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You’re cute. I’d let you stab me.

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Cannot FUCKING stand when my loose leaf tea says to add tea in tablespoons instead of teaspoons. I'm sorry, bitch. Am I making tea or am I making a table. Let me double fucking check.

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everything just really comes down to how I wasn't a person for most of my life. by which I mean I did not consider myself a person. it made such a profound impact on the way I navigated the world & yet standing on the other side of it I could hardly explain it to you

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honestly i do think that wanting to befriend someone or something beyond fucked up is more genuine freak behaviour than anything the people who point at them and go "would" have going on. because most people are turned on by danger and compelled by the strange and unique that's the human condition baby, perhaps you're a bit more of a go-getter than the rest but it's pretty easy to explain, like, psychologically speaking. but if you want to be besties with some absolute nightmare guy? like just to hang out with? you have to have at least a few screws loose in those hinges it's an unwaivable requirement

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*walks out of the homoerotic friendship covered in blood and wounds* you should see the other guy

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blushing is so stupid you're literally my blood wtf. obey me

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i should be naked with my lover not whatever this is

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I say "oh don't worry he doesn't bite" and you're confused because you don't see any dog but then you notice a single inchworm moving purposefully across the floor towards you at an alarming pace

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bro no i swear im not a masochist i just fucked up my parry timing. i just fucked up my parry timing is all. hit me again im ready this time

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what do you mean I can't control everything, why not

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t-shirt that says ‘I’D RATHER BE DEBASING A CHASTE AND VIRTUOUS KNIGHT RIGHT NOW.’

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i should be covered in blood for slutty purposes

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So there's this person I cannot meet. I mean, they're in the same social circles as me. They're only 4-5 years younger than me. We have mutual friends. We've been invited to the same parties. But I refuse to meet them for one simple reason.

I fucked their parents when I was 21. I met them both at a sex club and hooked up with both their mom and dad, twice my age at the time. Now this means this person I've never met, I avoid. Because I figure if I meet them one of two things will happen.

1. I will tell them about fucking their parents. This seems uncouth to me. Like, why would they want to know that??

2. I DON'T tell them I fucked their parents. This seems disingenuous to me. Like, I'd be withholding information they should have before getting to know me.

So, I keep slight tabs on their online life and try to make sure never to be at the same place as them.

I've told a few people this who are completely unattached to the situation and mostly they tell me I should try and sleep with this person, but that sounds like it could be a huge big deal and I just don't want to have that much awkwardness in my life.

oh my god