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METAMORPHOSIS

I saw a caterpillar from branches of trees while walking, observing how this creature moves slowly, crawling innocently, seemingly ignorant that it just cares about eating leaves near him. As the world continues rotating on its axis, I let myself do the same habit, walk, observe, and repeat. That’s how I witness how this world produces creature such a caterpillar and eventually aesthetically and beautifully formed as a butterfly. I know that this butterfly doesn’t formed as easy as we’re thinking, with due process, there are many things happened before it reaches the beautiful and attractive being.

This almost more than half of year was really tough to consider from us, many things happened, and continue to happen. Downs were touched our being, disappointments, and even murmuring from others. Efforts, talents, sleepless nights, and brainstorming were exerted for the different events that these butterflies faced. Expectations were failed to reach, yet realization comforts our garden. A Garden where you can see colorful flowers and butterflies flying above, a place where you can paint dreams and continue to soar high with magnificent wings, my favorite place to consider the stem. Some insects may threaten the caterpillar on its favorite stem, with our beauty at least some species hugs and understand our imperfections and flaws. As what we started from the beginning, like a caterpillar, we somehow failed to some aspects in life, through hard works and aspiration; however, eventually we can be as beautiful as butterflies in the garden.

There are times that one of the butterflies apologize to them, for feeling bad to some failure they experienced. Yet, they never let him think about it, hence, they fly together in one direction towards to one goal through ups and downs, and even to the greatest downfall they experienced. Low-key describing how they are going to continue after all the heavy rain they have experienced, They will just remain the same, how they started their kingdom, and how they will continue it. I’m grateful and fortunate to at least encounter butterflies and be part of their lives. How I wish it could have been morethan 2 years and so. Despite variety in skills, talents, and individual differences, others don't know that our differences help us improve our being.

Life isn’t just about winning or losing; I believe that one thing to consider is acquiring learnings from different experiences you’ve faced. How you handle failures and disappointments together with the people you love and special to you. For as I always considered that God has better plan to each of us. To balance the life, learn something, and improve the different aspects in life. It’s fine to experience some downfall and failure in life sometimes. For you can use it to be a better person and to be a well-formed butterfly in the garden. Like a butterfly from a cocoon, these creatures will continue to spread their wings like their humble beginnings, and freely fly with such goals in life for their future.

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MOURNFUL DENOUEMENT

Here I am, starting to question myself, “Why these things need to happen?” And all the memories turn back.Tears are falling down, inner self is aching, a hopeless man in a seemed hopeless place is looking for a shine to his dark days that come.If I have to shout everything that worries me, I’ll do it now. If I have no choice but to cry, I’ll let myself, even others will see me how broken this man is.

Life has always taught me, that it is really ironic, that I even tend to give happiness for others, and when time comes that I need comfort, from where can I get it now?missing…fading….or even escaping. Do they really care? Or they just care of what they want to hear from me? When they need something from me, maybe they are…would they listen? I don’t know, but It’s really ironic tho. Getting more serious, Some will say that it’s really normal to have some conflicts in the family, and I believe on them. It’s just a matter of understanding and knowing both sides. Like majority says, “Lilipas din yan.” Turning back to the main focus of this writing, sadly and emotionally to tell, my grandfather finally found the light after his darkest days just this early morning. How rude these past rainy days.*Sigh* I witnessed everything, the most painful moments, I’ve ever experienced to see those battling moments of him, often trying to catch his breath.. my grandfather had made mine and each of the family member’s face full of laments , those agonies have been formed from the atmosphere, I witnessed all of these. Do you know the feeling of keeping yourself strong, pretending to be fine and battling with your own emotions? but you just can’t pretend and your tears are starting to fall. From the moment I was with him, I made it a point to hug and kiss him; I just could not accept that those hugs and kisses are the last

that I could make for him. I held him in his hands, while saying his name, keeping my eyes to his, I really felt his sorrow, those tears from his beautiful out of focus eyes made me even weaker for I know he couldn’t recognize me anymore .I kept telling him, “Tay, si Drex po ito. Mahal ko po kayo Tay.” And he just stared at me, doing nothing but staring.. without any verbal response and signs that he could understand me, I felt hopeless and useless at that point that my feelings were even getting heavier,

it’s like I was slowly dying inside from sadness. Do you know what I really love the most from him? He’s one of those who always keeps me inspired and motivated to pursue my dreams in life, he was always telling me that I’m a good

son, and a student, that he saw a good future in me. He witnessed, how this little boy has become a man, a man with a dream. May be, it’s really time for him to go.

