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fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from moony moonless sky’s ‘i am an observer, but not by choice.’

[text id: my fist has always been clenched around the handle of an invisible suitcase. / i am always ready to leave. / there is not a single room in this world where i belong.]

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Love, On Its Way Out.

Two Week Notice, Leanna Firestone | Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines, Pablo Neruda | Conversations Over Sanguinaccio Dolce, I.B. Vyache | Seaside Improvisation, Richard Siken | I never went to that movie at 12:45, Dolly Lemk | In a Dream You Saw a Way To Survive, Clementine von Radics | Quote by Kate McGahan | Pillow Thoughts, Courtney Peppernell | Bluets, Maggie Nelson

(This isn't prompted by my real life so much as it is my love for that first song and also. blorbos.)

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this body is not a home

jody chan sick (via @geryone) \ edward hopper interior, model reading (1925) \ olivia laing the lonely city (via @soracities) \ joan didion on self-respect (via @girlfictions) \ dion palinckx (2019) \ james tate selected poems (via @heartshop) \ @artofbrianluong​ \ olivia laing the lonely city (via @soracities​) \ edvard munch self-portrait in hell

shout me a chai latte

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on self-sabotage

the bomb, florence + the machine// appointments, julien baker// abject permanence, larissa pham// never wanted to dance, mindless self indulgence// king, florence + the machine// quote: lauren e. bowman// in the woods, tana french// does the universe fight for souls to be together?, jamie varon// olivia laing on loneliness, marrying the poet ian patterson and the challenge of intimacy// left alone, fiona apple// @mjalti //renegade, taylor swift// a burning hill, mitski// ICU, phoebe bridgers// legit tattoo gun, the front bottoms// just, radiohead

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poems about feeling stuck… like a perpetual loop, limbo, purgatory… I have a deep need to relate to another…

anne carson (via @cor-ardens) \\ may sarton journal of a solitude (via @flowerytale) \\ don delillo the body artist \\ ocean vuong on earth we're briefly gorgeous \\ mahmoud darwish memory for forgetfulness: august, beirut, 1982 (tr. ibrahim muhawi) \\ margaret atwood the door: "europe on $5 a day" \\ simone de beauvoir the woman destroyed: "the monologue" \\ rainer marie rilke the notebooks of malte laurids brigge (tr. michael hulse)

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A siren, a female being made of liquid stars and all the unnecessary wars. A beauty that is overpowered by rejection an overdose of a vitamin…

Well, I’m begged for redemption only i lure to self destruction.

I sing about broken promises that lasts a lifetime and fears that grows as you do... grow viscously, and as big as the void an emotionally absent parent can leave behind in you.

I’m one year closer to my mid twenties It took me a life time to realize It’s not love that I’ve been starved from

It’s the comfort of feeling seen, without dressing myself up with all the glamorous words that I weighed myself down with since i was a child

forced to communicate; only to please. Now I sing, and it’s out of tune but I seduce and I ruin.

I was loved growing up, i felt so even when no one ever gave me a definition to what love really means.

Maybe they didn’t even know it was missing.

I felt indestructible so I kept stripping my love from misconceptions; only to be left with suffering

Now I know better. It’s either leaving or being left and both in a way are synonyms of love.

the residual of that love is almost nonexistent among the memories that resemble a never ending internal bleeding.

That being said, tragedies stands out more and i use them like bookmarks to my memories.

So i love; and i leave.

I cut into myself with my own teeth dissecting the pieces with my tongue knowing very well how much it will hurt me to taste something that i don’t recognize…

I spend most of my hours dwelling on all the parts of me that make me a duplication of my mother

hypocritically i pack them in the carry on bag that’s always open on my bedroom floor

So ready to leave; just like my father. he emptied more of me in his bags every weekend for business trips

Carving unintentional hollows and leaving them for my mother to fill.

I thought he was the one sacrificing himself, until I noticed that alot of my missing pieces are still under his bed.

Mama doesn’t like it when I point out where my father went wrong she loves him too much, and i .. i reflect that love; by leaving

I know they did their best molding me into a human that knows how to survive, but that’s all I know now.

I don’t understand affection, nor how to accept it in my body.

Not even when I crave it; i suspect it’s because I’m too full of myself and if I feel this way… why would I expect anyone to carve themselves out to fit me in ?

Anyway, I don’t know how to ask women for acceptance and men can’t stand me cause I don’t flatter them

Love sounds like a curse to me.

What if I loved for all the wrong reasons?

my body understands the mechanisms to create another life from love, but i don’t.

I fear that the taste of motherhood will resemble that of a defense mechanism.

•••

•Quotes: Alexander Pushkin/George Eliot/ Leo Tolstoy/ Chris Cleave/Clarice Lispector/ Anne Carson/ Kiki Nicole/ Richard Siken/ Lidia Yuknavitch/ Sylvia Plath/ Franz Kafka

•Original context: Sinligh

•Art reference:

1. A young beauty reclining on a bed By Enjolras Delphin. 2. Details of John William Godward's: Eurypyle (1921) 3. Details of John William Godward's: Eurypyle(1921) 4. Painting by Roberto Ferri (details). 5. The Table (1971-80) Antonio Lopez Garcia. 6. Painting by Alex Venezia. 7. Narzissin by Josef Fischnaller. 8. Painting by Valeria Duca. 9. Painting by Ricky Mujica.

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hello! i love your web weaving. have you done one on childhood friends - growing apart from one another, but still missing them? tysm xx

noah davis \\ maggie nelson bluets \\ ospreyghost13 pomegranate heart \\ michael teig \\ st. vincent the laughing man \\ marguerite duras the lover

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hiii!! can you please make a web weaving post inspired by anaïs nin's quote "i watched life and wanted to be a part of it but found it painfully difficult." <3 <3

anaïs nin the diary of anaïs nin, vol 6: 1955-1966 \\ mary oliver thirst: "when i am among the trees" \\ roland barthes a lover's discourse: fragments (via @funeral) \\ paula carter dna communiqué \\ may sarton diary of a solitude (via @222tender) \\ mahmoud darwish if i were another (via @astereaus) \\ mary oliver devotions: "tecumseh" (via @weltenwellen) \\ mary oliver new and selected poems, volume two: "work sometimes" (via @weltenwellen)

kofi

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Web weaving about the untold story in you !

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The Bather

Tried for a twist on the classic art history trope of the bather :)

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Alex Dimitrov, from “Living in Time” [ID in ALT]

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fuck does anyone have that poem thats like the speaker used to press her ear to conch shells when she was a child but as an adult the world has closed its second mouth or something

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#Tap images for better quility

The stars will go out before I forget you

@silenziobruno

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what i could never confess without some bravado by emily palermo // a song for a lover of long time ago - bon lver // lies about sea creatures by ada limón //cassandra: a novel and four essays by christa wolf // the next time we talk on facebook by clementine von radics // i bet on losing dogs - mitski // don’t know

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i’ve wasted my life running away from myself

a breath of life, clarice lispector / 14 lines from love letters or suicide notes, doc luben / the archer, taylor swift / close to the knives: a memoir of disintegration, david wojnarowicz / portrait of fyderyck in shifting light, richard siken / how to never stop being sad, dandelion hands / holly warburton / the torn up road, richard siken / soda, nothing but thieves / extracting the stone of madness, alejandra pizarnik

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Mary Oliver, What Do We Know: Poems and Prose Poems