doubleheadedfish-blog

[doubleheadedfish-blog]

Cr-insta

[doubleheadedfish-blog]

I’ve thought a lot about this in reflection of the past year and I feel it stands to be shared: Hip hop/rap helped to heal my depression. It’s true. It was the only music genre that allowed me to feel almost nothing.

Take it as a dig toward that particular root on the music industry’s tree if you will but, having the most materialistic, unbelievable, nonsensical lyrics allowed me to detach from the kind of emotions other genres only seemed to amplify. Perhaps even why I scarcely played an instrument for over a year.

I realise my experience is unique and that some may not grasp what exactly it is I am saying, but for those that do, gosh, there is hope for us. Green paths. Soft light. Something greater if we overcome ourselves.

[doubleheadedfish-blog]

start now. start where you are. start with fear. start with pain. start with doubt. start with what you have. start and don’t stop. you can do it

[doubleheadedfish-blog]

Writerscreed Challenge of the Week of 12/16-12/22

For week 105 of our Writerscreed Challenges, we have the following prompt:

a protest specter

You may use the phrase or let it inspire you. We can’t wait to see what you come up with!

For our challenges, we accept and encourage all types of writing, you are not restricted in terms of style. We just ask you to please stay on topic and please read our post on topics we do not want glorified and condoned, as they will not be reblogged by us.

Tag your post #writerscreedchallenge and we will reblog your work throughout the week. Thanks, and we look forward to reading all your work. If you are concerned that your work was overlooked (Tumblr can be glitchy with tags), please contact @katrinnac She’s running the prompt this week.

*note: for writing that is not related to the challenge please use the tag #writerscreed*

As always, if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to message any one of the administrators or send us an ask in our inbox.

[doubleheadedfish-blog]

The Star Trek universe

Is technology a superpower?

This question was posed in my Honors English 101 class. How I chose to answer was with my thoughts on the only universe (besides the one we occupy) is the universe created by Gene Roddenberry.

In the Star Trek universe, mankind has figured out how to feed and clothe the people of Earth.  There is no more hunger, there is no more poverty, there is no more war on our planet. In that universe, we have evolved. We have evolved to create the tools we need to make sure everyone that lives on our planet has all of their basic needs met.

Why did we do that? Instead of building bigger and more powerful weapons to use against each other, we turned to good. We turned to help humanity, not to destroy it. Once we had no more needs for basic survival, we had no more need for war, we had no more need as a species to destroy. So what did we do instead? Did we build a wall to protect our resources? Did we close off our solar system to everyone else?

No. We built starships.

We built starships that were not intended as warships. A ship that was sent out of our solar system, across our universe to seek out new life and what, destroy it? Find new species to inform them that they are inferior to humanity? Plunder races that are more well-off than us?

We did none of that.

We went out to explore and to learn. We had evolved enough to know that we do not know it all. Even though we are able to feed and clothe everyone, what comes next? What do we do now with all of the time we had spent hunting and gathering and fighting and looking for shelter? We went out looking for new life. We went searching for new civilizations. We set out to expand the universe of our minds as well as the universe that we physically occupy. We didn’t shelter in place; hoard our food and medicine to ourselves; build walls. We blew past the rings of Saturn and across the Kuiper belt and out of our solar system because we were no longer afraid. We were no longer afraid of the unknown, we were not scared of the undiscovered.  

Imagine if now, in our current capacity, could we feed the world? Could we clothe every person, cure diseases that wipe out generations, put a roof over the head of every family? If we wanted to, sure we could.

We possess the technology to make crops that grow in droughts, shelters that come packed in flat boxes, living medicine designed from our own modified cells. All of those things we can do now. Instead, we wage war. We fight amongst ourselves. We have any information we could ever want at our literal fingertips and yet, we are still afraid. We are scared of the unknown, we are frightened of what is yet undiscovered. It is only when we can stop being afraid is when we can actually start advancing our civilization past the point were stuck in now. We are what is holding us back.

Technology alone is not a superpower. An iPhone is not going to save the world. That phone though put in in the hands of someone who has never been able to connect with anyone outside their community before and see what happens with it then. When we are able to connect to each other and discuss our problems and brainstorm our solutions together is when progress is made.

Technology alone won’t save us. Only we can do that.

[doubleheadedfish-blog]

The Star Trek universe

Is technology a superpower?

This question was posed in my Honors English 101 class. How I chose to answer was with my thoughts on the only universe (besides the one we occupy) is the universe created by Gene Roddenberry.