For I know that he is finally home and he has fulfilled his mission that God somewhat has put him to a better place, no more sorrow, difficult moments, and pain. Am I sad? Who would say I’m not?. Noone would be happy to know that someone you dear is leaving for good. But I’m not saying that I will stay with this sadness forever, as I always say, beautiful memories must be treasured, every moment spent really matters, so choose to be happy. I know that my grandfather is now wearing a smile that can never be faded by any harm that this earth can cause. He is now a man without any imperfection…you can never get harm anymore Tatay.. I will keep myself determined to achieve my goals and your goals for me. May you rest in peace my loving grandfather, I know that you’re now in a better place, so called paradise, where the creator is taking care of you now.

What a melancholy day man! Pause for the mean time. I could not imagine handling alone this kind of day, Thank God for my family, and those who truly love me.I really appreciated some of those who comfort me, those who never leave but rather stay with me and we’ll in fact enlightened my darkest day to consider. “A gloomy day, just for today. And days full of hope for tomorrow.” Hey man, you’ll get through all this, you just have to be strong for yourself, family, and those people who believe on you. You’re just in the beginning of your journey. Life will always challenge you in any ways even you don’t desire for it. Life will always put you in the most ironic way of living. There’s another morning waiting you ahead. Heads up, and Keep Going.

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OVERLAPPING JOY

Ironically, the title was the adjective that I can use to describe how I feel right now. The moment that I opened my eyes earlier, with shine of sun at my windows beside me, colorful letters that were written in the screen of my cellphone, and this another life that God gave to me. Assuming that life is always as great as these stuffs, Fairly, I have this moment of despair…

I know some of you will say that life really challenge each of us, that there will always be a storm, darkness, weakest, and a helpless scenario in life. Well, may be that’s life. But thinking about those concepts, I have that question to myself “Should I choose to feel like that if my only choice is to be strong?” then my tears answered. If I have to look and observe everything that surrounds me, some will say that I’m really lucky enough to have everything that other people doesn’t have. May be yes, I’m lucky and I thank God for that.

Appreciating my current scenarios in life, the joy overlaps in me, that I have to let myself to take life as easy as we imagined, perfect moments to treasure and keep give a huge effect, that there are those people who give compliments and admirations to me that somehow push me to get through to everything, that there will be someone who’ll accept and support me despite my imperfect being, and yeah, those moments are may be simple yet it makes me feel in a hyperbole way of happiness ; the thing that I called “Overlapping Joy.”

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SUNLESS SKIES

An ironically regular day yet I can call “a warm welcome of another school year of eyebrow burning” With this very relaxing place, it helps me to somehow reflect; something within me. The silence during this moments help me to go deeper; in the emotional aspect of my being.

Taking a deep breath inhale|exhale and then starts to question myself. “How are you going to spend your life with a thing of being happy?” i’m not weird neither crazy to ask this but isn’t it interesting? Afterwards, I remembered my life as sunless skies, as blank as canvass, as empty as glass. Answering that question, with this fragile heart, and emotional mind.

Here I am: Being happy in life isn’t just about smiling, it’s about choosing a delighted concept despite your downs and hopeless days, it’s about allowing yourself to do something that will give you priceless smiles, it’s about absorbing the negativity of life and turning it to positivity, it’s about letting go of unwanted past after the storm, it’s about learning to smile even you think you can’t, but thinking all of these concepts, isn’t it challenging? Somehow… But you may express yourself, try to not pretend tho, I know that it’s a matter of time. Have you asked once in your life, “what if it’s my last day in this not so round planet?” “would you enjoy your life as it is?” Don’t make things big deal, just learn to smile and have fun out of it. Life is really unpredictable, why would you make it even more complicated. If I were you, I’ll start my day by saying “Thank you to Almighty for this life it has been. I treasure every moment and I promise to keep going.“

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WINE TO TREASURE

As I promise to myself, The moment that I have a chance like this; a chance to forget the reality for a while, a chance to cherish every moment I have with these people, I’ll do everything for their sake, moreover for the sake that this will be the another memories to keep.

I have no idea what my life will be as the day passes by, may be you, you have no idea too. However, I love this life of mine! The way my family comforts this guy, the way my true friends give me smile everytime I’m with them, the way the people that loves me inspires and motivates me whatever I do in life. I love it!

Have you experienced a very dramatic and melancholy way of day? What did you do? How did you handle it? Is glass of wine gives you relief? Or maybe a glass of beer can help either. For me, it was really a blast! The touch of its spirit made myself shout inside, my tears that can’t be seen through their eyes, and the worries that are playing all over my body, are seemingly forgotten for a while.

