rafe’s trying his best not to look too pleased. He looks down at you to find that your gaze is already on him, that unnameable emotion back and torturous as ever. “I should, yeah. C’mon.”

He places his hands on your shoulders to guide you up the stairs, exerting this rough, sure pressure that leaves you a little dazed.

“So transparent, huh?” He murmurs, the smile on his face audible. “Sickening.”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” you whisper back, equally amused.

“Touchè.” He lets go of your shoulders then, pushing open a door on his left. The heat of his touch lingers. “Here, this is my room.”

You walk in slowly, cautiously. To enter his private space feels oddly sacred.

What’s mine is yours, echoes his voice on your head. You find yourself continuing forward before you’re able to stop yourself.

Scruples of purple light spill through his window, illuminating the flannel comforter pulled over his bed. There’s two bedside tables and a chest of drawers decorated with memorabilia, a wooden desk holding his computer propped up against one corner.

His en-suite door is ajar, shadowy dusk illuminating his toothbrush holder. And all you can smell is his woody cologne, all musk and citrus and spicy patchouli.

You didn’t realise how familiar the notes were until they registered. Less sacred, more home. It’s terrifying.

You grapple for purchase on something you don’t recognise. Walking around his bed to inspect his belongings more carefully, you find yourself face to face with baby Rafe immortalised.

“Fuck off,” you exclaim, letting out a delighted laugh. “How old were you in this, Rafael?”

You’re holding the photo frame that sits on his bedside table, your pretty eyes alight with mischief.

Rafe needs a second to recalibrate. You’re in his room, in the flesh, and Rafe really really needs a second to recalibrate.

“Four,” he answers finally, flashing you a sheepish grin. “I was a chubby kid, huh?”

“A chubby cute kid,” you reply, raising your eyebrows. “What happened?”

“Gained a few inches.” He walks toward you until he’s close, until the difference in your height and his is painfully obvious. “A whole lot of inches.”

You look up at him then, the dim lighting deepening the blue of his eyes. “A whole lot of audacity too.”

“And love,” he murmurs.

“Rafe,” you warn quietly.

“You’re in my room, sweetheart,” he replies helplessly, the timbre of his voice roughening. His gaze is darker now, mirroring the amaranth hues of nightfall. “You’ve gotta cut me some slack.”

Your eyes widen. “Doesn’t mean you’re allowed to look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re going to kiss me.”

A pause. Rafe’s Adam’s apple bobs dangerously in his throat, the small distance between your figures shrinking. “Fuck, Y/n,” he says finally, stepping back from you in a daze. “Is it enough?”

You furrow your brow at him. “What do you mean?”

“Knowing that I’d kiss you… that I’d do anything for you. Is it enough?”

You swallow. The pulse on your wrist falters. “I… I don’t know.”

“That’s okay,” Rafe murmurs back. “Cause it’s enough for me.”

#obsessedddd as always #my fav rafe writer !!!!#the best #fic recs

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