In the Star Trek universe, mankind has figured out how to feed and clothe the people of Earth.  There is no more hunger, there is no more poverty, there is no more war on our planet. In that universe, we have evolved. We have evolved to create the tools we need to make sure everyone that lives on our planet has all of their basic needs met.

Why did we do that? Instead of building bigger and more powerful weapons to use against each other, we turned to good. We turned to help humanity, not to destroy it. Once we had no more needs for basic survival, we had no more need for war, we had no more need as a species to destroy. So what did we do instead? Did we build a wall to protect our resources? Did we close off our solar system to everyone else?

No. We built starships.

We built starships that were not intended as warships. A ship that was sent out of our solar system, across our universe to seek out new life and what, destroy it? Find new species to inform them that they are inferior to humanity? Plunder races that are more well-off than us?

We did none of that.

We went out to explore and to learn. We had evolved enough to know that we do not know it all. Even though we are able to feed and clothe everyone, what comes next? What do we do now with all of the time we had spent hunting and gathering and fighting and looking for shelter? We went out looking for new life. We went searching for new civilizations. We set out to expand the universe of our minds as well as the universe that we physically occupy. We didn’t shelter in place; hoard our food and medicine to ourselves; build walls. We blew past the rings of Saturn and across the Kuiper belt and out of our solar system because we were no longer afraid. We were no longer afraid of the unknown, we were not scared of the undiscovered.  

 Imagine if now, in our current capacity, could we feed the world? Could we clothe every person, cure diseases that wipe out generations, put a roof over the head of every family? If we wanted to, sure we could.

We possess the technology to make crops that grow in droughts, shelters that come packed in flat boxes, living medicine designed from our own modified cells. All of those things we can do now. Instead, we wage war. We fight amongst ourselves. We have any information we could ever want at our literal fingertips and yet, we are still afraid. We are scared of the unknown, we are frightened of what is yet undiscovered. It is only when we can stop being afraid is when we can actually start advancing our civilization past the point were stuck in now. We are what is holding us back.

Technology alone is not a superpower. An iPhone is not going to save the world. That phone though put in in the hands of someone who has never been able to connect with anyone outside their community before and see what happens with it then. When we are able to connect to each other and discuss our problems and brainstorm our solutions together is when progress is made.

Technology alone won’t save us. Only we can do that.

[doubleheadedfish-blog]

Ode to toxicity

Your eyes call me

And your heart beats

And I fall apart

In your gaze

Your silence deafens me

And I can’t speak

And all I want

Is to show you my throbbing heart

All I want

Is to make you understand

How you make me

Crumble

All I want

Is to have you for myself

All you can give me

Are pieces of you

Nothing whole

Nothing good

Nothing good

[doubleheadedfish-blog]

Writerscreed Challenge of the Week #104, Dec 9-15

For week 104 of our Writerscreed Challenges, we have the following prompt:

Ode to toxicity 

You may use the phrase or let it inspire you. We can’t wait to see what you come up with!

For our challenges, we accept and encourage all types of writing, you are not restricted in terms of style. We just ask you to please stay on topic and please read our post on topics we do not want glorified and condoned, as they will not be reblogged by us.

Tag your post #writerscreedchallenge and we will reblog your work throughout the week. Thanks, and we look forward to reading all your work. If you are concerned that your work was overlooked (Tumblr can be glitchy with tags), please contact @bumbleblossoms She’s running the prompt this week.

*note: for writing that is not related to the challenge please use the tag #writerscreed*

As always, if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to message any one of the administrators or send us an ask in our inbox.

[doubleheadedfish-blog]

Pale brown speck

Have you ever tried to explain to your child how very much you love them? This is my attempt. 

                                          pale brown speck

     Ovid writes- “We dwelled within our mother’s womb until…” and there he stayed for 9 months, longer than any other occupant, both recent and long past.

     Never have I felt so much at once- every emotion compiled one on top of the other. I am exhausted and I am exhilarated; I am terrified and I am happy in a way that that word means nothing. I am happy when there is no traffic; I am a mother now and there are no words adequate to describe this feeling. I am hungry, nauseous, curious and drained and I feel LOVE radiate through me and I am tired but I cannot take my eyes off of his face. It is my face, but not entirely. That little nose I had hoped he would get from his father is there. The blue eyes I was desperate to see myself reflected in shine bright with a small brown discoloration in his right iris.

     I have been told more than once that my son has wise eyes; that an old soul lives behind them. I am inclined to believe that more everyday. When he rests his hand on my cheek and tells me he forgives me for always being in a hurry I want so scoop him up and hold him until I can’t lift him anymore. A million kisses a day for the rest of my life would not be enough I tell him. I love you to Makemake and back again we say. Did I know Makemake has a moon? His name is MK2 and he is so funny. I did not know that, but yes My Love, I knew that Pluto has a moon named Charon and if you go all the way past it and across the universe forever, that is how much I love you.