A wine to treasure, not just because to the party that I attended but the thought that there’s another memory that I can keep as long as I’m alive. The laughters, a not that good voice of mine in karaoke, the pineapple juice that I really love, and the creatures that made the night so special. I enjoyed it!

If life itself was too complicated to handle, How will you let yourself enjoy the life of yours? Think of it.

#thoughts

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SWEETLY BROKEN

Hey! It’s me again, your ordinary guy living on his simple yet very mysterious life. Sitting alone in front of my white laptop with neon color keyboard, playing some chilling music from Spotify which gives me heavier feelings, full of explainable thoughts that my mouth can’t express so here I am, writing a new story or may be a continuation of my story.  

I don’t know what I’m feeling right now; I’m not that happy, not that sad just an ordinary guy who felt empty, sick of everything. My hands are even shaking; my mind is kind of hoping for peace, heartbeats push me to feel crazy as I never wanted, Oh God! I don’t want to feel this way.

I want to escape about everything, I want to shout and let my tears fall. Some says that life is just challenging me, that life knew that I’m strong as I can handle everything. Yes! I’m strong but not always, I’m strong but fragile as glass, I’m strong that I have to pretend that I’m really was. Wish me luck, that there will be someone who really knows me, the strong person that majority says.

How about you? Are you really strong? Or you’re just pretending because you think that’s the only way to survive? Think about it.

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Disparity

Age and Time, we can define it in different ways, it can be through science, mathematics, art, and somehow through ourselves. To a certain point, let me share to all of you how age and time confuses my concept about it and how I go deeper about that existence.

Is time and age really matters in Love? It’s not the time you’re thinking that he will give time for you, and also it’s not the literal age that you have today. I mean time, a different time of existence you have as an individual before you met each other. Age, the length of time you’re existing and the way it differs to your partner. To support someone’s capability about his love for you and the way he conceptualize LOVE between you is a good thing but to criticize his age the way he express love towards you and the way he understand your experience during your old times is a “Time Out!”

For me, Love is not about the age or even the different time of your existence. It depends to someone and on his way of thinking. Some older can consider Love as not so serious, their perspective with this kind of concept can be shallow and not acceptable but some younger creatures contemplate Love as precious as diamond stones and sees the deeper meaning about it. I believe that love has no age as long as you felt the concept you have within you, the way of thinking in facing rough roads with your partner, and the love itself that even words can’t explain.

If love doesn’t required anything, why do you think age matters to some?

#thoughts

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SELENOPHILE

Earth was really lucky to have a Moon every night, the way he appears on the sky as early as no one expected, or sometimes as he appears in perfect timing yet still, no one expected. His lights towards everybody were really significant, as he give sparkle to a dull evening that each of creatures on Earth has. Moon is really amazing, a creation that always catches my attention every time I look up in the sky. I just can’t explain it through words, but I assure you smiles as happiness can be drawn to my face and tears as opposite can be seen flowing from my eyes.

Happiness- it’s my pleasure to have a moon in my dark , lonely, sad, and hopeless nights. His shine makes me feel something fantasy, something unreal but gives me smiles even I know that it’s temporary as the moon will slowly fade when the sun will take turn. But the reason why I felt really happy about the moon is that I’m sure that as the night will come, he will be back again, will continue to shine in my lonely nights.

Sadness- i’m really sad about Moon’s situation every night as I relate it to myself. Yes, i’m proud about his role the way he never get tired to give light to everybody, the way he never stop providing the needs of human every night, and the way he hid his feelings to everybody and continue comforting each of us every time we felt sad and lonely. But, what if the time will come that the moon will ask himself that “Who will give lights on me?” I can imagine his teary eyed as he express those words, in a silent night that no one is ready to hear him.

If you were a moon, would you continue to give lights to everybody, or you will start wondering who will give lights to you? Think of it.

