dorkfetish-blog

[dorkfetish-blog]

i hate this

i hate that when my first girlfriend broke up with me i sort of shrugged and laughed because it meant literally nothing

i hate that when family members died i got bored at their funerals and essentially came mostly with the intention of eating the provided lunch

i hate that i have obligations and responsibilities that i just shrug off and ignore because i just don't care

i just

don't

care

you could rip me open, force your grimy fingers into the pockets of bloody flesh and take me a part from the inside out, and i wouldn't mind

you could kick me in the face and force me to crawl on broken glass

i just

i don't care anymore

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i always thought i loved twi but i've been doubting it a lot lately

it's not you, at all

if there's anyone in the whole world i'd fall in love with, it'd be you

but i don't even know that i'm capable of true love.

i learned something from my sociology class, you see

when a child is not taught the fundamentals in life such as language and basic emotion by a certain age, they will never ever be able to express these things. you can literally cause your child to be mentally disabled by not taking care of them before they reach a specific age.

my mom was always working. always. i have almost no memories of her from when i was little, other than once telling her i hated her, and her punishing me. my brother would always hit me and scream at me for getting him into trouble when they saw the marks. my sister was too busy with her friends to talk to me; once, in order to try and hang out with her, i sat in the closet while she hung out with her friends and pretended i was a part of their group. my father told me i wasn't allowed to have friends. he cooked me food, gave me the internet, the television, and was off doing other things. like molesting a teenage girl who got him sent to jail.

i don't think anyone loved me, or if they did, i never felt it.

i was so lonely that i tried to kill myself to see if anyone cared when i was six years old.

when i spent about two hours attempting suffocation and i realized no one was going to come and check on me, i stopped, because i had found my answer and i didn't want to die. i didn't know what i wanted. so i just came downstairs and used the computer. funny how old my habits are.

no one loved me

the closest thing i got to love was when i was 11 and my father told me he wanted me to touch his dick.

i'm sorry if i can't fall in love with you

i'm sorry

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i freaked out for like 200 minutes b/c i couldnt find the kevedd pic kails drew me for christmas

found it tho

i almost had a heart attack

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okay sooo since i haven't been posting much on here i'm making a SECOND personal blog

i know, it's awful

but i can't remember the password to that account's e-mail and therefore can't join this one

but i also have so many posts on here that i dont want to delete it

url is tendorman.tumblr.com

!!

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twi is perfecto for meee

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TMI...

Things I DO get off to, even though people generally don't guess them:

hardcore beastiality

gangbanging

often the upper two combined

noncon frottage

burning to death (i don't actually masturbate with this thought in mind but it just sounds so hot)

being commanded to do certain things

spoken about in a sexual manner (this one is hard to explain, but i've seen a fic where cartman gets off to the same thing so i know i'm not alone)

monsters

sexual slavery/kidnapping

spankings

anonymous sex/sexual activity involving costumes, primarily masks

sexual torture (ie not allowing orgasm for extensive periods of time)

facials

disorientation

ponyplay

sexual activity while an oblivious third party is present

etc

haAHaheheawokay so there's thatttt

yeah... people have this weird thing where they like to assume that i'm either into the other things i listed b/c i draw them a LOT, or that i'm entirely disgusted by sex and/or don't know what it is which is absolutely hilarious

bYE

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Things I'm interested in but am not sexually attracted to:

gore guts n' bloodplay

vomit

trichotillomania

ghosts

drug usage/alcohol

cannibalism

sleep deprivation

food deprivation

messy, desperate eating

Things people have a tendency to assume I'm sexually attracted to based on my artwork:

gore guts n' bloodplay

vomit

trichotillomania

ghosts

drug usage/alcohol

cannibalism

sleep deprivation

food deprivation

messy, desperate eating

GLAD WE GOT THAT CLEARED UP. I like those things but I don't get off to them.

...Uh.

...Well, I kind of get off to desperate eating.

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why flo

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

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i don't really like flo the way she looks at me makes me really uncomfortable

it's like whenever you lose something and you're trying to look for it

it's rly weird

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at work most of what i do is put things in bags, refill soy sauce containers, and sneak glances at pictures of twi on my phone

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apparently my job position at work is "the office bitch" because i just run around doing random little things no one else really wants to do

buT I STILL MAKE JUST AS MUCH AS THE CASHIER

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wtf so i got invited to a party this friday by flo???

I GOT INVITED TO A PARTY???

idk what to say or do

i haven't texted her back yet

but

egh

i don't know

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it's pretty heart wrenching to know you're second best to your friends

but it's also rather painful to know that you're less than that to your family

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i hate father's day i hate it i hate it i hate it

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I like hardcore beastiality and extreme gore

I think about gang banging on a daily basis, often involving large animals and/or monsters

I've been making gore horror stories since I was seven

and you're going to ask me

about how i ship two half brothers

kay