     If on your way through the vastness of space,trying to realize the scope of my love; keep traveling past the Asteroid Belt, waving hello to Ahuna Mons as you go, but please, look out for the little ones who are lost. Out there in the dark, you may find a trio of souls that were too innocent for this Earth; too perfect for this corporeal existence. Please tell them that I love them too ok? That I am sorry. That I wish I could have done better by them. I hope they are together. I hope they know they were loved sight unseen; heartbeat unheard; toes uncounted; cheeks not kissed- loved nonetheless.

     For thirty-four and one half weeks, he was safe inside the walls of my womb. My body did what women’s bodies have done for millenia. I didn’t have to explain it, write it out step by step and tell my uterus what to do and how to prepare. The plan had been in place since I had resided inside of my mother. Everyday he developed and grew and my body made it happen. I grew a human being. I made a life; created a person who became the center of my universe for as long as I occupy any physical space inside of it.

     Bringing clarity to one’s life is not simple, it is not easy, it is not predetermined you will even ever find any; but there it was, in that pale brown speck in my baby boy’s right eye. He proved me wrong simply by being born. I could perform this task; create this life. I was not a failure. I am his mother.

     How do I protect him when he is not protected by my body anymore? How do I make sure he is safe, he is fed, he is clean, he knows he is loved? Do I build more walls around him or put him somewhere where no harm can come to him or do I teach him how to protect himself. Do I teach him that the only way to feel truly safe is to be able to trust yourself when you are outside of these walls to do the right thing. Have the capacity to know right from wrong, to be kind to others so kindness returns to you. Look people in the eye when you speak, speak clearly so you are understood and do your best to understand other people.

     You cannot hide behind walls, My Dear.

     Never forget that I am always here and I will always love you and there is nothing you can do that will change that fact. If we find there are other Wesleys in other universes with other Mamas know that I love them too because they are you and she is me and we are supposed to be together in all of the iterations because that is the only thing that makes sense. The twisty turny road I took to end up here reflecting in your eyes is the only road I was meant to walk. If I was given the opportunity to travel it again I would not take it. I fear any small decision I make could alter this path and separate us and then nothing would make sense and the universe would be thrown into chaos.

     I cannot put up walls to protect that which is most important to me in this life and all past and future lives. I can keep him dry under my roof, I can keep him safe in my arms and between the walls of this place we make a home. But these walls, no matter how strong, are permeable. Eyes can see over and around, voices carry through, thoughts and ideas know no boundaries. Behind the wall, if you have never seen or been on the other side or attempted to understand it, then the unseen remains scary.

     People cannot exist trapped in boxes and cages and try as we might we do not live in bubbles. We live in and breath the fresh air and without it we would die.

     It is my task to give him that air, that room to breath. He is mine in the sense I created him inside of me but inside he cannot remain. Outside in the air is where he has to exist. He must learn his own lessons, fight his own battles, fall in love, get his heart broken, make his own mistakes and draw his own conclusions. Those things are hard. I know, I have done them all myself. How do you learn the lessons contained in each of these experiences? Be open. Be open to love and loss and learning and sadness and anger and rage and own it all and know it does not define you wholly.

     My Love, please know that you are more than the sum of your parts. You are a part of me although you exist outside of me. My love is a part of you but I carry it with me so as not to burden your still small body. The weight of this love could crush you like Cassini hurtling towards the center of the Ringed Giant and My Love, you were not meant to be crushed by the weight of a planet. You were born to soar.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried

I've had my fill, my share of losing

And now, as tears subside

I find it all, all so amusing

-Sinatra

[doubleheadedfish-blog]

In the beginning

There was a woman with no direction doing only what she thought would offer her the least resistance on her path. That path lead no where. It exasperated her depression, it put into sharp focus her anxieties and all the anxieties of the world. It compounded her grief and her self doubt and her imposter syndrome.

One day- a spark. An idea.

Go back to school. Face some resistance. Expand your mind and release your demons and your grief and quell your anxieties and tell your depression to shut the fuck up. It does not define you.

It would define her no longer.

It would define me no longer.

I am on my way out of this darkness and into this light of knowledge and power and peace with myself.

I am on this journey and I am starting this blog so that you may join me.

I have things to say. I have feelings to work out.

I am here to share and support.

Welcome to the work of this double headed fish.