#thoughts

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DROWNING FROM THE TOUCH OF OCEAN

2 o'clock AM and I’m really awake right now. Thinking as deep as ocean water, reflecting about my life’s journey and how I really become a person. Let’s just imagine that I was in the middle of the ocean, alone, slowly drowning, experiencing difficulties to breathe, waves were with me; getting heavier and heavier, like tons of sadness and problems that slowly bring me down. Help! but no one can hear me. And as I felt the touch of Ocean, mem'ries and lessons slap me and get myself into more difficult situation. At this moment, monsters of ocean were with me too, monsters that insult, judge, and hate my being. They want to kill me with their words, I’m drowning. Once again, Help! but no one can really notice me. Meanwhile, as I’m drowning to all the negativity that’s within the ocean and to my life, The pink sky, yes I can barely see it, it’s reflecting to the water of the ocean, it was really mesmerizing. I guess, that’s what Hope and Life is. It’s really beautiful. The energy, I can feel it. How powerful that sky is. I wanna see it without drowning! Here I am, slowly fighting to the waves of reality, breathing with difficulties, and then somehow reaches the top of the ocean water, What a wondeful view. It’s really amazing. “If I have to escape in drowning from the ocean just to see the pink sky above, I will always do it.” 🌆💕

#thoughts

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WARMTH 🏝

At last! The long wait is over. How ironic to start my summer days with these special creatures of mine, “a so called family.”

Wearing a Hawaiian polo really made this day as special as sky and sunlight. A touch of water from the pool really gave us chill and relaxation. Woo oh! I really miss this moment. At some point, this is also our way in celebrating our victory in our studies where each of us received different awards which really a mark to our squad.

The sound from the videoke, the smiles and laughter, waves of water, a not that high slides, and a deeper appreciation to each of us somehow a memory to keep and treasure forever.

Until next time my favorite creatures…

#thoughts

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FRUIT OF MY LABOR

It’s been a roller coaster ride🎢 since I entered the SHS year of my life, those sleepless nights, the eyebags and pimples that covered my face, and the tired but fighting being that’s within myself is really amazing thinking that I have done everything with victory despite those experiences, and now, I can say that It’s all worth it! I really love the way God put my feelings into something special that may be I’ve never felt. No doubt, He is great as I can imagine. He blessed me morethan I deserved. Thank God!🖤 To my family who are always there for me, thank you and I love you. To all my friends who trust my capability as a student, you know yourselves peeps, I’m really lucky to have you all. 🎇🙈 #STEMStudent #WithHighHonors 🥈

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AFTERMATH 🏔

Sleepless nights, an hour of sleep, stressful days, and even the pressure that covers my inner body is now slowly fading for that summer vacation is coming.

These pictures were taken when I was in Cavitw City with my friends to have a cheatday after our examination. I really love the place, no doubt. A calm sea with a touch of fresh air is really mesmerizing. A seemed endless road took us to a different feeling, a feeling of lost who wanted a chill.

I can really see myself right now with a smile thinking that I’ve done my best, so far! I succeed on finishing all the requirements and somehow gained achievements that don’t really expect. Thank you Lord for your goodness.

Fast forward ⏩ I’m really excited to the incoming summer outing that’s on my schedule. Even if my body is not yet ready for the mentioned favorite season of everyone, I’m ready to experience this best days of life!

#thoughts

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You’re Like A Beautiful Sunset, Indeed!

I’m going in a beach Would you mind to come with me? We will walk in a white sand And will feel the way the air comforts us

I’m seeking for a beautiful sunset A long time, a really long time Where can I find that sunset? Would you mind to help me?

It’s been a long time since the sunset come It’s been a long journey with myself alone It’s been a long walk in finding a sunset And It’s been a long wait since you come

Now it’s over, I’m just done Am I a fool to look for a sunset If there’s someone like you The search is over

As I go through my journey of findings I’m sorry for not giving attention to you As I look for a beautiful sunset I was wrong not to look at you

And now that the searching is over Would you mind to come with me? No more seeking for sunset I will just look at you, a beautiful sunset like you.

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Let’s Go sa SOUTH!

7 things why this Resort deserves 5stars:

1. Easy to Go       Kung bibilangin ko ang oras na ginugol namin para makapunta sa resort na ito. Masasabi kong mahigit 1 oras lamang ito. Madali siyang puntahan lalo na’t kilalang kilala na ang resort. Kung nais niyong pumunta ng mas malayo pa, bakit hindi na lang ang resort na ito. Madali ng puntahan, tiyak pa akong lahat kayo ay masisiyahan.

2. Cheap     Kala mo Exclusive Resort ito no? Nagkakamali ka. Sa murang halaga may bagong experience ka na. Experience sa summer okay? 150pesos lang naman kada-isa. At syempre ang mga cottage ba naman ay mawawala sa halagang 700pesos may marerentahan ka na. At kapag gusto ng pamilya niyo mag overnight outing pwede din sa resort na ito. Mura diba? Saan ka pa? Dito na.     

3.  River and Infinity Pool      At kapag nakapasok ka na sa loob ng Resort makikita mo ang Infinity Pool (buti pa swimming pool infinity eh kayo ng jowa mo?) may kiddie pool at syempre pang matanda diyan. At ito na, kung di mo pa nararanasan maligo sa ilog, bakit di mo subukan tumalon doon sa ilog mag-iingat ka sobrang lamig (parang relasyon niyo)

4. Baging (TARZAN)       At sa mga nangangarap maging Tarzan diyan, ito na ang chance niyo. Subukan ang baging dito. Sobrang sarap sa pakiramdam promise. Feel free na maging unggoy! huhu haha

5.Human Made Falls         Napagod ka na ba sa kalalangoy? hayaan mong magpahinga ka na muna sa tabi ng falls. Madalas sila lola at lolo yung nagtitigil dun, sabi kasi nila nakakarelax daw. Pero maiba tayo alam niyo ba na ang falls diyan gawa lang ng tao? basta mahabang kwento pumunta na kasi kayo!

6. Mountain Hiking          Isa ka ba sa mga hikers na nagpopost sa social media? Bakit di mo subukang akyatin ang bundok nila dito. Since, unang try ko sa pag akyat ng bundok mukha akong ignorante nung nakatuktok na ako sa taas. WOW ang siyang salitang nasasabi ko Wow talaga as in wow. Ang ganda ng view nakakawala ng stress. Pero ingat ka baka malaglag ka sa bangin ( baka mafall ka walang sasalo sayo :P ) At pagdating mo sa tuktok hashtag province feels ang kuya, may makikita ka dun nagtitinda ng buko at pinya.  Sa halagang 20pesos may fresh buko ka na at sa halagang 40pesos may maiuuwi ka ng pinya. #SuccessAngPag-akyat #UhawNaSiAko

7.Zip Line       Ano di pa ba kita nako-convince? Hay, ito na nga. May zip line po sila (kavouge!) Sa halagang 200pesos, medyo kamahalan ba? pero dahil rich kiddo ka try mo na. Sa isang saglit na pagiging superman mo makikita mo ang ganda ng Villa Filomena Resort! 

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Period (.) Start Again

I still remember the night you told me that it’s time to let go everything. And now hell yeah! I’m starting again, about to fix myself again. Well, my friends told me it just hard from the start and as time come it will heal. I do believe on them at some point.

Isn’t it ironic that my summer always end up with this, and I don’t know what’s wrong. Maybe it’s destined to me, in my life. But I don’t let someone break me again, never again.

I’m really tired with all these things. It’s always seemed that I’m the one who have done wrong. And the fact is, what I’m doing is showing my love, effort and time. I’m the one who gave all I have and gets nothing in return.

And now that I’m alone, I have to search myself again. Will make time for myself. And start again for myself.

#thoughts

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The End

I saw myself alone in darkness My heart beat can’t even explain how I feel right now It hurts! yes it’s really painful Why this thing needs to happen

I’m the one who always wait for someone I’m the one who always support someone I’m the one who always give so much effort for someone But why it seems that I’m the one who’ve been left behind?

The headphone I have in my ear right now Comforts me and gives me more pain The way the melody of music slap me with the truth I just can’t let go everything we’ve done

I thought destiny will support us until the end I thought we will help each other to surpass challenges I thought you’re the one who will never leave me But I guess, every thoughts I have is just thoughts until this day came.

Love is always beautiful though the ending could hurt you sometimes And now I have to start a morning with myself Someone like you, will never be in my life again You leave me with my tears in eyes

I’ve done may part It really hurts, indeed! What hurts the most is that we never really said goodbye. We just kind of ended. #thoughts

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I WAS NOT MYSELF FOR WEEKS YET NOBODY NOTICED

There’s a line that somehow touches my feelings ‘’Sometimes, it’s okay to be alone.’’ I don’t know if I’ll be happy or sad every time I heard that but the word that catch my attention there is the word ALONE. I guess some are really experiencing that kind of situation. The sadness that covers me, the darkness that comforts my emotions, and tears that slowly pour down from my eyes. Is it okay to feel this way? Why? 

Past weeks, I have been in a busy schedule that even I can’t give time for myself. School stuffs, family problems, personal problems, friendships and more. Those things that slowly teared my hopes inside. I guess it’s part of my life that I need to learn to be alone. If no one is there for you, then only you can help to yourself. I was not myself for weeks yet nobody noticed. I feel that no one cares for me, my feelings, my words, my thoughts, they didn’t care. No one noticed how sadness kills me inside. No one noticed that i’m seeking for someone to lean on. No one noticed how my tears says everything. No one noticed that the smile in my face draw a thousand feelings. No one noticed and it’s okay.